Maybe 14 years have passed since I first heard this song and was instantly captivated by it. It was in my teenage years, in 2011—I just checked when Teen Wolf was released to back that up. The song, the background, the vocals… it all just grabs and pulls you into a world that hits deep, like a trance state.
I didn’t get it back then because I never really paid attention to the meaning of the lyrics. I think I get it now, since I lost a person who was like home to me. I lived in places where I was comfortable, served even.
However, it was only almost two years ago, around May 15th, 2024, that I felt "home." Even my house felt like one for the first time. Somewhere, anywhere in the world with him felt like home. I had never felt that way before. I don’t like to bring up topics about my past, but I grew up in a broken household, seeing better ones from the outside.
I’d seen family pictures in pretty frames, freshly cooked meals served at a large table, siblings fighting for attention from their parents… Whereas, I just sat there with my single mom, not knowing how it would feel to have a dad around a dinner table. It was a big and impossible ask, so I wouldn't even dare.
I’m not going to get too deep into it, but when I met him, I honestly had hope for the future for once. My only fear was losing him to death, honestly. I never dreamt of having a family of my own—where I would have my own kids and a husband I would love dearly.
However, I did believe that then. He made things possible. He made me think everything was possible. He actually fought for me without saying a thing. He felt like home too, and I was in total bliss. I felt secure and happy. Dependent and compliant. A "good girl" that is not actually me.
I was sleepwalking through it all.
