An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
written for @mlcorefour appreciation week
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
thanks @chocoluckchipz and @ladynoirist for the beta read!
chapter 6: finally i figured out (but it took a long long time)
The second she stepped out the door of the rotunda, Marinette ran.
She couldnât put enough space between herself and that room, couldnât move fast enough â couldnât swing from building to building and skip past all the people on the streets and let the air against her cheeks dry her tears.
And if she opened her purse, no one would be there to comfort her.
Marinette was alone now, truly and completely â more alone even than when sheâd first become the Guardian â when sheâd lost Master Fu.
Sheâd thought telling Alya would change things, that she would finally have someone else to rely on, that she wouldnât have to lose all her friends, to push away her family, to sacrifice her chance for love.
Sheâd thought she could trust someone with her secret and her world wouldnât come crashing down.
Sheâd thought if she opened up to her partner, explained why sheâd been distant and scared, heâd understand. Sheâd thought their partnership would be stronger.
Why hadnât he told her he was hurt, when sheâd confessed about Rena Furtive? Why hadnât he said anything last night, when sheâd poured her heart out to him? He saw how hard it was for her to talk about it, how she could barely get the words out â heâd waited so patiently as she choked out the whole story of Chat Blanc.
And he never said anything about himself.
Sheâd told him her worries â her fears â sheâd talked about all the things she never liked to acknowledge out loud, because their partnership meant everything to her.
And heâd listened, and held her, and said everything she needed to hear, and she was still scared and raw and overwhelmed, but sheâd thought things between them would be better.
Why werenât they better?
Why hadnât she noticed that he didnât open up in turn?
She knew something was wrong when heâd arrived, that he was upset, but then she started talking, and once she started talking she started crying and theyâd both been a mess at the end, and her own anguish was so all-encompassing that she forgot that heâd ever been upset about something besides Chat Blanc.
Sheâd opened up to him and never noticed that he remained a closed book.
Why hadnât he trusted her?
Why hadnât she noticed, when even Alya had been able to see how badly he was feeling? Why had she let herself get so caught up in her own pain that sheâd forgotten his?
Of course he hadnât trusted her. Stupid, selfish Marinette didnât deserve to be his partner.
Maybe Su Han was right â she couldnât be the Guardian and Ladybug.
Maybe she shouldâve given him the Miracle Box when sheâd had the chance.
Maybe she still should, the next time they meet.