If the world read any of my diary entries, it would think I'm a creep. Or a psycho. Or a genius - I have not a clue. But one day, I'll have it all in a book. My hopes and dreams. My fears and worries. My past, my present, my future, and what I dream it could all be like. One day everyone will know of these things I hold inside. I only hope they're significant in relation to what others face. But for now, I am still a developing story. I have yet to face my plans, and I have yet to face a pre-determined death in God's hands and God's alone. An early death? Yeah, I've thought about it. Immortality? Yeah, I've thought about it. Have I considered seriously pursuing either? No, because I realize God's plans for me. There is so much I don't want to face, and there's so much I want to live long enough to see. But I'm limited to the objectives God wants me to fulfill, and to the people I reach out to, and to the writing, to the drawing, acting, running, and all of the hobbies I can manage to juggle. It's all there. It's all in His palms. He's holding me too. He's holding me together. And trust me when I say I'm like you; I'm broken. You're not the only one. You're not alone. The damage generations face nowadays is alarming. I alone don't face hardships. I alone don't suffer. And I'm not alone. Even though it sure feels so. Isolation has been my biggest issue lately. I have my reasons, but I don't have true excuses. And I'm sorry to anyone who wonders why I walk away so fast upon a greeting. I'm sorry that my only form of exceptional communication is a shy smile and a note. It takes courage half the time just to look up from my feet. But God helps me to do what I can to be strong. And one day, I'll rise in better confidence again. One day, I'll tell everyone what I'm going through. One day, everyone will know the beauty of God's plan for me and for themselves. And even as I live, as He plans my story, I'll write it alongside Him. And if I never get to the draft or the novel, there's always my diaries. You saw it first: when I am gone, permission is granted to delve into those messy pages of secrets, expressions, and surprises.
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