feels good to let it out

[missingthelight]

I finally left. I moved out into an apartment. My mind is a lot clearer, although I'm suffering. I expect the suffering, and it WILL NOT BE IN VAIN! I would like to share my thoughts about how I'm gonna rise up and stuff but that's not the case. In the 19 days that I've been here, I've been on the Rollercoaster of Emotion. And they suck, big time. My mindset is this: I have no idea how this is going to play out, so let the chips fall where they may and then make responsible moves. I'm hurt, really hurt, and angry, really angry but IT WILL NOT BE IN VAIN.

[missingthelight]

I break my back for my family, yet.............

[ilov1]

Keep reading

[ilov1]

Keep reading

[missingthelight]

Ahh fuck it! I aint going anywhere.

[missingthelight]

As much as i would love to just get up and leave, i doubt I'll do it. smh. I guess I'll just settle, at least I'll be with my kids. smh. Im already used to the stench of our relationship.

[perfectquote]

“I am so afraid of disappointing the people I love, I often forget that I am someone I love too. And I need kindness just as much as I believe the people I love do.”

— Nikita Gill

[akindplace]

In case no one has told you this lately: thank you for being alive at the same time as me. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for surviving your worst days. Your existence is so important. Your feelings are valid. You deserve kindness from yourself and others. Don't ever forget how strong you have been and that you are deserving of love and happiness. Thank you for holding on. Thank you for still being here.

[missingthelight]

Its fucked up when i can relate to a battered woman. Im a fucking bitch!!!

[angrywifelife]

I’m sorry for entrusting in you to be a MF man.

Sorry for expecting you to be a good father.

Damn sorry for the choice I made to marry your pathetic ass.

So. So. Sorry.

[angrywifelife]

I wish somebody would’ve shown me this MF sooner. 

[missingthelight]

I screwed up big time.

[missingthelight]

The angrier i am the more disconnected sex i want.

[missingthelight]

I've made mistakes but I've grown over the years. Im a different person from when we first got married. You define me today by who i was yesterday. Im wrong. You dont define me at all, you just say whatever you need to say in the moment just to win and/or hurt me when we disagree. You have really hurt my heart and my mind. The thought of starting over shoots anxiety rays through my soul, but It's a giant that i have to face nonetheless. I'll wait after the holidays to see if my balls are big enough to face the giant.

[missingthelight]

I do love her.

[missingthelight]

My insecurities greet me everytime i contemplate leaving my marriage.

[missingthelight]

If i had a backbone it would be easier.

[missingthelight]

Knowing my next move is easy, but anxiety needs to approve it.