Today, I fucked up... by cutting my vagina off
This didn’t happen today, but a couple of days ago.
My boyfriend’s job requires him to travel, usually for 3-5 days at a time. On the days he returns, I try to have our home tidy and dinner made (the least I can do) and once he’s fed and comfy we like to make-up for time lost in the bedroom.
It was day 4 of a 5-day trip. I was balls deep in a LOST marathon (I’m a little late, I know), in the same pajamas I’d worn for the last 3 nights, when my man called and said he’d be home a day early. He was an hour away.
So I panic, spend 10 minutes cleaning up, put some meat out to thaw, and toss some pasta in a pot and head for the shower so I’m not gross when he arrives.
I do all the shower things, and I realize I might have just enough time to shave the kitty. Just as I start working on the labia-area, as I’m intensely focused with a razor blade on my genitals, the shower curtain is ripped open abruptly, and my boyfriend thinks it’s hilarious that he startled me, until he looks down and sees the stream of bright red blood streaming down my legs.
Once I got out of the shower, I dry off enough to tell exactly where the blood was coming from. I sliced my labia majora about a centimeter deep. The doctor at the ER took one look at my bloody, half-manicured vagina and surmised exactly what had happened. I got a couple stitches and was sent home.
So instead of making up for lost sexy time, I finished LOST with an ice pack on my cha-cha. Not the romantic evening I had attempted to organize.
TLDR - rushed an effort to be hairless and sexy for my hardworking dude, got scared, sliced my vagina open, the ending of LOST makes no fucking sense.
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