Untitled

[segolily]

Girl: Are you nervous?

Me: Yes

Girl: Is this your first time?

Me: No it isn’t. I have been nervous before.

[apocalyptic-bliss]

What do you like in a girl?

My fingers

[3000s]

just remembered last summer when one of our old lady neighbors realized i was on testosterone and asked me if i liked cars and when i said no she was like “oh haha you will”

[3000s]

hormone that makes you like cars

[16ad]

me, pictured here age 14

[diggitydog]

[buzzkillbyrne]

interviewer: everybody has to die 

hozier, for some reason: :D

[panerabreadbbqsalad-deactivated]

Hozier:

[ottomantwerks]

The biggest indicator that life isn’t fair is remembering that all Japanese snow monkeys have to do is sit in hot springs and chill out. They don’t have essays. They don’t have politicians.

[hagleg]

They have class hierarchy tho only the elite snow monkeys are allowed in the hot springs and the rest are forced to suffer the cold. They’re born into their class, and they die in the same class

[ottomantwerks]

I was wrong, the biggest indicator that life isn’t fair is that even fucking monkeys have class struggle

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’m gonna lose it I was just getting my blood drawn and the first vein she stuck wasn’t producing any blood so she took the needle out and it didn’t bleed at all and I said “woah….I don’t have any blood” and she very seriously said “I doubt that’s it. I’m having an issue finding a big enough vein.”

She really thought I really thought maybe I’m outta blood.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

What I learned from this is a lot of medical professionals have had to explain to people they can’t run out of blood and live

[thycatsays]

And a real medical professional shouldn’t have to stick you multiple times to draw blood. 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

In her defense, my doctor is at a teaching hospital, so there are always students, residents, interns etc. learning. The doctor or nurse or flabotomist asks permisssion for their student to practice on you, and I usually say yes unless I’m feeling particularly sick tht day and don’t want to risk exactly this.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Also I really took a blind shot at spelling phlebotomist huh

[habits-white-rabbit]

Flabotomist

[newtkins]

what do you think would happen if a man was injected all types of viruses and diseases at once

[newtkins]

[bob-belcher]

[weaux-deactivated20170327]

im sorry I can’t be her

[dankmemeuniversity]

[catmemearchive]

[homerically]

[theocseason4]

I literally cry watching this video because its so fucking funny

[50shadesofyodaddysdick]

When someone tells you that ed sheeran can’t sing. Show them this

[the-bluespirit]

John Mulaney Wins Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special for John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City

[keldachick]

[thetenderpassion]

[boycomics]

true romance