devoid of colour

DIMITRI DRAGOMIR ♔ moroi ♔ everything was blue his pills, his hands, his jeans and now I'm C O V E R E D in the colors pulled apart at the seams and it's { B L U E }

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

She thinks, maybe if she’d found someone else, this moment would have been wholly different. But she didn’t. Sure there were men and women, flings and month long courtships, but none of those changed the fact she was looking for Dimitri in every person she came across. His smile, his dry wit, his outlook on life… Cassia however, should have learnt long ago that looking for someone else in another person — that never works. She saw it first hand with her mother, yet somehow; in her little girl delusions, she’d convinced herself that it would be different. She wasn’t her mother, trying to replace happiness, or keep up previous patterns of existence.

Cassia was her own person. Smart and educated, confident and bold — all things her mother wasn’t, least not to the level that Cassia was and therefore — it would be different. ( The phrase, like mother like daughter, never stung as much as it did one cold Friday night, staring out her window at the twinkling sky, loneliness pressing on her chest like a heavy weight. ) As such, she’d thrown herself into her work. Worked the hours as so to avoid going home to her empty apartment — all the more poignant now that Nik had permanently moved out post-college. She’d done the equivalent of two people’s jobs for the sole fact that work filled the empty parts of her life. ( It was easier to work herself to the bone rather than face the reality her life wasn’t at all like what she hoped it would be at this stage in her admittedly, longer than most life. )

“I missed you too.” She breathed out, enjoying the feel of his hands smoothing along her waist, foreheads pressed against each other. It feels like a weight’s been lifted off her shoulders, which honestly, Cassia wasn’t expecting. She didn’t think the question mark status of their relationship weighed so heavy on her, that Dimitri’s avoiding her for the last month had taken such a toll. Stupidly, she’d believed that because they were fine, to a certain extent, polite and smiling —everything was fine. Once again, she was made a fool. But it doesn’t matter anymore, not really. They found their way back to each other — despite everything, every shit storm and family problem, despite all the time they’d spent running away from each other and their marriage — here they were again.

Together.

( Just as they always should have been. )

A soft laugh fell from Cassia’s lips, a bright grin following in it’s wake. “You’re always going to be an idiot. Full stop. That’s what I love about you. I get to be the smart one in the relationship.” Her nose crinkled up slightly with a teasing light to her eyes. Silence reigns for a moment — she’s honestly content to just bask in this moment, the sheer audacity that this is happening; she’s not dreaming, she’s not dead, she’s not been forced to bear witness to the one thing she wants by come crazy witch. This is real. They’re real. She’s content to bask, before something Dimitri said previously comes back to her.

Pulling her head slightly back, Cassia looked at Dimitri. Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment, she allowed her hands to smooth up the curve of her arms, coming to lace behind his neck. “I’m — I’m not scared.” She exhaled. “I was just overwhelmed I think.” She shrugged, glancing away from his profile. “Never quite expected the two of us to end up back here again.”

He never thought he could have this, this kind of happiness. He thought that all the times that love hadn’t worked out for this meant that he didn’t deserve to have it. Dimitri had made his peace with that fact a long time ago, after everything with Cassia and Elizabeth and the few serious girlfriends he’s had after them. He’s sure that it has something to do with his mother, some kind of deep rooted issue that formed when she turned. To this day, he doesn’t understand what happened. He doesn’t know why she’d done it or why he hadn’t been enough when to him, he’d thought of their home life as perfect. But in this moment, none of it matters because he is happy with her. It wasn’t expected, but it was entirely welcome and he plans on relishing in it for as long as possible. 

Dimitri smiled, lips pressed together and he feels absolutely smitten with her. His hands tightened against her waist for a moment before he returned to lazily stroking instead. His nose brushed against hers before his chin raised just slightly so he could look her in the eyes. “Sorry I was so weird with you this month. It seemed like a perfectly intelligent plan at the time, but obviously it was the only bad plan I’ve ever had.” His tone was as cocky as ever and his mouth broke into a grin. “Promise I won’t do it again.” He’s sure that he can make it up to her now that everything is out in the open, that there are no more hidden truths between them. They have all the time they need to be together, there’s no reason for him to keep his distance from her any longer. He wouldn’t want to anyway. 

He practically snorted at her words before laughter burst past his lips, taking no offence to her response. “Baby, you’d be the smart one in any relationship. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, Miss Hot Shot Lawyer. Though I think being with me unfortunately makes you an idiot by association. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.” He shrugged, the look of fake innocence on his face as he tried to hide his utter amusement at their conversation and he almost feels like a teenager again. Like when he was in his early twenties and they’d only been married a couple months and would banter on a regular basis. It used to be the best part of his day. 

“Really? I am a bit.” He confessed to her in an even voice. “It’s been a while since I’ve had anything serious.” His fingers drummed a pattern against her waist before sliding around to rest against her back as he pulled her just that little bit closer. “Yeah, it was a lot to take in. I’d have a hard time taking it in if my idiot ex-husband realized he had feelings for me twenty years later. Speaking of, I should see how he’s doing.” He joked though he acted as though he was serious. 

Looking down at her, his mouth pulled into that same dopey smile that he was wearing earlier when she’d said she missed him as well. Dimitri hadn’t felt this happy in years. It’s why he knew that them being back together really was right, it wasn’t just some happy fantasy he had concocted in his head. Leaning down, he pressed a light kiss against the corner of her mouth, trying to get her to look at him against before he captured her lips with his own. It was softer this time, less hurried unlike the one before had been. It was the type of kiss that should have been the one they shared for the first time since their divorce, but hey, they had never been a conventional couple. He leaned his forehead against her own as he broke the kiss after a moment. “We should go to bed.” He murmured quietly before returning his mouth to hers, one of his hands sliding down to rest on her ass.

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

What if… that’s the eternal question isn’t it? What if he’d stayed? What if they’d never had Nik? What if they’d had another child? What if Elizabeth had never come into the picture? What if she’d fought for him and told him their last day, their last moment even – that she really, truly, loved him and wanted this to work? What if what if what if? It plays in Cassia’s head on a loop, round and round and round. But they don’t have what ifs, they don’t have any of the possibilities.They only have the now, and the here. Here – in the very lounge room they’d watched their son take his first steps, where they’d lounged and watched movies, steps from the very couch they’d bought together and more than likely fucked on, too. There’s an odd sort of symmetry to the whole thing – they’ve come full circle. Despite the heartache and mistakes made, despite his leaving and her pining, they made it. They’re back where they started.

The ball is in her court.

And right from that thought, sheer and utter panic floods Cassia’s system.

What if she says yes, and they crash and burn? She barely survived the first time he left her, much as it pains her to admit that. (Cassia has never quite been the kind of woman to admit a man leaving her would destroy her, but Dimitri has always been in his own class.) And even with that, he was still in her life… if they tried failed again… she wouldn’t survive. The broken, fragile pieces of her heart, cracked with use and worn down after years and years of torment… they would be mangled beyond repair.They barely fit together as it was and if Dimitri broke her heart again, by falling for someone else or cheating or leaving… they’d never fit again. Can she take that risk; can she jump off the ledge with him once again? But isn’t that what love is? Taking risks? It’s a burden, yes, to constantly live with the weight that you might break someone’s heart. Maybe they’ll break yours, too, but that’s the price you pay. It’s a burden, but a burden that allows youto fly.

The panic, cold and quick fades down to something manageable, her heartbeat following quickly behind.

Cassia stares at Dimitri, drinking him in. She takes in the faint laughter lines around the corners of his eyes, the flecks of gold in his eyes, the slope of his nose and the gentle bow of his mouth. He looks so much like the boy she once knew, even though years have passed and they’re not the same. Christ, she’s not the same either, and that’s not just the wrinkles orthe hair talking, either.

The blonde inhaled deeply before exhaling, blinking quickly.“I…”

For the first time in a long time, Cassia’s speechless. She doesn’t know what to say. She knows what she wants to say, but for some reason – she can’t make the words come out. They seem stuck, lodged in her throat, by both fear and hope. Fear because jumping into this with him again, it scares the shit outof her. Hope, because Cassia’s wanted this since the moment of their last kiss when he turned and left her. For good – until now. (She shoves the thought that this could be a dream right down. If it’sa dream, well… she’ll deal with that when she wakes up.)

“I can’t – I can’t think when you’re this close.” Space, space is what she needs. She needs space to think about what he’s saying, what he’s offering. Without thinking, Cassia stepped away from him, taking two steps behind as one hand went up to smooth along her blonde hair. One moment her eyes are locked on Dimitri’s and the next they’re darting away, unable to stay focused on him for long. Her head softly shakes with ever errant thought that passes through her head – and leaves just as quickly. She can’t get a grip on anything, even though her heart knows what she plans to do and is merely waiting for her head to head to catch up. “You – you, Christ.”

The blonde’s gaze finally rests back on Dimitri and shelooks at him with love and fear, hope and trepidation. “Dimitri…”

There’s a part of her that wants to say no – it’s too late. Tell him he missed his chance, the train’s left the station. That’s she’s not down for round two of this, of them because it’s just so fucking exhausting. The first round nearly killed her and that’s not even looking at all the little moments they’ve had over the years – standing to close at Christmas, long stares across the dinner table at Thanksgiving. Kisses on cheeks and hand squeezes when they’re both at some event of Nik’s. The thing that gets her probably is the fact that on some level, Cassia can recognise they’ve always been heading towards this. They’ve always worked, they’ve always had love and respect and trust between them – things other couples spend their whole lives trying to build.

It’s from that that Cassia has her answer.

(Because despite everything, despite every mistake and missed opportunity and possible what if, he came back. She wanted him to come back to her, and he did. And by all means, Cassia knows it won’t be easy, not like when they were kids and there are things to discuss and work out and problems to solve but – he came back to her. Despite the odds and what her own heart was starting to believe, her love came back to her.) A watery smile bloomed on the blonde’s face, but there was no mistaking the happiness that shined through. “Took you long enough.”

He’s scared, absolutely so. He’d always had issues with love and trust. If he’d actually done some self-examination to try and figure out why, he’d have realized that his hesitancy to trust was because of what happened to his mother. He’d trusted her and loved her more than anyone else, and she did the most selfish thing a Moroi could do. But Cassia...he hadn’t realized how much of himself he had given to her, how much he told her. It had been easy when it was under the guise of a marriage of convenience. There was no pressure, no real feelings involved ( none that he was aware of, anyway ). He never felt like he had to give her everything, it just slipped out bit by bit. Now, she knows him better than anyone and he rusts her. But trusting her with his heart was a whole other thing, one that he wasn’t often faced with. It’s been years since he’s had any kind of relationship that involved feelings, years since he’d even had any hope of having such a thing.

But really, he has no reason to be scared. She has always taken care of his heart.

It had never been commitment that had been his issue. Sure, he’s slept with girls that were in relationships and even ones that were happily married. But the few relationships he’s been in before are ones he wanted and didn’t intend on fucking up. It’s not news that he sleeps around, he’d even moved Bryson out of his house only a week before Cassia had showed up on his door step. But he’s always been straightforward with the women he’d took to bed. They’d always been casual flings and leading them on meant having to trust them with his deeper feelings, and that wasn’t something he was prepared to do when all he’d wanted from them was sex. But this, them, it was serious and real and he didn’t want to mess it up. He cared about her more than anyone else and while it was scary to know that going down this path meant committing himself to her fully, Dimitri can’t live with himself if he doesn’t. He never used to believe in romance, but she’s the one.

How is he supposed to spend  the rest of his life if it isn’t with her?

He can’t.

Dimitri’s mouth quirked into a smile as she took a couple steps back from him, amused at the fact that him being so close to her seems to be having such a prominent effect. He respects her need for space, his eyes watching her fingers move through her hair and his expression softens. “Just breathe, Cass.” He tells her quietly in an attempt to calm her down from her current state of panic. He can understand why she’s freaking out. After all, he has just spent the last month avoiding her because he was overwhelmed by his feelings. 

“It’s okay if you’re scared. I am, too.” He admits to her a little nervously. Though really, he has no cause to be nervous. They had worked well together when they had been married, had basically acted like a couple in all the years since. He trusts her with every secret he has, respects her more than any other woman he’s ever met. And he knows her. He knows what makes her tick, what she likes and what she doesn’t. He knows when something’s bothering her. The only thing he didn’t seem to know about her was how to take a hint that she’d had feelings for her, too.

Dimitri watches as she seems to make a decision, watches as her face lights up and she smiles wide and he grins at her response. Knowing that she wants this too makes it feel like his world has finally clicked into place. Like the confirmation that they should be together was the missing piece that has been lost to him all these years. He’s never quite felt like his life was complete. He had a big house, two kids, a successful business. But something had always been missing no matter how many women he allowed to share his bed. He’d just been missing what he’d given up and hadn’t realized it until now.

And he’s certain that it would always be her that he needs in order for his life to be complete. 

His tongue darts out, wets his lips before he grins back at her, feeling light and elated and happy. “Sorry to keep you waiting. Consider it foreplay without all the fun parts.” He joked with her, eyes staying fixed on her own. He takes a step forward, reaching out and placing his hands on her waist as he moved until he was just in front of her and his hands slid around to link behind her back. “I know we’ve got a lot to talk about and work out, but let’s not do that now. Let’s just...enjoy this.” He shrugs his shoulders a little bit, smile that goofy, smitten smile of his down at her and he can’t believe how deliriously happy he is right now. Dimitri tilts his head up to press a kiss to her forehead before leaning his own against hers as he continued to smile. His thumbs are stroking the small of her back and he honestly never wants to let go of her again, never wants to stop touching her. “I missed you.” He confesses in a whisper, pulling her a little bit tighter against him as he did so. “And I’m not going to be an idiot when it comes to you any more.”

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

The thing that hurts the most, possibly, was that she thought they were happy. She thought they were going to make it in the long run— that they had a fucking change. That their marriage, albeit stitched together by a desire to escape and erase the past, would become something of love and hope and promise. But it’s like it always is with her life… just asshe was getting comfortable, just as she was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, the other shoe wouldn’t drop – it did. The love of her life came home and told her he was in love with someone else. What was she supposed to do? Say no? Tell him to suck it up because he was married to her, not some mystery woman she didn’t even know about?

( There’s a part of Cassia that wonders if it’d have beeneasier if maybe Dimitri had out and out cheated on her, not go and fall in love, the one thing he’d always been craving above all else. )

But despite everything, she didn’t want to deny himhappiness — even if he was finding it with someone other than her. So she did the very thing that killed a part of her heart, turning it black and mottled and scarred beyond recognition. She told him to follow his heart wherever it lead him, and that all she ever wanted was for him to be happy. ( She steadfastly refuses to think about the after — how she cried in her room for an hour and barely held back sobs as her eyes caught glimpses of Nik’s eyes, the same as his fathers. How she got that three inch scar on the inside of her index finger because she broke a mug in a fit of rage. She steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that any of that ever happened, because it hurts and reminds herthat she was not as unaffected as she wished she could have been. )

But here and now… in this living room that’s filled to the brim with memories and moments, all a testament to the life they’d once had. Here in this living room, he kisses her, rambling words about how he can’t talk about it. The kiss he presses against her lips both makes her heart soar and crack in equal measure. She’s been hoping for this, hoping for him to come back to her from the moment he walked out to the door and into Elizabeth’s arms. But still, Cassia does nothing. She merely stands still, eyes half-closed as herheart beats a tattoo against her ribcage. She exhales sharply as Dimitri pullsaway, her eyes opening as she softly peers up at him.

I can’t talk to you because every time I see you, I want to do that.

Confusion and happiness floods her veins in equal measure. “You’re not an idiot.” Cassia replies automatically, more so out of habit than anything else. “Moronic, maybe, but not an idiot.” She shook her head and stepped back slightly, needing to put some distance between the two of them. She needs the distance to think, to clear her mind and she can’t — she can’t do that when he’s standing there all perfect and wanting to kiss her and on the very edge of telling her he has feelings. It’s — an addictive feeling but she can’t loose herself in it. Yet, anyway.

“Okay, that’s — um.” The blonde swallowed roughly, her fingertips coming up to press against the crown of her forehead. “So the reason you’re pulling away…” She started off slowly, “Isn’t because you don’t want me here, it’s because you’ve been having feelings for me?” At least, that’s what Cassia thinks has happened here. She could be wrong. She doesn’t think she is, but she could be. She’s been wrong before — she assumed her father would stop cheating on her mother, she assumed her marriage would last, she assumed her son wouldn’t turn out as bitter as she has, but none of those things came true.“And you thought you couldn’t talk to me about that?”

“That’s — you’re —“ She wants to say he could have, thathe could have talked to her, about anything and everything. But this doesn’t fall under the vein of just anything, this is feelings and the very foundation of their relationship. Their friendship over the last few years, raising Nik together, spending the holidays together, keeping in touch with late night phone-calls, that was something good and pure and worth fighting for. Lord knew Cassia didn’t want to lose such a thing, who knew how Dimitri was feeling? She glanced over at him, shaking her head softly as a tear falls down the apple ofher cheek. “I take it back, you are an idiot.” A wet laugh bubbled up her throat and she shook her head more firmly. Years and years of waiting and wanting and trying to move on — all of it led her right here, to this living room. To this living room where it all began, where she first thought she could fall in love with him, where she first thought maybe she was pregnant, where she cried for the first time after he left her for Elizabeth.

Every heartache and pain has lead her back to the very same place it all started. There’s an odd sort of symmetry to their life, Cassia mused to herself.

“But you’re my idiot.”

He stands in front of her afterwards, pulse thumping quick against his throat as he watches her reaction. His eyes meet her piercing blue ones and he questions briefly whether he had made a mistake. He doesn’t know how she feels about him romantically and he really doesn’t know where to go from here. He’d barely even thought about the action of kissing her before he’d done it, let alone actually kissing her. All he knows is that now that he’s kissed her, he wants to keep doing it. They hadn’t kissed since the day their divorce was finalized, when they’d both signed on the dotted line. While Dimitri had been elated to be able to move forward and have a future with someone he really had loved, he also mourned the life he was leaving behind. A life they’d shared together for only a few short years, but it had been so good. He hadn’t felt guilty about being with Elizabeth when he’d kissed Cassia that last time, because it had been their goodbye.

His mouth quirks up into a soft smile when she said that he was more of a moron than an idiot and while he disagrees, he humours her anyway. His smile remains in place even as she stepped away, although he wishes she would stay close. He wants to reach out, catch her hips and pull her closer, but she deserves the chance to wrap her head around what just happened between them. Even though they were both old and it wasn’t unfamiliar territory, it still felt fresh and new in some way. They were both different now, but it still felt right. 

His head bobs in confirmation as she finally vocalizes her thoughts and he’s almost bashful when he confirms it. “Yeah, pretty much.” His eyes drop to his shoes for a moment, and it feels strange that this piece of information is randomly hanging in the air now. “It’s not that I feel like I can’t talk to you, you’ve proven the opposite of that many times.” He pauses, hands going to his hips and his shoulders shrugging slightly. “It’s always been good between us. Every shit thing in the world could have been going on, but I always knew I could call you if I needed someone or when I just felt like talking. We raised a son together and built trust and respect...I didn’t want to ruin that.” He says it like it’s so simple, as if things weren’t going to get a little more complicated once his feelings were out in the open.

“Told you so.” He confirms her comment confirming that he is in fact an idiot, as if he hasn’t made a million mistakes in the past to prove as such. One of which was standing in front of him, a reminder of all those years ago when he’d told her he was leaving. That was one of the biggest mistakes he’d ever made. His smile widened at her last words and its filled with fondness and pure happiness. “Yeah, I’m your idiot.” Stepping forward, he reaches one hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing across it and wiping away the tear that had fallen. “I’m definitely an idiot because it took me this long to realize how I feel about you.” He laughs quietly, thumb brushing against her cheekbone lightly as it has been since he placed it on her cheek.

He doesn’t know why he has waited so long to be honest with her.

Dimitri stares down into her eyes the soft smile that appeared on his face earlier remains fixed in place. He’s almost buzzing with excitement and nerves that after spending the last month thinking about what it would be like to be with her again, it might just happen. “I don’t want to run from this anymore.” It’s a confession that already has him feeling lighter. “Since Elizabeth left, I hadn’t been able to see anyone new coming into my life that I could love. The only woman I ever imagined being in my life in the long run was you. And it’s stupid that it’s taken me all this time to realize that it wasn’t just because you’re Nik’s mom or because you’re my friend, it’s because you mean a lot to me.” His tongue creeps out to wet his lips as he takes a moment to really digest the fact that this is really happening here, they’re really doing this.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Cass. I’ve messed up with a lot of people, but the person I messed up the most with was you. I’ve tried not to think about what could have happened if I’d stayed with you and Nik and most of the time, I’m good at ignoring all those nagging questions, but since you got back I can’t ignore it. Because leaving you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.” He says it with conviction and there’s no doubt in his mind that it’s the truth. Sure, he’s also made a lot of mistakes with Nik, but they only happened because he was the one to break their little family apart. If he’d had the guts to look in front of him for love instead of anywhere else, he could have saved them all a lot of pain and heartbreak. Despite all these mistakes, one of the only things in his life that he’s sure of is Cassia. She’s always been his constant, his anchor that kept him grounded and made him feel alive.

Taking a deep breath, his eyes flit between hers as his head nods once. “I want to be with you.” He knows it won’t be the same as it was when they were married, that they/re older now and had changed some (although he finds her more stunning now than she’s ever been). “So what do you say, Blondie?”

[insuburbiah-deactivated20170327]

now I’m left here in the dust; with the taste of broken trust  -the quiet, troye sivan

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

The urge to walk over to his liquor cabinet and take a large gulp, straight from the bottle of his finest whiskey hits her like an unstoppable wave. The thing is — the world turned its back on her long before Dimitri ever walked into her life. She was up against a wall, with no friends — they deserted her right around the time she decided against a Moroi college and voted for a human law school, — and family was always a fucking joke.. she’s been running on empty and fumes since before she can remember. She can survive this, survive losing Dimitri if he chooses to work out his issues far, far away from her. She’s a survivor above all else, forced to be so long before she was ever ready to be that.

( But just because she can survive on her doesn’t mean she wants too. )

Standing there, listening to him as he speaks, she wants to ask him — then why the fuck are you acting like I have? Why are you acting so much like the boy I once knew, pulling away and drinking and disappearing into yourself? She wants to scream at him — don’t disappear on me, don’t walk away. I’m right here and I always fucking have been, if you’d just look up and see me.

But when she thinks about it — she’s been thinking that last one for years and years and years now; begging him to look up and see that it was her all along. Her who was there when Nik was hospitalised with a broken arm, her who raised his son while he was away with Elizabeth, her who was always ready to drop everything in her life to make his better. It was her and she longed for him to say that back to her — it’s you, Cassia and it always has been. But Cassia knows Dimitri better than she knows herself… and she knows he won’t say those words to her. Maybe never.

( But that doesn’t mean she loses hope he’ll one day say it to her. Her brain says it isn’t hope but an unwillingness to let go of the last time she was truly happy. It seems that no matter what, including broken hearts and lost children and divorces and separations over state lines — she can’t extinguish the flame she holds for the man who made her a mother and a wife and a better person all around. )

She smiles softly as he comes to sit next to her and the proximity — it does something to her, makes her feel as if wet rags are settling into her stomach, weighing her down. “You’re important to me too.” Cassia murmurs, nodding softly as her gaze shifts to look out the window, still dark. If she shifted her gaze up, she could possibly even see the stars. ( She used to love the stars. Now they just make her feel lonely and isolated. More so than she already is. ) “I mean — you were there. Through everything.” A weak shrug ripples through Cassia’s frame. “When my siblings came looking for me because I was the only one still in contact with my father.” ( A cold winter’s day, when Nik was sleeping later since it was the weekend and Dimitri was making breakfast — she remembers feeling happy and light and free, when a knock on the door shattered that whole reality right in front of her eyes — when she came face to face with her three half siblings, all sharing the same eyes; her eyes. )

“When Nik broke his arm, when he lost his first tooth. When he came home with a black eye and I near fucking lost it. We have all the same favourite memories, you know?” ( The man who made her a mother and a wife and who she’ll always love, even in the face of blinding reality. She’s stupid like that. ) “You were there. Right along side me.” Cassia rises from her own spot on the couch, away from Dimitri and towards the liquor cabinet, finally giving into her desire for some kind of strong liquor to lubricate the conversation. ( Even though she’d given up hers moments before to her ex-husband. ) She pours a section of the amber liquid into a crystal glass before throwing the drink back. She laughs wetly as the burn coats her throat, her fingers clenching around the wood of the cabinet.

“So don’t — don’t not be here, Dimitri.” The blonde turned, facing Dimitri and leaning softly against the cabinet behind her. “Whatever you’re going through, whatever you have to work out… I’m right here. And speaking from experience, it’s gonna take a lot to hurt me. So don’t be worried about that, okay?” She huffed a breath, a grim look coming over her face. "And while we’re at it — whatever you’re figuring out and while you’re figuring it out… Don’t let something happen to you. Cause if you’re gone, who’s gonna remind me of all the good times and the good memories?”

They had always shared the burden of a miserable childhood that they were in need of escape from. Dimitri had been luckier, he hadn’t suffered throughout his entire childhood the way she had. But his world had been turned upside down when his mother turned herself Strigoi. All his friends turned against him, the rest of his family turned on him and his dad. They all acted like what his mother had done was genetic, like Dimitri was now a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment. They judged him before they even knew him all because of the actions of his mother. His father might as well have turned too, because Dimitri lost the man he once loved and looked up to the same time he did his mother. His dad became a ghost of the man he once was, turning to alcohol in order to cope with the grief of losing his wife and the responsibility of raising a teenage boy alone.

Cassia had been the first person he met that didn’t judge him by his last name. He’s not sure if he ever mentioned it to her, but it was the day they first really sat down and had a lengthy conversation together that he’d felt connected to her. It was like his soul had found a home with hers, creating a certain comfort around her that remains even now. Even after he had told her the full story about his mom, she hadn’t treated him like some deadly disease that could spread or look down upon him because of it. They both understood that the actions of parents didn’t mean their children would turn out to be replicas of them {although Dimitri is certain that his drinking habit came from his father). 

He’d never met another woman like her in all his years. He’d never met someone so understanding and so strong, so complex like she is. It’s half the reason he’s never been able to stay away from her for long, always visiting for birthdays and holidays. He feels idiotic that he was unable to see that all the times he came crawling back to her regardless of circumstance, it was because of love. 

His smile both softens and widens at her response, his thumbs brushing over her hands in a comforting and affectionate gesture. She’s never made him feel unimportant in all the years he’s known her, but it still makes warmth spread through him. He watches her as her gaze turns to the window and his eyes drop to her neck and the blonde hair that falls loose against it. He fights the urge to reach out and push it back and the desire to play with the ends. “You were there for me, too.” He murmurs quietly, soft smile on his face as he watches her, squeezing her hands against when she mentions her siblings. “You’ve always supported me. Like when you encouraged me to do my business degree. And after Elizabeth...I know it wasn’t easy for you, but you were there for me anyway.” He’d taken it for granted then, had found comfort in her arms without thinking much more of it. He took what she gave willingly without thinking of what he gave in return. He just knew that he was grateful to have her in his life.

“My favourite will always be the day Nik was born. I’d never been so nervous in my life.” He laughed quietly. “You were amazing, even if I never wanted to look at a vagina again for a solid 24 hours. That was my favourite day.” He recalled it fondly, reluctant to release her hands as she stood and went to his liquor cabinet. “Also the day Nik said his first word. I still think it was rigged that he said ‘mama’ first, you definitely tricked him into it somehow. After a moment of watching her, he stands to and walks to where she stands, pouring whiskey into his own glass and piratically mirroring her in the way her throws the drink back. 

He sighs heavily as she continues talking, placing his glass down on the mantle as she does so. “You don’t get it, Cass. I can’t talk about it because...” He trails off, floundering for the words and finding none. Dimitri stares at her, letting out a breathe and becoming flustered that he doesn’t have the words to tell her how he’s feeling. He doesn’t know how to tell her, but he’s always been better with actions than words. With a huff of frustration, his hands come up to cup her cheeks and he presses his mouth against hers. 

It’s only for a few moments before he breaks away, almost in shock by what he’s just done and he’s breathless when he speaks. “I can’t talk to you because every time I see you, I want to do that.” He sums up with a sigh, hands lingering on her face a moment more before dropping to his side as a slight panic sets in. “And because I’m an idiot.” He’s spent all this time avoiding his feelings, avoiding her so that they wouldn’t show and to try and preserve their friendship. Now, he knows that it’s changed. He doesn’t know how she feels about him or if he’s just ruined the trust and security they’d built over the years. It felt silly, kissing her like he did when he knows he blew his short with her when he asked for a divorce. He’d just been unable to keep it in any longer after wanting to tell her every day that what he feels for her is stronger than anything he’s ever felt. 

[tonys-starks]

“Say that again.”

[pinksman]

I’m such an idiot.

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

There are times where Cassia truly loathes how well Dimitri can read her. Read her better than anyone else she’s ever known can — and it’s fucked. Because yeah, they’re friends now and they’re in a good place, ( she hopes ) but friends aren’t supposed to read each other that well. Friends aren’t supposed to look at each other the way she looks at him when he’s drinking his morning coffee or making her eggs. And even now, when he comes home late and drinks too much whiskey, when he leans against the fireplace when the light and the shadows hit him just right — he looks so much like that boy she knew all those years ago, when she was younger and dead set on running away from her family; she didn’t even realise she’d run right into him.

How different they are now. ( There are times when she can’t sleep and instead of allowing herself to fall asleep to the sounds of him breathing in his — formerly their — bedroom, instead she thinks about their lives. How things ended. How they are now. What they did with their lives and where did it get them, in the end? Dimitri with a daughter he didn’t know about and a son who barely acknowledged him. Her with a never-ending career and a son she couldn’t talk too. The two of them… )

And none of that wipes away the hurt they’ve caused the other, the tears shed and the pain shared — but she’s back now. She’s back and she’s here to stay and she doesn’t — she doesn’t want the two of them to be forever ruined by what once transpired. A part of her wonders if her return to Oak Pines was less because of her son and less of a desire to be around other Moroi and more for him. But she stuffs that part down into its deep, dark origins, — padlocks it and throws away the key. ( Because Cassia can’t go there, no matter how much she wants too. She got her answer about their romance, anyway, years ago when there was still a chance for the two of them — he chose Elizabeth and the woman he really loved. And God, she loved him enough to let him go. She could loved the both of them enough till he loved her back, but that wasn’t in the cards. — and Cassia learnt long ago that betting on a hand you know you’re going to lose gets nobody anywhere. )

“I haven’t gone by Moroi hours, in God — years.” Cassia snorted, shifting on the couch to somewhat face Dimitri.  “Though I won’t deny having a sensitivity to the sunlight makes all night research sessions slightly easier.”

And she looks at him — truly, deeply looks at him. Allows herself to see all the fragile broken parts that she’d previously ignored out of fear and the desire to protect the slivers of her heart that weren’t yet in his possession. ( Yet deep down, Cassia knows her heart has always been his, from day one and it will most likely, continue to be so. ) Her mouth opens, the words on the tip of her tongue, heavy and all the more hesitant. “We’re good right?” She questions, head quirking to the side, gaze none the less steady. “You and me.”

( Why the blonde feels the need to clarify who she’s talking about, specifically — she has no idea. It should be obvious who she’s talking about, here in the dark hours of the night, where whiskey coats her tongue and weighs down her bones. )

“We’re good.” Her head nods slowly, up and down, turning the words over in her mind. Trying to convince herself that living in this horror house of memories with the one man she’s only loved is fine — they’re fine and nothing is going to change that. “I don’t know — maybe I’m just being stupid, running on to little sleep, but.” Her tongue darted out, wetting her bottom lip. “I can’t help but feel like… you’re pulling away again. And I don’t want that. I want this.” Her hand gestures between them, the space that divides the couch and the fireplace. “I want us.”

( Does she mean their friendship or their romance? )

“So if I’ve done something, if I’m not wanted here anymore…” The blonde trailed off, her teeth tugging on her bottom lip. “Tell me. Don’t pull away because you don’t wanna hurt me. I’m a big girl, Dimitri. I can take it.”

He just keeps staring at her across the room, beautiful as she is and he doesn’t know how the hell he’s going to deal with all this. He doesn’t let many people in for a reason, doesn’t let them truly know who he is, but her? She knows him like the back of her hand. She can read him like nobody else can because she knew him before he stopped letting people in, back when he was a little more open and naive in a way. Usually he likes that they can just cut the bullshit and he doesn’t have to act like something he isn’t around her, but right now he wishes that she couldn’t read him. He wishes that when it came to her he wasn’t so damn transparent. He hated lying to her and acting weird like he had been, but what was he supposed to do? Tell her the truth? How could he possibly do that?

Dimitri smiles slightly at her words, lips pressed together in amusement. “You’d think a town full of Moroi would mean that all of us would be out at night, but I swear only half of us actually go by Moroi hours. Half of them end up in my club, too.” He commented before walking across the room to his liquor cabinet. He hadn’t counted on seeing her at all tonight and the only way he can keep himself from staring at her for too long and blurting something out that he’ll regret later is to have something to distract him. “You’re a really good lawyer. When we were married, you could always argue me under a table. I’m not surprised that you ended up in this line of work.” He commented idly as he filled his glass up with whiskey and took a long sip of it. Just the image of her in a court room taking down some scumbag, well...the idea of it was pretty hot and he definitely needed to get off this topic.

His eyes raise to meet hers and he licks his lips at the way she says that. You and me. It sounds right hearing them paired together with vowels and consonants and he feels bad that she has doubted this, this thing between them, but he doesn’t know what he expected  when he had started avoiding her like he has been. He doesn’t know what else he expected in response when he had asked her what was wrong, but he didn’t really expect her to be bothered so much by the distance between them when usually they’re separated by miles of land.

He feels guilty as she continues to talk about how she’s been feeling about this whole thing, this whole strategy he’s gone with in regards to his feelings toward her. “You’re not stupid.” He interrupts her at that part, shaking his head. Dimitri stares back at her as she lays the truth on him, the way she’s been feeling because of the way he’s been treating her and God, he feels bad not. All this time he’d been so caught up in his own head and his own feelings that he hadn’t stopped to consider how she’d been feeling while he had been doing his best to try and deny that he felt anything at all towards her other than friendship. He takes another long sip of his drink and closes his eyes when she says that she wants an us. It kills him because he knows that she doesn’t mean it the way he does.

Crossing the room to her, he places his glass down on the table before sitting beside her on the couch, taking both her hands in his and squeezing them gently in reassurance. “You haven’t done anything wrong, I don’t want you to think that. And I really don’t want you to think that you’re not wanted here. Honestly, having you here makes this house a lot more fun.” He laughs slightly, smiling a little before his face grows somber again. “I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I have a lot of...things that I’m trying to figure out and I’m not pulling away because I don’t want to hurt you. I just...don’t want to mess anything up with you. You’re too important to me.”

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

Cassia’s life can easily be divided up into two sections — pre-Dimitri and post-Dimitri. Pre-Dimitri she lived a quiet and lonely life. It was punctuated by moments of brief, shining happiness when her father returned home with gifts and words of love, when her mother stopped drinking long enough to make her lunch to take to school. But the bigger parts of her life, pre-Dimitri were filled with angst and heartbreak; when siblings would show up on her doorstep, younger and older, when her parents would fight until the wee hours of the morning, keeping her up and she’d spend the next day’s History class trying not to fall asleep.

Post-Dimitri, her life was so utterly different. Full of bright and shining moments of love and happiness and pure joy — and yes, it was true that their marriage had started off as something off a convenience: she wanted out, he wanted a way to protect his reputation, but it wasn’t always that for her. Somewhere down the line, she allowed herself to be immersed in everything their marriage was; from the takeout nights and bad movie sessions, to when he’d hold her hand during walks after date nights, to the night discovered she was pregnant and spent a good four hours freaking out — right down to that final kiss the day they signed the divorce papers.

And even when she was on her own again — he was never really gone. She had a little peace of him in their son, in Nik’s eyes and his nose and his laugh. He was still in her life, too, visiting for birthdays and weekends and holidays and never giving anyway any kind of inkling as to what his life was like, now that he’d left her for Elizabeth. He was gone, but not really.

As such; pre and post-Dimitri, Cassia is near two different people.

So why the hell does she feel like pre-Dimitri Cassia, when she’s clearly living that post-Dimitri life?

It all comes to a head two and a half months later and Cassia calls mutiny. She’s not doing this again. She’s not going down that road again. She likes living in Oak Pines, likes being here and close to her son and far enough away from her work that she doesn’t contemplate biting every single one of her co-workers. She likes that Dimitri is back in her life again, and maybe it’s not the way she wants him to be; but having him, just a small part of him, is better than not having him at all. She likes this life she has now — Dimitri doesn’t get to screw with that.

She’s waiting on the couch, glass half empty of whiskey when she hears his car pull up — the front door open and his footsteps reach her ears. And the thing is… she plans to say something to him, confront him on why he’s been steadily pulling away from her for the last two months or so when things have finally gotten good between them again… but one glance at his face, and some of her resolve chips away.

( She knows him, is the thing — knows him better than most will, knows him better than himself even. She knows what his childhood did to him, and now knows what Elizabeth did to him. Maybe confronting him on this is a bad idea. Maybe it’s just a funk, and not anything to do with her at all. Maybe maybe maybe. )

“Lawyers.” The blonde shrugged, shifting on the couch to full face Dimitri. “Night owls, on a good day.” Her lips pursed slightly and Cassia swirled the amber liquid around in the crystal glass, before holding it out to her ex-husband. “You want mine? Think I’ve had enough anyway.”

He stares at her, hair loose and straighter than usual, robe wrapped around her and covering her pajamas and fuck, this was exactly what he had been trying to avoid by coming home late. She was stunning like this, so casual and the picture of domesticity that he wants so badly. He’d been coming home to her like this more often than not for two months now, able to have a drink and chat with her after work and it was so nice to have someone actually interested in his day and it not being some bimbo he had picked up who was only really interested in his money. Usually it suited him fine. Then she came back into his life and it had changed everything.

Dimitri had always thought that he was not meant to love. After Elizabeth, he thought that it just wasn’t for him, that he would never be the type of man that could have the house and the kids and a wife to spend his life with. He’d spent years convincing himself that that wasn’t even something he wanted and that he was content with all the one night stands, all the nights he spent out drinking, all the times he said he could never settle down. He knew he had everyone else in this town convinced that was all he wanted, that he was content with the playboy lifestyle.

In some ways, it did suit him and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy a lot of it. But the joy was often short lived and when the girls and the booze were gone, there was only him left in a house that was too big for one person. 

It was almost ridiculous that he had lived here alone for so long, but this house had always held his best memories.

Eyes flicking to hers, he nodded his head at her offer, making his way over to her and reaching for the glass. “Sure. Hope you don’t have girl germs, though.” He teased and his fingers brushed hers, making him swallow thickly and feel like an idiot for doing  so. It shouldn’t affect him as much as it does, but he can’t stop thinking about the fact that he can’t just hold her hand. He wants to. Wants to sit beside her on that couch and wrap and arm around her shoulders and hold her hand whenever he wants to, but he can’t.

He doesn’t want to wreck what they have, so he keeps it to himself.

Raising the glass to his lips, he talk a large sip, draining half of what was left in there before she’d handed it over. “Are you sure it’s a lawyer trope, or a moroi trope? You know, ‘cause of that believe humans have that most of us ‘vampires’ sleep all day and stay up all night?” He rolled his eyes at the thought, at the stupid stereotype that humans used as entertainment. Studying her further, he could see that she was unsure about something. He could see it from the look on her face, an expression he had learned long ago back when they were a real family and not...whatever they were now.

Sighing, Dimitri downed the rest of the glass and set it down on the living room table before leaning against the fireplace and crossing his arms. “What’s up?” He asked, tone soft as he looked at her and while he would much rather be avoiding her and trying to figure out what to do with his feelings, he couldn’t just go off to bed and leave her sitting here alone when something clearly wasn’t right. “I know that face, the one you get when something’s bothering you. So what is it?”

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

Two and a half months. That's exactly how long it’s been since Cassia moved back to town, how long she’s been living with him, and exactly how long he’s been going mad for. It’s not like he dislikes having her there. She’s easy to live with really. She’s only taken up all his hot water once and aside from the fact that on occasion she leaves his kitchen in a state he doesn’t even want to think about, she’s an easy guest. At least that’s what he should think of her as, but he doesn’t. They shared this home together once, and it didn’t take long before it started to feel more like theirs than it did his. It was...nice. He’d never liked living alone and after Bryson moved out, he was left alone once again, so having her here was a comfort and he found himself happier than he had been in years. Waking up and having coffee ready for her in the mornings, being able to see the marks on the kitchen door frame where they marked Nik’s growth...his house felt like home again.

What he hadn’t been counting on was experiencing feelings for Cassia that he shouldn’t be having after all these years.

He’d never said it when they were married, but he had loved her then, even if he didn’t realize it.. He’d just loved Elizabeth more, had been blinded by what he felt for her and convinced that Cassia still saw their marriage as just one of convenience. They had their chance and he had blown it. So why, why in the hell was it now, twenty fucking years later, that he’s realized that he’s in love with his ex-wife? It had crept up on him, the realization. It had started with little things. The way she moved around his kitchen and bent over, whenever she would flick her hair, the times when she would walk near him and he was overwhelmed with her perfume. He knew he desired her still, and that want was easy to repress because he knew to make a move on her like that without feelings involved would ruin things between them. Instead of acting on it, he slept with other women and kept things platonic. Then he realized that seeing her was the best part of his day. He came to realize that seeing her smile made him do the same, that hearing her laugh could warm his heart. That he missed her if they didn’t get to see each other much that week. It was only when his best friend John brought the word ‘love’ into the equation that the pieces all clicked together and he felt like an idiot for not realizing sooner.

He’d wasted so much time denying what he felt, and now? He had no idea what to do. He’d been able to deny the part of himself that desired her sexually, but to deny that he loved her now that he knew it? He’d been trying to for weeks and he still can’t bury it deep enough to make it go away. It’s been plaguing his thoughts, even now as he made his way home from work. He’d purposefully stayed back late as he had been doing for the past week in the hope that he wouldn’t have to see her before bed, beautiful and relaxed as she always was in the evening. He hasn’t loved anyone, really loved anyone since Elizabeth, and he’s scared. Scared that he’ll get hurt again if he takes a chance, scared that it will only mess everything up between them and he’ll really lose her. When they got divorced he’d known she would be in his life still because of Nik. But Nik’s all grown up now, and she has no reason to stay.

Parking his car, he made his way into the house expecting her to be asleep, but was instead met with the sight of her on his couch. Drinking his whiskey. “Hey, I thought you would already be in bed.” He placed his wallet and phone on the table near his door way before making his way into the living room. “I was just gonna pour myself a drink and head off, myself.”

[dearmasana-deactivated20160902]

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

Looking over at Dimitri, she suddenly feels so utterly old. She suddenly feels like she’s hundreds of years older than what she is. She wonders if it’s because she feels as if she knows Dimitri but she doesn’t. Looking at him hurts, more so than it used to. Is it because he has a child with someone else and she has to share a peice of him that previously only hers? Is it because being back in this house, she’s forced to confront the peices of her past she’d long left buried? Or is it because she knows that on some level, something between them is bound to change and shift like tectonic plates, forever screwing with the dynamic they’ve somehow come to establish?

Cassia isn’t sure if she can take that, is the thing. She’s barely above float as it is, Dimitri the one constant she has in between the insanity of work and their wayward son — the one she knows she can call at 3 in the morning and he’ll be just as wide awake as she was.

“I know she isn’t worth it but.” She sighed.  “Doesn’t change the fact that she still hurt you, keeping Summer out of your life. And you, Fangs, are family. No one hurts my family.” ( It’s been years since she’s used that nickname but she feels it’s appropriate at this point. He’s family and always will be; a little morsel of their past isn’t going to hurt. ) And, Christ — she has a kid with him; that pretty much meant he was going to be in her life for till the end of their days. It was of course, how they managed to survive for twenty years, despite how intense and hard it was after the divorce. Nik was too important to fuck up and yet, somehow… they still managed to fuck him up didn’t they?

Cassia nods slowly, processing the information. Well, she mused to herself, at least Nik still had enough respect for his parents that he could keep a family secret. It still hurts somewhat, "That probably explains half his reaction. The kid always did have my stupid habit of bottling his feelings up and letting them age like fine wine before the goddamn cork pops off the bottle.” She muttered bitterly, taking a heavy sip of her Irish coffee, before setting the mug aside and crossing her arms over her chest as she levelled a look at Dimitri.  “How did Nik take it?” Lord knew she didn’t react well to finding out about her own half-siblings but — her father was infinitely more fucked up than Dimitri was. Her father didn’t care for starters, that he was fucking up a family with each sibling that showed up looking for her father. It was half the reason she was so thrilled when Dimitri came along and presented her with the proposal — she was able to get away from her family and their problems; she had a chance to make her own. ( Of course, that crashed and burned but. For a while she had her own family, and that was more than enough. ) A soft frown blooms on her features and she shifted her head, shaking a blonde peice of hair of her eyes. “How are you taking it, more to the point… and don’t pull that irritating Russian stoicism, either. This is me, — I’ve seen you eat ramen at 4am while watching Rockula, Fangs. We don’t have secrets.”

He snorts at her use of his old nickname. “You haven’t called me that in years, blondie.” He can remember their married years so clearly. So many late night sessions of eating packets and packets of ramen noodles while watching the worst vampire movies in the world. They could talk and laugh, have sex when they got bored, drank wine and simply handed the bottle back and forth. Even after Nik came along, in the first few months they had him and they barely slept, they would sit up together while trying to coax their son into sleep and do the same thing they’d done the year prior to his birth. “I’m a big boy though, Cass. I can make up my own bottles and everything.” He lifted the bottle of scotch to prove his point, refilling his coffee mug as he did so. “Though I really would kill to see you bitch slap her.”

Dimitri frowned at the thought of Nik’s reaction and he exhales loudly. “About the same as you used to when you found out you had siblings you didn’t know about. It was better after he understood though that I hadn’t known about Summer and that I wasn’t the one that abandoned that family. He was kinda in shock, don’t think he really knew how to react to that. I don’t think he really knows how to react to the whole thing. He inherited my inability to figure out feelings, obviously. I think he’s a bit excited to have a sibling though.” And Dimitri can quite easily hope that his two children will form a good relationship. He knows that things between himself and Nik are often strained, but he wants something that resembles a real family unit, even though it isn’t conventional. “I don’t act like a stereotypical Russian stoic, what are you talking about?” He muttered, rolling his eyes at her and shaking his head. He has to think on his answer though because it’s a loaded one. How is he taking it? With how much of a mess his head currently is, he’s not really sure how he feels or how he’s really processing the fact. "I wish I could change so many mistakes from twenty years ago, but I can’t. That pretty much sums up how I’m dealing with this whole thing.” He takes another sip from his mug, because even though he’s comfortable with doing so in front of her, showing his deeper feelings has never been something he’s been good at. “I’m gonna be fine. I have a daughter now and that’s not something I can be sad about. I do’t wanna be sad about it, I just want get to know her and she’s allowing me to do so.”

Setting his mug aside, he straightens up and smiles wide at her. “Come on, let me show you your room.” He doesn’t want to get deeper into the soap opera that’s playing out in his life, and he’d rather get caught up on how she is anyway. Reaching out, he takes her hand and starts pulling her back towards his stair case, only letting go so that he can take her luggage in each hand. “How’s your job? Is everyone there still being an asshole that I need to bite?” He questions conversationally, steering away from the deeper level of communication they’d been on when they had been in his kitchen. It wasn’t even 5pm yet and he’d already had enough scotch to make him tipsy. If they keep heading down that road, he’ll be a drunken mess before dinner and he has plans to cook for her.

Arriving at his spare room, he pushes the door open and walks inside, putting her bags down by her bed. “Voila! Your bedroom for however long you need it, and your own bathroom. I know that means you’ll sadly not run into me in a towel in the mornings, but we must all make sacrifices in life.” He mock pouted at her before his face split into a grin.

[wnq-writers]

Although we’ll never admit it, we can’t seem to let each other go.

pen-to-paper-bm (via the-queenbitch)

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

“Yeah, well, four years and a kid together is bound to mean some of your habits are gonna rub off on me.” She snorts half a laugh, taking another glug of the alcoholic coffee. Of course, she’s drinking for an entirely different reason to him… there’s space between them, she muses, even more so now with revelation he had a daughter with Elizabeth. For the longest time, that was something she solely owned; she was the woman to make him a father, she was the one woman who has a peice of him he wouldn’t ever give to someone else but now… now that’s all changed. It’s all changed and it hurts. God, does it hurt. What they’d had, despite the beginnings and their origins — she’d thought it could last, even more so when Nik came along. But time had proven she was just a stupid little fool, holding onto delusions of a great, all-consuming love. This whole notion — that he was a father, again, with a another woman, that she no longer had the claim to being the mother of his children? It just proves again she’s never been quite enough for anyone. ( Not even the love of her life. )

But like always, Cassia swallows her pride. Because what else can she do, really? Kick and scream and cry? She has never been that woman and well. She was a fool, yes, to think Dimitri would love her despite all odds, but she’s not an idiot. To Cassia, the two things are different — she’s a fool to still love him after all this time, but not an idiot to know he needs her, now more than ever.

“I should honestly go and find that woman and eat her.” Cassia commented. If anyone else had been in the room, they would have noted she sounded almost as if she commenting on the weather and not murder; but it wasn’t just anyone else in the room, it was Dimitri; and he’d see what her casual words were truly hiding — a burning fury to protect those she deemed family. Turning Strigoi is not a reality she plans to entertain or actually carry out, but hurting those who hurt whom she loved? It’s an attractive prospect.

“So get to know her.” She said, eyes levelling a look at him: the kind of look she used to give him in the same kitchen, years and years ago when he was being particularly stupid and everyone knew.  “The years you missed because of Elizabeth’s selfish actions will never be able to truly go away…” And she should know, given her own father walking in and out of her life whenever boredom struck, “But you can try your best to make up for it. I know you, Dimitri — ” She cuts herself off suddenly, and inhales sharply. “I know you because you let me know you. You let Summer in, let her know you? Then she’ll love you just as much as Nik does.” Just as much as I do, goes unsaid, and perhaps, that’s for the best.

“You were so pure before you married me, what have I done? I must be going to hell for all the women I’ve corrupted. Can’t say I’m sorry, though.” He raised both brows, sipping at his scotch. It;s sad to think that an alcoholic beverage is one of the only constants in his life right now. His last fling, while it wasn’t too serious, ended only a week ago. His son..well, his relationship with Nik has never been perfect, and to this day that hasn’t changed much as he wishes it would. Juni won’t even talk to him since she found out that he had known about the rest of her family that was in town. He found out that he has a daughter that he doesn’t even know, but already loves unconditionally. The only thing he’s really sure of is the fact that his club is as successful as ever and there’s always going to be another bottle of scotch when he needs it. Everyone in the town for the past five years has always poked fun at him being a sad old man, but this is the first time he’s actually felt it. 

It’s funny. Some things really are all about timing, and he really can’t think of a better time for Cassia to have walked back into his town and his life. While he’s always been reckless and impulsive, she’s grounded and composed, someone to always give him a dose of reality when he needs it most. Dimitri has never really believed that everything happens for a reason, but he can’t help but feel like them reconnecting in this way was meant to happen.

“She’s not worth it.” He remarks bitterly, jaw clenching at even the thought of her turning Strigoi. “Though if you have a cat fight while I’m not around, video it for me.” He adds flippantly, sipping again at his scotch. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Summer is angry enough at her for all three of us considering Elizabeth told her that I was the one to keep us apart rather than her. The bitch.” He’s full of bitterness and anger, emotions that he’s easily been covering with sarcasm and passive aggressiveness, but sometimes it just shines through. He’d moved past her leaving him so many years ago, but it feels like she’s played him all over again and really, she has.

He leans both elbows on the top of the counter as she talks, eyes never leaving hers and while he’s heard the same advice from his friends, hearing it from her just makes him feel better. Like everything has kind of clicked into place purely because she confirmed what he already knows. “Thanks, blondie.” Though he uses his playful nickname for her, he really does mean it sincerely. “Nik has a funny way of showing love. Which reminds me, him, Summer and I are all having dinner together in a couple of days. I asked him not to tell you about it just yet because I wanted to be the one to do it.” He doesn’t know what it is. They’ve been divorced for over twenty years, and yet the thought of her finding out that he had another child coming from anyone but him? He felt guilty even thinking about it.

[jackpearsons]

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

She sighs heavily, tipping her gaze to the ceiling. “Staying here might be easier, to be honest. Saves me money at least.” And it’d be hard, of course, staying with him but — the truth of the matter is staying in another hotel room is utterly unappealing, reminding her of the emptiness of her life, of how impermanent everything currently was with the state of her job and life. ( A fully grown son she was constantly arguing with and an ex-husband with commitment issues whom she still loved. Yeah, this was totally where Cassia pictured herself at this age. ) Her lips pursed.  “You don’t — you don’t have to talk to him. Like you said… he’s just being a stubborn kid. He’s hurt and he has a screwed up perception of love thanks to you know, yours truly.” She gestured between them; a father who had many other relationships, no mind to age and a mother still in love with a man who would most likely never come back to her. “He’ll get over it.”

A shrug and a moment later, Cassia quiets, a soft frown blooming between her brows as she wonders just where this conversation could be heading. Someone they knew hadn’t died had they? There wasn’t a Strigoi attack on their friends or on Nik or, God-forbid — him? She couldn’t fathom any of that happening…

Her head quirks, frowning turning heavier and heavier by the minute. Because of course she remembers Elizabeth — it’d be hard not to forgot the woman he truly loved, the woman he wanted to marry versus her, the woman he did so out of family out of obligation. A sharp inhale follows a moment later and she tries; tries to fight the fact that her world bottoms out at the sentences that follow. I have a daughter. Her name’s Summer. No matter how hard she tries of course, she can’t hide the look of shock and surprise on her face. She shifts from her perch and back towards the counter, picking up the scotch bottle he’d used moments before and pouring a generous amount into her own coffee. Taking a glug, she relishes the soft and slight burn as the warm and now alcoholic liquid pours it’s way down her throat.

“Well, I feel it’s firstly appropriate to say that bitch.” She scoffed and her anger falls through her quick and fast and hot. She shook her head, blinking and reeling from the knowledge. “I — a daughter. Wow.” Cassia exhaled, leaning heavily against the kitchen countertop. “How — how are you doing with all of this?” They may have been at odds sometimes but she could consistently see how much Dimitri loved their son, loved his children now it seemed. For someone else to deny him that… she felt a rage bubbling up inside of her she hadn’t felt in a very long time, perhaps, would only feel when it came to him.

His lips press together and he smiles a cheesy as hell smile at her. “You know you’re always welcome here, my home is your home until you find a place. I just hope you know that if you take up all the hot water and take all my blood bags from the fridge, I will have to kill you.” Dimitri teased her with a casual shrug of his shoulder as he took another sip of his coffee. In truth, it could get quite lonely knowing that he would always come home to an empty house. Even when he had girls over and they spent a night in his bed, it was only a temporary fix to the real problem. His jaw clenches at her words and it’s a sobering thought, that their son struggled so much with love because the two of them didn’t make things work. It’s entirely his fault though, and Dimitri will easily accept the blame for tearing their family apart because he was stupid enough to fall in love with someone else. Someone he never even got a future with. “Yes I do. We may not have been able to teach him much about love, but I was pretty sure I at least taught him to respect his mother.” 

A snort escapes him when she goes straight for the scotch bottle and he can’t say he blames her. “I don’t know if you were trying to recreate my reaction or not, but that was pretty spot on.” His voice drips with enthusiasm despite the fact that he feels anything about happy about the whole thing. He notes her change in expressed when he had mentioned Elizabeth and he hadn’t realized that all that had happened still affected her like that. He shouldn’t really be surprised, though. They used to have something so good together. That perfect domestic life, a nice little family. They were a close unit, like a well oiled machine that ran smoothly without any prompting. The sex had always been amazing too. A part of him had loved her despite the fact that he hadn’t married her for that reason, and a part of him always will. But at the time, he loved Elizabeth more and it’s something he’s come to regret in the years gone by. 

“Yep, that was what I said when I confronted her about it.” That conversation had been extremely ugly. They’d fought, screamed at each other and at one point he even cried, overcome with the fact that not only did he have a daughter, but he’d missed her entire childhood, the most important years of her life. “Honestly, I don;t know. She’s a great girl, but I don’t know her. She’s my daughter and I don’t even know what makes her tick.” He lets out a long sigh, shaking his head in bitter disappointment. Summer knows now that he hadn’t chose to abandon her, hadn’t even known of her existence, but that will never change the fact that he hadn’t been there for her throughout her childhood. 

He took a long sip of coffee before taking the scotch bottle and filling the rest of the cup with it. “I’m mad as hell, but hey, at least I have scotch.” He grinned wide and clinked his mug against Cassia’s before taking another swig.

[mitridragomir-blog]

( CASSIA. )

She thought it’d be a lot easier than it was, is the thing. She thought she’d be able to handle it - being around him again, being in close proximity and in the same town for an extended period of time. Birthdays and holidays were easy. But this? This was a whole other level, a level that Cassia wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with. Because when she wasn’t in town, wasn’t in Oak Pines, she could pretend that those flutterings in her heart weren’t about Dimitri, and just nostalgia for a previous, easier life. She could pretend that her desire to share all parts of her life with him were just because he was one of her closest friends, still after all these years, and not because he was the only one she wanted to tell about her day.

God. She’s the worst ex-wife, ever. No question about it.

“Coffee is fine,” She replied, smiling slightly before trailing behind him towards the kitchen. Cassia stopped a moment later, merely leaning in the doorway, and watching as he puttered around before shaking her head. It’s so domestic, so much like the life they used to share, and it sends a pang to her heart. They almost had everything - but that was the thing wasn’t it? They were an almost, an almost everything, almost in love, almost that picture of perfect, happy family. Almost almost almost. The almost hurt as much as their ending did, and well - that nearly destroyed her once upon a time.

“Woah there ducky, relax. Give a girl a chance to breathe before interrogating her, alright?” She grinned, arms crossing over her chest before she moved from the doorway and towards the coffee pot, easily taking a mug from the top cabinet and pouring herself a cup of coffee. “The trip in was fine. Not as much traffic as I expected, which is a positive I suppose. But then again, I suppose I’m just used to driving everywhere else in DC so, this is easy.” She stirred to two sugars into the black coffee - taking it the same way she did all those years ago, and still does now.

“I’ll be staying at the little B&B on the coast, probably.” She shrugged. “Depends if they have room, of course, but that seems like the most logical choice.” Taking a sip of the brew, she mulled the warm and velvet taste before glancing away from Dimitri, a sour looking blooming on her face. “Nik, well - that of course depends on whether or not he wants to see me.” She snorted bitterly. “We had a fight the other week.” A stupid fight it was, of course, but a fight none the less. “About that art fellowship graduate program he wants to complete in Europe?” She glanced back at her ex-husband. “I told him that taking off to another continent just to avoid his break-up wasn’t a sound idea and that historically, it doesn’t work, and he said things and I said things and we haven’t spoken.” Cassia scoffed. “What is with you Dragomir men and being absolute nightmares to deal with?” The words sounded bitter, but they were softened by the teasing smirk on Cassia’s lips.

He pours some cream into his coffee, two sugars as well. For a vampire, he’s always had an odd weakness for something sweet. Screwing off the top of a scotch bottle, he adds a capfull of that as well. It’s the afternoon, a perfectly acceptable time to be drinking, and far from the earliest he had ever started drinking. It’s so nice, having her in his kitchen, having a coffee with him as if this was something they did on a regular basis. Suddenly, he was having flashbacks to a time twenty odd years ago when this used to be their lives on a daily basis. Moving around each other in the kitchen, doing their own thing while somehow acting together as well. Dimitri takes a moment just to lean against his counter top and smile, raising his mug to his lips to take a sip. 

“Hardly interrogation when there were only three questions. I think there has to be at least four to be considered so.” He quipped in return with a quirk of his brow. “This is easy for you? Really? Do you know what it’s like having drivers in this town that are immortal or are hard to kill? No one knows how to chill when they’re driving, everyone speeds. Driving in this town is usually a nightmare." He scoffs, shaking his head as he takes another sip of coffee. “If they don’t have any room, you could always stay with me. My spare room is currently available and way cheaper than a hotel.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at the mention of Nik being dramatic once again. It shouldn’t really be a surprise seeing as he’s Dimitri’s son, but some times he just can’t understand what’s going through his sons mind. “He fought with you? You’d think that by now he would know better. He should have taken my advice and had a cry, then get drunk, cleanse his palette with a one night stand and then work through it. It’s so much easier.” He emphasized, as if it was the most logical thing in the world to do. “Don’t blame me, he got his stubbornness from you.” He teased in return, pointing his finger at her before smiling. “I never went jet setting to a different continent just to get over a break up. Regardless, I’ll have a chat with him about it and see if I can get him to see reason.” Especially seeing as the fact that he had argued with Cassia was something that irked him. 

Taking a much larger gulp of his coffee, he set his mug aside and inhaled deeply. “So, I kinda have some news that I didn’t really want to share over the phone.” He starts off tentatively, a little bit nervous to tell her about Summer. “You remember Elizabeth, the woman I was supposed to marry?” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “Turns out she was pregnant when she left and that I have a daughter. Her name’s Summer.” His smile was half-hearted and he leaned back against the counter again. “She came and found me a couple of weeks ago, was apparently told that I was the one who abandoned her. So, that’s been a thing.”