My Final Plea for Chapter Three
As we head into chapter three I have three very small asks for the fandom.
#1) Can we please for the love of God NORMALIZE seeing the tannies with women? Just because a member stands next to a girl, or is seen hugging a girl or is seen talking to a girl, it does not mean that he is DATING that girl. And just because someone casts a woman in a video, it doesn’t mean anything that reflects on their personal lives or sexuality. [See my Ricky Martin and George Michael post] THEY ARE ACTING. Same thing for duets. So many people jumped on the Yoongi IU ship when she has a whole entire boyfriend. Then they tried shipping her with Tae. WHICH IS IT?
Let's not even talk about that whole Smoke Sprite RM fantasy we had going on. [NGL, I kinda liked this one]
It is third grade behavior to believe that proximity to someone means they are dating that someone. The real world just doesn’t work that way. In the real world, adult men and adult women can be friends without there being any romantic attachment. [This should also apply to other men who are in their lives as well. Stop with the "oh he must be dating that dude in the back with the black hat and green t-shirt" randomness]
The tannies themselves haven’t done a good job acclimating us to seeing them with women. Chapter two has gotten better, but the group as a whole never really ventured into the waters of having mixed gender sets. At the very beginning we saw some women around them (Hustle Life) but at the height of their popularity, it was mostly a sausage fest. A prime example of how agitated this fandom can get when girls come around, was when Jimin himself felt the need to come out and apologize in advance for dancing with a girl in Like Crazy simply because she touched him and they danced together. He was so worried about how it would be perceived that he actually took the time to address it. How insane is it that he felt he needed to do that? And I remember friends at the time screaming and yelling and praying that he didn’t actually kiss the girl in the video. I just couldn’t understand it. So what if he did? IT WAS A VIDEO AND HE WAS ACTING OUT LYRICS. There was no need to gatekeep his lips. What they do in fiction does not translate to reality.
#2) Stop trusting the rumors more than you trust them. If we think about this logically, these men are older. They aren’t virgins, they aren’t teens. I guarantee they have had relationships that we know absolutely NOTHING about. Anyone who is involved with them is too smart to say a damn word. It’s likely why they chose them in the first place bc they know how to keep their damn mouths shut. Not to mention NDAs and other legal protections that could be in place. So when a rumor makes it to you, the odds of it being true are pretty low. Someone who is REALLY fucking a member of BTS will not be online showing matching bracelets, and random furniture. I think this is where we have to allow the tannies themselves to tell us what they want us to know. If they are working hard to hide it, it’s probably because they don’t want us to know about it - not yet anyway. We have to find a way to respect that. But we also have to listen to what they actually say. Full transparency, I love a good rumor that comes my way, but I don’t really hear them often because my besties aren’t really into that. I also never allow a rumor to reset my values.
Twice Jk was involved in girlfriend rumors and twice he came out and denied it. We all know how honest he is. If he was truly with someone, he would have just chosen not to address. But instead he faced both rumors head on and said unequivocally that they were not true. He shouldn’t have had to do that. Some people trusted grainy videos instead of his word. And looking back at it, we now can appreciate how truly innocent and unromantic the interactions were. But again, he was in the proximity of a girl, so people instantly married him off with kids. This goes back to point #1 where we lose all common sense whenever a girl is around.
I think Jin had a dating rumor as well. Hobi’s rumor is the one that seems to have lingered the longest. And I think there was something about Jimin too? My point in all of this is that we should wait for official releases, official statements, or WeLives where they decide to talk to us as friends.
This becomes especially true in the era of the deep fake. AI, especially generative AI, can do about anything, from voice mimicking to turning photos into video. Third party sources are the origin for many rumors. Grainy video and such should never be trusted in the first place bc it is out of context. But now in the era of AI, NOTHING absolute NOTHING can be trusted without a verifiable source. There are so many agendas out there that are set on destroying these guys or casting them in a bad light. Chapter three, more than any other time, is going to be so dangerous for fake narratives. Think about how much AI has progressed just since the guys went into the military. Imagine how advanced it is going to be by the time they get out. We have to stay vigilant.
There is one example, however, that differs from the rest, where rumor met reality. Remember that long slow walk in Paris hand-in-hand ? That was as much of a reveal as I have ever seen. This was Tae being complicit in showing us the truth. This was his announcement that went well beyond rumors. And it was facilitated by him. People DO NOT give him enough credit for what he did. It was the bravest and most ostentatious display that he could show without starting WWIII. For her protection, he kept it conservative. We saw how she got attacked when this hit the circuit. People say that he didn’t properly claim her, but oh yes he did. Their stroll made the NEWS even in AMERICA! And he never denied it because that was part of his slow release, his way of showing his love. But think about how ground breaking that was. What Idol at the height of his career would openly allow himself to be seen with his s/o? Not to mention him openly costarring in several incriminating selfies that included him sprawled on her bed and another pic of him kissing her on the cheek. He knew those pics would get out and he didn’t care because (to an extent) he controlled the flow of information. He deserves his flowers. He will always have my respect for doing that. I am all for tannies taking that route to reveal things. He set the precedent for what we may see from the others. And I love it.
#3) Stop referring to rumors of them having girlfriends/boyfriends as “scandals”. If there is anything that can destroy them mentally and emotionally, it is reducing their attempts at living normal lives to something as petty as a scandal. Dating, falling in love, falling out of love, breaking up, coming out, staying in, soft launches, one night stands, hard launches, and marriage [YES I SAID MARRIAGE] is a part of the human experience and they deserve to experience it just like anyone else. In fact, they probably need it even more because of the sacrifices they made in their youth.
These men are in their thirties. It’s time for them to get on with it. Finding someone special is normal. Living in a state of fear of upsetting your fandom is not. Some of them may want relationships. Some of them may want families. We could all be aunties one day.
We have so many preconceived notions about them and who they are in their personal lives. And we are all entitled to our perceptions because it is part of how we consume them as Idols. But we must also be prepared to accept that our perceptions may not align with reality. I’m using myself as an example; Jk smoking almost killed me. For my own personal reasons, it affected me very negatively. It almost KILLED me tbh. And I won’t pretend that there weren’t tears. But I had to step up and increase my depth of thought to appreciate that it was not my business. His reality was his realty and I needed to adjust my perceptions to see him in his truest light. And I had to make sure that I loved him anyway. And guess what? OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM ANYWAY. I can’t say that I completely don’t care about the habit, because his health is important. But I can say with my entire heart - WHATEVER DUDE. YOU DO YOU!
Along these same lines is shipping. I am not joking when I tell you that there are some people who may suffer mental and psychological issues if they one day discover their ship is not real. That is a very, very unhealthy place to be. We can already see signs of the mental collapse in some of the bullying, manufactured events, hysteria, and odd defensiveness around things that don’t matter. If you feel that way, and if seeing them go against the cult of personality that you have cultivated for them is triggering for you, then I suggest you step back. Get in a healthy place where you can accept this before moving forward. We have no idea what the future is going to hold. But if Jimin and Jk don’t end up married, will you be able to sleep at night?
I can hear my besties now, “But Dawn Jikook is real!” Hell yea Jikook is real. I love that freaking couple with every fiber of my being and for ten years they have shown me everything I need to see. But I am more in love with the idea of them living happy fulfilled lives with the person they love. I don’t care who it is. Let me type that again. I am MORE in love with them being happy and healthy and living their truth than I am my ship being real. Their Happiness will always trump my ship any day. [Jikook is real tho]. This goes back to making sure that we as a fandom are prepared to meet them in THEIR reality, instead of trying to force them to live within our fantasy. It all comes down to how much you really love them and not the “idea” of them.
And while I am at it, may I add an unplanned fourth request? LOVE ALL SEVEN. There are infiltrators, some of them paid, who have been planted to siphon information and start discourse. Their objective is to bring down this fandom and by extension BTS. Don't let it happen. Don't allow them to steal your joy and pit members against each other. Love all seven because they loved all 24+ million of us.
Good talk, good talk. I’m sorry if this was hurtful for anyone. It was not my intention. But I think if we open this dialogue and start discussing this like adults, we will all be better for it in the long run (especially me). I love you my friends.
