Undiscovered Planetary Soul @missingunaction - Tumblr Blog

It’s so cold my tires passed out.

Migraine ruled my full weekend. Didn’t skate. Barely held a conversation with my hairdresser. As the world continues to burn around me, I slept more than I ever had. Hoping the Chiro adjustment will bring minor relief. Usually does.

I think I'll be posting here again. It's been a rough winter. I need a safe place to word vomit.

Dowsing Rods

Myself and two members of my paranormal team attended a paranormal investigation which was hosted by another local team. It took place in an old theatre. A cute and quaint building. Small. Nothing fancy. It has a full basement, a small stage, bar, and a balcony.

The guys hosting the event played hide and seek. Basically, Aaron hid while Nick was outside smoking. Then he came in with his SB7 and had the Spirits tell him where Aaron was hiding in the building. As Nick went down to the basement, I took out my electric light dowsing rods (ELDR), sat on the edge of the stage, and began to ask questions. Is Aaron in the basement? Rods remain parallel = no. I like to do sample test questions which should give an obvious answer, just to ensure the Spirit is with me. Where is the owner standing? Rods moved to the left. Owner was standing to my left. Is Aaron on the first floor? Rods = no. Is Aaron upstairs in the balcony area? Rods crossed = yes. Where is Michelle? Rods moved to my right which is where she was sitting. Nick started his way back up to the 1st floor and I asked where Nick was. Rods moved to the far left which was correct. Is Aaron back stage? Rods = no. Nick made his way from one end backstage to the other and began to walk out to the main floor. Where is Nick? Rods moved to my right which was correct. Nick moved to the back where the bathrooms were. He entered the women’s bathroom. Is Aaron in the women’s bathroom? Rods = no. When Nick left the bathroom, all three of us girls began to chuckle. Nick then proceeded into the men’s bathroom. Is Aaron in the men’s bathroom? Rods = no. Is Aaron still in the balcony? Rods crossed = yes. We all began to chuckle again as well as the two guests watching. Nick entered the office. Is Aaron in the office? Rods = no. Nick proceeded up the balcony stairs. This is the moment my heart was pounding with joy. All this time, the Spirit participating with me had answered correctly. If Aaron wasn’t in the balcony area? I would become seriously dissappointed. Nick said, “I recognize those socks and shoes from anywhere.” All three of us cheered! The participating Spirit was spot on! And we found Aaron before Nick did with the dowsing rods. :-)

#dowsing rods

6 Months

When I do readings? I can get a pretty good idea of significant future events but only withing the next 6 months. Not that I can’t see beyond 6 months but anything past 6? Info is rather hazy. There is this bike path along the river which I like to run. From the parking lot, down to the end of the levy wall, and back is approx 3.15 miles. That’s about a 5K run. A mile down the path there are high voltage kV lines. They leave the substation just shy of the railroad tracks and the kV then runs West along the bike path. Majority of the poles which hold the lines are concrete. A few outside of the substation are aged pine. For the past year, whenever I’d come up to the area which the rail runs above the bike path and over the river? I would get this notion that the high voltage lines would fall. And it NEVER made any sense to me. Ever. Unless there were significant winds to bring down a pole? I could not see how the lines would fall. Well. On Monday, one of the wooden poles caught fire early afternoon. As I jogged down to the area where the pole had caught fire? I saw two Firemen hosing the smoldering, charred pole. White smoke escaped the pole and the grass around it was scorched. The kV lines? They were dangling far above the ground about twenty feet. The bike path was closed... technically ... but I wanted to see it for myself. And to see the lines low to the ground? A burning pole was never imagined. Yet, there it was. What I kept feeling almost every time I’d jog thru that specific area.

My First Paranormal Investigation

Saturday evening. February 2, 2019.

A local paranormal group, headquartered in my neighborhood, was hosting an investigation downtown. Just two minutes from my home by car, I decided to attend. It was a fundraiser to help raise money to fix the roof of the building. I figured, why not? I’m supporting local X2.

But it wasn’t “supporting local” which attracted me to attend.

I don’t watch TV. I haven’t watched TV for 5 years now. I rarely even watch movies. Therefore, I haven’t been following the continuing trend of paranormal investigation shows. Back in the day, when this was becoming a hot trend, I did watch the first and maybe second season of Ghost Adventurers. It was more for the drama and Zac’s face. I watched a few episodes of Ghost Hunters (TAPS).

Here’s some background.

When my good friend out in Portland had a heart attack, I knew he would be in the hospital about a month or so beforehand. I saw a vision I which I was flying to meet his wife and son. The vision appeared three times while I was at work. By the third time? I was heavily annoyed and took it was rubbish. When he shared via FB he was having heart surgery? I literally lost my marbles. I had my first panic attack, which was so severe, I was taken by ambulance and almost admitted for a 3 day observation at the local nuttery. I discontinued giving readings to my sister and my husband’s cousin. I wanted NOTHING to do with my ability. NOTHING. Fast forward to Fall of 2017. My mother-in-law was slowly dying from cancer. I foresaw her death in the spring, possibly early April, of 2018. She passed on March 28. Then my auntie in Louisiana was ill. My dad called and suggested we make a drive down to see her. I immediately received a message which said we HAD to go for this would be our last chance to see her alive and she would pass within 14 days. I agreed we needed to see her and we drove down a week later. Upon seeing her? I could feel her energy slowing seeping out of her body. It was surreal. Her body, when looking at her, “felt” lighter than anyone else in the room. Her energy also felt content, as if she was ready to go. The next day? We made our last visit. She was heavily sedated. My mother and I walked out of her room and she said, “I think this is the last time I will see her alive.” I gave her a hug and agreed this was. I told her she will pass within the week. I believe she passed five days later. My grandmother had been ill, on and off, in and out of the hospital for the past year of various issues. We visited her last November, before Thanksgiving, and I felt she wasn’t going to be with us for much longer. It felt like four weeks. However, she didn’t pass and I was stumped. Less than a two weeks before she did pass, she was in the hospital. We made a visit and despite her energy was fairly intact in her body? It did feel slightly lighter than I had noticed in November. I also felt the presence of her ex-husband in the room. When we left, my mom asked me how soon she would pass. I said within a week. She passed four days later.

I decided to continue offering readings for my sister, sometime after my mother-in-law passed. When my Auntie passed, I began to feel more comfortable giving readings so I began to offer readings for my good friend. When my grandmother passed? I said to myself, “I need to accept the fact I have the ability to know. To hear. To feel. And not FEAR it any longer.”

I heard about the paranormal investigation via Facebook. Someone I knew showed interested and it came up on my page. A local group was hosting it and the business was just two minutes from my home. I bought a ticket and arrived an hour late due to returning from Chicago from visiting my grandmother (whom was still living at her home at the time). I bought the ticket to support local but also because I wanted to know if I was crazy or indeed legit. Was I truly an Empath or was I full of shit. I was greeted at the door and shyly asked if anyone else was an Empath ...because I wanted to verify with another Empath or Medium of what I might feel. She said yes and led me to a group which was already in progress of an investigation. Immediately upon entering the room, someone inside the room felt familiar. When the man began to ask questions? I got a name. I knew this person but could not see him due to lack of light. When the session was over, we all returned to the first floor of the building. I walked around to look for this man, to confirm it was whom I believed it was, but could not find him. At that point, I believed I was nuts. I stood around, perplexed, and then I heard a man call out my name in excitement. It was him!!! He shared that he, too, had the ability to sense Spirits but in a different way. I remained with his group for the rest of the night and received some good results/confirmations. That night? My experiences confirmed to me that my abilities were true. That I can feel the emotions of the Spirits and get information of their sex, age, and year of death. I can feel the residual energy of places and get information of past events which transpired. Spirits also speak to me, telling me where to go or what to share with others. I can get information from pictures or by holding an object belonging to that person. Recently? I know what a portal feels like and have seen the aura of a Spirit (child). I no longer fear my abilities. Accepting what I have is true, I have been able to cue in much better to the Spirits and my environment. It comes so much easier to me. Better yet? I don’t have anxiety when Spirits are communicating with me. Fast forward to today. Well. I will post more about my previous investigations but bed calls. :-)

#empath

I’m. Still. Breathing.

It’s been a very long time since I last posted in Tumblrland. I’m still here on planetary Earth. I’m doing well. As for my mental illness, I have not taken any medication for over two years. I found jogging, roller derby, and jam/dance skating a means to me mentally fit. My social anxiety is no where close to an issue like it once was prior to joining roller derby. Forcing myself to be around people I don’t know and then developing trusting relationships on skates in practice has kept my anxiety to a minimum. Then? I decided to enter the world of paranormal investigation. Another group of new folks entered into my life, as well as a continuing influx of investigators I’ve met and are now following me on Facebook. Being around people, as much as I once despised greatly, is keeping my mental illness in check. Exercise has been beneficial as well. I’ve decided to document my experiences in the paranormal investigations which I participate here. On Tumblr. In the past, I used to write my odd experiences in a book journal. But this was 20+ years ago and as much as I love to write? Today, I much prefer to type my thoughts. It’s efficient and correction is also simplified with a backspace button. Also? I want to share my experiences with the public.

Choose Your Candy

#Sertraline #Lamotrigine

I haven’t done any art in so long. Depression scale 1-10 is a 7 today. Haven’t felt this bad since I was stuck in bed after surgery for my leg. Same images appear in my mind. Every day. If I wasn’t married or a parent, I would’ve been long gone already. But I’m obligated to stay. Fighting an enemy I can never defeat is exhausting. My house is so filthy. I make a lot of money now but money doesn’t bring happiness. I still have a lot of med bills to pay. Most have gone to collections. I really don’t care. And when I do care? It’s short-lived. I’m exhausted. Almost 38 years fighting the big D and I’m so very tired.

#DepressionSucks

Having a very very challenging day. Unexpectantly crying. Nothing like fearing the loss of control. My depression and mania is becoming more difficult to manage without my routine of physical exercise to burn off excess energy. I hate depression so much. It hurts more than my leg. I’m just so damn tired of fighting it.

missingunaction

“holding on for dear life”

• Help me, I’m holding on for dear life. • Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes.

//escitalopram, lamotrigine, and aripiprazole added. my art is now complete.// //chandelier - sia//

missingunaction

... looking at some of my old posts. I really need to find time to do more art.

#chandelier #sia #bipolar

Sometimes I should REALLY listen to my gut. When it tells me someone really doesn’t give two shits? Then they don’t. Anyway. Broke my lower left leg last Wednesday night while playing Jammer at roller derby practice. The pain had changed overnight. Ibuprofen doesn’t do the trick anymore. My Doc scribed me Tramadol today and I’m honestly worried to take it. My depression kicks in pretty hard at bedtime. I finally took a shower two nights ago and I cried. I haven’t cried in the shower in ages. Just worried Tramadol will make me feel psychologically worse despite the benefit to remove the pain. Guess I’ll find out later.

#Tramadol #depression

When I was nine years old, my mom took me to the Navy Exchange to visit Santa. I can CLEARLY, to this very day, recall the environment around me. Myself standing in line, observing the thin young white man in an oversized red suit. The beard was made of cotton balls. He appeared to enjoy his job. The children ahead of me left pleased. My turn came. I sat on his left leg. He asked me what I wanted for Xmas. “I want a pair of wings so I can fly away.” I swear to you. To this very day? I can still see this man’s eyes staring back at me. Quiet. Speechless. He didn’t respond back so repeated my wish. He continued to stare at me with ZERO emotion. Confused, I smiled politely and left. A lady dressed as Mrs Claus tipped the basket of miniature candy canes to me with a smile. Still puzzled to why Santa didn’t respond nor show any emotional response to my request, I took a candy cane and then heard Santa say “What a weird kid.” Embarrassed, I hurriedly walked away to find my mom. It was likely my first experience of distrusting an adult. I knew he wasn’t the real Santa. I also didn’t believe in the myth. But? It was FUN to pretend to believe. I figured the other kids were asking for shit that were “hard to reach” so why not ask for a pair of wings? So. Yeah. I really was different to most kids. I truly struggled to find any commonality. Hence. I had very few friends from fifth grade thru high school. Still, to this day, I feel very much out of place.

Ever since I began my new position at work, I’ve been suffering from insomnia. And anxiety. Making $12,000 more a year is unnerving. It shouldn’t be. But it is. My hard work and perfect scores, in my prior department, did not go unnoticed. My yearly review gave me a raise, which I was truly surprised to receive since I’d already received one due to a pay grade increase.

So. Yeah.

I’ll be making over $50k next year. It’s giving me indigestion, anxiety, and strange dreams. Enough to constantly wake me up at all hours. I’m exhausted. Three weeks tired.

I’m really hoping this is some weird, short term issue. That I’ll “get over it”.

Still alive.

Now that my sister moved back to New York State, I can be assured she will no longer make weekly weekend visits. However, my Saturday’s now consists of 10 -11am cardio group training at the gym. Plus. My will to draw ...the mojo isn’t there. Not like it once was. So.

Yeah.

I have a new job. Same company. More pay. Better hours (I can work as early as 6a, work thru my lunch, and leave by 2p). Overtime is always available. Complex technical work, which is perfect. Nice folks.

Nevertheless. Mania and depression cannot be snuffed out by a higher pay grade. More money doesn’t bring happiness. Not for me. But it does for my family. Their happiness is all that matters.

#bipolar woes #depression sucks

The #MeToo campaign has not been easy on my emotions. It’s hard as fuck to avoid. It’s discussed everywhere.

Had an unexpected setback after watching a movie last week. To my surprise, a particular scene triggered me. I left feeling both surprised and embarrassed my mind would be triggered by ANYTHING. I thought I was rock solid. Woke at 1:45a in a heavy sweat. My heart was yelling so loudly I could hear it. I tucked deep under the blanket AND comforter, trying to hide the noise. This made me sweat even more. But I was afraid my pounding heart would wake up my husband. My anxiety was ridiculous. I laid awake until 5a. My alarm is set at 5:15a. It was a horrid workday. I had to pretend my life was peachy keen that day thru Friday. I even left work 1/2 early on Friday because I still felt as if my life was dizzily out of control. I just wanted to go home and hide in my bed. And that’s what I did.

It’s Monday. I’m home. I’m home tomorrow, too. Just don’t want to be anywhere. So far, my pretending is working at home. It’s been terrifying. I won’t lie. When the Big D taunts you? Past options to make it “end” immediately reappears on the table.

The past six saturdays, either my sister unexpectantly visited/parents-in-law made last minute notification they would be in town/and the one day I wasn’t feeling well.

Today? I have the house to myself. Too overcast to draw at my favorite table at my favorite coffee shop. AND I have zero mania which leads to zero artistic ideas.

Go. Fucking. Figure.

Another Saturday of zero drawing, thanks to the constant interruption of family gatherings. Last Saturday, it was my Parents-in-laws from Iowa. This Saturday, my sister texted on a Friday early evening that she was on her way out to visit. No warning. Just "Hey - I'm coming out."

So.

Next weekend, both my hubbie and my daughter are visiting his step mom and dad for the whole weekend. With THAT said? I intend to get art on paper.

Weekends Sux Rocks

I had planned last Saturday to get drawing or drawings done. Ideas floating in my head put upon paper.

Nope.

My sister showed up. Unplanned.

I planned on drawing this morning but no. She's here AGAIN.

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