*there mia goes talking about work & engineering again* Just thinking about all the tough times and sacrifices I went through to first get ATAR (mediocre), then my degree & finally my job. I was studious ever since year 7 when they first told us we were going to have half yearly exams until year 12. Of course being the nerd I was, I took every one seriously. I remember the first test we ever took was a maths test in year 7 to sort us out into different groups. After I got a taste of being in the accelerated group, I just wanted it all the time. I remember all throughout high school I would stress about every little test (yep since year 7), whether it be, science, maths, english or humanities. There was never a real push from my parents, just self drive & a competitive nature. I wasn't bullied but I was just called a nerd a lot (cos I studied). If I wasn't top of the class I would just be so bummed & try to do better next time. I honestly do sound like a nerd but I just felt like it was all for something. From year 10-12 I had tutors paid for by my parents & most of my weekends & some weeknights were just dedicated to studying. I remember my idea of being social on weeknights was going to the local library to study 😹. At the start of year 12 I had no idea what I wanted to be & part of me wanted to become a doctor, so I literally put anything on my VTAC application. Coming to the end of year 12 I had no idea what I was going to do post high school. I would go on the ATAR calculator daily & I let the stress get to me. I had a countless amount of break downs & was just like "fuck it" & slacked off towards the end. My parents thought I was the golden child, they thought that ATARs meant everything & that I would get 95+. LOL 🙃. I didn't get that & I can still remember how disappointed they were that I didn't (we were on a cruise & they had to do Tai Chi after to reduce tension). Early 2013 I found out I got into Civil Engineering & Infrastructure @ RMIT Honours. I did not like my course at all in the first semester & I didn't do so well, my GPA after first sem was 2.0. Honestly I had no idea what my course really entailed until end of first year & nearly dropped out so many times (legit had no idea what I was going to do instead). I stayed because 1) I didn't want to disappoint my parents, 2) didn't want to let myself down, 3) had no other plan. Up until second year I just stayed because I didn't want to be a quitter & didn't want to be a disappointment (my sister got a double degree in 4 years). I also loved the way my parents were finally becoming prouder of me & telling family & friends that I was becoming an engineer. I think it was at the end of second year and the start of third when I started to fall in love with what I was doing & actually pictured myself doing it. I remember telling my best friend & sister that I ACTUALLY like it. 2015 - Third year was also when I started to fully stress out. We needed a minimum of 12 weeks of experience to graduate & it was super hard finding ANYONE to work for. I would literally spend so many nights applying to any Tom, Dick or Harry's company. Throughout all of third year I was not only stressing about getting my GPA over 3.0 for first class honours, but also applying for experience (which we were supposed to get done before the end of year holidays). I can't believe I got 4 HDs & Ds that year. I literally would have panic attacks every so often because I thought I would never graduate or get a job, sometimes I'd just give up and cry. I'd have interviews but just be too anxious to perform well or at most just be myself. At the end of third year I finally got a call from one of the companies asking me to come in. The interview was casual & it was the one where I was most myself. I was so ecstatic that I was finally getting experience, although I'd have to wait until early fourth year to start. Come fourth year (2016) and I had to juggle, part time work, vacation work, looking for graduate jobs, interviews, gym (oops), whatever social life I had left & full time uni. There never seemed to be enough hours in a day. I'd made so many social sacrifices leading up to fourth year & it just got harder. Every time I went out I'd just feel as if I was wasting time that could be spent studying (still trying to get 3.0+ GPA) & applying for grad jobs. It took a toll on me, I just never thought I was going to be good enough to become an engineer. I was doing vacation work every day that I didn't have uni & working on weekends (saving for Japan 2016). I'd also have to meet up with group members and work on assignments on weekends. I was legit just the biggest stress head all year, it took a toll on my mental health, my skin (the break downs & outs just kept coming). It all got too much I had to stop working part time & my loving parents said if they needed to help pay for Japan, they would. It didn't matter that I was super poor anyway, because I barely allowed myself to have a social life to spend it on. After four months I had enough hours of work experience needed to graduate. I was loving the information I was learning but was kind of glad I was done so I could spend more time applying for jobs. But then the director of the company asked me to stay on as a casual, I was ecstatic. The dynamic changed, I instantly felt more responsibility. I felt that every move I would make from here on out was critical, now I was a team player for a potential grad position post uni. After they kept me on as a casual Student Engineer, I still felt like I wasn't good enough & wasn't going to make it past graduation. Sometimes I would have panic attacks at work & vomit in the toilets because I was scared of doing something wrong & jeopardising my future. I still had a whole semester of uni to go with a very important research paper & key assignments, whilst working as a student engineer & applying for grad jobs. I would finish work and go straight to a lecture on Mondays & the rest of the week was just as hectic. It just got harder and more demanding to closer we got to the finish line. The horrible skin I had was a testament of the emotional roller coaster I went through. I'd given up on my 3.0+ GPA & just scrape by, pulling several last minute all nighters & handing in assignments later & later. Thank God, I had no exams in my last semester, I would have completely lost it. One by one each subject came to a finish & I was just floating around because I don't remember being emotionally present at all. After my final presentation, that was it, uni was done & a month after we were to graduate. I'd saved enough money by November to travel to Japan for 2.5 weeks, I reckon it was well deserved because I felt like I nearly died hundreds of times. We found out our academic results & final transcript when I was in Japan & worked out that I did indeed get that 3.0+ GPA which meant I would have "1st Class Honours" written on my certificate (it doesn't actually mean anything in the real world, just a lot to me). After I came back from Japan I went straight to work, now working full time hours. I still hadn't received a graduation position yet. I started to convinced myself it wasn't the end of the world if I didn't get a graduate engineering job, 'there was always next round'. Just when I nearly lost hope, I was called into the director's office once again & he offered me a full time job as a Graduate Engineer, to commence in the new year after a graduate. Two weeks after, I graduated with first class honours & I've never seen my parents, grandma & sister more proud. After the industry shut down period, in January 2017 I finally signed my contract as a full time Graduate Engineer. Yayy, I finally started to get paid for public holidays!!! So now, when I look back at all the times I mention becoming an Engineer in the then future, I still get giddy about it & can't believe it happened. I doubted myself so many times, cried heaps, came this 👌🏻close to giving up at least 10+ times & my best friend and family can attest to that. I know I go on & on & on & on about it all the time & I always talk about work. Believe me, it's nothing extraordinary, but at least I can tell past Mia that she didn't waste her time being a nerd from 2007-2016. I also hope that I can tell this story & be a living testament to my future kids and show them that anything is possible if you keep working for it. 👷🏻♀️💕
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