For UK high school/sixth-formers really struggling with misophonia who want help:
If misophonia is a major problem for you in class/exams, there is hope. Long post!
Personal story, you can skip:
My first-year college exam went terribly because of misophonia and the coughs and throat-clearing in the exam hall, so I went to my personal/form tutor about it.
I told him what I experience in this exam and that I do so in class too, but that in class it’s less impactful as an exam situation because I’ll be done in an hour and I can go to the toilet. I told him I’d be more comfortable speaking about what exactly the problem is with someone else.
He referred me to a member of staff in college who specialises in SEN and exam provisions which I never knew existed, and so there very likely is one in your school too.
This lady was exceptionally understanding. Not mushy-wushy or anything like that, she’s pretty straight-to-the-point and seems strict at first. But she not once batted an eyelid to what I told her I experienced, in fact she even said there was one student who had the exact same thing! In a college of about 1000 students, not the biggest sample, I’d never have expected there to be someone else in my area who’s had this kind of thing AND told staff about it. That may not be your case, but they’d still listen about it better than other staff.
She immediately got to arranging 1. letting me wear earphones in class, 2. moving into a smaller room for exams, and 3. letting me wear ear defenders in them.
I NEVER EVEN KNEW YOU COULD DO SUCH A THING.
And I have no SEN-associated needs or anything else mentally. She then told me to see a GP about it and ask about what potential treatment/therapy they have.
DO GPS EVEN DO MENTAL HEALTH STUFF? W HAT?
So here’s the takeaway from all of this:
If you want to try and make things better for yourself, so they don’t get worse,
Tell either your PT/form tutor about your experiences in class/exams and that you don’t want it to get worse, and to see if there are any exam or class arrangements that can be made. They exist and can be done, so if you have to, say you heard they can be done. Because they absolutely can. And it will be confidential* from teachers and parents, especially if they’ve said they’re such a point of contact before.
Ik it sounds like I’m imposing this wording on you but if this exactly is what you experience as I do, I wanna make it clear that this is the clearest, most succinct phrasing to use, or deffo was in my case. Say that before it was just at home, but now it’s intefering with your concentration and performance in classwork/exams, and since you’re a human being with aspirations and goals who knows you could achieve what you think you have the potential for, you’d like to finally see what help you can seek. Don’t ask for therapy or treatment, because misophonia doesn’t have any for it, even specifically. But there are ways to alleviate it, and that’s what you need. Who knows, maybe this post gets old and there will be. But you should come across as open to possibilities, if not just to maximise your chances of non-bitchyness from people about it (which is a huge concern for many of us)
Your school will have a SEN or exam arrangements staff member(s) for exactly this kind of thing. This is where I was referred by my PT to talk to see what can be done. Never knew that was even a thing, but schools do have to have these, even if they’re externally-sought staff members. Don’t let them pretend they don’t. Also, my PT was nice, but to be cautious (the nicest people you know can be complete dicks about misophonia, not taking my chances) I asked to talk about it to someone else who can help me with it more directly. He wasn’t offended - if he was, sucks to be him, but I’ve had enough and need to do this right, that’s the mindset I had.
Do NOT mention misophonia by name, just describe what you go through. You’re out to get help for this problem which 1. it’s very likely they’ll have no idea what it is anyway, and 2. you don’t want to seem like you’re un-necessarily self-diagnosing.
Misophonia is one of those things that, with basic research, you’d pretty much know straight away if you “have” it or not. But not everyone does that basic research, and the many cringy + frustratingly inaccurate articles/Google Images photos of what it is is a TESTAMENT to self-diagnosis being a problem, especially with misophonia. You may be rational and well-read on the topic, but not everyone so much as wants to be, and that’s the hot tea. In an environment full of teens, I’m not ashamed to say that I’d see where they come from.
From my own observations (and maybe yours too), many problems start when people mention they “have misophonia”. Now, you’ll get an honest, unbiased chance in this next point to see if you do indeed “have” it, which probably is a relieving reassurance for you as it is for me. So as sad as it is to have to hide (I wish I didn’t have to, my GOD it’d make life easier), it’s a win.
GP’s are for mental health too. Genuinely. And it’s all confidential* and hidden from parents provided you’re 16+ and no self-harm/immediate danger to others** is involved.
*If you’re 16+, change your contact details at the clinic so the phone number is on YOUR mobile, not your parents, so texts of appointments come and you don’t want them to see. Ask to see the details on you if you need to. Yeah, they do those now. Learn from my mistake. Your parents won’t be told about you booking the appointment, attending it, or anything discussed provided it doesn’t break the * clause. Where it’s not so private: you will get sent letters in the post about the status of your appointment (if you didn’t opt for the text ones) and also about the status of your referral, as I did. Telling your family is highly recommended - my parents know and mum didn’t want me to go because of fear of lashback from GPs/having something on my medical records. I’m at wit’s end so fuck the records, at least it’ll be official so have to be taken seriously by school, compared to talk. And also, they can’t legally stop you. Their disappointment or humiliaton (which there wasn’t any, in fact they seemed positive that I’m finally getting help so I’ll be less of a “burden”) was tolerable (with headphones on) + worth me risking for my mental peace, that’s how desperate I was. What I’d say to past me is: take the plunge before it gets worse.
**I talked about copying others + having the tendency to want to be violent when I get #triggered, and to my relief, it was completely fine - my GP took it objectively as an analysis of what I experience, as they should. People probably come up with more severe things or confessions than you may say and they STILL take it professionally, so please don’t worry or be as embarassed as much as I was.
Ask about what therapy/coping mechanisms/possible treatment there is, because again, it’s affecting your schoolwork and you don’t want it to get worse. They will refer you to a child/adult (18+) mental health service for an appointment. Waiting times are most likely very long. I went in May. It’s the end of July now and I’ve only had a letter half-way to say that I’m placed on a waiting list for large demand + given numbers to crisis hotlines if things cannot wait. But at least I can say I’m making an effort, and that eventually I’ll get the help I need.
That is all. If you’ve really, really had enough of misophonia at school and especially in exams, please don’t feel there’s nothing you can do about it. It took me breaking down in my exam and hiding my tears and snot from others and the invigilators to immediately trot to my PT/form tutor about what I could do. Don’t be me. There is something you can do. Confidentiality really is a thing if you request it. Whatever way you do it, please be assured that school doesn’t have to be the hell it’s being. But you just have to try.
