Collarbones

Mother and Collector of pretty things

[mlw-write]

Small hours and smalls whispers in my head. I'm missing him again. Watching romantic anime and tears fill my eyes and I long to have him twitch in his sleep next to me.

Can't twitch when your dust tho, it's harsh but I'm raw with emotion.

Nothing is fair and I guess plenty of people would say I've gotten what I deserved. He might say it himself. The last time we talk he asked me if I was capable of having anything related to a real relationship.

I don't know. I guess not?

I want to be a priority. I want to be held. I want so many things but I don't think that's in the cards for me.

[mlw-write]

I think Arlo knows.

[mlw-write]

I think they used to be happy. Like at some point, glitter still sparkled and smiles weren't hiding snarky remarks but genuine love and affection.

Now it's misery but not like the ... Oh woe is me...

But this ache in the chest, drowning in pain that no one can see. So they smile.

Spackle the cracks together with small pleasures like alcoholic beverages and pictures of their cat.

A notebook filled with scribbles and tear stains because they are building walls again to keep out the person they love so they don't hurt them again.

Feeling like this isn't what people do to friends let alone something anyone would do to a person they love.

It hurts. It hurts so bad but the expectations are unreal.

[mlw-write]

He grew tall on tip toe, wire tightening around his neck, his face confident and changing color... I closed the door.

[mlw-write]

My guardian.

Fly on the wall

[mlw-write]

She liked seeing his face in the glow of the flickering tv. It reminded her of the trip to aquarium.

They didnt get much time together and she spent every moment she could soaking up his smell and his touch.

She wondered if he thought about what she thought of in those moments, did he feel the ache of missing her even when they were right next to each other?

She thought of the ocean and how it pulsed and made her heart race with the thought of diving in and not coming back up, just sinking to the bottom and focusing on the flickering light.

Being with him reminded her of a first love, a great love that most people look back on and the warmth of it carries them thru the coldest of nights.

But the darkness is always there on the edges sending cold spirals of inky black doubt.

Is she good enough? Is she special? Will she ever make him feel the way he makes her feel?

She reminds herself that it doesnt matter in this moment because he is here now.

Shes wrapped in his arms as he drifts off to sleep. When he twitches she smiles to herself and the scent of roses drifts thru the window as the early spring breeze pulls her into a sound sleep.

[mlw-write]

With me your gonna be strong.

BBDM

[mlw-write]

That sinking feeling in your stomach grows.

The day has been too good and now you are racing the rain back home but your body is silently screaming "No! Turn back!"

Time is cruel, it's either too fast or too slow and right now as you roll down the window to smoke another cigarette you just want time to stop.

And it does.

The raindrops hang in mid air like Crystals and you notice the woman driving the Tahoe next to you is mid sneeze.

Panic.

Your heart races and you're finding it hard to breath. It's like you sat in front of a fire too long and the smoke is curling it's way into your lungs, lingering like old notes from a sad guitar.

You close you eyes and feel him grab your thigh.

"What?" He says.

Time is moving again, the wind is catching pieces of your hair and you pull it back from your face to keep the ends from getting burnt by your cigarette.

"Nothing." You say and take a deep breath to pop the pressure building in your ears.

"Promise?"

You notice his eyes are sad or maybe you just want them to be because in that brief moment you both lived a whole life of adventure, love and laughter.

"Promise."

[mlw-write]

The night before I hadn't slept, feverishly writing some asinine poetry that I didnt sign my name too

When dawn broke I grabbed my bag and headed out into the blue light of dawn in the city.

Walking my way to the diner we were to meet at because I couldn't afford cab fair I got transfixed by the cracks in the sidewalk.

The diner was loud and all I wanted was a hit cup of the watered down coffe they served in a Kraft for the table.

Sitting down with our small group I grunted acknowledgment and greetings as they discussed our shared experience of the night before.

My phone buzzed and I see a message from her.

While sipping on some adult beverages in the wee hours of the morning I had sent out a SOS to the online dating world asking for a place to crash on my last night in the city and she had responded.

Tall, taller then me but that was uncommon, short curly hair and a sadness in her eyes that I couldn't get enough of...

"I'm at grand central where are you?"

I smiled at myself because I didnt think shes meet with me. But here she was a few blocks from me.

I tossed my group a few bucks said my goodbyes and headed out the door.

"A few long blocks away, I'm walking up 5th"

[mlw-write]

Its early summer and the weather is trying to pretend is spring.... cool breeze comes thru the open window and the light is soft.

We are in bed and you keep poking at my fat roles but make up for it with light kisses. It's like electricity moving slowly up and across my collarbone.

You head comes to rest on my chest and I take a deep breath trying to imprint this small memory on my brain to recall when the dark comes.

The smell is a mix of your smell and cigarettes and the circles under your eyes I wish I could wipe away but I know I cant.

I think sadness has gripped us both and we are living in this soft light knowing it will end but trying so hard not to leave it.

Curling into you while listening to your voice is something I've dreamed of for so long and it resonates within me like the taste of a favorite comfort food.

Sweet and savoy.

Music drifts thru as a car passes and we laugh at the bass that makes everything shake as it bounces down the road.

Common courtesy is to move on and live but right now I'm stuck in the soft light and I'm warm.

[nevver]

What DAY is it?

[mlw-write]

I think its romantic for most people to picture themselves in the rain making a hard choice.

A choice that will change everything they have ever known to be true.

It's always a rainy night in a busy city, the sounds are dull and the lights are sharply reflected off of puddles...

Hair soaked and rain drops mixed with tear drops ... maybe some long exhausted sigh.

But it's never like that...

Also it's never just ONE choice.

I think back to times that I've found myself on the edge of whatever... I'm usually collapsed in a corner of a dark room trying to hold back sobs. I cant breath because if I do then I'll let go of what little control I have.

Fuck this is so pointless. I'm trying to figure out a creative way to deal with my feelings and this isn't helping. I want it to help but I also just want to make some horribly bad decisions and see what happens.

Why am I like this? Why am I always trying to ruin the good things?

I'm doing so good and yet I have no idea how to deal with being a person with good things.

Let's set it on fire and see what happens.

[mlw-write]

Dear orange shoes,

Do you think about me sometimes? Does it keep you awake? I hope not because this sucks. Not in a "I hate you" kind of way but in the "I want to tell you things and know how you are doing" kinda way.

Do you still check the astrology website?

How was the bike trip?

I left andrew and married a man I think even you wouldn't have a problem with because he treats me like a human, he reminds me of the love you showed me that i took for granted and didnt respect.

I hope you are healthy. I hope you are happy.

I hope that I might get to talk to you again some day.

Hopefully,

Me

[eponymous-rose]

If you want to see what everyone’s been yelling about, here’s episode one of campaign 2 of Critical Role! It’s made to be an entry-point for new viewers that doesn’t require any knowledge of the previous campaign. I did a little write-up here for people new to the show.

There’s a lot of announcements and credits and such because it’s a new campaign; the (incredibly goofy) opening credits start at around 0:12:51 and the episode itself starts at 0:16:31. There’s also a break that starts at 1:32:10 and ends at 1:49:07.

(Also, the last few minutes of the episode and the break include a lot of fanart of the original campaign, which can be somewhat spoilery if you’re concerned about that.)

[mlw-write]

Watch it!

[mlw-write]

When thinking of what is coming up in my life I am still scared.

Horribly terrified.

Love and family.

Career and self sufficiency.

A home and a path to follow that makes me proud.

It could all disappear, I could lose penny, Matt could leave me, I could be baren, I could fail at my job and disappoint my family....

What do I do?

[lesstalkmoreillustration]

Leonardo Frigo

(via I’m The Violin Painter Who Spends Over 3 Weeks Illustrating Each One | Bored Panda)

[mlw-write]

The worst thing about "finding love" after a long relationship is that all the confidence you had that you'll find the "one" is gone.

It makes me clingy and annoying.

It makes me doubt that I'm worth it.

There is always the fear that things will be good, we will build a life, maybe have kids and get married and then it will all go away.

It's happened before why wouldn't it happen again?

Why shouldn't I think there is something fundamentally wrong with Me?

And at what point does this negativity feed into that new relationship?

Am I pushing them away already preparing for the worst? Hoping for ..... not the best but the least hurtful outcome?

I wonder if I've already sealed my fate and in a few years time I'll be searching again for love and know I'm not worth it.

But it's the cycle, it's what humans do, it's how we survive.

I'm tired.

I want what most do, to be loved and love in return, I just don't want to die of TB to get there.

Terrible joke I'm sorry.