MidAugust always feels a little anxious, very bittersweet like everything is about to change but you can’t necessarily tell what so it all still feels the same in the meantime and you’re looking everywhere for signifiers of this impending change but it’s not really that obvious…i remember the summer before my last year of high school, meeting my best friend for the first time, trying hallucinogens and my dad has to come pick me up, smoking cigarettes late at night on the back porch of the guy i date for 2 weeks’ house which is confusing, thinking “I need to get far far away” but I don’t for awhile and that actually ends up being a good thing. But now I am far away in place and time and memories like this feels out of reach but then it’s the time of year where school is about to start but not yet and I see families walking down the street of where I live now and can’t help but think or maybe even hope that they feel what I feel even if we are from different places and different spirals of time I wonder if the feeling is the same and if they would tell me so but I walk by and remember this is the present and that is the past and soon it will be the future but maybe if I close my eyes tight enough and the breeze comes through the window at just the right speed all of time will collapse and I can get closer to memory before it leaves me completely
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