Mga Istorya Ng Taong Puyat

John Moeses Atienza.

[moe-nochrome]

I know what I’m good at. If you don’t trust that I know what I’m doing or talking about, that’s okay. I won’t force anyone to believe in me — you’re free to question me. Who knows, I might even learn something from you in the process. My perspective can shift when new information is presented.

But please, don’t make me doubt my ability to understand.

[moe-nochrome]

Gusto kong —

Saksakin ang puso ko,

At kuhanin

ang mga parte nitong

Ibibigay ko sana sa’yo.

Gusto kong —

Isalin sa baso

Ang pag-ibig na tumatagas

Na laan ko sana

Para sa’yo.

[moe-nochrome]

You are a soul I do not come across often.

You may have not stayed, but I’m glad we met.

[moe-nochrome]

My vulnerability has been taken advantaged of so many times in the past, making it hard for me to process feelings like this. But I want you to know that you are important to me (probably more than anybody else right now).

I did not manifest for this to happen, but it did.

I wasn’t looking, yet I found you.

I seriously want you to figure it out. In case you do, and do not know what to do with me, please let me know. I'd be okay. I promise. I will not be awkward. Then, I will be the one to figure things out for myself. Just let me be around you. I guess, my love for you is as strong as my capacity to handle and accept the pain from loving you. I just hope you know that I pray for your happiness as I pray for mine.

And then, I'd wish that I'd meet you again in another universe, sooner.

[moe-nochrome]

I Am Through

I loved you once, with all my heart.

It was new to me before.

I gave you all that I could give,

Till I'm left with nothing more.

I tried my very best,

To make you smile each day.

But suddenly, the chips turned over,

And your love faded away.

All I felt is numbness,

And there's nothing I can do.

I am torn, broken and in grief,

After all I've done for you.

For a long time, I felt dead.

I don't want my heart beat anymore.

I'm through all these, I'm done with it.

I don't want to fall once more.

But then there's something inside me.

It's that burning once again.

I never thought that this would happen,

The day you left since then.

This time it's yearning not for you,

So I gave it another chance.

That person brought me back to life,

And this could be my last romance.

I feel complete once again,

Now I'm loving someone new.

But never would I forget,

That I once made love songs for you.

JMLA

[bk-poetry]

Fading

I am the sunset waiting for the dawn,    you are yesterday’s heartbeat pulsating. Even though you told me that yr gone,      I’m still here,      I’m still endlessly waiting.

[the-fredserafino]

We all yearn for simple pleasures. The first sip of coffee, the smell of wet grass after a heavy rain—oh yes, that petrichor, bumping into a long lost friend in the grocery store, the grace of every sunrise, finding out the title of that song you heard in the car, a complete one-hour nap, the colour palette in your closet, the earth tones of your room, that warm and bright morning, the cold air in the afternoon, that perfectly cooked pancakes, the pink skies, those newly unfurled leaves, those hopeful epilogues, the noise that the trains make, the after-party drinks, lemonades during summer, the thrill of opening gifts, the sound of a rumbling sky, those dark clouds and gloomy weather, a golden sunset, window seat during a flight, that tap on your shoulder, that kiss of good night—the beauty of small luxury; these simple joys. Something that makes you realise that life is worth while. It's unselfish of you to desire all of it.

[moe-nochrome]

I try so hard not to fuck up.

I try so hard to be the gentle, happy and warm guy people know and talk with everyday because I've been making efforts to be sensitive to everybody's feelings. I try very hard not to ruin the lives of the people who fuck things up for me. I've been taking bad things from bad people, I've been bad-mouthed, betrayed, ridiculed and a lot more, and I am trying extremely hard to hold them all in. My grudge is like this big ball of Sun ready to burn the Earth. Despite that, I sleep and do well with it everyday because I know I think I can control it. So the next time you mess with me, poke fun at me and all that, remember the whole sun ball of hatred that I am trying to hold inside and how close you are from burning.

[moe-nochrome]

May mga taong magagaling lang sa umpisa. Hindi kayang panindigan ang mga sinasabi. I always believe that the amount of effort reflects the amount of interest. You don't only work on your goals when it's convenient. YOU WORK ON IT EVERYDAY. Hindi ko alam kung mapaghanap lang ako. Kung ganon, siguro magmessage kayo na busy kayo kayo hindi kayo makapag-effort. Mas madaling intindihin kesa ignored or 'seen'. Negosyo po ang tinayo natin, hindi school project. Sorry, pero I think we should all do our part.

[moe-nochrome]

Gradeschool : Nag-aral ng mabuti. Halos mag-isa kong inaral yung mga subjects at lessons (except Math) kasi ayokong maabala yung pahinga nila Papa at Mama after work. Nag-advanced study ako. Nagtutor sa kapatid. Nagbasa nang nagbasa. Sumali sa lahat ng competition. Grumaduate ng with honors. Highschool : Kayod ulit sa pag-aaral. Naging class leader ng ilang beses. Lahat ng ginawa ko nung elem, dinoble ko dito. Grumaduate ng multiple awards. College : Architecture ang course ko. Alam nyo na. Limang taon akong puyat kaka-aral at kaka-design. Dinikdik ko yung sarili ko nung college. Sobrang daming kailangang ipasok sa kokote. Kapag bakante, kailangan ko namang mag-self study ng computer-aided softwares at rendering techniques kasi mapag-iiwanan ako. Yung effort ko nung elem at highschool, wala sa kalingkingan ng effort ko nung college. Naging org leader. Sobrang nagpakapagod sa thesis. Sinubukan kong galingan dahil sa iniisip kong expectations sakin ng mga magulang ko at ng ibang tao. Hindi pa tapos ang fifth year, nag-apply na ko ng trabaho. Grumaduate with awards. First work part 1 : Outsource. First week after graduation, pumasok na ko sa trabaho. Technical detailing nad design ng retails at themed parks abroad. International standards ang ginagamit, sobrang higpit ng design manager sa SG sa standards. Lahat ng projects, fast-paced. Minimum of 2-3 days ang pasahan. Maximum effort madalas ang kailangan. Dalawang taon ako dito sa part 1. Muntik nang ipadala sa ibang bansa. Muntik lang. Board exam 2014 - Master Plumber : Sabi ko susubukan ko. Tatlong buwan ako nag-aral sa gabi pagkatapos ng trabaho. Saturday at Sunday nasa review center ako. Plumbing and sanitary design, plumbing codes, arithmetic, hydraulics, basic engineering. Pumasa. Board exam - Architecture : Sobrang hirap. Pagkagaling sa trabaho, mag-aaral pa sa gabi. Bukod pa sa ibang dapat gawin sa bahay. Sabado at Linggo, lumuluwas ako galing Bulacan ng alas-sais ng umaga at uuwi ng alas-nuebe. Lunes, pumapasok sa trabaho. Limang buwan akong ganito. Isang buwan bago ang exam, naisipan ko nang mag-leave sa dami ng kailangang aralin. Literal na sunog-kilay. Akala ko sapat ang isang buwan. Hindi pala. Pumasa ako. Oras na para panindigan ang pagiging Arkitekto. First work, part 2 : Nilipat ako sa design team. Ganun din, fast-paced ang project, pero sa conceptual at modelling na ang ginagawa ko. Kailangan mabilis ka mag-isip lalo at retail ang projects na hawak ko. Kailangang isaulo ang standards ng company namin, ng company na client namin at ang branding nila. Kailangan magstick sa budget. Halos araw-araw, may bagong comment pagka-send ng sample pics ng design, on top of sa mga bagong dating na projects. Halos gabi-gabi, napupuyat ako kakaisip at kaka-research ng designs na pwedeng inspiration. Sa umaga, gagawan ko ng concept at imomodel at irerender. Isang taon ako sa part 2. Sabi ko pagod na ko. Pahinga muna. Nag-resign at umalis ng December 29, 2016 Second Job : Hindi ko kayang magstay lang sa bahay sa dami ng gastos. Sumubok akong mag-apply sa mga estate developers. Ngayong, sa Project Architect na. Tinignan ko kung may kukuha sakin. Wala pang dalawang linggo pagkapasa ko ng resignation letter, nakuha na ko. Akala ko makakapahinga pa ko. January 2017, may trabaho nang naghihintay sakin sa Maynila. Hindi kaya ng uwian, kaya nag-bedspace ako. Bagong trabaho, bagong experience, bagong mga kasama. Kailangang triplehin lahat ng effort ko sa first job. Kailangan patunayan ang sarili. Hindi gaanong ka-fast-paced, pero nasanay na ako sa past job kaya ganun ang naging work-practice ko. Mali pala. OT, OT, OT para matapos lahat. Sabado ng umaga, uuwi sa Bulacan. Linggo ng hapon luluwas sa Maynila. Pang-isang taon at limang-buwan ko na. Sideline : Walang specific period to kasinkalat ang timeline. Kung kailan dumating. Nung pre-board as draftsman. Tapos nag-offer ng plumbing design pagkapasa ng RMP. Pagkapasa ng Archi, full Architectural services. After work, kapag may sideline, halos gabi-gabi akong nakadukdok sa drawing table at sa laptop. Nagpupuyat ako hanggang 3am para madeliver lahat sa pinakamataas na kalidad na kaya ko lahat ng project. Minsan nagsasabay ang isa hanggang dalawang project sa iisang timeline. Kinakaya. Kailangan. At gusto ko rin naman. Sa propesyon namin, skill at pangalan ang puhunan. Full-time, sideline : Hirap intindihin no? April 2017, nagbukas kami ng sariling architectural firm para sa kinabukasan. Sa weekdays, nakatuon ako sa trabaho ko sa Maynila. Sa gabi at weekends, dito sa binuo naming kumpanya. Bukod pa ang ginagawa ko dito sa mga nasabi ko sa taas. Hands-on dapat, lalo sa publicity kasi kung hindi mate-tengga kami. Minsan lang ako mag-rant ngayon. Sa dami ba naman ng ginagawa. Ngayon ko lang na-realize : Puta, pagod na pala ko. Hindi naman ako sumusuko. Wala yun sa bokabularyo ko, lalo na at gusto ko ang mga ginagawa ko. Wala akong pinagsisisihan sa lahat. Pero puta talaga. Nakakapagod din pala.

[olearypoetry]

[wnq-writers]

I stopped holding on to people. I stopped revolving my world around them. If they stay, great; and if they don’t, others will come along and replace them, just like others would replace me.

modestybae (via wnq-writers)

[isusulatkonalang-deactivated202]

Ibinigay ko nga pala lahat kaya walang-wala ako ngayon.

(via isusulatkonalang)

[moe-nochrome]

Maybe, I was meant to write for darker things.

[moe-nochrome]

Mag-isa.

Ibinigay ko sayo Lahat ng higit pa sa hiningi mo Kaya sana, ngayon, Ibalik mo sa akin Ang pagmamahal na sinayang mo. Kasama ang mga inipong damdaming Itinapon mo lang sa hangin Dahil mahirap bumangon Sa bawat umaga Na alam kong Wala ka na. /jma/

[moe-nochrome]

Masaya.

Kung papipiliin ako: Ang pagkalimot sa lahat ng sakit, O ikaw, at ang mga dinulot mong pait; Mahal, gusto kong malaman mo: Hinding-hindi kita ipagpapalit. At sa kabila ng mga sakit Na naramdaman ko, At sa mga luhang hinatid mo, Mahal-- Masaya ako sa iyo.

[moe-nochrome]

Unang tatlong dahilan ng muli kong pagsulat.

Una. Dahil masaya. Na parang pag-asa Sa bawat bagong umaga. Na parang nakakatuwang kwento Na may kasunod na mga tawa. – mga tagpong kulang ang oras At gusto ko sanang ulit-ulitin pa.

Pangalawa, Dahil malungkot. Na parang hindi sapat ang puso Para sa mga iniwang kirot. Habang ang mga mugtong mata ay namula na sa pagkusot, Sana, ang bawat sakit Ay may kasabay na pagkalimot.

Pangatlo. Dahil sayo. At para sa unang dalawang dahilan Na ibinibigay mo.

jma