mrym @mmayramm - Tumblr Blog

You know that feeling when you miss a step and tumble down a flight of stairs? Your body collides with every sharp edge on the way down, each impact hurting a little differently from the last. There’s no way to stop it. You just keep falling until you finally hit solid ground. Bruised. Injured. Humiliated. Not just from the pain, but from the helplessness of it all. That’s how he found…

There are some pains in life you convince yourself you have outgrown. Certain heartbreaks, certain humiliations, certain emotional collapses you swear will never find their way back to you once you become older, wiser, more self-aware. You tell yourself that experience alone should have made you immune to this kind of unraveling. That at this age, after everything you have already survived, you…

I think life, the way we know it, is beautiful because we wake up every day and grow a little every day. We learn more, we meet different people, we experience different perspectives, and we witness so many different lives. Recently, I came across a quote, probably from a movie, that asked: why do people get married? And the obvious answer was, duh, because you love them. Right? And then the…

It’s been far too long since I’ve written like this. For a while, my words were weaponised against me, and somewhere in the aftermath of that, the part of me that knew how to write disappeared too. My feelings stopped romanticising things. There were no more curated movies in my head, no background music, no slow-motion heartbreaks. Just reality. Sharp and unfiltered. I’ve grown, I…

Attachment is a strange, almost humorous thing. It begins with a stranger. A person who exists in the world without weight in yours. Their face is just another face. Their name just another name. Their hands, just hands. And then one day you sit across from them. You notice the shape of their jaw. The way their beard frames their mouth. The quiet curve of their lips when they almost smile.…

You see, he’s not perfect, and he doesn’t pretend to be.He doesn’t feed me pretty lies or promise me forever.He’s never looked at me in a way that made me feel small.I have no reason to hate him. No reason to fear him. And yet, I do. Because eventually, somehow, they always do.Or maybe I will before he gets the chance. My mind has never exactly been gentle with me either. You see, I once…

He says,“I’ve got something for you.” And I’m in bed, folded into myself.Curtains half drawn.Heart half open.Carrying the kind of day that settles on your chest without warning, without permission. Just heavy.Then the door opens. And there he is. Lilies in his hand.My favorite.Of course he knows. There’s something about the way he walks in. Not dramatic. Not loud. Just, gentle. Like he…

You want to know pain? I will tell you about pain. For a long time I was getting more and more frustrated every day, living in a constant state of uncertainty. Waiting for the floor to fall through at any minute. It felt like walking on a tightrope when my balance was already awful. I was fighting for my life. But I knew I loved him. I knew I loved him enough to put myself through it. And…

[From the…

From the…

Somewhere in the Minefield

You want to know pain? I will tell you about pain. For a long time I was getting more and more frustrated every day, living in a constant state of uncertainty. Waiting for the floor to fall through at any minute. It felt like walking on a tightrope when my balance was already awful. I was fighting for my life. But I knew I loved him. I knew I loved him enough to put myself through it. And som…

[From the…

[From the Diaries]The way this year started, I should’ve known not to hope for anything more. It started with this feeling: a tight knot in my chest, nerves pulling at each other, my body showing all the signs of discomfort. A never-ending anticipation of things going from wrong to worse. A constant cycle of terrible and utterly disheartening surprises. That was the start of this year. It’s…

[From the Diaries]I loved us. God, I loved us so much it hurt. From the very beginning, I gave myself to something that wasn’t whole. You weren’t really free, not then, but you told me you loved me. You told me I was yours. And I wanted to believe you so badly that I did. Even when the truth was right in front of me, staring me down, I closed my eyes and clung to your words. Those months of…

[From the Diaries]Can you please, just for once, be honest with me? Did you relapse, and are you struggling to stop? Is that why you’re lying to me? Are you avoiding the truth because you think I’ll be angry, so instead you keep choosing to hurt me over and over again? I’m not strong enough for this. I thought my tears would move you. I thought seeing me break down again and again would make…

[From the Diaries]I’m sorry. This is a very difficult place to be in. When a relationship is already damaged and slowly dying, trying to repair it while carrying all the wounds it has already caused both of us is incredibly hard. I wanted to believe you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me again. But it turns out that’s not true. And it happened so soon. Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but that…

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