I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE
"Being single is not a disease. Being single is a gift. Being single is a heavenly calling." -- Pastor Taffi Dollar
I called myself going to church on Wednesday night for numerous reason. I hadn't been to my church home in weeks and I tend miss it when I'm away for any length of time. Sidenote : I sat next to a crackhead. She was saved and sanctified, but to make a long story short she was a crackhead and she upset several people around her. Any who, I struggled through praise & worship which has been a normal occurrence with everything that has taken place in my life lately. I attend World Changers Church International and I have attended this church all of my life. Pastor Taffi comes out and begins to teach. Her message for the night is a continuation of "Grace to Change". Cool. I'm listening and taking notes. Well I was looking up information on my phone about the Apostle Paul during that time but that is between me and the Holy Spirit. While listening and taking notes she all of sudden starts talking about being single and the single life. It probably wasn't all of sudden but it felt like it. I ain't gone lie I felt attacked on May 2, 2018 around 7:40 p.m. "Being single is not a disease. Being single is a gift. Being single is a heavenly calling". Pastor Taffi repeated this statement more than three times for the people in the back and I instantly became furious.
"Being single is not a disease. Being single is a gift. Being single is a heavenly calling." -- Pastor Taffi Dollar
Ladies and Gentlemen I got so mad at that statement I decided to write it down. Yes, anger made me write it down. I almost started crying right there in the middle of her message because I wanted to raise my hand so bad and ask one simple question. If being single isn't a disease then why does it feel like a disease. Why does it feel bad to be single? I can barely hang with the few friends I have because I don't want to feel like the fifth or seventh wheel. I have read and had people tell me that I have to find a whole new set of friends because I am single. Where is the fairness in that? Guys when I left that bookstore and made it to my car. I called my friend Grace and did the unthinkable out loud. I questioned God's plan for my singleness. My problem isn't that I don't believe what she said on that pulpit. My problem is that everyone in my age group I know is married or on their way to being married. I don't hear any REAL single women saying these things. What I mean by real single women is never been married and no kids. Where are these women? Do they exist? Is it just me and Grace??
These incredible and powerful women are living out God's Will for their life everyday and they are married to these great men of God and having kids but telling me that singleness isn't a disease. HOW SWAY?! I cried and screamed on the phone talking to my friend. I dropped a curse word or two in the midst of my rant because being single sucks and if I JUST have to be single it would be nice to experience the good parts of my singleness. I want to see God move in life but its like I'm stuck in this same box. This life I live isn't God's Will and I know it but their is nobody that has walked in my shoes to show me what to do. I don't know one single CHRISTIAN woman that hasn't been married, doesn't have kids , and isn't in a relationship. Does this woman exist?
Where is God and where is my husband?
GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ME DO?
I've been made to feel bad about my singleness my entire life, but I don't know what to do about being single. I am 2 years away from 30 and I get the looks that a) question my sexuality b) start counting the eggs left in my womb. Where are the real single women? Are they happy? Are they living out God's Will for their life? How do I live this out the right way?
Thank God that I know at least one person that knows a bible verse or two because I startled to spiral at the thought of "Singleness being a heavenly calling" You mean this might be forever!!! Jesus, help me! As hard as it is for me to admit this I know I am single and lonely. I know that is not how God intended for it to be. Grace(pun intended) reminded me that we have to use the things we go through to help others. I don't know exactly what I'm learning right now to help somebody else, but I got three bible verse out of it.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake. - Deut. 31:6
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. - Heb. 10:35-36
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. - 1 Corinth. 10:13
Now I'm on search for the single women. We have to link up and encourage one another. I feel alone in this because I am not dating or actively looking for a husband. At 28, I am pretty sure I don't even know how to date.
I want it to all be God. I don't want to wonder/question and compromise my worth and body like I've done in the past. I want my next union to be God-ordained and God-constructed.
Honestly, I've strayed away from God lately because I've felt forgotten. Feeling invisible is a constant battle and I want to be seen by Him. Please see my heart God and see the hearts of the women that have made mistakes but in the end always wanted to do it your way. Help us Lord and give us strength.
Thank you for God giving me the courage to expose my truth.
Thank you for reading this.
"Being single is not a disease. Being single is a gift. Being single is a heavenly calling." -- Pastor Taffi Dollar
