Finding Happiness Again

[missy112387]

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[missy112387]

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[missy112387]

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[missy112387]

Bonus Mommy

I am a bonus mommy!! It is the best part of my entire life! I wouldn't change one single thing about that sweet baby boy! He is 6 now, and time feels like it is flying right by! He made me a better person. He makes me whole.

I am lucky to have him and his daddy in my life. My boyfriend has helped me improve my self esteem, and to just believe in myself. He has backed me up at every turn. He has given me a life that I am proud of. At this point in life we are killin it!!

I can honestly say I love my life! I don't feel like I need to get away. My life is so full of love and happiness. Michael has shown me the world through a child's eyes. Now we enjoy the little things in life.

[missy112387]

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[missy112387]

Steaks and Seafood to be Removed from Food Stamps Programs

What is your take on this? Honestly as a grocery store worker I think it would be amazing. Watching people go through my register, paying for junk with this card is infuriating. I am trying so hard just to be able to pay for produce, I can’t afford such luxuries as steak and seafood. I watch people buy crab and lobster and ribeye steak on their cards all the time. It’s awful! Knowing that I am working my booty off, and people are practically handed certain things. I mean, I understand why these cards do exist, and I do think that people do use it for the right reasons! Just I think the guild lines should be there for the ones who abuse the right to have a food stamps card. I watch people pay for food with foodstamps, while they buy $50 in beer, and 2 packs of cigarettes! How are those necessities. Quite smoking and drinking. Use the money for what you need if for. Even sadder are the people with gambling addictions!! It’s just so hard to wait on these people every single day! 

[missy112387]

Getting my mind right!!

So I have been pretty negative lately! I am not even gonna lie. What is causing this negativity?? It hurts knowing that I am being someone that I do not care for. I like being the happy go lucky Melissa I have always been. Finding the positive in the negative has always been my favorite thing. I don’t know what has gotten into my lately, but it isn't good. I just want to go to being my regular pleasant self. Why is this so hard? 

It occurred to me the other day that I am not all that pleased with my job. I want to find another one, maybe one that I actually enjoy! I have applied to a bunch of different places, but I just can’t find anything. It is making me kind of crazy!! So I am going to try to make the best of the situation, and try to find the positive where I am at. I will still be looking for another job, but I will try not dreading going in to my recent job. 

It has been really bad lately. When I leave work I sometimes cry in my car. No one should feel this unhappy with their job. You should be able to enjoy working with your coworkers, not trying to find ways to get them in trouble. I like most of my coworkers. I won’t even lie. But I have seen some of them at work, actively trying to get others in trouble. I understand not everyone is pleasant to work with, but my goodness. It is the same no matter where you work. I could honestly just walk out. I am so upset that they treat each other this way. The worst part is they think I feel the same. Have they not noticed how I never say anything on certain matters? I am listening to you, and I understand where you are coming from. What you don’t understand is at some point you were the person people wanted to go!! It’s just sad to see this vicious cycle go around over and over again.

I am trying to stay away from this as it is literally killing my soul. I have become unhappy, and I never used to be this way. I used to be so happy going in! So I guess what I need to do is go back to my old ways. Surround myself with positive people. Go out and go for walks. I really need to take a vacation! That may help! I have cleaned my spaces finally! I am back to meditating! I am still exercising, and I am still not smoking. Everything is really working out, just in it’s own way. Maybe the reason I can’t find a job, is because it just isn't my time yet!! 

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[missy112387]

I love you Zakariya Hussein!! 

[missy112387]

Cleaning Out my Space

So another big step has occurred in my life. I cleaned out my bookcase! No more cluttered space! I have found a home for all my old books as well! Good news!! They are also going to a good cause. I love reading, as much as I love helping people. Problems is books take up a lot of space. Now I know where to send them from now on. There was a reason to clean out my books, my boyfriend has stuff to display as well. It just looks nicer in our living room now. He is so amazing. 

Next up is my clothes. Then almost all the spring cleaning will be done. All we will have to do is shampoo our carpets, and clean under the appliances in the house. Yay!! Why wait until it's nice outside to do major cleaning?? I want to spend all the time I can outside when I get the chance. I want to go on long walks with Zak and our puppies. I am putting a lot of time in to looking and feeling good. One step is cleaning my space. Zak has always been really supportive of all my decisions lately. I think mostly he is just happy I am getting rid of some things. God knows I have way too much stuff. And I hate clutter!!

So on to bigger and better things!! I have been doing my work outs everyday, except this week I have slipped up a bit, as Zak was on Spring Break. I wanted to spend every moment I could with him. I am still on my nonsmoking kick. I feel awesome. Surprisingly I have had a lot less migraines, and back pain. I need to be practicing yoga more, and doing more meditation, but other than that I think I am doing great! I have finally noticed a physical change. 

So I just want to keep you all updated on where this journey is taking me. I hope you all follow in my footsteps, and better yourselves. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally! I want you to feel good on the inside. I want you to smile like you mean it, I don't want you to have to fake a smile!! 

[missy112387]

Everything is Awesome

Everything is going great! I am almost 3 weeks smoke free. I can't believe it!! I am so excited. I am not going to lie, I did cheat. I wish I wouldn't have. Every time you cheat in anything you are really only cheating yourself. I mean, I have to watch everything I eat. If you want to see results, you have to want them. You have to look in the mirror everyday, and see what is changing. Your entire outlook on life could change. I did not eat that candy bar, I ate a protein bar instead. It may have not had the same consistency, but it had more satisfaction. I felt full, I felt energy. 

I feel great! I feel better than I have felt since high school. I wasn't necessarily out of shape or anything. It's just I wasn't really in shape either. No I may not have been fat, but I was having a hard time breathing after certain activities, especially anything that included stairs. I want to be able to run up and down stairs, not be wheezing after walking up a few! I can do a lot more now in one day than I used to be able to. Stopping to smoke takes a lot of time out of your day. I have a lot more time to think.

Unfortunately, that is what made me realize I hate my job. Well I like my job. I do not like everyone at my job. The rule changes, and special treatment are what is getting to me. I just want to be treated fairly among my peers. I love people, well most people, well a select few! 

Either way my life is still awesome! Why? Because no matter what I always have someone I can turn to. I have an amazing mom and an amazing boyfriend. I couldn't ask for anything better. I have some really great friends. I could call them at 3 in the morning, and they would find a way to comfort me. How? I have no idea. But I would do the same for them in a heartbeat! I care deeply for the people I surround myself with. Not because I have to, but because I want to!! 

Well that's about it for me today!!!!

[missy112387]

It is time for a better me!!

I have always been a big believer in bettering yourself. I have always thought there was always room for improvement. That is what is making my decisions so much easier now.

This past week has been a very big decision week. I decided to quit smoking, eat healthier, exercise more, get my diploma, and go to college! Why? Well I have ended up in a rut. I am happy with my relationship. Zak has been amazing to me as usual. He puts up with a lot of crap from me. He has always been my strongest support system, and my loudest cheerleader so to speak.

He has played a big role in me making all these important decisions. I need something new. I need to better myself to make myself happy. If I am not making myself happy who else will do it. I don't want to have to rely on other people to make me feel good about myself. I want to be the reason I wake up in the morning, and breathe easy. I don't want to have to stress about this bill or that bill. Or wonder how I am going to make my next payment on a car, or a house. I am 27 years old, and it is my time. It is my time to treat me like I want to be treated.

I am going back to school to study Psychology, just like I had planned before. I will succeed with my amazing support system there cheering me on. I will put all my effort into graduating. I will help people just like I wanted to before. I will not smoke another cigarette. I will overcome my addiction, so that I do not have health concerns haunting my mind. I will eat healthier and exercise more to live a long and happy life. I was tired of being in pain, the question is, are you?

Would you sacrifice something you love to better yourself? I did! I am 4 days smoke free. I will continue on this journey will you wonderful people by my side. What would I do without you?

This is a term I use at work a lot. What would I do without  you? Why? Because we are all a team, and I need my team working together, and helping each other. I need to mold them into great leaders. I need to take advice to better myself as a leader. Do NOT complain that is a huge vise that I have. I need to complain less, and praise more often. I love all my teammates. I have a great bunch. I want to learn from my leaders actions. Their good actions, and I want to be able to help them learn from their mistake as well. Even if it means I want to rip my hair out sometimes. I have learned a great deal lately.

I need to take the advice I have gotten and put it to use. I need to better myself, so that I can be an inspiration to those around me. I have become to comfortable at my job. Knowing that someone needs you makes it easier yet harder at the same time.

This rut I am stuck in is too much to bare anymore. I just want to move on with my life. I don't want to worry what would happen if I got fired. I want to know that someday I will make enough money to help others as well as myself.

Also I think it is time to join a church. I need to put this in God's hands. Because in all honestly he is my biggest support system. I could do none of this without him granting me the strength to do so. So I will pray every night to him who gives me strength and knowledge to move on.

Well that is all for now.

Thanks for listening!! 

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