listening

'99

[mmysterycatalyst]

even if it's just my paranoia or actually clocking what's happening, i do know that people see the mention of self diagnosis on a blog and immediately get turned off no matter what the actual stance is (somewhat understandably)

regardless this blog serves as a log for my thoughts and feelings as i pursue diagnosis in the future, however long that may be

and hopefully others in a similar position can find some relatablity through my posts

i do not claim any of the diagnosis i tag (besides pmdd). they're ones i strongly suspect and relate to after years of researching and symptom tracking. tags are for my organization mostly

[mmysterycatalyst]

anyone wanna show each other the perfect amount of attention and space until the end of time

[mmysterycatalyst]

sometimes i feel like a mirror for others. there's not much to reflect on when no one's there. only what's in front of me. most disappointment is internal. i can't swim that well after all

[mmysterycatalyst]

constantly struggling with identifying the difference between my want for attention, entertainment, or some abstract form of love. perhaps i confuse the former two for the latter. i like to think they can co-exist in the same space

[mmysterycatalyst]

where do the symptoms end and the person begin

[mmysterycatalyst]

i get embarrassed at my vent posts sometimes but i will keep them on here to remind myself how temporary my feelings are

[mmysterycatalyst]

sometimes a friendship needs to be put on a year long pause for evaluation. i have to figure out if i actually like you or just like the routine of you.

[mmysterycatalyst]

despite all this i'm going to laugh in your face and laugh with you. some people are akin to tools. some friends are for certain things and not for others. i realize more and more how game-like the structure of relationships are, even amongst those who try to come off as subverting the norm. in the end, they end up hurting themselves more than they hurt me. sometimes i wonder if it's all worth it, but not enough to inquire.

[mmysterycatalyst]

people call me boring because my preferred crashout method is a strongly worded letter

[mmysterycatalyst]

I'm not sure if this constitutes as paranoia or if I'm simply picking up on patterns that have been present the whole time

[mmysterycatalyst]

sometimes you have to completely turn off your phone, walk away, then immediately log onto tumblr

[worldscoolest]

Vintage postcards illustrated by Leo Fontan (French, 1884-1965)

[smsomah]

Boy holding kittens. Naga; India, 1937. Christoph von Fürer-Haimendorf

[eucanthos]

Konyak Naga child holding leopard cubs

[mmysterycatalyst]

no envy, just pity

[cutemurderofvirgins-blog]

[mmysterycatalyst]

i'm delicate, like a bomb

[pukicho]

I just saw a beta chud suckjack fuck chudster larper cross the street and get ripped to shreds by animals of all species

[pukicho]

He lived for one nanosecond