Mizzy_xxx

18| lesbian she/her I love fan fiction and Erin Kelly man

[wanderyeyes]

a case study ,, pulled out of my deepest nightmares

if you disagree ill eat your fingernails

important to note im at s2 e5

[mizmog]

GANG! AU DRUG DEALER JIMMY INK X F! READER

Summary:normality can be reassuring for change, especially when you want it more than anything else. Maybe it doesn’t feel right because it’s new, but missing part of your past can cause it to come back, but not in the way you might’ve thought.

Chapter 7: Mums the word

To say time had gone slowly would be an under exaggeration, three weeks and I felt years taken off my soul. Life experience, as my mum would tell me, when you’re in your teenage years is always a shock to experience, shock didn’t even touch the sides of what I was feeling. To say that every event that had occurred within the last month hadn’t fried my nervous system would just be plain and simple denial. The aching restlessness that I had once felt sitting in my room staring at my uni application was distilled into a light fizzing; which was as fair of a statement to make as a hypothesis on jimmy crystals schizophrenia. Focusing on myself for a while felt odd, not feeling concerned whether someone you cared about had been nicked by the police in the middle of the night or was lusting after other people or worse was lying on a bathroom floor alone covered in blood after an act of charity, overdosing on the substance of choice.

I had spent a lot of my time in between seeing Kelly with these similar thoughts replaying before I managed to fall asleep at night. She took up a lot of my head, especially my delusions of how I thought the rest of our time together would play out. Becoming closer with the other jimmies including being in the favour of the sir lord himself, being taken out to places with more class than I was used to while Kelly paid with a wad of rolled cash, sneaking away during movie nights parties and her meeting my mum; maybe them even getting along. The thought of almost having that kind of relationship with Kelly made me stir if I thought about it too long, no longer bringing me the same rush of excitement as it did before, as I now knew the price of it. Relentless abuse from jimmy crystal, being forced to work around drugs with an addictive personality, performing charity on people and having to pretend to like it, having the constant paranoia or rival gangs, police and my mums worry. It was no way to live. It was an insult to everything my mum had built to support me by herself through her own hard work and sacrifice; sacrifice I know for a fact was never apparent in the care of jimmy crystal.

I had returned to my home in the early hours of the Saturday morning after my drive with jimmy ink, I had spent a whole week off school, convincing my mum I was sick through some slightly manipulative phone calls of faux coughing. The swelling around my eye had gone down completely and I had a yellow hue that mixed with a dark brown that caressed the curve of my eye bag where the stone of Crystal’s ring had smashed into my face. The cut on my cheek was merely a scrape of a fingernail while washing my face and therefore raised no further questions from my mum. Spending most of my time with Rose’s mum as she worked from home gave me a trusted source of confinement, a trusted adult if you may. She let me give Rose a break from hearing about my inner monologue and gave me a reason to let someone else do the talking, through her own stories of nights out gone wrong ex boyfriends who were too heavy handed for their own good and kids like shite and ink who had grown up too vulnerable and were taken advantage of by nefarious adults gave me an odd comfort that I’m not the first person to get it wrong, no matter how dire the situation may be.

She not only made me feel less alone but less idiotic for my choices and gave me the realisation I truly didn’t know anything about ink apart from her name; Kelly. When voicing this to Rebecca, Rose’s mum, she simply smirked at me from the side knowingly as she wiped the kitchen counter to get rid of the crumbs caused from buttering the crispy bread, “Sounds like you two explored each other more than you realise, you know it was always going to be harder to go back to getting to know each other after you have sex, you can’t go back to holding hands once that step is taken.”

She placed a piece of toast with jam spread evenly in front of me as well as a cup of tea, tiny bit of milk and one sugar, “We’ll never get to know each other anymore as long as I don’t work for jimmy crystal, plus I made my decision I’m sure I’ll never see her again anyway.”

She laughed lightly as she made her way to her own seat, the customer service page glaring into her glasses from her company laptop, “I wouldn’t be so sure that’s a bad thing,” Rebecca caressed the underside of her eye before fixing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, “it’s a small part of the city out of the way of your house jimmy runs so you have nothing to be concerned about, in terms of bumping into your new friends that is.”

I had tried to hide the disappointment on my face, but I could be read like a book, what Becca said was true, on the days I did manage to leave the security of the current residents not a gold chain, adidas tracksuit or pungent fume of green was smelt. Even so, the lingering feeling of eyes never left me.

More specifically at sixth form, I had heard whispers of my attendance at the house of jimmy crystal along with the names that went along with the information, slag, cokehead, smackhead, just like her dad and a plethora of abbreviations of said adjectives. They only made me roll my eyes never one to snap the getting back into routine made me miss the adrenaline rush of being around the jimmies. Sixth form felt like watching paint dry and none of my subjects seemed to be interesting enough to pay attention to the content. On top of many of the others, I had lied to my mum that I had gotten a part time job at a local café when in reality I would just walk around for hours, going up and down every side alleyway and usually ended up at the beach, ignoring the car park and swimming centre as I pass it. I couldn’t be home, but I didn’t want to do anything too careless or trapping. Sitting with myself I tried to convince myself I had done the right thing. I mean, I had. But I didn’t feel like I did. I was completely selfish in my decision making, no doubt about it but my head did all the decision making, I had left out my heart completely. We never dated, held hands, met each other’s parents but those few hours together, the passion the hate the feeling that wasn’t quite love but was more than a fondness for each other. It was a break from isolation, celibacy it was a night of sin, but it was pure.

Walking past my mum’s car I turn into my front porch, reaching for my keys from my bag as I go over my scripted lines for when my mum asks about my “shift” at work. As I open the door to my house, I hear my mums voice along with another I don’t recognise slow, deep, calm. My brows furrow with confusion, just as I attempt to make out the conversation being had my body freezes at the sight of my mum. The man sitting opposite her has a presence of authority, the type I had learnt in my psychology class, the type of authority that required a uniform an identity that forced conformity to abide by the rules and not step out of line out of fear of the reinforcement, similar to the severity of jimmy crystal but the sense of professionalism and education jimmy crystal would confuse with a smite on old nicks new world of sin. But that didn’t scare me into straightening my spine, fixing my posture into embodying the stature of innocence, my mums face as it met mine allowed me to read the room before I stepped into the threshold into the kitchen. It read as follows; you lied to me, and now I know. It was the exact face she pulled before each time she called me by my full name, putting me into my social role as her child, no matter what the law stated of my age, I was her baby, her world, she was the one to teach me how to behave and I had royally fucked up. The glint of disappointment pulled at my heart as I walked closer to the two adults at the kitchen table. The man turned in my direction at my slowly revealed presence, he was in a suit and tie but had not taken off his black trench coat, his countenance evidently senior as his face folded with joyous memories tiring days and the calm he brought in the storm gave him a trusting almost gentle aura.

“Hey mum, what’s goin-“

“R/N sit down.” My mum was quick to cut off my attempt at false pleasantries to try ease the tension between her brows.

Facing defeat, I take the seat at the end of the table the adults either side of me with a cup of tea each that still seemed to be steaming hot, I realised I had kept being put in this position, at the end of the table. Both times now I had felt I was being put on trial, the first time I was oblivious to it given the new environment, but though this was my domain and I was certain I was still being interrogated by a stranger, a threat. My guard was up.

“Hello r/n I’m Detective Kelson, but you can call me Ian. There has come about some safeguarding concerns reported by your school and wanted to talk to you and your mum about providing support in this type of situation.” His calm demeanour freaks me out, but his words confuse me my school? This detail makes my brows furrow as I snap my head in my mum’s direction, I see a glint of hope in her eyes at my genuine confusion, but it doesn’t stay long as she keeps her hard demeanour.

“My sixth form? What would They have concerns about? What do you mean support for this type of situation?” I tried hard to remain calm, but my voice was shaky and uncertain as well as incredibly defensive for someone trying to play innocent.

“Due to reports made on your recent involvement with a particular group of individuals, criminal individuals, you may refer to them as the “jimmies” ran by a “jimmy crystal” notorious for praying on young individuals from rough backgrounds,” he glances towards my mum cautiously at his last words but I refuse to look in her direction focusing on the detective in front of me my heart pounding in my mouth as I try not to react as he continues, “the severity of the crimes committed by the self-proclaimed “jimmies” has been on my departments radar for the last four years.”

His warm eyes freeze on my demeanour as I struggle to release a breath. My mind simply swirls in intrusive visions of being placed in handcuffs and into a police van. I’m basically an accomplice, right? He’s going to think I’ve started working for jimmy crystal. My mums going to disown me. Kelly.

“I assume you know who I’m referring to and I would just like to assure you, unless you have actively worked for jimmy crystals drug operation, contributed to the assault battery or murdered another civilian or helped cover up a crime which would make you an accomplice, you are not in any sort of trouble. I am not here to ruin your chances of living your life as it is, I am here to help,” His words give me comfort as well as everyone else at the table, at his clarification my shoulders relax slightly but not completely as I could feel further explanation into this house visit than to steer me onto the right path, I finally look at my mum who seems to reflect my hesitation to relax, god I’m so sorry mum, “As well as preventing any further involvement, I have a proposition, an opportunity that you could help me with my investigation to gather further information on the drugs operation being ran distributed and sold through the group.” There it is.

My hands hold my face as I prop my elbows on the wooden table, I knew there would be more to this that I wasn’t prepared for, it felt like every part of my life for the last month had been brought into the light, ripping at every selfish and progressive rot of my own dignity was in full view and I couldn’t cover it up. I breathe in and out deeply in an attempt to calm my heart racing out of my chest. My options were disgusting to even think about, either I have a life of dealing with the jimmies decreasing my mortality rate to five years or I have a target on my back from working with the police and die surrounded by jimmies anyway. I couldn’t do this to myself any longer but at what cost, me and my livelihood, rose, my mum?

I lift my head at the sudden feeling of a hand on my shoulder; I look up slowly to see the soft touch comes from the one person who I had let down more than myself. There was so much I hadn’t said, so much my mum still didn’t know and yet she was there to make me feel less alone. The affectionate gesture caused me to burst into tears; the explosion of emotion was so sudden I could see detective Ian jump slightly in my peripheral vision. He was gentlemanly enough to offer a small square handkerchief which I took without hesitation. As I moved the cloth sound my eyes, the layers of makeup wiped away, revealing the façade and the bruising behind it.

“Oh my god.” My mums hand retracts to cover her mouth in horror at the obvious signs of an assault. The detective shifted in his seat brow curved with an equal amount of concern; he didn’t need to ask it was obvious what had happened.

“R/n why would you hide this from me, I could’ve protected you it’s my job,” the stress on every word turns my stomach even more so as she continued to direct her concern to detective kelson, “can we press charges?”

“NO..no mum we can’t.” I plead with her my heart pounding in my chest at the thought of the repercussions of snitching on any of the jimmies especially jimmy crystal.

“What do you mean no r/n? do you think I’m going to let some girl you’re seeing put her hands on you? God don’t be stupid I raised you better th- “

“It wasn’t a girl! Mum it-” tears choke me and leave me breathless, the fact she knew I was seeing jimmy ink passed right by me as all that was hidden had been brought to light, every occasion that had left me distraught, that I kept from my own creator now had to burden her. The fear of revealing it to someone who had it out for the girl I couldn’t get out of my head made me a traitor by default, paranoia was full blown consuming my being, I was trapped and would be hung drawn and quartered if jimmy crystal found out kelson was even here.

“R/n who/what caused that bruise?” kelson interjected at the pause caused by the silence of shock that radiated off my mum. Taking a deep breathe I look up to blink away any excess tears in my eyes.

“It was jimmy crystal,” the sudden movement of my mum standing up made me jump as she made her way towards the kettle to make another tea, a sign that the conversation would not be over for a while; filling me with a deeper sense of dread, “I mouthed off to him after a party, he was on a come down from whatever he had taken and threw me like a ragdoll.”  a silent sob of pure despair broke my flow, making my head spin, my mum had her back turned away from the conversation towards the kitchen counter, shoulders caved in on herself for support, fuck.

Kelson nodded understandingly at my words, “how did you get invited to jimmy’s house?” he asked cautiously as if I was break into a million pieces at the further questioning.

I narrow my eyes at him anger bubbling inside of my core, “you do realise that by you being here you’re putting me and my mum at risk? If they find out I’ve even spoke to you what they’ll do? I was fine. I handled it myself. It was over. I rejected his job offer and I can’t see Kelly again, and that’s it no-”

“R/N R/L/N. first, lower your voice and show detective kelson respect; he’s only here to help get you out of this mess. Second, what do you mean “rejected his job offer”? you were around them that much? How long have you been around these people?” the pain in her voice was clear even though I knew she was trying to hide it to balance my uncontrollable crying.

“it’s okay Mrs r/l/n it’s understandable to be worried in this type of situation,” his calm demeanour gave me a pang of guilt at how I spoke to him he really was in the right profession, “if you would like me to leave and not answer any more questions we can stop here that is completely up to you, you seem like a rational young adult r/n I know that no matter what you decide to do you’ll make the right choice.”

I fiddle with my hair as I look down. The mention of making right choices make me squirm, after all wasn’t I here in the first place because of making the wrong ones again and again? Worst of all, through all this, I wanted to talk to ink. Tell her what was happening tell her to come get me and I would say yes to jimmy crystal so we could be together for a little while. That was just one of the twenty other thoughts in my head. I wanted to play double agent and help detective kelson out of spite of being bashed around by the sir lord. I wanted to stay in my room for the rest of my life and never leave. I wanted to beg my mum for forgiveness. I wanted to go to a church and confess everything I had seen been apart of and done, the lust the rage and the greed.

Tears rolled down my cheeks for the millionth time in the past month and a half. I looked at my mum who was waiting for my answer, the anger no longer reaching her blotchy eyes as she tries to fine her little girl she once knew. I shake my head as I find the eyes of the detective.

“No, I’m sorry, I’ll tell you. It started when rose was speaking to this lad Micheal, he invited us to a house party, made it seem like it was his gaff-“

I talked and told every detail for over an hour; it was prolonged due to crying and my mum interjecting her own questions which she had every right to do. I spared the intimacy details, but I shared my feelings for jimmy ink, kelson seemed genuinely surprised but indifferent he must’ve delt with thousands of drug dealer spouses. I told them about helping ink out during the car chase, the lad who had groped me at the first party, ink knowing details I was yet to tell her, the only way jimmy crystal was going to let me see jimmy ink was by working for him and most importantly old nick. Kelson had asked again about his proposition, but I didn’t give him a definite answer, he left his card with his contact information written in prestigious font which I accepted more so for my mum’s sake. I was scared, it felt like I fell down a rabbit hole and there was no way out, both of my options made me shiver in a cold sweat as both came with a warning or more like a death wish.

Me and my mum had moved to the living room and after half an hour of criticising my evidently poor decision making, she had taken my fantasy and forced the reality on me. Only me, myself and I have put me my mum and my quality of life in danger but me. Jimmy ink did not care for me the way I thought about her, she didn’t see me as a person but a means to an end. We gradually started to have a heart; our favourite show on as background noise. She was disappointed but relieved I had come clean, she was furious to the point of understanding, “Half of this is my fault, you’re half of me and half your dad, you were bound to fall for someone like her sooner or later.” My shoulder moved against her arms wrapped around me as I laughed at her attempt to make me feel less stupid in my life choices.

“I still can’t stop thinking about her and I feel like an idiot; the only girl I’ve been with in months and she’s like…her.” I confess, feeling lighter as the words leave my mouth.

“I know baby, you have my personality; you love with all of yourself, you’re not built for casual, you love until your love runs out. Even if she doesn’t put you first, you won’t let go easily,” Her words feed my soul, and cut me at the same time and I nuzzle into her hold which doesn’t last long as she moves me away, standing up, “I’m going to bed Hun, we’ll talk more in the morning, try get some sleep I love you, goodnight.” She kisses my forehead as she walks away from the couch and out the living room door.

“Love you, goodnight.” I call after her.

The clouded moonlight peered through the blinds, spilling onto the carpet and my legs hanging over the arm of the couch I was split in two; half of me was watching, though watching was more of a blank stare that allowed me to recognise words and shapes, characters keep their secret affection away from each other even though its blatantly obvious to everyone around them, and the other half of me wondered. If I could do it all again would I do it the same? Do I change sides and give in to detective kelsons proposal? Am I going to get myself killed either way? Do I just go back to being in a dark room void of affection attention lust attraction?

I refrain from messaging rose through my spiral mainly out of fear. By my understanding from what she told me, her and shite were on track to going some form of unstable steady. I couldn’t risk blowing myself up when there was no need to. I wondered what she was telling him, if she was complaining of the way I was acting how she talked shit on every guy she was going out with. What scared me was that it had been a week and so far, she wasn’t pissed off with him. That was unusual for rose, I knew I wasn’t one to talk considering my situation, but it usually meant that she actually likes him, which never ends well. A pang of guilt reaches my chest as the realisation hits me, yet again another consequence to my actions, another person in harms way because of me. The one time I choose selfishness, and I’ve quite literally destroyed my life as well as endangering my support my unconditional love and my home. Tears well up in my eyes as I sit up holding my knees to my chest as I use my cotton sleeve to wipe my face from the moisture.

To say regret filled every crevice of my being was an under exaggeration. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, like my body was made of cogs and wheels that had rusted through exposure to my environment. Since I had met jimmy ink, I had this overwhelming sense that I was being watched, not in a powers that be sort of way but just that I had eyes on me, stalking, staring, all the time. As well as this feelings of impending doom shortly followed, like clockwork one right after the other. I felt it when I was alone at the beach, in the walls of Rose’s bedroom, taking a shower, walking through the gates of sixth form and right now. The urge to look around me was imminent, the feeling of an ominous glare snapped me out of my daze as I look around the room peaking through the crack in the living room door, where every horror movie jump scare occurs, nothing. My eyes dart to the mirror in the corner wall that faced out into the hallway and the stairs, it was dark but not to the point that I wouldn’t see a figure if it were there, but it wasn’t. Shaking my heads lightly as I turn my attention back towards the blaring tv screen. Suddenly my heart is in my throat as I see a figure pop out in window out of my peripheral vision, snapping my head as my body reflexes forcing me up out of my seat to come face to face with the glare that disrupted my peace, my nostrils flexed open to allow my air into my lungs that had been robbed by shock. As my brain registers the shape in front of me, my shoulders slant in a more relaxed state, the figure dressed in a blue tracksuit with platinum blonde hair peered through the glass with her hands cupping either side of her eyes to block out any shadows, to not distract her vision, like a lion to a lamb. Jimmima. Her smile wide, freakishly so, almost uncanny like she was in on a joke I wasn’t. I cautiously take a step closer to the window opening the curtains more as I reach the window, I didn’t trust she was alone and the way she was smiling had set me on edge more than my initial adrenaline had. The situation was completely ambiguous the separation of the glass brought a healthy barrier but made it uneasy, it was a question of who was out looking in and who was trapped being watched. I open the top window which caused her to step back slightly her arms moved to her side like she was being held to attention, her smile not faltering once.

“What the fuck Jimmima? What are you doing here, you scared the shit out of me.” The irritation was clear in my tone, but she didn’t seem bothered by it.

“Oh, don’t be a little bitch! come on, come out and play!!,” she motioned for me to leave through the front door her excitable energy rang every alarm in my head that something wasn’t right, she smelt my hesitation through the glass, “Inks in the car, we snuck away because sir lord got fucking smashed and he’s passed the fuck out.”

her attempt to lure me out of my house would’ve fallen on deaf ears if it wasn’t for the mention of ink. Her smile somehow widened as she watched my interest peak and she disappeared from my view towards the front of the house. Every part of my brain told me not to, something felt off, it’s clear if Jimmima had any interest in pushing for me and inks relationship then I would understand the excitement, but the way she moved suggested some sort of personal gain, as if ink had promised to share me if she helped her. A chill ran down my spine that triggered my movement out of my living room, as I enter the hall I see the blue outline through the obscure glass. I felt like the girl in a slasher film, the one that follows the noise in the dark, the one that gets herself killed in the first ten minutes, the one that everyone screams common sense at to run away call the police and calls a dumb bitch. I felt myself doing the same thing as I unlocked the door, feeling the resistance of the key, taking a breath I open the door. Jimmima’s smile looked like it had dropped in anticipation but quickly returned at my appearance through the threshold. I look out into the street and see the familiar shot-in side of the Mercedes ink had picked me up in. through the blue glow of the LED lights I see ink staring at me, her freckled face almost looked uncomfortable, until a sudden switch in her demeanour and she smiled.

Jimmima motions for the car and bows lowly “Your carriage awaits, princess.” An array of giggles exceeded her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. I would’ve gone along excitedly, like normal teenage girls who were sneaking out to go on a drive, listen to music and maybe stop at a drive through. But something caught my eye as we moved forward, closer to the driver’s side, there was someone in the passenger seat. That’s when I stopped dead in my tracks, faced with those rotten teeth smiling devilishly in my direction, that disgusting purple velour tracksuit that always had an aroma of sweat and weed. Ink was no longer looking at me, her smile a distant memory, her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly; her refusal to turn to face me brought a delight to jimmy crystals eyes, it scared me to distraction; so much so, I barely noticed it at first. He was pointing a gun to her head; the same gun I had seen him place on the table in that dingy dirty little room where we had our first introductions. I felt my knees go weak as my heartbeat increased in pace, I may as well be dead already. That screaming feeling I had when Jimmima first jumped out returned but this time it was deafening.

The sir lord’s eyes moved from me, to behind me. His smile disappeared as he spoke something to ink, something I couldn’t quite make out but it made her grimace and finally look back at me. I squirmed under their collective eye; I managed to choke out a moment of realisation.

“No...” I felt tears well up in my eye ducts, but I had no time for tears and I knew that. If he was so easy to threaten his own, I couldn’t even, no, I didn’t want to imagine what he wanted to do with me.

In a moment of courage, I flung myself out of Jimmimas surprisingly strong grip; kicking her stomach as I did. Turning around my plan was to rush inside, lock the door call out for my mum and call the detective, his card was still on the kitchen table I could make it within ten seconds of locking the door, fifteen to dial and call the number. However, like most decisions made in the recent month, I was far from in control and far too naïve to realise the extent and severity of the situation I had been left in. As I faced the front of my house, I hesitated to move forward, Shite Fox and Jimmy Jimmy on either side of my front porch. You have got to be fucking kidding me. They all looked at me the same. Rage vengeful, shite more than any of the others specifically looked like he wanted to rip my head clean off my shoulders. The hesitation allowed for Jimmima to pounce on my back, within my struggle to shove her off me I hear the driver window rolling down.

“GET HER NOW.” I recognised the Scottish anger any day. He was the commander and they were his soldiers and therefore did exactly what he told them too.

I tried to scream but before I knew it my legs were picked up as that familiar lanky structure held my head in a head lock, this time covering my mouth. A punch to the gut and an elbow to my side made me limp, easier to carry, bringing tears to my eyes and a small whimper to leave my mouth. I continued freaking out, struggling hard and squirming at the hands grabbing at me; my vision darkening with cloth covering my eyes as I hear giggles, sinister laughs and continuous taunting.

“Did you think you could nip away ya daft cunt?”

“Aww look at the little baby, crying for ya mummy are ya?”

“STOP fucking SQUIRMIN’”

“Bagsy first on charity!!!”

“FINGERS GET HER IN THE FUCKIN CAR!”

“SHE FUCKIN’ BIT ME”

I almost laughed at the last one as I brought my teeth around shite’s finger as hard as I could, but the joke was really on me as the boot of the car opened and I was shoved inside with multiple kicks to my stomach, side and one to my face which caused my shrieking and cries out to halt as my face tingled with a numbness that knocked my whole body into a state of shock. Warm liquid travels down my lips, which is shortly followed by another warm liquid hitting my face, thicker gooier. Someone added the cherry on top by spitting in my face.

“Nighty night you little rat.” SLAM I feel the vehicle around me sway at the impact of the boot of the car being shut, the last word, I assumed spoken by fox due to the Welsh tinge of his words, made my ears ring more than they already were. My darkened world spun around me as I clinged on to consciousness feeling the hum of the engine start, lulling me into a false protective state, I was slowly losing the battle of light but still managed to form a line of conscious thoughts before I was fully submerged into the dark. Detective Kelson, today, my mum, the front doors open, Rose, Kelly, he has a gun, night night rat, charity.

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READERS NOTE: OH THE DRAMA!! thank you so much for your patience it means the world!! also lock in because next chapter is gonna be messy and slutty asf! also thank you so much for all the support it really keeps me motivated to write faster even if it doesnt seem it LMAO!! love ya MWAH!!💋💋

tags: @s1ut4adamstanheight @lovesexdreamm @alwaysathoughtdaughter @gaydacity

[wanderyeyes]

i had visions, nightmares even

[wanderyeyes]

the nightmares got me again, but this time its inkmima...

hi guyss...

[mizmog]

GANG! AU DRUG DEALER JIMMY INK X F! READER

Summary:normality can be reassuring for change, especially when you want it more than anything else. Maybe it doesn’t feel right because it’s new, but missing part of your past can cause it to come back, but not in the way you might’ve thought.

Chapter 7: Mums the word

To say time had gone slowly would be an under exaggeration, three weeks and I felt years taken off my soul. Life experience, as my mum would tell me, when you’re in your teenage years is always a shock to experience, shock didn’t even touch the sides of what I was feeling. To say that every event that had occurred within the last month hadn’t fried my nervous system would just be plain and simple denial. The aching restlessness that I had once felt sitting in my room staring at my uni application was distilled into a light fizzing; which was as fair of a statement to make as a hypothesis on jimmy crystals schizophrenia. Focusing on myself for a while felt odd, not feeling concerned whether someone you cared about had been nicked by the police in the middle of the night or was lusting after other people or worse was lying on a bathroom floor alone covered in blood after an act of charity, overdosing on the substance of choice.

I had spent a lot of my time in between seeing Kelly with these similar thoughts replaying before I managed to fall asleep at night. She took up a lot of my head, especially my delusions of how I thought the rest of our time together would play out. Becoming closer with the other jimmies including being in the favour of the sir lord himself, being taken out to places with more class than I was used to while Kelly paid with a wad of rolled cash, sneaking away during movie nights parties and her meeting my mum; maybe them even getting along. The thought of almost having that kind of relationship with Kelly made me stir if I thought about it too long, no longer bringing me the same rush of excitement as it did before, as I now knew the price of it. Relentless abuse from jimmy crystal, being forced to work around drugs with an addictive personality, performing charity on people and having to pretend to like it, having the constant paranoia or rival gangs, police and my mums worry. It was no way to live. It was an insult to everything my mum had built to support me by herself through her own hard work and sacrifice; sacrifice I know for a fact was never apparent in the care of jimmy crystal.

I had returned to my home in the early hours of the Saturday morning after my drive with jimmy ink, I had spent a whole week off school, convincing my mum I was sick through some slightly manipulative phone calls of faux coughing. The swelling around my eye had gone down completely and I had a yellow hue that mixed with a dark brown that caressed the curve of my eye bag where the stone of Crystal’s ring had smashed into my face. The cut on my cheek was merely a scrape of a fingernail while washing my face and therefore raised no further questions from my mum. Spending most of my time with Rose’s mum as she worked from home gave me a trusted source of confinement, a trusted adult if you may. She let me give Rose a break from hearing about my inner monologue and gave me a reason to let someone else do the talking, through her own stories of nights out gone wrong ex boyfriends who were too heavy handed for their own good and kids like shite and ink who had grown up too vulnerable and were taken advantage of by nefarious adults gave me an odd comfort that I’m not the first person to get it wrong, no matter how dire the situation may be.

She not only made me feel less alone but less idiotic for my choices and gave me the realisation I truly didn’t know anything about ink apart from her name; Kelly. When voicing this to Rebecca, Rose’s mum, she simply smirked at me from the side knowingly as she wiped the kitchen counter to get rid of the crumbs caused from buttering the crispy bread, “Sounds like you two explored each other more than you realise, you know it was always going to be harder to go back to getting to know each other after you have sex, you can’t go back to holding hands once that step is taken.”

She placed a piece of toast with jam spread evenly in front of me as well as a cup of tea, tiny bit of milk and one sugar, “We’ll never get to know each other anymore as long as I don’t work for jimmy crystal, plus I made my decision I’m sure I’ll never see her again anyway.”

She laughed lightly as she made her way to her own seat, the customer service page glaring into her glasses from her company laptop, “I wouldn’t be so sure that’s a bad thing,” Rebecca caressed the underside of her eye before fixing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, “it’s a small part of the city out of the way of your house jimmy runs so you have nothing to be concerned about, in terms of bumping into your new friends that is.”

I had tried to hide the disappointment on my face, but I could be read like a book, what Becca said was true, on the days I did manage to leave the security of the current residents not a gold chain, adidas tracksuit or pungent fume of green was smelt. Even so, the lingering feeling of eyes never left me.

More specifically at sixth form, I had heard whispers of my attendance at the house of jimmy crystal along with the names that went along with the information, slag, cokehead, smackhead, just like her dad and a plethora of abbreviations of said adjectives. They only made me roll my eyes never one to snap the getting back into routine made me miss the adrenaline rush of being around the jimmies. Sixth form felt like watching paint dry and none of my subjects seemed to be interesting enough to pay attention to the content. On top of many of the others, I had lied to my mum that I had gotten a part time job at a local café when in reality I would just walk around for hours, going up and down every side alleyway and usually ended up at the beach, ignoring the car park and swimming centre as I pass it. I couldn’t be home, but I didn’t want to do anything too careless or trapping. Sitting with myself I tried to convince myself I had done the right thing. I mean, I had. But I didn’t feel like I did. I was completely selfish in my decision making, no doubt about it but my head did all the decision making, I had left out my heart completely. We never dated, held hands, met each other’s parents but those few hours together, the passion the hate the feeling that wasn’t quite love but was more than a fondness for each other. It was a break from isolation, celibacy it was a night of sin, but it was pure.

Walking past my mum’s car I turn into my front porch, reaching for my keys from my bag as I go over my scripted lines for when my mum asks about my “shift” at work. As I open the door to my house, I hear my mums voice along with another I don’t recognise slow, deep, calm. My brows furrow with confusion, just as I attempt to make out the conversation being had my body freezes at the sight of my mum. The man sitting opposite her has a presence of authority, the type I had learnt in my psychology class, the type of authority that required a uniform an identity that forced conformity to abide by the rules and not step out of line out of fear of the reinforcement, similar to the severity of jimmy crystal but the sense of professionalism and education jimmy crystal would confuse with a smite on old nicks new world of sin. But that didn’t scare me into straightening my spine, fixing my posture into embodying the stature of innocence, my mums face as it met mine allowed me to read the room before I stepped into the threshold into the kitchen. It read as follows; you lied to me, and now I know. It was the exact face she pulled before each time she called me by my full name, putting me into my social role as her child, no matter what the law stated of my age, I was her baby, her world, she was the one to teach me how to behave and I had royally fucked up. The glint of disappointment pulled at my heart as I walked closer to the two adults at the kitchen table. The man turned in my direction at my slowly revealed presence, he was in a suit and tie but had not taken off his black trench coat, his countenance evidently senior as his face folded with joyous memories tiring days and the calm he brought in the storm gave him a trusting almost gentle aura.

“Hey mum, what’s goin-“

“R/N sit down.” My mum was quick to cut off my attempt at false pleasantries to try ease the tension between her brows.

Facing defeat, I take the seat at the end of the table the adults either side of me with a cup of tea each that still seemed to be steaming hot, I realised I had kept being put in this position, at the end of the table. Both times now I had felt I was being put on trial, the first time I was oblivious to it given the new environment, but though this was my domain and I was certain I was still being interrogated by a stranger, a threat. My guard was up.

“Hello r/n I’m Detective Kelson, but you can call me Ian. There has come about some safeguarding concerns reported by your school and wanted to talk to you and your mum about providing support in this type of situation.” His calm demeanour freaks me out, but his words confuse me my school? This detail makes my brows furrow as I snap my head in my mum’s direction, I see a glint of hope in her eyes at my genuine confusion, but it doesn’t stay long as she keeps her hard demeanour.

“My sixth form? What would They have concerns about? What do you mean support for this type of situation?” I tried hard to remain calm, but my voice was shaky and uncertain as well as incredibly defensive for someone trying to play innocent.

“Due to reports made on your recent involvement with a particular group of individuals, criminal individuals, you may refer to them as the “jimmies” ran by a “jimmy crystal” notorious for praying on young individuals from rough backgrounds,” he glances towards my mum cautiously at his last words but I refuse to look in her direction focusing on the detective in front of me my heart pounding in my mouth as I try not to react as he continues, “the severity of the crimes committed by the self-proclaimed “jimmies” has been on my departments radar for the last four years.”

His warm eyes freeze on my demeanour as I struggle to release a breath. My mind simply swirls in intrusive visions of being placed in handcuffs and into a police van. I’m basically an accomplice, right? He’s going to think I’ve started working for jimmy crystal. My mums going to disown me. Kelly.

“I assume you know who I’m referring to and I would just like to assure you, unless you have actively worked for jimmy crystals drug operation, contributed to the assault battery or murdered another civilian or helped cover up a crime which would make you an accomplice, you are not in any sort of trouble. I am not here to ruin your chances of living your life as it is, I am here to help,” His words give me comfort as well as everyone else at the table, at his clarification my shoulders relax slightly but not completely as I could feel further explanation into this house visit than to steer me onto the right path, I finally look at my mum who seems to reflect my hesitation to relax, god I’m so sorry mum, “As well as preventing any further involvement, I have a proposition, an opportunity that you could help me with my investigation to gather further information on the drugs operation being ran distributed and sold through the group.” There it is.

My hands hold my face as I prop my elbows on the wooden table, I knew there would be more to this that I wasn’t prepared for, it felt like every part of my life for the last month had been brought into the light, ripping at every selfish and progressive rot of my own dignity was in full view and I couldn’t cover it up. I breathe in and out deeply in an attempt to calm my heart racing out of my chest. My options were disgusting to even think about, either I have a life of dealing with the jimmies decreasing my mortality rate to five years or I have a target on my back from working with the police and die surrounded by jimmies anyway. I couldn’t do this to myself any longer but at what cost, me and my livelihood, rose, my mum?

I lift my head at the sudden feeling of a hand on my shoulder; I look up slowly to see the soft touch comes from the one person who I had let down more than myself. There was so much I hadn’t said, so much my mum still didn’t know and yet she was there to make me feel less alone. The affectionate gesture caused me to burst into tears; the explosion of emotion was so sudden I could see detective Ian jump slightly in my peripheral vision. He was gentlemanly enough to offer a small square handkerchief which I took without hesitation. As I moved the cloth sound my eyes, the layers of makeup wiped away, revealing the façade and the bruising behind it.

“Oh my god.” My mums hand retracts to cover her mouth in horror at the obvious signs of an assault. The detective shifted in his seat brow curved with an equal amount of concern; he didn’t need to ask it was obvious what had happened.

“R/n why would you hide this from me, I could’ve protected you it’s my job,” the stress on every word turns my stomach even more so as she continued to direct her concern to detective kelson, “can we press charges?”

“NO..no mum we can’t.” I plead with her my heart pounding in my chest at the thought of the repercussions of snitching on any of the jimmies especially jimmy crystal.

“What do you mean no r/n? do you think I’m going to let some girl you’re seeing put her hands on you? God don’t be stupid I raised you better th- “

“It wasn’t a girl! Mum it-” tears choke me and leave me breathless, the fact she knew I was seeing jimmy ink passed right by me as all that was hidden had been brought to light, every occasion that had left me distraught, that I kept from my own creator now had to burden her. The fear of revealing it to someone who had it out for the girl I couldn’t get out of my head made me a traitor by default, paranoia was full blown consuming my being, I was trapped and would be hung drawn and quartered if jimmy crystal found out kelson was even here.

“R/n who/what caused that bruise?” kelson interjected at the pause caused by the silence of shock that radiated off my mum. Taking a deep breathe I look up to blink away any excess tears in my eyes.

“It was jimmy crystal,” the sudden movement of my mum standing up made me jump as she made her way towards the kettle to make another tea, a sign that the conversation would not be over for a while; filling me with a deeper sense of dread, “I mouthed off to him after a party, he was on a come down from whatever he had taken and threw me like a ragdoll.”  a silent sob of pure despair broke my flow, making my head spin, my mum had her back turned away from the conversation towards the kitchen counter, shoulders caved in on herself for support, fuck.

Kelson nodded understandingly at my words, “how did you get invited to jimmy’s house?” he asked cautiously as if I was break into a million pieces at the further questioning.

I narrow my eyes at him anger bubbling inside of my core, “you do realise that by you being here you’re putting me and my mum at risk? If they find out I’ve even spoke to you what they’ll do? I was fine. I handled it myself. It was over. I rejected his job offer and I can’t see Kelly again, and that’s it no-”

“R/N R/L/N. first, lower your voice and show detective kelson respect; he’s only here to help get you out of this mess. Second, what do you mean “rejected his job offer”? you were around them that much? How long have you been around these people?” the pain in her voice was clear even though I knew she was trying to hide it to balance my uncontrollable crying.

“it’s okay Mrs r/l/n it’s understandable to be worried in this type of situation,” his calm demeanour gave me a pang of guilt at how I spoke to him he really was in the right profession, “if you would like me to leave and not answer any more questions we can stop here that is completely up to you, you seem like a rational young adult r/n I know that no matter what you decide to do you’ll make the right choice.”

I fiddle with my hair as I look down. The mention of making right choices make me squirm, after all wasn’t I here in the first place because of making the wrong ones again and again? Worst of all, through all this, I wanted to talk to ink. Tell her what was happening tell her to come get me and I would say yes to jimmy crystal so we could be together for a little while. That was just one of the twenty other thoughts in my head. I wanted to play double agent and help detective kelson out of spite of being bashed around by the sir lord. I wanted to stay in my room for the rest of my life and never leave. I wanted to beg my mum for forgiveness. I wanted to go to a church and confess everything I had seen been apart of and done, the lust the rage and the greed.

Tears rolled down my cheeks for the millionth time in the past month and a half. I looked at my mum who was waiting for my answer, the anger no longer reaching her blotchy eyes as she tries to fine her little girl she once knew. I shake my head as I find the eyes of the detective.

“No, I’m sorry, I’ll tell you. It started when rose was speaking to this lad Micheal, he invited us to a house party, made it seem like it was his gaff-“

I talked and told every detail for over an hour; it was prolonged due to crying and my mum interjecting her own questions which she had every right to do. I spared the intimacy details, but I shared my feelings for jimmy ink, kelson seemed genuinely surprised but indifferent he must’ve delt with thousands of drug dealer spouses. I told them about helping ink out during the car chase, the lad who had groped me at the first party, ink knowing details I was yet to tell her, the only way jimmy crystal was going to let me see jimmy ink was by working for him and most importantly old nick. Kelson had asked again about his proposition, but I didn’t give him a definite answer, he left his card with his contact information written in prestigious font which I accepted more so for my mum’s sake. I was scared, it felt like I fell down a rabbit hole and there was no way out, both of my options made me shiver in a cold sweat as both came with a warning or more like a death wish.

Me and my mum had moved to the living room and after half an hour of criticising my evidently poor decision making, she had taken my fantasy and forced the reality on me. Only me, myself and I have put me my mum and my quality of life in danger but me. Jimmy ink did not care for me the way I thought about her, she didn’t see me as a person but a means to an end. We gradually started to have a heart; our favourite show on as background noise. She was disappointed but relieved I had come clean, she was furious to the point of understanding, “Half of this is my fault, you’re half of me and half your dad, you were bound to fall for someone like her sooner or later.” My shoulder moved against her arms wrapped around me as I laughed at her attempt to make me feel less stupid in my life choices.

“I still can’t stop thinking about her and I feel like an idiot; the only girl I’ve been with in months and she’s like…her.” I confess, feeling lighter as the words leave my mouth.

“I know baby, you have my personality; you love with all of yourself, you’re not built for casual, you love until your love runs out. Even if she doesn’t put you first, you won’t let go easily,” Her words feed my soul, and cut me at the same time and I nuzzle into her hold which doesn’t last long as she moves me away, standing up, “I’m going to bed Hun, we’ll talk more in the morning, try get some sleep I love you, goodnight.” She kisses my forehead as she walks away from the couch and out the living room door.

“Love you, goodnight.” I call after her.

The clouded moonlight peered through the blinds, spilling onto the carpet and my legs hanging over the arm of the couch I was split in two; half of me was watching, though watching was more of a blank stare that allowed me to recognise words and shapes, characters keep their secret affection away from each other even though its blatantly obvious to everyone around them, and the other half of me wondered. If I could do it all again would I do it the same? Do I change sides and give in to detective kelsons proposal? Am I going to get myself killed either way? Do I just go back to being in a dark room void of affection attention lust attraction?

I refrain from messaging rose through my spiral mainly out of fear. By my understanding from what she told me, her and shite were on track to going some form of unstable steady. I couldn’t risk blowing myself up when there was no need to. I wondered what she was telling him, if she was complaining of the way I was acting how she talked shit on every guy she was going out with. What scared me was that it had been a week and so far, she wasn’t pissed off with him. That was unusual for rose, I knew I wasn’t one to talk considering my situation, but it usually meant that she actually likes him, which never ends well. A pang of guilt reaches my chest as the realisation hits me, yet again another consequence to my actions, another person in harms way because of me. The one time I choose selfishness, and I’ve quite literally destroyed my life as well as endangering my support my unconditional love and my home. Tears well up in my eyes as I sit up holding my knees to my chest as I use my cotton sleeve to wipe my face from the moisture.

To say regret filled every crevice of my being was an under exaggeration. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, like my body was made of cogs and wheels that had rusted through exposure to my environment. Since I had met jimmy ink, I had this overwhelming sense that I was being watched, not in a powers that be sort of way but just that I had eyes on me, stalking, staring, all the time. As well as this feelings of impending doom shortly followed, like clockwork one right after the other. I felt it when I was alone at the beach, in the walls of Rose’s bedroom, taking a shower, walking through the gates of sixth form and right now. The urge to look around me was imminent, the feeling of an ominous glare snapped me out of my daze as I look around the room peaking through the crack in the living room door, where every horror movie jump scare occurs, nothing. My eyes dart to the mirror in the corner wall that faced out into the hallway and the stairs, it was dark but not to the point that I wouldn’t see a figure if it were there, but it wasn’t. Shaking my heads lightly as I turn my attention back towards the blaring tv screen. Suddenly my heart is in my throat as I see a figure pop out in window out of my peripheral vision, snapping my head as my body reflexes forcing me up out of my seat to come face to face with the glare that disrupted my peace, my nostrils flexed open to allow my air into my lungs that had been robbed by shock. As my brain registers the shape in front of me, my shoulders slant in a more relaxed state, the figure dressed in a blue tracksuit with platinum blonde hair peered through the glass with her hands cupping either side of her eyes to block out any shadows, to not distract her vision, like a lion to a lamb. Jimmima. Her smile wide, freakishly so, almost uncanny like she was in on a joke I wasn’t. I cautiously take a step closer to the window opening the curtains more as I reach the window, I didn’t trust she was alone and the way she was smiling had set me on edge more than my initial adrenaline had. The situation was completely ambiguous the separation of the glass brought a healthy barrier but made it uneasy, it was a question of who was out looking in and who was trapped being watched. I open the top window which caused her to step back slightly her arms moved to her side like she was being held to attention, her smile not faltering once.

“What the fuck Jimmima? What are you doing here, you scared the shit out of me.” The irritation was clear in my tone, but she didn’t seem bothered by it.

“Oh, don’t be a little bitch! come on, come out and play!!,” she motioned for me to leave through the front door her excitable energy rang every alarm in my head that something wasn’t right, she smelt my hesitation through the glass, “Inks in the car, we snuck away because sir lord got fucking smashed and he’s passed the fuck out.”

her attempt to lure me out of my house would’ve fallen on deaf ears if it wasn’t for the mention of ink. Her smile somehow widened as she watched my interest peak and she disappeared from my view towards the front of the house. Every part of my brain told me not to, something felt off, it’s clear if Jimmima had any interest in pushing for me and inks relationship then I would understand the excitement, but the way she moved suggested some sort of personal gain, as if ink had promised to share me if she helped her. A chill ran down my spine that triggered my movement out of my living room, as I enter the hall I see the blue outline through the obscure glass. I felt like the girl in a slasher film, the one that follows the noise in the dark, the one that gets herself killed in the first ten minutes, the one that everyone screams common sense at to run away call the police and calls a dumb bitch. I felt myself doing the same thing as I unlocked the door, feeling the resistance of the key, taking a breath I open the door. Jimmima’s smile looked like it had dropped in anticipation but quickly returned at my appearance through the threshold. I look out into the street and see the familiar shot-in side of the Mercedes ink had picked me up in. through the blue glow of the LED lights I see ink staring at me, her freckled face almost looked uncomfortable, until a sudden switch in her demeanour and she smiled.

Jimmima motions for the car and bows lowly “Your carriage awaits, princess.” An array of giggles exceeded her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. I would’ve gone along excitedly, like normal teenage girls who were sneaking out to go on a drive, listen to music and maybe stop at a drive through. But something caught my eye as we moved forward, closer to the driver’s side, there was someone in the passenger seat. That’s when I stopped dead in my tracks, faced with those rotten teeth smiling devilishly in my direction, that disgusting purple velour tracksuit that always had an aroma of sweat and weed. Ink was no longer looking at me, her smile a distant memory, her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly; her refusal to turn to face me brought a delight to jimmy crystals eyes, it scared me to distraction; so much so, I barely noticed it at first. He was pointing a gun to her head; the same gun I had seen him place on the table in that dingy dirty little room where we had our first introductions. I felt my knees go weak as my heartbeat increased in pace, I may as well be dead already. That screaming feeling I had when Jimmima first jumped out returned but this time it was deafening.

The sir lord’s eyes moved from me, to behind me. His smile disappeared as he spoke something to ink, something I couldn’t quite make out but it made her grimace and finally look back at me. I squirmed under their collective eye; I managed to choke out a moment of realisation.

“No...” I felt tears well up in my eye ducts, but I had no time for tears and I knew that. If he was so easy to threaten his own, I couldn’t even, no, I didn’t want to imagine what he wanted to do with me.

In a moment of courage, I flung myself out of Jimmimas surprisingly strong grip; kicking her stomach as I did. Turning around my plan was to rush inside, lock the door call out for my mum and call the detective, his card was still on the kitchen table I could make it within ten seconds of locking the door, fifteen to dial and call the number. However, like most decisions made in the recent month, I was far from in control and far too naïve to realise the extent and severity of the situation I had been left in. As I faced the front of my house, I hesitated to move forward, Shite Fox and Jimmy Jimmy on either side of my front porch. You have got to be fucking kidding me. They all looked at me the same. Rage vengeful, shite more than any of the others specifically looked like he wanted to rip my head clean off my shoulders. The hesitation allowed for Jimmima to pounce on my back, within my struggle to shove her off me I hear the driver window rolling down.

“GET HER NOW.” I recognised the Scottish anger any day. He was the commander and they were his soldiers and therefore did exactly what he told them too.

I tried to scream but before I knew it my legs were picked up as that familiar lanky structure held my head in a head lock, this time covering my mouth. A punch to the gut and an elbow to my side made me limp, easier to carry, bringing tears to my eyes and a small whimper to leave my mouth. I continued freaking out, struggling hard and squirming at the hands grabbing at me; my vision darkening with cloth covering my eyes as I hear giggles, sinister laughs and continuous taunting.

“Did you think you could nip away ya daft cunt?”

“Aww look at the little baby, crying for ya mummy are ya?”

“STOP fucking SQUIRMIN’”

“Bagsy first on charity!!!”

“FINGERS GET HER IN THE FUCKIN CAR!”

“SHE FUCKIN’ BIT ME”

I almost laughed at the last one as I brought my teeth around shite’s finger as hard as I could, but the joke was really on me as the boot of the car opened and I was shoved inside with multiple kicks to my stomach, side and one to my face which caused my shrieking and cries out to halt as my face tingled with a numbness that knocked my whole body into a state of shock. Warm liquid travels down my lips, which is shortly followed by another warm liquid hitting my face, thicker gooier. Someone added the cherry on top by spitting in my face.

“Nighty night you little rat.” SLAM I feel the vehicle around me sway at the impact of the boot of the car being shut, the last word, I assumed spoken by fox due to the Welsh tinge of his words, made my ears ring more than they already were. My darkened world spun around me as I clinged on to consciousness feeling the hum of the engine start, lulling me into a false protective state, I was slowly losing the battle of light but still managed to form a line of conscious thoughts before I was fully submerged into the dark. Detective Kelson, today, my mum, the front doors open, Rose, Kelly, he has a gun, night night rat, charity.

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READERS NOTE: OH THE DRAMA!! thank you so much for your patience it means the world!! also lock in because next chapter is gonna be messy and slutty asf! also thank you so much for all the support it really keeps me motivated to write faster even if it doesnt seem it LMAO!! love ya MWAH!!💋💋

tags: @s1ut4adamstanheight @lovesexdreamm @alwaysathoughtdaughter @gaydacity

[s1ut4adamstanheight]

made this lil edit for a gang au jimmy ink x reader im currently reading. ITS SO GOOD I LOVE IT

@mizmog

[mizmog]

THIS IS AMAZING MWAH💋

[mizmog]

Just noticed this in my App Store and it made me very proud #fuckAI

[theekosystem]

Anthony Boyle and Erin Kellyman wrapping on The Worst in southern France!

[mizmog]

I feel so much better about taking breaks from writing and taking my time in terms of fan fiction because at least I’m not using fuck ass Ai to write for me. Is my writing a bit cringe because I’m just starting out? Yes but at least it’s MY cringe work and not an uncanny valley interpretation of lesbian sex xoxoxo

[mizmog]

GANG!AU DRUG DEALER! JIMMY INK X FEM!READER

summary: Kelly, jimmy ink; the names collided, solely dependent on who she was around. After not remembering her role, ink has to decide; her devotion, or her life.

Chapter 6: Life is War

I fell asleep. I must have. the obvious hangover lingering in my head didn’t help the fact that I could feel immense pressure around my right eye as I squinted awake; blinded by the light of the early afternoon seeping through the curtains. Turning to my head to the side, I see Rose curled up behind me, usually I would’ve been bombarded through my sleep as her consistent sleep talking kept me awake well after she had fallen asleep most times we shared a bed but she was oddly quiet and still; as if she was preparing for the lack of peace caused by the future post night out discussion. As I sat up, my body struck me with a light spasm in my lower back and across my ribs, causing a light groan to escape me as I swung my legs over the bed slowly; louder than I would have liked.

That’s all I felt, like I was a machine with means to move, not feel. If I let myself feel now I don’t think I would be able to continue, scared didn’t even begin to cover the basis of my emotional state, and therefore it would not be acknowledged not today anyway. Blocking any indication of a buzzing question, any complex feelings. Right now I had to focus on one thing, getting myself to the bathroom for a piss. Baby steps and all that. Moving up off the bed the room span as i lost my footing colliding into the wall next to the bathroom door. Balancing myself once more a gasp of pure horror leaves my body along with a piece of my soul, the noise causing a louder collision as I hear rose fall out of bed and sprint her way to the door frame, leaning on it as with a sigh of realisation.

"Oh r/n...." she spoke with such sympathy; it created a pit in my stomach bringing the reality forward that I could not attempt to hide this from my mother. her arms wrapped around me, her smaller frame giving me the comfort a child gets from a teddy after a nightmare, except this horror was my reality.

A swirl of purple and green discolouration wrapped itself around the swollen crevice of my right eye, lowering down into my under eyes; looking like I had rubbed my eye with a full face of Halloween eye makeup on. Alongside my cheek, a cut in the shape of the edge of a square cut diamond threatened to turn brown as if the faint brown fingernail imprints on the left side of my face weren’t enough. I let go of rose to take another look wincing once more at the sight in front of me, me.

My breath hitches as I turn to rose as my realisation hits me "Rose I can’t let my mum see me like this, I’ll have to tell her what’s happened, and I don’t think I can do it- I can’t she'll freak out I mean rightly so but-"

"Hey!",she says quick to interrupt bringing her hands to either side of my upper arms "okay, plan is you text your mum telling her you’re having another sleepover at mine tonight, say we got too carried away last night and you can’t be bothered making the treck home...then! tomorrow you text her and let her know you’re gonna be home late because were going the cinema to watch that new horror comedy film that just came out, she'll be asleep by the time you get home and then just leave earlier for school on Monday so you don’t run into her; that should give enough time for the swelling to go down."

I looked at her in awe at her ability to conjure up a narrative so quick; having experience from her own parents being so strict it was borderline isolation. "Does that sound good?" she urged looking for any indication I was listening to her and not spiralling.

I nod softly, as I smirk with a shit eating grin "You know they’re called thrillers? Right?"

Rose rolled her eyes loudly, raising her eyebrows at my ability to still be a smart arse; as she took her hands away from my arms she crossed them over her chest in defence, “Or I could kick you out right now and make you walk home if that would make you feel worse!!"

Giggling at her reaction I make my way past her and collapsing softly back into the bed I motion for her to join me which she obliges to as I cuddle into her side.

"Not to be a total Mr obvious but are you okay?" Her hand made its way to the back of my head resting on my hair as her thumb moved up and down, a comfort I had grown accustomed to from Rose.

"I’ve decided I’m not doing thinking about it, for today, I’m too hungover as it is I don’t need to hurt my head more by attempting to process my feelings"

She cackles holding her hands up as if to preach the words I had spoken.

"Fair fucking dos, I fucks with that plan."

"Fucks with it?" I question amused at her expressionism, turning my head with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk that threatened to turn into a smile.

"Fucks with it." Rose responds and reaches for her bedside draw popping two tablet out of the foiled packaging and handing me two pills; not caring what they were I pop them into my mouth knowing they would subside the throbbing I felt in my head.

Grabbing the fumbled-up blanket at the bottom of the bed I bring it up to my neck and close my eyes gently and in doing so reinstated the decision I had said aloud. I would not think. i would not feel. I would sleep and attempt to forget, even if it was for a moment, the absolute ache in my chest in my heart; caving into the why would be a problem for tomorrow.

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"I just DONT understand it like why are all the girls I go for like always, ALWAYS, evil. I just don’t think I can sleep with anyone else who doesn’t live at LEAST four hours away." i huff biting into another spoonful of Haagen Daz.

It was now Monday night; I had skipped school after waking up from a hellish dream and refused to leave to get ready in time to be alone with my thoughts all day. Though she seemed sceptical I had messaged my mum and let her know I was going to stay with Rose for the rest of the week, making an excuse that she was going through a hard time and shouldn’t go through it alone (I know the irony is not lost at all). my pain had subsided physically with a healthy dose of co-codemal and half a bottle of rose wine within the last twenty minutes of Rose returning home from work. since then, every word that could be spoken had been, I made a fool of the English language and brought shame to a dictionary creating words that didn’t exist to describe emotions I had not felt, or I was not yet able to recognise. Rose had helped me discover the one feeling that was inescapable throughout every why and what if sentence that flew out of my lips. I was used as a means. used.

No matter how many times I had attempted to explain my brain couldn’t comprehend the way to retell the sensuality attraction and intimacy between kell- ink and I before everything had went down. How could all of that happen just for her to allow for me to be a punching bag? Even as the thoughts came to me, I knew I was deluded. I knew who she was, what she was, who she was around her people, and yet, I thought there could be an exception, that I was that exception.

I cursed myself for hours and hours, externally and internally. I couldn’t shake the stupidity of not taking in stride Jimmimas words. Everything felt so rushed it was hard to pick apart what had happened when and what it meant. It didn’t help it was all "old nick" this and that which had caused the side of my eye to throb as I attempted to explain to Rose who old nick was. Jimmy crystal was mad, clearly, but Kelly believed his nonsense ramblings which made me think she wasn’t all there too; but with religion is anyone really? But if she had truly believed him then why would she let me call her Kelly? That single act of defiance, allowing me to be with the real separated from the jimmies version of her, to snatch it away mere hours after.

Rose had ordered us a pizza, Hawaiian, that had allowed for me to take a break from thinking as she filled me in on what had happened between her and shite. Through all the chaos I had completely forgot to ask. Her night had ended like mine, saying similar had caused a flush of further internal turmoil as it further raised my suspicion that what me and ink had done was more than sex, less than love but deeper in connection.

I had theorised while eating my pizza crusts that she was falling. It was a theory that gave me false hope causing any speck of common sense left in my psyche to scream at me to stop but it was clear through the interactions with the other jimmies that some were more devoted than others.

Jimmima had set this up perfectly, gave me false isolation that ink was already putting a claim on me when behind the scenes she was using me to piss off her leader, until it went too far. She had said jimmy crystal would "hurt you to hurt me" and I hadn’t listened. To make it sound like she cared to not give a second glance as I was thrown across the room.

The thoughts stopped momentarily, I had made my way to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself reflecting from the mirror. The dark purple had lightened to a softer hue of lilac that was a few days away from looking like an overly lined eye bag and not enough water. My hair looked scattered even with my hair washed and my eyes tired. I imagined what my mum would’ve said if she saw me like this, a shell, used as a means by people she would’ve smacked me sideways for hanging around. Furthermore, she would’ve reminded me of my worth, my potential and finally her love for me, how she wants what is best for me and can’t believe someone had done this to her baby. Tears prickled at the corner of my eyes but I force them away blinking quickly as I left the bathroom, turning the light off as I did, turning towards the bed to see Rose fast asleep.

Bless her, I thought as she had probably been more exhausted than me doing damage control. breathing softly I tiptoe to my bag, still placed carelessly in the corner along with my heels and fur coat; the sight made my throat tight which I tried to suppress. Images of the look on Kelly’s face when I stripped down to basically nothing to the way her freckles curved into her dimples when she smiled at me softly before we fell asleep. Picking up the black faux leather pouch I pick out my lighter and a spliff I remember being given before going up to bed two nights before, I think by jimmy jones; most things were starting to blur so details were hard to distinguish.

Taking myself downstairs I wrap myself in Kelly’s hoodie to restrict the night chill from wracking my bones as I opened the door and taking a seat on her front step. taking the lighter to the spliff, I light it desperately. I knew with every line of thought I would be kept awake longer than I should be and thought I may as well relax than spiral. The too and frow of smoke exiting and entering my lungs allowed for my breathing to grow steadier than it had been; which made me grateful I was left with more than one parting gift, always the optimist in the worst of times. The swirl of feelings melted as my body responded to the natural plant, making me wish I was sharing with another person, as I had.

The tranquillity that washed over me like a baptism lasted a moment, my brows furrowed while putting the lighter into the front pocket in confusion, a texture stood out, different from the soft wool of the inside liner of the hoodie my fingers pulled it out sceptically. A confused giggle left me as the THC gave me back some playfulness to my soul.

Opening what seemed to be a folded scrap of paper I squint in the faded light to make out what looked like a long number, a phone number. I scoff as I attempt to rationalise what it could be for as I focus on the note more attentively as my cross fade hit Mr at the same time. Turning the note around I slowly read a quickly written sentence that made my stomach drop to my knees.

I’m sorry, call me when you’re home.

It was a few moments before I allowed my lungs to exhale. When I did finally, my breath was sharp and quick as I brought my knees to my chest. Leaning into my hands my breathing hitched as tears streamed down my face softly against my bruised cheek and eye. All the emotion of the past three days caused a build-up I could only feel in my head; I wasn’t aware I was about to burst but this sent me over the edge. more questions filled me to the brim, and I felt shaken around and bubbled to a simmer that was edging on an atomic explosion.

I was desperate to keep my composure but the reddening in my eyes from heart aching tears still ricocheted onto my lap reflecting off the iridescent streetlight. I couldn’t cope with knowing or not knowing and felt the longer I ignored the things around me, the harder everything was going to be to understand. I knew I wanted answers, but I didn’t think they’d come so soon; it was almost too much.

I wiped my cheeks and steadied my breathing as I stumped out my spliff throwing it in the street knowing some smackhead would appreciate stumbling upon it tomorrow morning. Taking a seat on the front porch I take in a determined deep breathe as I realised I didn’t know the writer of the note. I had assumed the best, that it was Jimmima feeling guilty her warnings came to no effect but maybe it wasn’t maybe it was worse, maybe it was Kelly. If I was to be kept in the dark, I could deal with that but the whiplash from the uncertainty was causing inner turmoil. Who could I trust and who really had an ulterior motive? Was i stupid for trusting anyone?

No, if I wanted to stay level headed the best I could do was keep my humanity, my trust that not everyone was out to get me; because they weren’t. I wasn’t stupid but I made a mistake, walking into the lion’s den and expecting a warm welcome. If I were to maintain this rationality, I needed to change my mindset: no more heartbroken, no more pitying myself. in Kelly’s world I was nice for a night off, in inks world I was a distraction. so that’s what I was going to be; no more no less.

Taking my phone out my pocket I take a deep breath, then letting out a brief harsh cough; the tobacco in the spliff having a delayed attack to my lungs. Eyes watering once more, the screen lighting up my face as I’m face to face with the keypad. Without a second thought (and more determination than I’d like to admit), I dialled the number one number at a time. I knew if I didn’t do it now I’d never have the guts to do it again so i pressed the green circle at the bottom of the screen.

Bringing the phone to my ear, the hum of the phone ringing was consistent, steady and far from the rhythm in my chest. I couldn’t help but feel anxious. This could be a set up. No. I push down that thought with every ounce of common sense left in my head. It didn’t help I had liquid courage from the bottle of wine I had consumed just an hour earlier especially as it left a thick coating on my teeth that if I didn’t brush off soon would knock me sick. Quickly bringing the phone to my face before returning it to my ear I check the time; it was almost one in the morning causing a pang of doubt anyone would answer at this time still I continued to listen to the consistent hum of the dial ringing.

Unexpectedly, on the fifth ring, the other side picked up. My heart pounded in my throat. I go to open my mouth to speak but the words are caught to the point a squeaky noise escapes my lips.

Clearing my throat harshly, maybe too harsh on my throat I greet the other line.

"He-hello," I curse myself for the stutter, I needed to get my shit together; clearing my throat I attempt again, "mmgh hello?"

Silence filled the other line, not as if they were on mute but as if someone was hesitant to speak. I go to attempt to fill the awkwardness of the silence mainly through my impatience but a voice on the other line breaks through first.

"You got my note." to say I wasn’t relieved that it was ink would be a complete lie; the tensity of my body relaxed but there was still this numbness I couldn’t shake.

Letting out a breathy sigh I laugh half-heartedly at her blunt greeting "yeah no I’m good thanks for asking" my lips tensed around my teeth as I tried to bite back tears from pooling in my eyes. all the memories of the past few weeks took over my brain; feelings of pure lust and attraction and further stupidity overwhelmed my senses.

A low huff was heard from the other end the sound I heard too much from inks lips; complete frustration, like that same burning I felt in my room the first night I entered the house of jimmy crystal, feeling stuck.

"Fucking hell give me a chance," she responds defensively making an anger I didn’t know had been brewing start to boil inside me. A long pause filled the call as I heard faint conversation on the other line. This time, I waited, listening in an attempt to make out what was being said; I couldn’t, "look I need to talk to you, in person"

My brows furrow as I talk into the phone as if to bite the words into her skin, "What makes you think I want to see you?" the words were a double ended sword as I knew I wanted to see her, some part of me wanted some form of closure and the other several parts wanted me to fight her, fuck her, stare at her freckled cheeks as she smiles and tell her to go to hell all at the same time, "I’m surprised your being so rebellious to your fat fuck leader, coz I guarantee for a fact he’s told you not to talk to me again."

"Oi watch your fucking mouth, see this is your problem, you’re such a mouthy bitch whatever happened you earned yourself so don’t go blaming me, or jimmy." she bit back harder, it didn’t help that I already knew what she said was true but it stung to realise that some part of me was delusional to believe the sliver of resistance she had to the rule of jimmy crystal meant she was ready to be free from his grip.

I scoff dramatically "Oh please like I don’t know that. I might not be able to blame you for what happened, but you didn’t step in, you didn’t stop it, and then you put a note in the jacket pocket saying you’re sorry and to call you. Fuck. Right. Off. Kelly."

"You’re lucky he was on a come down and didn’t call for charity." her tone is so childish and dismissive like she couldn’t think of any other argument but to turn what I said into advice.

"Oh, I’ll be sure to thank old nick for that next time jimmy is choking me out." My words drip from sarcasm, I wondered how silly I looked as I snarled towards my phone as I spoke, her words grating on my nerves.

A| beat was had that to anyone else would’ve sounded like defeat or a gear up for another insult during an argument. but I heard it. The faint sound of inner conflict in the void of silence, she was debating, silence was her decision making so I edged her forward in voicing it.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" I ask cautiously, calmer than before in my attempt to make myself sound respectful.

"I’m on my way, I’ll be 10 minutes." her response cut through the end of my question as if she made her decision.

"Wait I’m at-"

"Rose's house, I know."

The line on the other side goes with a beeping that mimics the palpitation in my stomach at her words. She’s such a little stalker how the fuck did she know where I was; I silently prayed she didn’t go to my house when my mum was home that would’ve blown my cover and forced me to go home with a hysterical mother.

Taking my phone away from my ear I look at my call log; Kelly’s number didn’t come up. I wondered if she was using a burner phone or one of those international drug dealer lines that the police can’t hack into. Every interaction we had left me with more questions than I started with, this nonchalance stopped tonight I swear I can’t cope with the mystery of it all any longer.

I waited on the porch after getting my trainers on, I had a mini section of Rose's wardrobe dedicated to my own belongings which made it easier to stayover spontaneously, and now allowed me to leave in the middle of the night to meet up with Kelly.

I looked at my phone time impatiently, 1:23am it had been seven minutes since the phone call ended and I could feel my leg bounce beneath me, though more heavily than usual as the spliff still affected my system even an hour later. I realise the time and hurriedly rush back inside rummaging in Rose's fridge to find the other half bottle of wine; realising I was far too sober for the interaction that was about to occur. I could only describe myself in this situation as the purest form of desperate affection, realisation hit me suddenly that every interaction, word spoken, I was acting as an agent to Kelly, a means to see her, kiss her, drink up her affection. I was selfish in a way that separated my ego from my id; my desire controlled me and for once I let it take the reins. Gulping the sharp liquid mouthful at a time I took my original position on the porch once where a more a sudden desire reached my soul, as the familiar black out Mercedes pulled up next to the pavement in front of me.

I laugh lowly as emotion filled my lower neck, only washed away from the alcohol in my hand. hearing the engine roar dull down my head spins to the front door; realising I still had time to run back inside and never see her again. rip the band aid off.

However, that thought was quickly shut off by the sound of a car door shutting, making my head spin back. that oh so heart aching familiar red tracksuit in front of me, the first encounter when she defended me from shite, it being pressed to my neck after I brought the gear to jimmy crystals house and it being sprawled on the floor when she crawled over me and kissed every crevice of my body with complete adoration and desire. Taking the last sip of the bottle, I discard it to my side unaffected by the clank the bottle makes when it hits the ground and walk down the path.

As I walk closer, I take in her face her braids her freckles every part I wish to see in every context but had to suppress, all feelings I forced away are crawling back in a warm embrace; it was more than tempting to fall back into her arms, even if they weren’t outstretched, I still felt edged to do so.

Nothing but the next-door neighbour’s cat alarm being set off rings through my ears as the space closes between us, until there was none left.

Kelly takes a breath as she exams my face, still a purple hue to it where the message I had "earned" still rang through one neither of us would forget, but even so both of us in such disobedience it was exciting, the thought of being caught: me by Rose and her by jimmy. It had to be more than a message there had to be more meaning on not just my end, right?

I was caught off guard by inks hand caressing the side of my face, flinching softly as she did so, her browns contorted in concern, it worried me in a way, a girl who had once seemed to excited and quick to violence in revenge cringing at the effects of similar violence acted upon me. Her rough calloused hand, gentle on my skin I lean into the touch without hesitation allowing myself the comfort of how it feels to be held again by her.

Looking up at her eyes attempt to relax herself but she may as well have been made of glass, "Fucking hell r/n" she mutters under her breath so quiet if i weren’t so close I might not have heard.

"One way to learn a lesson I guess," I chuckle softly as I straighten my stance causing her hand to drop into her pocket smoothly not returning my amused expression, almost too smooth, "It’s all good if not but can we drive around while we talk, I don’t want to wake Rose." I change the topic quickly urgent to be alone with Kelly away from any prying eyes that may have been watching.

She nods softly and responds with a small "okay" as she makes her way to the passenger seat opening the door and shutting it as I sit comfortably in the leather chair that even in the humid night air of the summer didn’t stick to me. What a charmer, I thought holding back an eye roll at the thought of Kelly’s chivalry. Looking around the corner, I further suppress the memories of our first real understanding of each other on the way home to mine. I curse my lack of memory of who drove me home after my altercation with jimmy crystal, I’d rather not talk about it, ever again, I wanted it to go away now, now we were together it would be okay, if it were just us two. the moment it brought up, old nick, "jimmy ink", its back: the wall, the facade. I didn’t care if we had to prepare to pretend in the company of others, right now we were together and alone, I would be an idiot not to take advantage of the peace and quiet of it all.

As I finish my thought Kelly makes her way to the other side and enters the car, looking in my direction, a soft smile lifting her freckled scared lips upward. I missed how her eyes made me feel trapped, like I was under interrogation, like everyone else owed her more than there was worth and I was more than enough and more.

As we start to drive, I can’t help but sneak glances at her, as no words are shared. My half drunken state led to believe she wasn’t aware but deep down I knew she could feel my eyes on her. Her leg bounced when not on the brake of the automatic car and she messed with her braid bead at every red light. 6 minutes of this cycle occurred until we made it to the abandoned car park of the beach next to the swimming centre, I learnt to swim there.

Pulling into a bay, Kelly parks the car facing a sand dune and takes off her seatbelt, which I shortly follow suit with, pulling it over my shoulder with little struggle. Turning to face her soft hardened features I anticipate what she had to talk to me about, but nothing came. She simply looked out the window, relaxed. I was unaware if i should give her a nudge to start the conversation or if she was psyching herself up.

I chose the initiative.

"What is it kell?" I ask softly, almost a hushed whisper.

She turns her head to face me, still rested on the headrest of the driver’s seat, but unexpectedly she smiles, "are you okay?"

I giggle at the unexpected obvious question, leaning my head forward, covering my face with my hair, but her question made me think back to our phone conversation earlier, she felt bad, not guilt but just bad at how she had spoken to me and understood how to break any tension between us. Her smile remained as she watched me giggle softly, however, she clearly didn’t expect for my laugh to grow broader, louder more confused and erratic like a cackle and more amused and controlled than a giggle.

Whipping my hair up I revealed the repeated uncontrollable breathing as before, along with tear stained cheeks along with active tears forming at the brim of my eyes. I watched Kelly’s face drop as she reached for my face on to caress my bruised cheek but I flinched away from her touch causing a tear to fall, her chest heaving up and down in a quick pace as if genuinely hurt by my resistance to her affection: she knew not to give me stupid commands to breathe or calm down and so sat with me holding me, waiting with a concerned stern look.

"Am I okay? Am I okay? I’m scared. I can deal with a lot of shit but this weekend, it’s been too much. I’ve never been battered by someone before, left so vulnerable I haven’t gone sixth form- I can’t risk my mum she'l-"

Kelly focuses more sternly as she cuts off my sentence "Your mum is oblivious; she’s going by business as usual." she finishes by wiping away a tear.

"You’re such a fucking stalker oh my god." I watch her cringe at my choice of word but ignore her reaction, anyway, deciding to focus on the waves of the sand dunes. it was like my body had a mind of its own the way I was so angry yet still so drawn, it dawned on me I wasn’t ready to let go so easily; it didn’t help that I had decided last minute to drink to cope which I think Kelly picked up on almost immediately but chose not to say anything.

Silence swallowed the car apart from the sound of me sniffling into Kelly’s hoodie turning my body turned to the side, refusing to acknowledge any attempt at a response from the girl beside me. Some part of me blamed ink and was angry but there was no clear counterpart to my anger. I held my tongue afraid to say something more, something I was yet to do for as long as I could remember.

"Jimmy says old nick sees something in you," the silence once deafening now broken, I turn back to face Kelly. Her hands were between her thighs as her forearms rested on the tops of upper thigh and her head faced forward, as if I had been interrogating her subconsciously and she finally broke, "He says in false scripture there was a demon that tempted away all the sheep to a false prophet, not old nick some made up man in the sky or something. This demon while "pesky was a helpful beast in the eyes of old nick" he said," her head turned to finally face me, our eyes meeting as I listened intently at her words and attempted to reason with the riddle she lay before me, anticipating the worst that he had now declared war on my heresy and he was coming for me, being the observer she was Kelly explained further in aid to my clear confusion sprawled across my face, "He said old nick spoke to him telling him you are the snake in our path, our pest, but rather than slit your lungs from your mouth we should use you to our advantage," another beat was heard other than the pause between words as I felt my heart in my throat realising what she just inferred, "he wants you to help us with a job."

As she finished her sentence, I feel my face contort into complete disbelief. all of that punching and strangulation. Just to try recruit me to the mad brady bunch.

"Fuck right off," I laugh in inks face as my body fully faces towards her now, "this is the maddest come down i have ever had the misfortune to witness, fuck me." i scoff as i bring my hands to my face straining my eye lids as I pull my hands down my face, my head then snaps in her direction "what’s the catch?" it’s clear the sarcastic tone laced into my voice this wasn’t an agreement but pure curiosity.

"No catch," she took a deep breathe before releasing what was really on her mind, "but if you do this, I’ll be allowed to see you, if you commit to working for old nick for a little while." her tone was so casual it mad my jaw fall another inch further letting my wine breathe intoxicate the car.

Shaking my head slightly I think aloud, mumbling lightly "I wish you weren’t such a good shag." scoffing slightly

"Is that a, yes?" Kelly questions my response with more desperation than I knew was intended, she wanted to hear the words leave my lips again as I knew I wanted to collide with hers again. but I couldn’t. In a moment of clarity, it hit me I couldn’t bring myself to throw away my life, the structure of opportunity and security to get a good life, to feel again. I pushed down my emotion, my lust for her affection and shook my head firmly.

"Absolutely not." I bite back bile that reached the back of my throat, burning my insides as the words left me like venom. I knew what this meant, but it had gone too far, I shouldn’t have let it leave a feeling in the first place. she was a jimmy, a part of a new world religion that revolved around drugs delusions and violence.

I refuse to look in inks direction. I heard a shuffling as ink shifted uncomfortably in her seat, hesitation hung in the air, and it didn’t help the nausea I was feeling. "You know what this means right?" ink asks baffled, like I wasn’t thinking straight hurt missed in with confusion on her freckled face.

Of course, I did, I wasn’t stupid, it means we couldn’t see each other again. a part of me felt a lingering of grief, I wanted something real with ink, I wanted a way of normality the way rose had, a casual fling that had potential for more. I wanted to kick and scream and cry at my reason like it was my mum telling me to go to my room mid argument. But I had to face the facts, the real facts, not some fantasy that plagued my thoughts, this could never develop into anything more. My bruising would help me forget, help me surrender the fantasy, remind me what waited on the other side, nothing but achy discomfort. There was nothing normal about the arrangement in the first place it was completely unattainable to grasp normality as an end goal.

I needed to undo what I had started I need to finish what was yet to be complete. "Yes, I do ink."

I saw inks jaw clench, the sparkle in her brown pools gone as if stolen away from old nick himself. She didn’t hesitate any longer and started the engine driving away. The car ride had an eerily calm silence, deep down I knew she couldn’t expect me to make such a sacrifice of my whole life. she joined jimmy when she had no options and right here right now, I still had plenty of them.

Arriving back in front of Rose’s house nothing was said as I got out of the car and made my way to the front door, the discarded glass on the front porch from my tipsy irrationality. I didn’t look back, and I walked inside. Closing the door a part of my heaviness was lifted but some fear remained, but I was too exhausted to care. maybe one day I could laugh at how stupid I was, maybe I might cry a little every night before bed that I’d never see Kelly again, but I couldn’t lie that as a part of me was relieved I didn’t have to see jimmy ink ever again.

———————————————————————————

READERS NOTE: hey so sorry for all the angst im going through it at the minute and it’s REALLY reflecting in my writing i appreciate all the patience i promise i will try be more consistent but i am human at the end of the day!! Love ya💋

Tags!!: @alwaysathoughtdaughter @lovesexdreamm @s1ut4adamstanheight

[mizmog]

Spoiler for my next chapter: I’ve written the last half tipsy and to trixi Mattel’s cover on video game by Lana del ray so your welcome

[mizmog]

Was gonna post another chapter tonight but my draft was deleted by accident so tomorrow night it is UGHHHH

[mizmog]

Okay it’s taking me longer than expected but I need the plot to be perfect I can’t help myself I’m a virgo xoxo work has also been a pain in the ass but soon I promise you will get chapter 6 ten chapter will be LONGGGG trust xx

[mizmog]

Was gonna post another chapter tonight but my draft was deleted by accident so tomorrow night it is UGHHHH

[lucy-harker]

ERIN KELLYMAN as JIMMY INK 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) dir. Nia DaCosta

[mizmog]

GANG!AU!DRUG DEALER JIMMY INK X F!READER

Summary: a night you’ll never forget with the girl in red that can’t seem to let go will always be a good mix with a dangerous profession and a psychopathic boss who influences her every move…right?

Just a little TW violence from Jimmy towards reader at the end of the chapter!!!

Chapter 5: Call me when you’re home.

Usually when I woke up after a night of partying it was a mix of: a horrific hangover that made my body detox through one way or the other and ordering the nearest greasiest food that settled my nervous stomach. Every morning after, without fail, my brain would rattle with a paranoid frenzy attempting to remember the events of the night before desperately trying to put faces and names together. Guilt would consume me faintly as I would usually end up being contorted with someone I shouldn’t have been with or would later find out was the sister of a brother who is a cousin of the person who beat up Rose’s dog or something along those lines.

But today was different. My eyes snapped open like a creak from a rusty door breaking open. Reaching for my phone on the bedside and wincing at the bright screen displaying 10:28am I quickly drop it back into its original place with a loud huff of exhaustion. Leaning my arm down my side, a sudden feeling makes my heart race and almost melt at the notion. Kelly had her body contorted to fit the back of my own, her arm reaching around my waist over the covers of the duvet, holding me like she was worried I would run off or as if the double bed had some risk of becoming a twin size in the night and she didn’t want to risk falling on the floor. The realisation is slow, along with the few blinks I take as I give myself a moment to realise I’m in Kelly’s room, a smile creeps onto my face without me realising it. She looked at peace, no scowl or frown or furrowed brow in sight. The only curve in her face being the bumpy line of the scar across her cheek that followed down to the crevice of her oh so soft lips.

Taking in her face, that I had grown so fond of, I remember those mornings waking to that sinking feeling of lost memories from the night before and start to wonder what I could recall: after mine and Kelly’s passionate display of desire the affection continued throughout the night: sitting with my legs over her thighs as her hands remained intertwined with the crevice in my own thighs, her arm around me and most importantly of all the look she had when she thought I couldn’t see her. It was reflected in everyone’s face around us though, the jimmies, Rose but especially Jimmima and Shite. The blue duo exchanged shit eating grins as if they had a bet on if me and Kelly would last more than two weeks before we jumped into each others bed; which was then confined by groans of annoyance from Jimmy jones and Jimmy Jimmy as they handed over small bundles of cash over to the two maniacs. That was around 22:40 ish. I recalled the dance battle between Jimmima and snake (who were both surprisingly very flexible) that occurred after Jimmy ink came back and reported to Jimmy crystal along with Shite which allowed me and Rose to catch up as she practically had me in a head lock as I told her about me and Kelly. Dancing, smoking and singing was all I did in the absence of Kelly’s presence which was returned quite abruptly as her arms snuck around my waist causing me to almost punch her as I spin into action, which she caught with complete ease preventing the collision. Laughing it off she kept her hand in my waist. It was the smoothest thing anyone’s ever done In my personal opinion. Alcohol and pills were passed around like it was a pick N mix but I stuck to what I knew vodka and weed. There were moments that were a blur as the tingly sensations came over me and other times that I’ll never want to forget, like the several times me and Kelly ran off somewhere secluded to clash into each other. So completely and utterly in passion, the drugs could not have helped the attraction we both felt compelled by. The downstairs bathroom the laundry room and the back garden where we shared a spliff finishing it off with my thighs straddling her own as our tongues danced in unison; giggles and deep breathes breaking us apart every so often. Reuniting with the jimmies after a while outside with ink’s jacket wrapped around my shoulders, due to the cold breeze that had picked up past 1am, looking over to see jones and snake in a similar way me and ink were moments earlier as well as Rose and Shite. Smiling to myself at my own cunning I joined Kelly on the couch next to Jimmima who had looked at me giggling before turning away talking to Jimmy Jimmy quietly.

As I lay in Kelly’s bed reminiscing on the night before, I turn to lay on my back causing Kelly to mutter in her sleep and tighten her grip. I rub my eyes to get crusty stuff out of my lashes internally thanking myself for managing to take off my makeup before crashing onto the bed and entangling with the girl with red hair who remained by my side.

Slowly, after some thought, I decide to get up carefully removing Kelly tatted arm from my waist as I did so groaning left her lips which made me chuckle slightly. The attentive affection made me see a want, a need that reflected through how I had attended to so many before without reciprocation. I attempted to shake the thought as to remind myself that nothing good truly lasts forever. Even so, I couldn’t help my self but tuck the covers back up towards her shoulders as if to return the transaction.

“Aw poor baby.” I whispered sarcastically as I caressed her freckled cheek that had now moved to smush her lips into the pillow I had just rested on.

As I stood fatigue hit me like a truck causing me to stumble into the hallway which my eyes half open as the sun beamed in through the window on the landing of the stairs. My hand makes its way to create a bridge over my eyes which causes me to loose most of my vision and bump into a hard chest in front of me.

Stumbling back stars fill my eyes as I balance myself to my centre of gravity. Opening my eyes, a half smile reaches my mouth out of respect as I focus in on the gold upside down cross pendant, it was cold to the touch though it seemed to remain around his neck eternally.

A gruff huff left his lips as his eyes dropped to mine clear annoyance and fatigue filtering through his scowl. His purple velour jacket had been discarded leaving him in a similar attire as shite always appeared in.

I let out a tired sigh as I create more distance between us stepping back, “sorry Jimmy crystal, my heads bangin after last night I wasn’t looking.” I say as respectfully as I could in my state.

“You should thank old nick I don’t throw you round the bend and onto the landing but alass I have more important things to do this morning.” That same sadistic aggressively passive smile reaches his face.

I look at him unaware of how to respond like a dear in head lights “uh..thank you old nick.” I manage to make out eyebrows raised as a way to show my attempt to not offend which earns a dark laugh and the gap between us closing as he takes a step closer.

“Snooping so early in the morning are we? Looking for some more gear after last nights fix? Hmm?” His rotten teeth closer than I would like them to be as his presence becomes massive in my personal space. His sarcasm doesn’t falter as it grows into something darker, more severe, whatever come down he was on was creating a more paranoid version of the sir lord more than I even considered possible.

Looking up at him I shake my head softly to the side “I’m not a junky, sir. I just really need a piss so I can go back to bed for a bit…sir.” I was trying my damned hardest so play the part but it was clear he could see right through me though I was innocent, trying too hard and my chest had started to rise and fall in severe fashion.

Suddenly, his rings caught in the back of my matted bed head, his grip strong enough to rip my hair out with a tug his bloodshot eyes more visible as he leans closer to my face “you cannea think I’m not so stupid as to see why you’ve attached yourself to our Jimmy ink? You think I didnea see you two in the garden? That I dinnea hear ya-“

“It’s dipsy lala~”

Jimmy crystal stopped. His head snapped up to see the contortioned dance Jimmima had started to perform as she had time and time again, at the end of the hallway as if she was just coming out of the bathroom herself. Jimmy let go of my hair and had started to clap slowly out of enjoyment as he made his way towards Jimmima; disregarding me completely.

“Sensational Jimmima!” He cheered her on with a loud whistle as she ended with a spin and a bow which he clapped more continuously for. She caught my eye as she came back up from her bow and winked quickly as he wrapped his arms around her head and rocked her back and forth slightly, a pure smile radiated from him as he moved her aside and made his way past her down the hall towards his office.

Passing Jimmima quickly, she basically jumped at me and dragged me inside the bathroom, the cold tile sending a shiver down my spine as I walked in and rushed to the toilet seat pushing my underwear down. Relief washed over me as I not only relieved myself but was also safe from facing Jimmy crystal in a state that was so terrifying.

“Someone should’ve warned you. Ink probably got so pussy whipped she forgot to let u know how he is the morning after a gaff,” she says as she smiles at me knowingly as she takes a seat on the edge of the bath right next to me no sense of privacy or personal space taken into consideration; and a constant mischievousness in her words.

“Thank you mima it means a lot I honestly shit myself.” I answer honestly as I motion for her to turn away as I wipe; choosing to not acknowledge her comment on me and Kelly.

She huffs in annoyance at my notion but obliges to turn,while remaining to watch through the mirror which I was unaware of, “He won’t remember by the time the afternoon rolls around he always forgets.” She says almost with completely dead eyes, it caught me off guard, the emotional switch,and caused me to stand in front of her as she refused to look at me.

“What do you mean Jimmima?”I ask curiously, lowering myself to reach her level as she remained sat. Her eyes wandering to meet my own.

“How do you think we got the marks of old nick?” She asks as if it was obvious, touching the scar that graced her own softly before starting to pick at it as if it was a scab.

I gently place her hand away from her forehead and placed it in mine which she allowed, her eyes suddenly lit up as the life filtered back into her expression as she smiled maniacally, jumping up and taking me down as she straddled me giggling as she did so.

“I like you here.” She said through her giggling fit.

I lift myself up as she sits in my lap. The interaction though unusual on the outside, was more of a nod of approval than an attempt to jump my bones. I had watched Jimmima the night before and the way she interacted with not only the other jimmies but the other people at the party. She was different, her mind moulded by indoctrination of violence and loyalty that gained her certain privileges within the dysfunctional dynamic. She was jimmys favourite and I had witnessed it in real time as she did said and acted as she pleased to which no in ebatted an eye to.

Leaning on my forearms behind me, I smile at her softly “thank u Jimmima for being there at the right time.”

She mimics how Jimmy crystal had held her moments before on me rocking us both back and forth slowly In my lap. Soothing her back slowly up and down she changes so her hands grip both of my shoulders to which she eventually uses to help herself stand up leaving a hand out for me to take as she practically skips me out of the bathroom and to Kelly’s door; not before checking it was clear to walk towards . As I go to walk in, a grip on my hand stops me making me turn to face the platinum blonde.

“You okay mima?” I whisper lowly as to not disturb anyone.

Her eyes are faced lowly as she looks down at me her playful demeanour bouncing again to a more serious one “don’t get too attached. Ink puts on a front but not in the way you think.”

Before i can even begin to question what she meant she practically teleported to the end of the hallway and disappeared into another room. I thought about if for a minute; replaying what she had said over and over again. Not in the way you think. I knew her real name was Kelly. Is that what Jimmima had meant? My thoughts and questions were cut off by every muscle in my body being pulled towards the soft sheets and the warm body already entangled within them through sheer exhaustion. Subconsciously climbing in, I return the original position, Kelly’s arm around me as she cuddled into my side her soft breathing against my neck. As I drifted off Jimmimas words danced around in my head ‘don’t get too attached’ sighing into Kelly’s arms all I could think was that her heed of warning was far too late; I didn’t want her to let me go.

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My consciousness returned before I even opened my eyes, and decided to keep it that way in attempt to decide whether to open them at all. It took me a moment to hear the movement around the room and what sounded like a spray of deodorant;which was then confirmed by the smell that suffocated my nose. Nothing caught my attention enough until I realised I could no longer feel the pressure of a body tucked up next to me; this caused me to snap my eyes open and turn towards the scuffle of noise.

Turning my head, my whole body followed, to see ink putting on fresh pants and another white beater top with the same red jacket,how unusual, i thought seeing her in an almost normal outfit compared to her uniformed tracksuit, my brows scrunched up in a confusion I had yet to feel.

An idea popped into my head in an attempt to slow down her fast pace of getting ready. In my head, at the time, it seemed a good idea; for whatever reason. I crawled towards her slowly and saw her freeze at the edge of the bed and sigh slightly at the dip in pressure. I mimic the night before and wrap my arms around her neck leaning against the top of her shoulders, which just for a moment she accepted leaning into me with my chin softly on the top of her cranium. Her hand rested on my arms that crossed at her chest and for a moment everything was okay and quiet and still. My eyes had closed once more as I also relaxed in to her touch but they snapped open almost as soon as they closed as Kelly’s hand had grabbed my wrist away from her with aggression that came out of no where.

She stood suddenly with a tense expression “get ready, you can borrow some of my workout clothes.”

“Kelly what the fuck was that?” I ask confused, my hangover racking my brain enough as it was I couldn’t deal with this type of rejection so early in the afternoon.

She turned to look at me, still sat on the bed, staring with a sharp gaze “lower your fucking voice and stop calling me that get ur shit and fuck off.”

My head swirled as i tried to understanding why she was being so stand off ish, trying to ignore the tension in my chest and the tears that attempted to well in my eyes. Her face didnt falter once as she stared me down, i couldn’t describe how she looked but it wasn’t disgust or hate, more anger and sadness; I immediately thought back to my interaction with Jimmy crystal earlier this morning, anything could’ve happened within the two hours I fell back asleep.

I nod slowly get off of the bed and stand, ignoring the pit in my stomach that had formed. I always knew I wasn’t the type of girl who could sleep around and not have some sort of feelings but I had to remind myself who I had slept with. This wasn’t a normal case of attraction and sex; ink- Kelly was different. Her and Jimmy crystal were cut from the same cloth: hardened violent children who had grown into calculated and dangerous twisted older,but still in a way,children. I could feel through each soft feature of Kelly’s skin a darker deeper scar; like she couldn’t exist without both equal parts of torturous and brutal memory of childhood and the softened touch she gave me last night. Otherwise she may crack and fall apart into nothingness.

Though my self respect was screaming at me internally to get in her face and scream and cry as to how I felt completely used by the way she’s speaking to me, I bit my tongue. Something had happened this wasn’t anything to do with me. I remember how my mum had always said hurt people hurt people as I moved towards her draws in silence and picked through her clothes and chose a black t-shirt that was a size too small and cut off just before my belly button and some oversized black jogger bottoms that barely came to my ankles; as well as some black socks that made the distance between my ankles and the pants less obvious.

I turn around after getting changed to see Kelly already staring right at me. I chuckle lightly as I walk past her and towards the bedside I had slept on, taking my phone fur coat and dress into my hands.

“What you laughing at?” She asks confused but surprisingly defensively.

I glance behind my shoulder as I open her bedroom door “You, Jimmy ink.” I don’t hesitate as I walk out; I couldn’t help myself to be a bit petty about her attitude I wasn’t a saint.

Walking down the stairs I don’t wait for her to catch up as I pick up my heels which had surprised me on the way out still in the same position as they were when I had threw them off running after kel-Jimmy ink.

I make my way into the living room which was still an absolute mess and as if it was an infection had spread to the kitchen and the other hall way behind the staircase. Like a moth to a flame I moved towards the dining area through the kitchen at the voices of the other jimmies and that laugh engraved into my brain; Rose. Turning the corner Rose’s face lights up as she gets up to give me a hug. Around the table was shite and Jimmima with Jimmy crystal at the head as always ; along with another chair next to Jimmy shite where rose had sat before hand.

As I walk over to the table Rose fills me in on the conversation they were having; apparently when me and Jimmy ink had disappeared upstairs a fight broke out and a knife was pulled on Jimmy Jimmy.

“Fucking hell was the other kid okay?” I ask in surprise taking a seat next to Jimmima facing Rose; her chair so close to shite that he had his arm around her waist. Arseholes. At least Rose got some action without any mess.

Jimmima laughed loudly giggling like a maniac “of course not!! We basically gave him charity in front of everyone, well Jimmy Jimmy did at least…” she ends her sentence disappointed as if she had missed out on all the fun.

“Nah you didnea miss much Jimmima he were a fuckin’ gimp who couldn’t control his coke; you like it better when they deserve it proper donea ya?” Jimmy shite is quick to chime in, I was yet to see this side of him, the brotherly support to Jimmima; they were one in the same and that meant fucking insane, obsessed with the gore of it all.

All attention was brought to the table as Jimmy crystal leant back in his chair, his smile light and airy but his words were deep and cut like a knife “Funny how Jimmy ink was on guard last night and neither her or you little missy cannea remember this very loud conflict that occurred,” I swallowed hard as I feel Rose turn towards me shite had a shit eating grin (which made me realise how understandable it was that he gained his name because it never leaves him) and Jimmima had zoned out eyes wide and nails to her lips “hell even I came down to see what all the noise was about, and wouldn’t you know, you weren’t in the kitchen or downstairs at all for the matter.” His chin now rested on the palms of his hands as he moved forward in a look of wondering.

In a surge of confidence I picked an apple from the middle of the table and took a bite leaning back in my chair “yeah probably because we were fucking soz.” I shrug and look away from him, anywhere but him, regret was a feeling I had stopped feeling since last night and I was fed up with his false niceness.

All eyes had went wide. Stares were held between shite and Jimmima and Jimmima and me and sir lord jimmy crystal didn’t even move; until he did.

“Everyone out…NOAW!” He yelled so loud by the time I had finished flinching Jimmima and shite jumped out of the chairs; guiding Rose with his hand, she glanced at me quickly before leaving the kitchen.

Jimmy slowly got up, his chains jingling as he walked towards me shoving jimmimas chair out of the way with his foot as he does. He, like his followers, doesn’t hesitate to move as he violently pulls my chair out so I’m facing him. My heart beat out of my chest, normally , after interacting with the sir lord but maybe it was the hangover or the come down, I did not (in this moment) give a flying fuck.

Surprisingly, he didn’t get in my face. He stood leaning against the table and moved his hand behind his back. Pulling his hand back he placed his black hand gun on the table in the small gap between us.

Silence fills the room for a beat. The action was clear as a warning could be. It was out and wasn’t afraid of being used. At the end of the day Jimmy didn’t necessarily need his jimmies to do his dirty work, but he liked the power and having numbers over people. A sudden loud sigh came out of his mouth, rather dramatic, and cutting through the internal monologue I was having with myself.

“Let me do the mundane task of reinforcing into your thick fucking scull, that this house, the jimmies, the parties, all started..because you cannea control yourself. By old nick, I see you here again, you DISTRACT one of my jimmies with or use your wee friends matchmaking like it’s fuckin love island, I will use this grand device and put a bullet in between your eyes and put you down like the disrespectful wee heretic you are,” his movement was swift I didn’t even realise he had moved before I felt a trickle of blood across my cheek; I felt the tension beneath my skin where his ringed knuckles had hit my face. He punched me. I cried out without meaning too, causing him to grab my face digging his fingers into my cheeks; what hurt the most was how it reminded me of ink, she had learnt it from him, “we clear?”

Tears well in my eyes as I look up at him, cold crystal blue glaring down back at me. As they fell over the edge, mixing with my blood and bruises falling onto his fingers he looked at me with pure disgust and annoyance at my lack of response, his rage was evident through his forceful grab of my top, bringing me to my feet; towering over me his ringed fingers reached my neck squeezing tight.

I struggled against his hands attempting to grip at them my breathe growing shorter as my lungs begged to receive oxygen. All I could focus on was Jimmys crooked smile and tense jaw, but most of all his pure enjoyment. He enjoyed seeing me squirm for air knowing he could break my neck and rid me from this plane-send me to old nick himself for further suffering. But something better happened, better than he could’ve imagined that worsened the blow, Kelly walked in. Her gasp filled the gaps between the sounds of my struggle causing Jimmy crystal to turn around.

I could only imagine what I looked like: blood gushing from my cheek, bruising appearing on my soft cheeks, tears rolling down and jimmies nails imprinted on both side of my face. Her lips were parted and eyes devoid of light, finally regret had filled my stomach as I squirmed even more struggling to breathe as the panic set in.

“Ah couldnea be more perfect with timing Jimmy ink! We’re just finishing up our productive conversation..,” his casualness was condescending turning from Jimmy ink and looking down on me “we’re all clear now aren’t we?”

I nodded my head vigorously up and down and spurting out a small “crystal.” Before he launched me out of his hands and onto the floor of the kitchen, hitting it with a hard smash my face felt bashed in, I whimpered and sobbed softly as I let myself remain where I had fell. This caught the attention of shite Jimmima and Rose as they all stood beside ink taking in the scene unfolding infront of them.

“Get her up out out now.” Jimmy crystal ordered with severe authority.

Shite moved first hoisting me up off the floor as Jimmima came to my other side supporting me. Everything was in slow motion as Rose’s face of pure horror followed me out and I watched as Kelly watched me leave. Not Jimmy ink. Kelly. I saw her again standing there for a split second, her eyes looked at me more than a threat and more than a friend, I was somewhere in between and it was horrific.

She followed close behind there was talk but it was all muffled, if I were asked a question I wouldn’t have responded. A hoodie was put around me, but it brought no comfort for the turmoil inside of my chest and head.

I walked into the car, Rose guided me inside of it I felt like I couldn’t breathe still, I just wanted to go home. I had watched as she said goodbye to Shite and closed my eyes. I passed out. Nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to attempt to listen see or communicate so I didn’t.

Opening my eyes again, the door was already open as two different hands guided me up. We were at Rose’s house. Her face was red, she had been crying or screaming, or both. There were questions swirling around me that I didn’t want to know the answer to. The last thing I remember is sitting in Rose’s bed I must’ve fallen asleep, I might’ve cried or not but my soul ached why? Just why? After such a nice night why? Terrified was an understatement, I was cold and tired. Rose held me, not the way Kelly did with such urgency but with a maternal instinct to protect me; but it was useless she couldn’t protect me from this, I needed to forget this, I had too, but my body ached for my hatred of Jimmy ink and my heart ached for Kelly.

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READERS NOTE: WOW OKAY #ANGST I’m so sorry for the cliff hanger but I’ve planned out the next chapter already and guess what from next week no more exams so u won’t have to wait two weeks for an update!! THANK U SM FOR ALL THE SUPPORT ILY MWAH ENJOY!!💋💋

[mizmog]

Sorry for the mass delay on fic updates exams are kicking my ass will update soon!!

[mizmog]

GANG AU! DEALER! JIMMY INK x F! READER

Summary: the weekend couldn’t come quick enough after your interaction with ink trying to suppress the voice in your head telling you there was an alterioir motive to the girl in reds words..and actions

Chapter 4: I only Party4U

The last few days blurred into one. Distracted by the infinitum of thoughts that swirled beneath my skull, I was in a constant state of a day dream, in school, in the bath and especially in bed. Night after night I layed up with my head to the ceiling questioning why the events of the last week had taken place how they had taken place and what it meant for me now.

Even after restless nights, I still had no clue. My body felt heavy going through my day to day, getting ready, doing revision; I couldn’t keep my thoughts in one place for more than a second.

It dawned on me that it was now Friday night, my thin blanket that remained at the bottom of my bed now sprawled out over me as it had been since I sat on my bed since arriving home from school.

My mothers tone of concern as I walked through the door still rang in my head “hiya lo-fuckin’ hell hun you look like boiled shite you okay?”

I had sighed forcing a tired smile across my lips trying not to wince at the mention of shite“yeah mum I think I’m due on feel a bit ill but I’ll be fine I promise.”

She hadn’t believed me. She always read me like a book it was actually scary. Even so, she had gave me a peck on the forehead and left me to go to my room. I hadn’t told her, of course. I didn’t need her worrying plus she would remind me of the path my dad took. He wasn’t around anymore and my mum was never specific on why but she made sure to drill it into me that he had a good reason; he was a good man. I believed her as I had no reason not to.

My mum was the type of woman who took no shit. She was always my biggest supporter and protector; rational and reasonable always keeping me in check. I admired her deeply and every time someone would tell me I looked or acted like her my chest would glow with pride. But saying that I know there were certain things I needed to figure out on my own.

The thought came to me almost as quickly as I jumped out of my bed grabbing my A3 sketchbook and ripping a page out of it before returning to my bed with a thud.

Splitting the page into two sections I labelled them “what I know” and “what I don’t know”. It seemed silly but realistically if this could help me organise my thoughts then so be it.

I think for a second before I start writing:

“What I know”-

I’ve on okay terms with sir lord jimmy crystal

Ink knew where I lived without me telling her

Ink gave “charity” to the creepy lad from the party

Jimmima assumed I was staying with ink

Shite is still pissed at me

Charity is what the jimmies do when someone fucks with their sir lord

Party on Saturday

I sigh as I struggle to conjure up anymore points to add. I kick myself for not asking ink about what Jimmima had said. Everything was so overwhelming to comprehend and I tried to suppress the feeling that grew in my chest at the thought of ink and her presence.

“What I don’t know”

Why Jimmy crystal invited me to the party

If I’m safe

If I should tell my mum what’s going on

What I can do to make things right with shite

What im going to wear for the gaff Saturday

How I felt about ink

My eyes freeze on the last point as I beg the question again in my head. How do I feel about ink? She made me flustered in her placement of her hands on my skin as if by nature she knew of the pressure points that make me feel weak in the knees. Even when she grabbed my face, her fingertips would soften ever so slightly over my cheek. I tried to suppress the thought of the look she gave me in the car and definitely tried to ignore the way her eyes would dart to my lips every so often.

Every movement she made was subtle but never lost on me. My mind craved conversation with her. I needed to know who she was what she liked and how certain things made her feel. She was scary but it enticed me even more as I Paired it with what Jimmima had said when I had helped her with dishes, I knew I wasn’t the only one who caught on to inks demeanour change, except it was obvious there were sides of the story I was yet to be filled in on. The time I spent with her was brief but I’ve always had an addictive personality. It doesn’t help she seemed into it in her own odd twisted way.

The thought of her not hesitating to shove shite off of me made me conflicted with how easily she had shoved me against the wall and grabbed me so aggressively when I had spoke out of turn. It felt like a cradle and slap on the head but I couldn’t stop revising and rehearsing every movement and breathe without overthinking it.

I suddenly remind myself of what ink had said in the car over shite. I wasn’t stupid I knew his reputation I had seen his temper snap and had also been held at knife point by him. I had no idea how to get him off my back: he could protect himself, he had money, he had equally insane mates and I had fuck all.

I grunt heavily as I throw my body back into my support system of pillows and a blanket; throwing my hands over my head I rest into myself and decide to call it a night after all it was Friday night,deciding that and the jimmies, ink and Jimmy crystal were Saturday’s problem.

———————————————————————————

My body woke with alarm. Hair covered my face and feel into my mouth as pressure increased around my middle, feeling two thighs pressed against my sides. As my eyes shoot open, my arms swing up as my adrenaline speeds through my viens.

“WOAH woah r/n calm it.”

My blurry vision finally focused on the form and face in front of me. Rose.

“Jesus Christ rose I almost decked you,” I say with an exasperation sigh,holding onto the sides of her arms. Her presence was less alarming as my mum would’ve allowed her into the house, it being her second home of course,“what’s going on why are u here?”

“Well, sorry for checking my bestie was still alive,” she giggles lightly before a more serious, though still light,expression dawned on her face, “no but seriously,girl I haven’t heard from you all week are you okay? Look I know last Friday was a shit show but I promise you will never have to be around Micheal or his little gang friends ever again.”

She smiles softly as her reassuring tone is like honeydew, further reminding me of how grateful I was to have someone so mad and fiercely loyal to me in my life. However, this feeling was also accompanied by the dread I felt knowing I had to spill everything that had occurred the past week. She noticed the smile on her face wasn’t reciprocated on my own and her face dropped with a mother’s concern.

“R/N. What?” She spoke in that tone I couldn’t disobey.

The next half an hour had felt quite on Rose’s end as I practically word vommited at her without a breathe between words. I told her everything. From the police chase and the bag how Jimmy crystal acted towards shite and eventually led to my confession of how ink had played the whole thing out and how the conversation in the car led me to even further conflicted feelings. I stare at her as her face falls further and deeper into levels of shock and confusion I had yet to see from her before.

“Well?” I ask desperately awaiting a response as the silence became deafening.

After a long draining pause, a sudden burst of laughter echoed around the room. Rose’s head swings back as her laugh became a cackle.

“‘WELL?’- R/N you are mad. Absolutely insane. I can’t believe you. Since when do you hang around with gangsters. Fucking hell I leave you for a week and you find yourself in a gang HAHAH,” she wipes a tear from her eye, her reaction leaving me in a state of shock, “no but how did that Jimmy ink know where to drop you off. Bit sketch that like-“

“Girl I don’t know,” I huff as I lie back down, “but she did invite me to another gaff-it’s tonight.”

“YOURE LYING OH MY GOD.”

“I mean what do I do? If my mum finds out I’m hanging out with a gang she’ll slap me stupid like I KNOW better- I should just fuck it off and go uni somewhere like 5 hours away,” I chuckle slightly before reality sets in, “Rose she’s gonna be here at 9.”

She smirks slightly before standing up off of my bed with a proud clap of her hands “right, first of all, you’re not fucking off 5 hours away so get that out of your head RIGHT now, and second of all, WE will be going tonight.”

I scoff slightly at her suggestion “rose fuck off that’s not happening I’m not letting you put yourself in harms way because of my stupid actions.”

She shakes her head softly “Nope nu-uh not hearing it if you think I’m letting you go by yourself you’re deluded.”

Knowing she wouldn’t let up I agree with a disobedient huff knowing Ink was getting double trouble rather than a sacrificial lamb tonight. Praying silently it won’t be an intrusion to Jimmy crystals space, but something eased in me as I realised the favour Jimmy showed towards me against shite. As the thought crossed my mind another creeped up behind it, it was morally questionable but if there was anyone who could help me solve it-it was rose.

“Hey so remember that Jimmy shite who was nicked from our school?”

“Yeah I was speaking to him for a while,why?” A smirk of pure mischievousness was plastered across her face. We exchanged a look similar to the one ink had given sir lord jimmy crystal at the dinner, at least we had that in common; we both had someone we could speak to telepathically.

———————————————————————————-

The evening had went almost paralleled to last Friday except me and rose were getting ready together this time. My room had looked like a bomb had gone off: clothes sprawled all over in the stress of picking an outfit, setting powder fragments over my desk, a speaker at full volume blasting my playlist and the half opened bottle of vodka that had sat by my desk since last week now poured into two cups. I looked hot as fuck. My hair curled and styled which cascaded down onto the hem of my corset top which pushed my chest up and together creating a perfect cleavage, my waist cinched; my skirt cutting off mid upper thigh.

Nerves still teased my stomach at the idea of going to sir jimmy crystals house, I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something going on under wraps and that I was still at the top of the iceberg. The noise of the night began to fill the atmosphere like I was with rose at the Jimmy house for the first time,except this time it’s different, we know what we’re for and who for. Steer clear of pissing off mr crystal get answers from ink about what the end goal is and Rose will distract shite. That was the plan anyways.

Rose had let me ramble about the girl in red while we got ready. I couldn’t help myself, it was like every thought and feeling I had felt bottled up (no matter how perverted or tame) came spilling out. Rose’s ear was a stabler in the madness of recent events, her ability to calm my spiral was a true talent.

“Wait- just so I get this right-“ Rose’s words startle me from my concentration of my pink and silver sparkly eye shadow “Jimmy crystal reckons he’s like what? The antichrist?”

I giggle slightly as I refocus my attention to my eyelid in the mirror “girl I don’t even know. But he’s got them all having upside down crosses between their eyebrows-fuckin weird,” I shake my head and scoff slightly before turning my attention to rose sitting at my desk “how do I look?”

Her body faces towards me and she lets out a breathily laugh with an almighty smirk “oh girl if ink doesn’t fuck you tonight I will.”

I cackle loudly and stand to get my drink left on my bedside; table taking a sip the harsh, bitter taste lingering in the back of my throat. Checking the time, 8:52, a long huff breaks through my lips making rose glance toward me with a dissatisfied smile.

“Please chick it’s gonna be okay. They might be violent and weird but I’m not scared of them and neither should you; if you feel like shits getting sketchy then we leave,okay?” Her expression stern with that motherly authority she held even though she was only a year older than me.

I giggle softly attempting to dissipate nervous energy, “yes of course. Also, you think Micheal is gonna be there?” I raise an eyebrow

Rose blows a raspberry, her lip liner clashing together in a disproving scoff “fuckin hope not he’s been messaging me like non stop even though I told him to fuck off like seventy million tim-“

Her words were cut off with the sound of a loud car horn. We both stare at each other as we mirror each others smirk. Quickly, we made our way down stairs grabbing our small bags and my white fur coat on the way. As rose puts her heels on I touch up my lip gloss in the mirror in my hallway.

“Your ride here,love?” The sound of my mums voice breaks my concentration on my lips.

“Yeah- me and Rose got invited last minute to an 18th,someone she went to primary with!” My voice was laced with false excitement as I motion towards Rose’s direction. My breathe hitched out of instinct as her face contorted into a completely unamused expression.

“Bit of an aggressive honk wann’it? Who’s giving you a lift?” Her arms crossed over chest as she leans against the staircase. I curse her intuition.

“Emma’s older sister,” Rose’s voice enters the conversation before mine can, “don’t worry Mrs R/L/N I’ll get us an uber home safe.” I look back at rose with as much gratitude as I can, her face feigned with cherub like innocence; absolutely brilliant at it.

Staring at us both she relaxes her body with a huff “okay good, thank you rose. You both look gorgeous, though that skirts more like a belt R/N…”

I scoff at her words playfully “mum please we have to go!”

She chuckles as she pulls me into a hug whispering a soft “be safe.” As she does. Slamming the door behind me turning my key into the lock, my eyes land on that all familiar red and white tracksuit.

Linking with rose, we walk to car as best we can with our heals clacking against the gravel of the road. Ink was outside the car leaning against the driver door her hands enclosed in front of her. Her face contorted into a confused snarl at the girl intertwined with my arm.

“Hey ink!” Rose says with a faux friendly smile before immediately getting into the back seat leaving just me and ink outside of the car.

“The fuck is she doing?” Ink turns towards me almost completely baffled at Rose’s audacity. A cruel snarl making its way to her lips.

“You really think I’m gonna come to one of yours gaffs alone?” I snarl right back at her.

She steps closer to my frame making my heart almost beat out of my chest. “I told you Jimmy invited you, YOU, no one else. Don’t know if you’re just a fucking idiot but if you can’t seem to remember for whatever reason, you originally pissed Jimmy off for inviting yourself to his house now you’re inviting other girls?”

I laugh right in her face at her attempt at name calling “well you must’ve hit your head since because lest we forget, last time I was alone at jimmys gaff one of your monterex ninjas tried to force himself on me, so yeah, I’m not taking that risk again.” I step even closer invading her personal space her nose inches from mine smiling as calmly as I could “okay?”

I don’t even wait for her response as I walk to the passenger side of the car getting in and fastening my seatbelt. There’s a hesitation in inks action to get into the car that makes the rest of the car ride slightly awkward.

After 15 minutes, we arrived. The car pulled into the front of house in the same spot it was parked when I had been driven home by ink earlier in the week. The shadow casted on the house from the outside lights was ominous but the rainbow stream of light from inside flashed through the windows.

Ink was the first to get out following rose from behind me. Ink had caught me off guard, as I had turned to unfasten my seatbelt she had made her way around the car and had opened the passenger door for me. At first, her eyes refused to meet mine, until they did and she motioned for me to make my way out of the car and to the house. A small glow beamed from my chest at the gesture; chivalry was clearly inks form of a weak apology.

Smiling softly as I got out of the car muttering a soft gratitude, rose caught my eye which turned into an almost manic smirk her eyes wide in response to the interaction she had just witnessed.

Ink entered the house first, the familiar feeling of the base of the speakers flooding my system as the door opened, the heat of bodies making me drop my fur coat from my shoulders almost immediately. Ink moved smoothly from the house shoving one lad who seemed too drunk too early out of her way which led him crashing into a nearby wall, it had caught me off guard that a loud laugh escaped my mouth which caused ink to turn around for the first time since we walked through the threshold; she had tried to hide her smirk by turning around but nothing she did got passed me.

Making our way through the sea of bodies, we land in the kitchen where I’m met with the sight of most of the Jimmys; except for Jimmima and Jimmy Jimmy. Jones and snake where by the make shift bar both flushed in the face and keeping close to each other.

“Oh Hey!!” Jones greets ink with a hug and surprisingly embraces me in one too, snake nods his head without much to say “you back already huh?” They whisper barely coherent but I just managed to catch it.

“Haha, yeah- may as well get my own room at this point.” I giggle lightly as I pull away from the embrace.

“The only people who need to get a room are you two.” A loud Welsh accent cuts through our conversation; turning to see fox and shite leaning on the opposite counter.

“Come on ink you know what sir lord is like..cannea bring a bitch in the house he doenea like dogs.” Shite bites through hooded eyes, clearly my lack of presence during the week gave him enough time to stew that come back.

I hold back a snark as I fake a smile “shite, always a pleasure.” I ignore fox completely as I come to realise he’s just a yes man for the slightly taller Scottish lad. This however earned me a cold glare that made jones and snake move out the way laughing amongst themselves as shite moved closer towards me and ink; fox close behind him. The way he moved attacked the atmosphere around me, but I didn’t shy away, he opened his mouth as if his mouth was a loaded gun preparing to shoot me down and destroy any confidence or safety I felt but it was just what I needed to bite back first.

“You remember rose right?” I ask quickly stepping back softly before springing back with rose in tow. This made shite step back slightly. Checkmate.

I could not stress this enough if I tried but rose was gorgeous. Like, the type of girl shite would shag and eventually fall for;well that was the plan anyway. And shite was…not so blessed. He knew it she knew it and it was a massive gamble because he wasn’t stupid; some girls would fawn over drug dealers due to the reputation free stash and the money but shite wasn’t just a runner for Jimmy crystal he was a soldier. The dinner with Jimmies made me realise crystal made it clear they had a mission; and if Jimmy had told shite not to have any fun tonight then he wouldn’t. I begged to god the universe and even old nick for Rose’s advances to work.

“Hiya shite long time no see.” Rose wraps her arms around his neck seductively and kisses him on the cheek softly before letting go. Fuck yes rose. For once, his face dropped. I held my breathe as I waited for his response as he looked between me ink and rose.

“You cannea be seriou-“ shite had started but rose was faster.

“Sorry, I’m just really greatful that you beat the shit out of that Micheal for slipping something into my drink last time I was here.” She controlled her tone to be smooth as silk and even though in heels made herself seem small, this however caught shites attention.

“Who told you that?” He peered down at her with an accusatory snarl arms crossed his chest losing the gap between them tension building.

“Oh you know,” she takes a puff of her vape and blows the smoke right into his face.

My heart races and my head spins to ink but she seems entertained. Her eyes meeting mine a smirk reached her face as she motions to the pair behind me again. Turning back around I brace myself for a fight.

“You wanna drink?” Shite asks with the same coldness in his voice as before as if he were still interrogating her.

“As long as u don’t spike it!!” She answered cheerily as she grabbed him away from towards the bar not letting him glance back at me and ink. Fox looked at me and scoffed as he walked away. I tried to hide a prideful smirk (key word tried) but it seemed almost impossible because the plan had worked.

Turning back towards ink she had that same entertained smirk on her face. I stepped closer to her as she grabbed a private stash of bottles from the fridge in front of her and poured us both a drink.

“What?” I ask softly, I wasn’t complaining to see her smirk so long as she had soft dimples you could only see close in the light;I was soaking it in.

She handed me the cup and faced me. I felt compelled to mirror her expression as she scoffed playfully, “oh come on.. don’t start with the whole clueless act. You know exactly what you just did; I’m just surprised you pulled it off.” She grins at me as she takes a sip out of her cup. Her eyes remained on my face.

I roll my eyes playfully trying to contain my relief and giddiness “well you underestimate me Jimmy ink. Plus, I actually did nothing rose did all the taking,” I step slightly closer to her “I told you I’d figure an in with shite, rose felt bad about ruining my night last week and wanted to make sure shite didn’t ruin it-plus I think she still thinks he’s fit so win win.” I shrug and giggle at her wide eyed expression

“She finds HIM fit?” She shakes her head softly in disgust as I continued to laugh.

“I’m not even joking I said the exact same thing when she told me she was speaking to him months ago. Don’t know exactly what she saw but I’m not one to judge.”

An hour or so had passed and me and ink had been generous in the pouring of our third drink which had led to us being more tipsy than either of us had registered. We had joked with jones and snake over the sight of shite and rose on the couch (both pretending to be tame knowing individually were both bat shit insane) before making our way to the living room an hour later dancing against each other, before making our way back to the kitchen pouring another drink when I notice her eyes bare into me as if she was looking for something she couldn’t find, i tilt my head slightly to the side curiously,“what?” i ask cautiously with a squinted brow.

Inks braids move against her face as she shakes it side to side “nothing.” She mutters into her cup taking a bigger gulp than expected.

“No seriously what it is? You keep looking at me like that what is it?” I ask pressing into her more. I take a risk and reach out brushing her arm lightly.

Her gaze becomes fixated on my hand pressing lightly on her upper arm, the bitter liquid seeping slowly into my veins gave me an increasingly intense surge on confidence. Eventually, her deep brown eyes make me feel like putty as I’m put under a gaze, different then her usual routined unbothered aggravated or amused expression.

“You’re intoxicating. Every time you’re near me I cant focus on anything else.” Her tone was a mix of awe and lack of confidence. As if on cue her head snaps back towards the party in front of us, the usual mix of emotion returning to her face, as she takes another gulp of her drink. I’m stunned. I thought I imagined the tension between us but this made every thought I deemed delusion reality. The party boomed around us but all I could watch was the confusion brewing in her brow, other than that the world filled with silence.

Suddenly, that silence is broken as ink moves away muttering something along the lines of “I have to go to talk to the sir lord.”As she moves away and disappears into the swallowing crowd, my heart races in my ears as I can’t help but chase after her. I refuse to not take my chance after all the hell of turmoil I’ve been put through the last week, I deserve this, so does she.

Pushing through the sweaty crowd her red jacket guided me like a moth to a light, like a phoenix to a flame, I couldn’t resist shoving the bodies In my way desperation filling my movements as I continued to make my way through the living room and watch as the red haired girl makes her way up the stairs, I giggle softly at myself , again with the stairs.

I quickly kick off my heels in the hallway and run up after her watching as she turns the corner at the top. I couldn’t feel my body as it moved forward. Pure instinct intuition or madness I’m not sure but my body craved to follow where she went. Turning the corner on the upper floor I come face to face with the door I had seen slam behind her. My breathe hitched as my body continued to move opening the door and slamming it behind me as ink had done before me.

My eyes opened, slowly. I hadn’t registered how long they had been closed. But the swirl of warmth and dissipating desperation filled my soul, I couldve cried. My lower back supported by two strong hands, as my own supported each side of ink’s cheeks, moving in slow circles in motions of comfort. Our lips once intertwined now slowly falling away from each other as we both suffer from shaky breathes and attempts at slow breathing.

Inks hand snaps to my wrist, forcing me back into the room, feeling like I wanted to be swallowed whole as my eyes widened. Fuck. Why did I do that. She could kill me. She should kill me if say thank you. She’s such a prick why am I doing this to myself.

My thoughts feel like they’re about to bust out of my brain. “Shit ink I’m sorry I don’t know why I di-“my blurt of apologies were cut short as her hand on my wrist travelled to the back of my head, guiding our lips to interlock again, as her other hand pulled her hips closer to mine. A desperate hum of aggressive satisfaction filled the room as she forces my body against the door with a messy shove. We almost move in synch to the base below as my hands wrap in between her braids, holding on as if she was filling me with the only oxygen in the room. Her lips pressed so softly against mine, nothing but complete attraction and warmth filling my body. Her tongue breaks into my mouth, dancing with my own rather than a fight for dominance as we both relax into each others hold. Pressure built up almost immediately in my core, less of a want and way more over a need, completely overwhelming my senses.

With a small gasp we break apart. Panting desperately not just for air but each other. She tastes of vodka and sweet bitterness, her hold was a soft dominance that held me together at the response of her touch. Ink holds onto my cheek, so softly it spoke as an apology for every time she had dug her nails into the sides of my jaw. She places her forehead to mine, light illuminating my vision as my eyes open slowly. Inks freckled complexion in this way could’ve of brought me to tears. She was a fallen angel; A real heretic. I felt every speck of corruption in her soul and wanted nothing less than all of it. Her breathing slowed as she caught her breathe, eyes still shut as if scared to open them and be faced with a sudden rejection; or something worse.

“Ink..” I whisper softly untangling my own hand from her hair and to her face.

A harsh shaky breathe is released from her nose and her face moves an inch further away as her deep brown eyes meet with mine. She doesn’t speak, and for once neither to do I. I took in every detail of her face: the scarred lip and cheek, every dot that seemed to be placed by old nick himself,her wispy lashes, her symmetrical brows, the small concave that appears more when she smiles and back up again to her eyes, which had stayed on me exploring in a different way. Ink looked at me like she was trying to find something cynical, something to stop her, making her hesitate more than I had bare witnessed to before.

Suddenly,the hand that rested on my cheek hoisted up my bare left thigh, resting it against her hip and edging her knee in between my legs pressing softly into my core. My eyes widened and chest rose and fell at a quicker pace, falling under inks gaze I couldn’t help but smirk excitedly. Leaning in closer to my face her gaze darts from my eyes then down to my lips switching between the two again.

“Kelly” She whispers lightly, I barely heard it.

“Kelly?” I ask softly tilting my head slightly to meet her eyes.

Reciprocating my tilt, she lets out a lightly laugh, “Kelly.”

I giggle softly bringing my other hand to her other cheek, holding her face in my hands, “Kelly.”

Ink, or Kelly now, closed the gap between us taking my lips in between hers as I wrap my arms around her neck. Growing more aggressively I can’t stop myself from moaning into the kiss. Without warning Kelly picked up my body carrying me over to what I assumed was her bed. Lying me down, she hovers over me, smirking over my eagerness and her chance to take advantage of it.

“D’you want me to make you feel good? Hmm?” Kelly’s tone was completely shifted, she wanted something and she was utterly determined to get it, learning a trick or two from leading the other jimmies her seduction was complete dominance.

“Yes,Kelly- please.” Remembering my manners quickly she stood up and held out her hand which I took without question. Twirling me around so I’m stood facing the bed, Kelly lyes in the middle of the bed back on her elbows almost manspread with her legs hanging off of the bed.

“Show me then.” She says in full seriousness a waiting smirk appearing on her face as she takes off her jacket leaving her in a white wife beater and her gold chain on her upper body.

Instead of a verbal response, I muster as much as a seductive smirk as I can, sliding down my skirt while moving my hips in a slow and steady rhythm until they fall to the floor and I step out of them. I watch as her smirk slowly falters and her chest rises and falls excessively as she looks me up and down. I slowly zip down my corset revealing the second piece of my matching set black lace fabric and blue encrusted design. I spin around slowly grasping at my asscheeks as I spin, feeling myself up. Returning back to facing Kelly I walk slowly to the edge of the bed shaking my hips with every step, leaning over and grasping the chain around her neck In my hand pulling her up into a sitting position; my other hand resting on her upper chest.

Straddling myself over her legs, her eyes traced over every inch of my body. I had never had someone look at me in such adoration and it gave me a spike In confidence as I play with her chain focusing on that rather than her.

“I mean I could always get dressed again, If I didn’t show you enough..” my eyes dart to her face looking at her with a faux concern plastered on my face. I didn’t even register a response as I was flipped onto my back, lips and teeth collided in a desperate tango. Kelly moved her mouth down to my jaw and soft spot of my neck that made an involuntary squeal escape my mouth, moving slowly she unhooked my bra letting my tits relax onto my chest. A slight pause occurred, then she continued working her way ravenously down my torso, her head now in between my thighs.

In one attempted snap, my underwear was ripped and to the side, I gasped in disbelief and protest which caused Kelly’s head to snap up “I’ll get you new ones.”

I chuckle at her response which quickly became a soft moan. Kelly’s tongue dove into my core and entangled itself with my clit almost immediately. Out of instinct my hand reached for the back of her head and my hips bucked into her face. The buzzing in my core turned into mini fireworks as she continued working into me moaning around my core sending vibrations to my chest. As if she felt the transfer of electricity within me, her hand reached up and began to play with my breast focusing on building friction on either side of my nipple.

“Mm Kelly..” I huffed out in a moan making eye contact with her I felt that same smirk that was planted on her face before hand return. She had me right where she wanted me and I was not complaining. Sadistically, she entered two fingers into me. Unprepared by the pleasure, I instinctively cried out clutching the back of her head. Before I knew it, Kelly had crawled up and was now hovering over me, her free hand gripping both sides of my chin aggressively.

“Look at me.” Her low tone catches my attention,leading me to her chocolate eyes once more. Even through her aggressiveness, her touch was soft enough for me to relax into her hold. Her fingers slowly started to move like a wave inside of me the friction causing the sparks in my core to grow tighter. My mouth remained a gape as my eyes locked onto the pair in front of me, even when the pleasure made me feel like my eyes may roll all the way back into my scull.

As her motion sped up, Kelly’s thumb found my clit once again, circling slowly, causing my breathe to fall short.

“Kelly- Kelly please, please.” I begged in desperation painfully aware that I wasn’t making sense. My heart thumping to the base below us.

“Please what?hmm?” She asked with such mockery my cheeks grew flushed; but I could only focus on the tension that built more and more between my legs.

“Please Kelly. I need to- I need you to let me-“ I whine softly in frustration as struggle to get my words out blinded by pleasure.

A low cold laugh echoed in my ears as I open my eyes from my slow blink to see Kelly laughing over me. Seeing my gaze focused on her she leans closer barely an hair away from my lips which caused me to attempt to capture them once more, causing another laugh to leave her throat. Peering down on me as she spoke the burning inside me threatened to spill.

“I’ll give you whatever you ask for, R/N. As long as you say it out loud.” Her grip on my face tightened as she leaned in closer kissing my lips softly as her other hand continued to flow inside and outside of me.

Breaking away from the kiss with a loud gasp for air as my body attempted to release onto Kelly’s fingers, a loud moan leaves my throat involuntarily.

“plea-se Kelly make me come please can I come?” I clung onto her body in complete and utter desperation remaining my gaze on her as requested.

Without a word her lips reconnect with mine, equally desperate and quick to break away. Her fingers increase in speed around my clit causing my body to convulse beneath her, her eyes never left my complexion once even as I unfolded beneath her frame with my head snapped back in complete ecstasy; her fingers matching the ride out of my orgasm in perfect harmony.

Opening my eyes again my, as my body convulsed at the slight over stimulation my hands find the top of Kelly’s shoulders, taking in slow shaky breathes as I come down from my high. Kelly’s smirk remained on her face as I caught my breathe finally, looking back up at her I smiled softly and with little force brought her face closer to my own to kiss her softly enjoying her affectionate response after such an amazing performance.

Letting go from the kiss, Kelly moved to my side with a sigh getting up off of the bed without a word. Moving towards a set of chested draws on the right side of the room she returns back to sitting beside me on the bed as she hands me a pair of black cotton underwear.

“You’re an absolute fiend I hope you know that.” I giggle taking the underwear and standing up to put them on and re clasping my bra as I crawl over to her on the bed, laying on my side alongside her resting my head on my propped up hand.

Kelly had started rolling a spliff on the side of the bed licking the edge of the paper swiftly and punching the ends“I have no problem replacing every pair of underwear you have as long as I can see you like that again.” She scoffs turning to face me momentarily a sly playful smirk dancing across her face as she does.

My eyebrows raise at her statement, “you saying this isn’t a one night stand kind of thing?” A surprised smirk reached my face as she turned her body fully around to face me an equally surprised look upon her face.

Moving towards me, her hand brings my chin up to meet her lips. It was more intimate than the heavy desperate make out we had had, softer less tongue. “Yes, yes I am.” She says it so matter of factly that I almost forget the context into what she is responding to.

“Kelly.” I say as she stands spliff in her mouth lighting it and exhaling handing it to me which I happily accepted taking in a deep inhale.

“What?” She responded guarded, almost defensive.

I smirk playfully exhaling smoke “nothing just getting used to saying it rather than ‘Jimmy ink’” giggling lightly a slight bit of smoke got caught in my lungs causing me to cough roughly which had started to make me laugh as the weed had slowly entered my system. After my coughing fit subsided I looked up to see Kelly sitting on the edge of the bed away from me looking more towards the direction of the floor.

“Kell?” I say softly as I edge closer in her direction.

“Don’t,” she started refusing to face me, “don’t start using it. If you say it in front of Jimmy he’ll flip his shit and on old nick he’ll hurt you or me. Or hurt you to hurt me,” she sighed lowly before turning to face me slightly before returning to her original position “when we’re alone and together by all means,please do but don’t slip up; don’t get used to it.”

I stopped myself from making a comment on how stupid Jimmy was for getting so wound up about them using their real names but Kelly’s desperation made me decide against it. One part stood out loudly. “Hurt you to hurt me.” Being stupid wouldn’t lead to getting myself hurt anymore but the people around me I cared for most. Ink spoke like she knew from experience which made my chest feel heavy still over clouded discomfort brought by smoking.

What I did decide to do was to crawl over to inks back, using her shoulders at support I let my arms dangle in front of her beside either side of her neck; my face coming beside the right side of her face. I couldn’t help but admire her side profile as I came close to her ear kissing the side of her jaw, making my way up towards her ear.

“Well then, kellykellykellykellykellykelly,” I whisper softly in her ear “I’ll enjoy using it when it’s just us,alone,together.” I end my sentence with a big kiss to the cheek which earns me a soft, genuine pleased smile on Kelly’s face.

I leave from behind Kelly to jump off the bed picking up my corset top and skirt from the floor readjusting both items of clothing to fit as they did when I had first opened the room. Watching as ink gets up, she makes her way to a cupboard opening it the door on the inside was a body length mirror. Making eye contact with me, ink nudged her head towards the mirror, this made me smile as I walk around the Fran of the bed and correcting my outfit and hair that had frizzed and makeup that had smudged slightly.

As I finish up, Kelly had put her jacket back on and finished the end of the spliff, closing the wardrobe door I face her in my previously worn attire, spinning in a full 180 landing with my hands on my hips posing exaggerating my ass as I bent over slightly “how do I look?” I ask sarcastically

Kelly chuckles before rolling her eyes covering her face with one hand as she steps closer towards me, slapping my ass harshly, causing me to stand straight to attention. Walking past me she guided my hand from behind her to follow her out of the room stopping at the top of the stairs as she turns to face me one last time before we walked down.

“Remember what I said about slipping up. Don’t say anything even in front of jones and especially not around shite. Okay?” She asked desperately.

I smile softly caressing her cheek with my hand as I bring my lips to her own which she gladly reciprocates, easing her tense expression pulling away I take her hand in mine once again smiling playfully,“whatever you say, Jimmy ink.”

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READERS NOTE: another chapter down!!! I had so much fun writing this one!! Sorry it took forever exam season sucks ass but I will prevail!!! Hope you enjoy and thank you for all your lovely comments and likes!!💋💋💋