This blog entry has been a longtime coming. It touches every part of my life. My marriage, my parenting, my homemaking, my relationships with friends and family members.
I am, and have been struggling with chronic pain for years. The pain is the result of 6, going on 7 back surgeries; the nerve and disk damage that has resulted from back surgeries and numerous others. The pain is also the result from my dreaded enemy Fibromyalgia.
The cold weather, and all that comes along with it only makes my pain unbearably worse. I am using some alternative treatments, looking into many others, and doing all that I physically can to make the pain better.
Pain, at the level I currently experience, makes it nearly impossible to make future plans, even a day in advance. I can go from feeling ok (able to slowly fold a load of laundry) to being in unbearable pain within just a few hours.
I am not trying to whine, and I'm not looking for sympathy. I am reaching another level of acceptance with what is going on with my body. I am trying to look at my illness as something that is happening TO my body, and not hate my body for how it feels. This is a simple concept, but it has been difficult to accept. I have to move from “hating my body for hurting” to loving my body for what it is capable of, and join my body in the fight against the pain that is attaching it.
What does this blog entry have to do with nonbio parenting? In our case, everything. Pain touches every part of my life and every part of my day. Pain has been a great teacher. Pain has taught me how to say NO, when to say yes, and to know the fine line between. Pain has (not so gently) reminded me that I am human. I am going to be disappointed sometimes, and, no matter how hard I try, I will disappoint those around me.
The biggest things I am learning through my pain, is that my physical limits don't have to limit me creatively. Pain does not have to make me a bitter person. Pain teaches me that asking for help is a sign of strength, rather than weakness. I am able to have conversations with friends who need to talk and be encouraged, and through encouraging others, I am able to feel all of the good stuff that comes with helping someone else and getting outside of myself.
I have also discovered the HUGE benefits that come from ordering heavy things, such as pet food and cat litter, and having them delivered to my front door. I also finished my Christmas shopping in November, by doing 95% of my shopping online and saving money in the process,
I know that if I have a big day coming up, I need to be well rested and make sure that I have time the following day to recouperate physically. This is all a work in progress. Taking each day as it comes, with both the ups and downs.
