#singleness

[thepeacefulgarden]

[kazoosandfannypacks]

i swear sometimes being single is like getting diagnosed with a peanut allergy as an adult who used to love all thing peanut butter (spoken as someone who that happened to) except any time you bring it up someone says "oh, don't you like peanuts?" and when you do like them but can't have them anymore they say "cheer up, maybe someday you can eat them again!" and when you say that's literally not how it works they say "no, no, it could happen!" and you say "yes i suppose it could but i don't think it's likely" and they say "oh no don't talk like that! don't give into despair!" and you tell them you literally don't even feel sad about it most of the time? and they say "no, you poor sad person! you need to have hope and dream and i'm certain you will be able to eat peanuts again someday! don't give up!" and then because you're thinking so much about how you can't eat peanuts you're actually sadder than before and you're frustrated because you just had to argue that not only can you never eat peanuts, you don't even care that you can't eat peanuts, except now you do care because you just dwelt on it so much. and to top it all off you are confused because why does everyone on the planet care so deeply about your peanut allergy and feel so personally offended by the fact that you'll never eat peanuts again and why do they even care more than you about this in the first place?

[holyloved]

When I was single I longed to be married. Of course people already married would give their "encouragement" and "advice" on it all. It never really made me feel confident that "my time would come". I mean it's "easy" for them to say all that when they're already married.

One thing I held onto however was the fact I LONGED to be married. If I was meant for singleness/celibacy, why was the desire to be married so strong? Scripture even says:

"...but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

- 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NKJV)

I think what people fail to see however are the verses before that:

"But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; "

-1 Corinthians 7:6-8 (NKJV)

For context Paul is talking about the principles of marriage. He actually starts this chapter by saying it is GOOD that a man never touch a woman.. BUT because of sexual immorality let them get married.

Singleness/celibacy, though not a commandment (Paul did state it was his opinion), is BETTER than marriage. It demonstrates a ton of self-control and allows you to focus on God and others more so than if you were married. Being married doesn't mean you can't focus on God however, your attention will be "split" by wanting to please your spouse and (if you have kids) take care of your kids etc.

Marriage IS beautiful. Where two people come together as one and (when done with the right intent), grow together more and more in Christ. It is better to have someone pick you up when you fall down.. you just don't NEED that someone to be a spouse.

What I'm getting at is this: If you are single and you desire to be married.. have you surrendered the possibility of not being married, to God? I see a lot of single people making an idol out of the idea of being married, the very THOUGHT of staying single/celibate sends them spiraling. Now don't get me wrong, if you have the desire to be married, you probably will be one day.. but what if you don't get married? Are you okay with that? Have you come to terms that what God wants for you is best, even if it doesn't align with your plans for yourself?

I was 25 when I met my now husband, 30 when we married. I had potential "relationships" before him but he was my first real boyfriend. Before I met him I had come to terms that I probably wasn't lovable (truth is I was lovable even without a bf/ spouse). That if I was meant to be single, that would be fine. God's will be done. My husband can say he also came to terms with similar before he met me. This was HARD. It wasn't easy, but we accepted it. We were both ready to be single the rest of our lives.

Now obviously God had other plans for us, but even those plans didn't match up with what we had. Specifically my own. I wanted to be married IMMEDIATELY but it took 5 years. 5 years of long distance where we grounded ourselves. Learned to communicate. Grew together (and we continue to grow). 5 years I'm so grateful for, even though it was hard.

All this to say... be content with where you are at. Focus on God.. on improving yourself through Christ. Come to terms with being okay with what HE wants in your life, even if it's not what you planned/expected. Seek Him and ask Him to show you what it is He wants you to do.

[ramithetradfem]

My heart is broken over what feels like wasted time, I truly hope that I can get married and start a family in this lifetime. Everything feels so difficult but I will continue to pray.

[quotelr]

Happily Single is holding out for the best and letting go of the rest. It’s saying “I will and I can” to YOURSELF before you say “I do” to someone else.

Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

[beginning-to-be-happy]

Hypothetical: is it a bad idea for an asexual aromantic with no friends to go to a singles trivia night to try to make friends?

Asking for a fr...well, shit

[anscathmarcach]