The Modern Step-Family

I am a 21 year old step-mom of 3 kids and almost 3 years. I think every step-parent experience is unique but we all could use some support from the ones who understand, and there's just not enough of it.. especially for young step-parents. This is a collection of my feelings, advice and personal journal entries.

[modernsteplife]

READ MY BLOG- LOTS OF STEPMOM SUPPORT

www.cryingandstepparenting.com

[modernsteplife]

[modernsteplife]

BLOG

Same blog, different name

new domain name:

www.cryingandstepparenting.com

[modernsteplife]

BLOG

Same blog, different name new domain name: www.cryingandstepparenting.com

[modernsteplife]

Mark, my oldest step child (now 15) has his grade 9 grad this year in June. Him and I were driving to a hockey function and he starts off a conversation like this…. “So, um, at our grad we have to give someone a rose that has helped us a lot this year..” And I go “haha oh give it to me!” (As a...

[modernsteplife]

Find out how this went on the blog! http://smomsupport.com/graduation-season/

[modernsteplife]

I’ve started my own self-hosted blog!! Please follow my story at this address and let your step-parent followers and friends know as well!

[modernsteplife]

I’ve started my own self-hosted blog!! Please follow my story at this address and let your step-parent followers and friends know as well!

[modernsteplife]

I’ve started my own self-hosted blog!! Please follow my story at this address and let your step-parent followers and friends know as well!

[modernsteplife]

I’ve started my own self-hosted blog!! Please follow my story at this address and let your step-parent followers and friends know as well!

[modernsteplife]

I've started my own self-hosted blog!! Please follow my story at this address and let your step-parent followers and friends know as well!

[modernsteplife]

Hello- not really a question but I'm also a young stepmom and found your blog. I enjoy hearing advice and tips, so I'm excited to have found you! Not many young stepmoms out there to relate to!

I'm happy you found me too! That's exactly why I started this blog, after months of searching for a book, blog, magazine, SOMETHING to relate to for my age and situation and coming up empty handed, I figured why not start a blog and relate to the women (young, old or inbetween) that find me and can sympathize and give advice or just read some stories! I hope you find some of what I've written in my blog helpful :)

[moonstride-deactivated20170330]

[modernsteplife]

Breakthrough's and Breakdowns

Cam and I have had a breakthrough, I think. We finally had a good, raw, uncensored conversation about our relationship and what each of us needs from it. For once, he was mostly open and understanding. I feel good about getting my feelings on the table and being able to listen to his without fighting. Communication is so important, but I find with men it's NOT easy, you have to catch them at the perfect moment. So luckily, I did. On the flip side of this peacefulness, my step kids are being assholes... For lack of a better word. Just the boys are actually, my little Maliyah is basically always an angel. Cam and I want to have a baby and his surgery to reverse his vasectomy is booked for July, so there's been a lot of baby talk around the house lately. Whenever it's brought up the boys have nothing nice to say, just remarks like: "I'll be so much older I won't even care about this kid". "Why do you have to have a baby". "I don't want a baby because they're so annoying". "Dad already has three kids why would you want more". Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Does no one care about my happiness as long as I'm taking care of all of their needs? It's so upsetting and frustrating and really hurtful. People say being a parent is often a thankless job, but I'm seeing that being a step-parent is a lot more thankless, and we deserve a lot more thanks.

[modernsteplife]

Hey, I'm not sure how to comment on anything-I haven't found what you click on-anyway-I'm 25 and in a similar situation as to yourself…I say similar because there's no two alike. I have gathered from reading a few of your posts that you're angry, frustrated, and trying to do it all-which I completely understand-but I love your idea of trying to talk things out and making a support group. We arent alone, we aren't weird, and we aren't crazy. I would HIGHLY recommend the book 20something20everythi

Thank you for your message! It's so nice to hear from other people with the same struggles. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out!!

[modernsteplife]

I Would if I Could..

If I could tell the kids something without it being detrimental or hurtful or totally inappropriate and mean I would say the following: Your "mom" (I use that term loosely) is a useless, abandoning bitch. She doesn't deserve any respect or appreciation or love from any of you. She doesn't care about you and that's why you shouldn't care about her. She doesn't talk about you so that's why you shouldn't talk about her like she's some kind of fucking saint. She is a waste of space and when anyone says the word "'mom" when referring to her it makes me want to scratch my eyes out. The skank sees you guys once every 6 months or less, and cancels the visits that she's allowed to have as per the court order. She treated you like shit when you lived with her, she treats you like shit now, and the only reason she's ever nice to you is to manipulate you. Your nasty "mom" needs to be locked up in an insane asylum because she's a crazy-eyed maniac and no one who knows her likes her except her drug dealer scum bag boyfriend. So stop loving her Ughhhhh that feels good

[modernsteplife]

Anger is Painful

Cam has not been a perfect partner. He's actually had many times where he's far, far from it. Since we've taken the kids full time I have gone into total mommy-mode. Cam on the other hand, likes to go out, drink, party, sometimes not even come home. The other night he did not come home and I woke up at 5 am, saw he was not there, and proceeded to pack his things. Later that morning I dropped his things off at his friends house where he was still awake from the night before and told him to stay out until I can get my stuff together and leave. He went to his moms for a few nights and after a lot of apologizing and begging I allowed him home. Since he's been home he's made no attempt to make things better or show that he wants to be there or that he's sorry. I'm so destroyed over this. I want to leave him but I don't know how to, there's so much beneath the surface of our relationship. Kids, cars, house, families, all of the steps we've taken to be happy and comfortable, and it just seems like an overwhelming amount to walk away from. I just feel so disrespected and unappreciated. He doesn't see all that I've done to be in this relationship with him and if he does see it he certainly doesn't appreciate it. He just expects that I cook, clean, take care of his kids, and make him comfortable when he does decide to come home. Since he's come home, the past few days, I can't look at him, he makes me sick. Sleeping beside him makes me cringe and all I see in his eyes is blankness and it's like I feel mocked that he fucked me over and I'm sticking around once again, with no apology or conversation. The apology I did recieve was via text and probably lacked meaning or compassion or empathy or anything. According to his behaviour now, I'm assuming that apology was pretty empty. He has basically told me that these are my options: 1) forgive him for 2 years of shitty behaviour or 2) leave. He thinks I'm dramatic and bitchy and doesn't want to stick around for the "punishment" aka me expressing my feelings and being angry and hateful because I haven't seen any sign of him feeling guilty or caring whether I stay or leave. I have one foot out the door, and the other foot is in it for the kids.

[modernsteplife]

Hi guys! Sorry I went on a mini hiatus! The reason I was so stressed the other day is because Mark, the oldest child has been giving me serious attitude lately. He acts like I'm his sister or something, not his parent. He just tells me what he's doing and picks on me constantly. Teenagers are very annoying. The kid had the nerve to tell me a pack bad school lunches! Which stung because of course my mind went straight to "is he comparing me to bio-mom?" Anyways, I try to get Cam to help me with Mark and talk to him, but he says if I want respect I need to talk to Mark and show him I can't be walked on. I suppose that makes sense, it's just kind of intimidating. He's a nasty, sassy teenager 😢