Why do I cry the tears I never deserved?
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@missvioletwriter
Why do I cry the tears I never deserved?
Today, I just cried.
The tears I held back
When he didn’t want to talk to me
When they blame me of everything that went missing
When they accused me, I’m a bad mom
When I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do
Today, I’m weaker.
Today, it just hurt so much.
I prayed to Him this life full of pain would stop.
Nothing happened.
So today, I just cried.
- Ms. Violet 💜
📸 ctto
All I want to do is to smoke then sleep. 🔁
📸 ctto
Tonight, I rode his bike. He drove fast in an empty long road. So fast, my eyes blur past those skyscrapers and lights. My ears buzzing against the air. My face numbs. I closed my eyes. Memories started to flash back. Every painful ones are passing by quickly like the sharp sting of air against my face. And every happy memories left, buzz even quickly in my ears. Then I ask myself, ‘Is this how it feels like before you die?’
I started imagining a terrible accident. I’m feeling me falling down in a blink of an eye. Hearing my bones crack, my skull hitting the floor. Feeling the pain of my skin scraping. My thoughts spinning. Me sinking in an endless darkness. I’m not fighting it. It’s pulling me but I want it. And it’s suddenly nothing. No pain, no memories. Freedom.
But a voice broke my reveries. “You afraid?” I replied eagerly, “No.”
Now I’m still alive. I was never that drawn to the thought of dying that I wished it just had happened. But then I also think that this needs to be written.
- Ms. Violet 💜
REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.
Please.
These tears I shed today are a sum of all the times I said to everyone “I’m okay.”
— Violet
📸©️ BlackWorkNow
How do you know you’re strong?
📸©️ Gigislab
Oh yeah? What’s this then? Training?
No one is proud having me. And I know that.
— Ms. Violet 💜
I wasn’t able to show you a pretty face. Simply because, I don’t have that. But I showed you my vulnerability. And you decided it’s never enough.
— Ms. Violet 💜
Just done watching: I want to Eat Your Pancreas
Promises were broken.
There were so many things left undone.
Many words left unexpressed.
We only got one shot in this life.
The question is: If it’s gonna be my last day alive, what will you tell me?
— Ms. Violet 💜
🎬 Credits to the owner
Dear self,
You’re always such a disappointment. I thought we’re all too shattered to be broken but here we are, another heartbreak. 💔 Can’t it just stop?
These tears I shed today are a sum of all the times I said to everyone “I’m okay.”
— Violet
📸©️ BlackWorkNow
Still not good enough
Still forced to get up
— Ms. Violet 💜
I’m 70% tears and 30% self hate.
— Ms. Violet 💜
Repercussions
Your words and action have effects
They can either magically make flowers bloom
Or can easily turn into a hurricane that can destroy a garden.
— Ms. Violet 💜
These were the sleepless nights
Got no one but this smoke ‘round me
Under these vast galaxy,
I still wish we’re both staring at our favorite stars
// Somehow
— Ms. Violet 💜