I may have all the reasons to tell the world how much I hate you and how much I've wanted you to be totally out of my life. To tell our friends all the hates and anger I have for you and how I wish I could go back to the day I first met you, maybe from then, I wouldn't talk to you In the first place, maybe things would have been different, maybe you didn't become part of my college life from then and in the present. Maybe I never get the chance to be close to you, to see the good in you and worst to even like you despite everything I know. Tell everyone how I am better off without you and how I've move on and so over you. It's been three months since you left me, three months since the last day I saw your face, the last date we had as a couple which is actually my birthday where you gave me a ring as a sign of your love to me. We even had figured out the things we want for our future. That's why I don't know what happened, why you left me just like that. Without giving me the chance to even talk to you in person and hear me out first. You just left me just like that.Everything changed in a blink of an eye, I thought we were stronger since this is our 2nd shot in our love. But I thought wrong, we were easily broke by just petty issues. We may fight or argue a lot about things we disagree which is normal in a relationship, but breaking up with you was never my option, I have had my dream of spending my lifetime with you, so I was prepared for the storms that may come our way, I even had a changed of my own plans, you know very well how much I wanted to be working in the cruise ship and how my mom and I argue about me planning to work in middle east just to be near you, I was planning to set aside my plans just to be with you, but unfortunately you thought being separated was the best for us. I tried my best just to accept the fact that you dont want me in your life anymore, tried travelling alone which I thought I can do with you. I went to cebu and start my adventure there thinking maybe in that way I can find my self busier and happier, a trip that may serve as a distraction. It did a little but then everytime I see things that reminds me of you made me feel all the pain all over again. So I tried going to samar which I call my first home and where all my relatives, high school friends and my first love whom I love, people who owns half of my heart. It's been 4 years since I last went home. So I thought maybe going home, I could bring back the old and happy me just like before, by seeing and being with the people I love the most. And then again, it did, for a while.
- [ ] But now I'm back to my second home, the place where I had a lot of memories with you, the place where I live not far from you, every part of the street, reminds me of you, the mall we used to go to, the places where we used to visits, it breaks my heart every single time, every single day. I tried so hard to act in front of my friends and family that everything's okay, that I'm totally fine. That I am though. But just like the saying goes, "a broken heart is like a broken ribs, you may not see it with your naked eyes, but you feel it every time you breath" Please allow me for the last time to call you "Baby". Because baby, I still miss you every day, I miss us, I miss our dates, I miss our arguments, I miss how I sneak at my house just to see you, I miss the way you hold my hand, I miss the way you kiss me, I miss the times where hugging you for hours felt like minutes, I miss you putting powder on my oily face. I miss you whenever I go to the mall( which rhymes your name) by myself, I miss how you teased me and wanted me to get mad because you said I look cute-r when I am mad. I miss you everytime I see fully designed cakes because It remind me of you how you're good at designing them. I miss your corny jokes and how weird your laugh is. I miss everthing about you and how badly I wanted to ask you how you're doing lately. Baby, I know you know that I did my best to be the best possible girlfriend I can offer you, but maybe It wasnt enough. Maybe I wasnt good enough for you. Baby, allow me to get mad and angry at you while I still have all the pain and anger with me. But I promise it will soon be gone, all these pain and madness will fade away. But for now, I hope you understand my madness. And I do hope that If that one day we cross our path, I can smile and be able to say Hi to you and pretend I was never hurt, like I have never had my heart broken by you. Or even be happy with your new love ( I just assume ) But for now while I endure this pain myself, allow me to hate you. And please try to understand where I am coming from. And oh. By the way, please take care of your self, and enjoy Qatar for me. Good bye my first love.
