ʙʟᴀɴᴋ [ 𝕤 𝕡 𝕒 𝕔 𝕖 ]

choi soobin . 24 years old . enigma darling dear, what have you done ? your hands & face are smeared with ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ.

[feymisaki-deactivated20201118]

008 | baker’s dozen

[misoobin]

samuel‌

He’s probably asking a tall order from what he’s thinking of, a smile on his lips at her greeting before she points to their lunch section. There’s a lot of things in there, some which makes him wonder what he can consume for the rest of the week that’ll keep and can be reheated without too much trouble. 

“I know it sounds a little off, but I’m looking to get a couple of things for the whole week.” A sheepish smile sits on Samuel’s lips as he looked up at her. “I travel around the city a lot for work, so I’m afraid I don’t really have much time to just stop in a restaurant or bakery and eat.” The amount of time spent doing so could easily cost him twenty bowls, if not more, especially since business spiked depending on where he was that day.

“I’ll definitely start with some kimbap for today. I haven’t had breakfast yet, surprisingly.” For someone who cooked to survive, he felt he had to share the same sentiment as restaurant chefs who were always on the go. In his opinion, bakeries seemed a bit more relaxed because dishes could be preserved on display. “Do your buns heat well with steaming them?”

The tips of her fingers tap lightly over the crystal display as she waits for the customer to think and tell her the order. Not having anything else to do during this short moment, she takes the opportunity to properly give a look at him. There’s a spark of familiarity on his face, not an actual recognition but more of a sense or a feel around it.  She’s not able to pinpoint a name or a memory to it, though, so maybe it’s simply a trick of her mind.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t sound off”. She’s taken a bit by surprise by his explanation, it’s certainly not something usually requested on the bakery, but she still nods and draws a reassuring smile. “You are lucky it’s quite early, so we still have plenty of food. And some more soon to be ready” she adds, her face turning for a moment to where the oven is baking a batch of fishcake. But there are still a couple of minutes left. “Oh, it’s never good to not have breakfast, especially when having such a busy life as you describe yours” she says, just to make a bit of small-talk as she opens the display from her side a picks up a trail of kimbap. “Yes, all these buns can certainly be steamed. And also this line of dumplings too”.

The sound of the oven interrupts them at this moment and, with an apologizing gesture, she quickly goes to turn it off and take the smoking baking sheet. “Oh, they smell delicious” she chants while placing the tray over the back counter, where the small pies can cool down before plating them. “So, while you think what else to pick for the week, is there any drink you want with the kimbap? We have juice, soda and sparkling and still water”.

[weltenwellen]

Emily Berry, from “Freud’s War”

[misoobin]

Accidental reencounter

It’s almost dark night in Yeongi, only the most residual trails of light left from the sun hidden already behind the horizon. It’s a starless night too. Some patches of grey clouds cover the sky here and there, making it all even darker and slightly grimmer. But the city provides the light nature has kept for herself where bars, clubs and the likes illuminate the streets with neon signs and blinking billboards. Yet the streets are mostly quiet, all movement concentrated inside the buildings, between those who sleep and those who party.

It’s on one of those illuminated yet quiet streets near the docks that she finds herself after following the directions on her phone. They bring her straight to a slightly old and abandoned-looking building next to a 7-Eleven, where she stops with a frown on her brows. The area itself isn’t unknown to her, Soobin’s old apartment wasn’t that further from there and the docks used to be one of her most common places to go spend a free night, but even her most diluted memories don't seem to find anything remarkable on that area that could turn it into an objective. Then, she isn’t expected to have an opinion, just to perform the requested task. And so she does.

After taking a cautious look around the street, she only finds what seems to be two people inside the 7-Eleven, she takes her phone and starts by taking some pictures of the old building’s facade.

“Oi!” The shout comes after some minutes of quiet clicking, she turns to see two men suddenly appearing from another building on the opposite side of the street. “What are you doing here?!”, one of the men says as they walk towards her position, menacingly. The other looks at her hand and quickly points to his partner. “Yes, I’m talking to you! I said what are you doing here! Were you taking pictures?” His voice now reaching such a tone probably it could be heard from the end of the street.

She quickly lowers her phone and adopts a docile posture. Soobin knew these type of men, they were the reason she was wary when coming home late at night and why she always was careful to be on good terms with those who held their leashes. That was as much as she could do back then.

“I just though the building looked cool”, she finally answers, the lie coming just as natural as breathing, and she takes a small step towards the 7-Eleven.

@novaaxmi​

[misoobin]

Moodboard. Enigma

[misanghun]

past (im)perfect;

[misoobin]

sanghun‌

(...)

He stiffens for a moment - there are voices as an elderly pair approaches the shop and for a moment he fears they will enter but they pass it by. He does not want attention, nor witnesses and this exchange should remain a private matter. He turns on the spot and flips the open sign on the door. And flips the lock. He lets his palms rest on a counter as he leans in closer than it should be comfortable, not breaking the eye contact. There is a side of him she saw maybe once or twice. The business side, dead cold and serious. “Soo” he uses her pet name with an intention of throwing her off the salesgirl pitch. He wants to shake her enough to bring out a speck of truth to that smooth blank mask she tries to wear. “I am not buying what you are selling. Not the sweets, not the bullshit. And I did come here for a bit of honesty. How about that? What I want is to talk about the day you both disappear. And that is not a request”.

Their eyes lock for a moment. She’s unsure how long it lasts -might be only seconds, a full minute, or maybe even more-, but it ends when he turns around and marches toward the front door. He doesn’t leave, not that that would be expected, but instead takes the initiative to flip the sign and the lock too. 

“Hey, my shift it’s still not over, you know?” she stills says, as any normal person would do on a similar occasion. But this is not any normal occasion, not to her at least. And the moment Sanghun returns to the counter, gaze again fixed to hers but now giving such a look it easily could have frozen someone’s blood, she knows it neither is to him.

Soobin remembers having seen a similar look in her friend’s eyes maybe once or twice in the past. She knew who he was and the shadow that darkened his life -even if he had always kept her from the details-. But such a look was never aimed at her. Or at least anything remotely similar to it had a come only under a very specific context in it. But there it is, and this does come now as something unexpected. As much as the combination of it with her nickname. 

Soo. Even when it’s only been a couple of years, the word feels distant to her, like a name unheard for ages, and yet it still manages to stir a new wave of images and emotions to her mind. Excitement, laughter, confort. She immediately shuts them down. Not only because she cannot allow herself to get distracted but because she’s able to tell that this is his intention. Because there’s no warmth nor any attempt to form a connection in the way he spokes the nickname. It’s evident that he’s only trying to disturb and mess with her for the questions he wants to ask. She knows the strategy, she has seen him using it, and use it herself too.

“Honesty?” she repeats only when he has finished, “Well, that’d be difficult because I don’t know what you are talking about, Sanghun”. A tint of concern can be noticed on her voice, not coming from the worried bakery waitress role she’s been pulling off until now, but from Soobin herself. Because there’s no better mask than one that’s built over the truth. “I guess you don’t know but when I came back here I did it with no memories, I didn’t even know my name two months ago” she starts explaining.  “Things came back very slowly, and they keep coming from time to time, but I still have some very big gaps” She lets the words trail as she turns his back at him to finish tidying up the last things his sudden appearance had distracted her from. “And the biggest of them all is precisely my disappearance, because I know next to nothing about it. You might not believe me but is the truth” Raising her gaze over the shoulder, she searches his face as the last word sink. It only lasts a short moment, as she quickly returns to her task and starts picking the unsold leftovers to discard them. “And both? What do you even mean with that?” Though she has an idea, it makes little to no sense to her that he can be referring to it. Yet, she still needs to pose it. “You cannot mean... You cannot possibly be thinking that I was involved with that, are you?” Soobin’s slight hurt spills through her voice, but she allows it this time, telling herself it’s only for the better effect.

[kookhj-deactivated20221220]

❝ the primal riddle

[misoobin]

seokjin‌

(...)

“hello miss choi, it’s mr. kim seokjin talking, from the mpd. i’d just wanted to ask you if you’d like to grab a coffee sometimes and have a talk about what happened - sorry to bring the topic of your disappearing to the daylight again, but i just have a few questions. nothing official, no one would know about our meeting. no strings attached, you’re free to leave whenever and can choose place and time. greetings.”

content with what he typed up, he clicked sent. now all he had to do was wait.

She’s completely immersed on her task, papers and photographs carefully displayed over the desk -she’s always considered paper far more untraceable and erasable than digital- as she checks, marks and rearranges them, when her phone lights out. It’s the vibration that sets her out of the mood she was immersed in and forces her to drop the pen and check the new message notification popping on the screen.

An eyebrow raises slightly, because it’s not like she’s expecting no one to contact her on such a day, and the gesture only magnifies when she goes quickly through the short message. She had thought to have everything sorted with the police already but now, not only does she have to deal with a hacker full of curiosity but also a homicide detective. Because of course she knows about detective Kim Seokjin, she's done her research job profusely, and the first thing she investigated when coming back to Myeongcho was, precisely, the MPD.

A sigh leaves out from her once reaching the ending line, and for a second, she considers the possibility of telling him she’s too busy right now. But she knows it won’t work, he’ll only try later. Better to deal with this right now and end it.

“Hello, Mr. Kim, it’s nice hearing from you and I hope everything is going ok at the PD” She starts typing, the polite words coming almost out of reflex, “I had come to the idea that everything had already been settled regarding that... topic” She chooses to space the sensitive topic consciously, just to add a tiny bit of vulnerability to her wording in case it prompts him to drop the questioning altogether. Not that she’s really counting on that. “but I would definitely have no problem allowing you to invite me to a coffee and have a talk. Just let me know the place and I’ll be there in 30 minutes.” Finishing with the lightest touch of flirting, just to establish a positive disposition from him, she sends the message and drops the phone to begin collecting all the documents and put them back in their files.

[misoobin]

Moodboard. Soobin

[kaeuns]

CHUNGHA - “STAY TONIGHT”

[kyulsoo]

CHUNGHA - #Stay Tonight CONCEPT FILM 1

[misanghun]

past (im)perfect;

[misoobin]

sanghun

(...)

He frowns, at her words, briefly wondering if she mocks him - but she sounds honest if a bit evasive. Sanghun has, however, no will to take the part of a client in this charade.  Finally, he speaks, after seconds turns his silence into an awkward and unpleasant thing that hangs in the air between them. “No, thanks, I’ll pass.”  He cannot be sure how and in what way she was entangled in his “mistake” but the timing of their dual disappearance was somewhat telling - and the fact that Soobin seemed to not want to be found condemning. There was just one “but” - it made no sense to him. He could not (and he tried) make any scenario that would fit, connect these two in a way that would explain the sudden disappearing pact. So, yeah, he has questions that need to be answered. 

“Is candour on sale?”

She’s so wrapped up, expecting the conversation to go the way they always do, that his answer finds her already picking the croissant to put it in a paper bag. Her hand freezes in the air and she raises her gaze to find his. The smile still stays on the lips but her eyes now look surprised, confused almost, and it’s the most genuine expression she’s shown since being back on the island.

After returning the food to its place and collecting her hands, she waits for a second, to give him the opportunity to at least continue speaking and order a different thing. Maybe he hasn’t come there to buy something to eat, maybe he instead wants a tea, or coffee. But he says nothing and only looks at her with a slight frown on his eyes, a gesture she’s not sure what to make of. Another awkward second passes until she finally decides to give up and continue, playing her role as it’s expected.

“In that case, maybe you would pref-” Her phrase is stopped mid-spoken as that’s the instant he decides to take to, finally, say something else. And, again, for the tiniest moment, his words, his question, leave her almost speechless. “Pardon?” she’s forced to ask, not sure that she has heard him correctly.

She’s not used to that, to someone not following the stream of conversation she conducts. Most people are easy to guide if you give them what they expect, show a cheerful smile or a sad discomfort and they will gladly take the excuse to avoid the topic or feel too ashamed to push it over. (But it shouldn’t surprise her that Sanghun isn’t like most people in that sense, right?). Still, she continues with her given narrative and draws her smile like she would a blade. 

“Well, we sell sweets and delicious baked goods, which tends to bring happiness to many, so I guess that could mean a yes to your question” she explains, eyes meeting his directly. “Unless you meant something different” she can’t help to add, head slightly turned to one side, almost curious about where he’s trying to go with the conversation. “So, tell me, what can I do for you?” The question now is left open, she could be still asking about the bakery and its goods, or not. 

[misoobin]

reminiscence

[misoobin]

seungwoo‌

(...)

he tried, back then, not to wonder too much about what happened to her to cause such a thing. he did, however, try to contact her. he texted her old number an i saw the news. do you remember me? is there anything i can do for you? but received no response. he didn’t really expect otherwise. now, however, a smile spreads across his lips, and he scurries over to her, nearly slipping in the sand and falling on his butt beside her. he lands a little more gracefully than that.

“hey,” he greets her breathlessly, a little mischief touching his features, as it often does. they did date, more than 10 years ago now, back when dating wasn’t really dating, when they were too young for it to mean anything. more than that, he knows her as an old friend. “do you remember me?” 

She’s unsure about how much time she’s ended up being there, only sitting on the bench. It could have been minutes or hours, but for the way the sky is still a bit orange when she looks at it, it seems it must not have been much more than an hour at all. 

It’s a voice that forces her to return to reality. It doesn’t come as a surprise to be called randomly, she’s got used to it since being back to the island. Although one could have imagined that, maybe, with almost three months having passed already, it would have come to an end. It seems Soobin was a very popular person.

She’s not given time to turn her face to the person and neither to try test her memory to recognize them when the question is posed. It’s as direct as it could be, but she’s also used to it too. She’s actually being faced with blunter words, actually. 

Do you remember me? Does she?

For a moment, she’s unsure. The face greeting her feels familiar, but feels different too, it feels remote but also close in a way. She sees him looking at her now and her mind projects an amused half-smile and a laugh she can almost hear. She’s sure he used to be part of her life but, at the same time, the memories feel so distant it leaves her almost uncertain about it. Just like this very same place she’s been visiting, it feels like a recognizable memory though not entirely her own.

“I remember you” she finally speaks, voice firm but almost ending on a questioning note. “I know I do, it’s only...” She hates it when that happens. It’s bad to not remember, but half-remembering is even worse. Because she cannot be sure if she’s mixing different memories, because it poses for people to raise questions she will need to answer, and because it leaves her out of control. She cannot let that happen. “We were, are, friends” she tries to force the memory out. It’s not a wild guess, though, she feels it right if only remote. “For quite a long time ago, right?”

[bowtiesandtutus]

청하 (CHUNG HA) - “Snapping” MV

[misoobin]

what we are now

Yeongi’s downtown area feels almost like on a Friday afternoon with citizens going up and down, to stores, to cafes and to bars. Since being back to the island, almost three months ago, she’s sure she’s never seen the city so filled with people on a Monday morning. It makes sense though, today the sun shines bright and the weather feels warmer and milder than during the week before, a sign that the spring has finally settled on the island.

She can only imagine how full the bakery will be today, probably with all tables occupied, and how fuller will even be during the weekend if the weather continues this way. But this isn’t something for her to worry about, for today it’s her free day and she has a list of more important things to focus on and take care of. And, to be more specific, a list of more important things to buy.

She’s leaving the hardware store, a big plastic bag on her left arm, checking on her phone to confirm that she’s not forgetting anything, when her body finds an unexpected person going the opposite direction. The clash is inevitable, and her reflexes kick through instinct and force her feet to keep the position and her arms to raise on a protective block -as if expecting an attack-. It only lasts the split of a second, quickly realizing that the other person is as startled as she is, but it’s enough for the bag she was carrying to fall to the ground with a dead sound -probably the ropes-.

“Ouch!”, letting out a small cry of pain, pain she doesn’t feel at all, she recollects her belongings and confirms her phone is still in hand. Then she turns her face to the other person. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking” she starts saying, as she extends her hand with the expectation to easily help them out, exchange excuses as required, and be able to quickly return to her agenda. 

But she’s wrong. It’s for sure not going to be something quick when the face raising in front of her is that of someone Soobin used to know. The memories don’t always come with much clarity, and this time they come like a bunch of bursts, and go way back to the past, but she’s quite certain to recognize the face.

“Naeun?” she asks, a bit unsure of how to proceed. Soobin considered her a friend, the best of them, but that was almost three years ago and things change. It wouldn’t be the first supposed friendship that, as she discovered when meeting them again, disintegrated with time.

@cleoxmi​

[weltenwellen]

Tomas Transtromer, from"Streets in Shanghai“ Bright Scythe

[taesyeon]

chungha :: beauty +

[feymisaki-deactivated20201118]

008 | baker’s dozen

[misoobin]

samuel

There weren’t many days that he actually gave himself a lunch break. Mondays were typically the bigger drag for office workers, so he took advantage of the time before the late rush to go see his favourite bakery. He walks in, hands in his pockets as he gives a friendly grin like he’s seeing a good friend of his in the establishment.

“Mornin’!” he calls out, taking the time to approach the display of goods. He always had the same kind of order every time, but he always wanted to see what was new, just in case there’s something there that he was curious enough to try. Or even something that has that hint of flavour that reminded him of home. The latter seemed uncommon, even though there were sushi houses in practically every city he’s ever tried. 

But food at this bakery was something that was meant to be enjoyed regardless of the time of day, and he held exact change for it. 

It isn’t usual for her to be found at the bakery on a Monday, being it her free day. But the boss called her the afternoon before to cover a sudden sickness leave and it wouldn’t have been proper for sweet and nice Soobin to say no. Thus, she accepted to change her free day from Monday to next Sunday and presented herself at the bakery first hour in the morning.

“Good morning!” she greets a new customer with a smile on her face, like it isn’t the twentieth time she’s said those words during the day.

Luckily, lunchtime is never as busy in the bakery as the morning or evening hours.

“Looking for something specific?” she asks the newcomer, watching how his eyes are focused on scanning the displays. “You can pick anything from this section with our lunch menu” she continues, while pointing to an area filled with handmade sandwiches, dumplings, breads and buns with different kinds of filling, premade salads and kimbap. “And it includes a portion of cheesecake for dessert”. A new smile comes to her lips and she crosses the hands behind her back, waiting for the order.

[leafsea]

She stared at her reflection in the glossed shop windows as if to make sure, moment by moment, that she continued to exist.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar