scary Words @momsdabtoo-blog - Tumblr Blog

I feel empty

I see all the tjings you took

You know what they meant to me

You suck, seriously. Ain’t no love in you.

I have this void in me because earlier this year my fiancé killed him self and then later this year my best friend basically broke my heart and it’s weird to be in love with someone who’s not in love with you whose sick

Like I can’t just help to think I’m OK my kids are healthy I’m healthy like it’ll be OK but I’m in such shock right now over everything I don’t know where to begin to think I don’t know how to process this

Happy birthday oliver.

I have grown to accept that you are dead.

I miss you bunches but I also miss being happy.

I’m sorry mental illness got a hold of your brain and suicide was committed.

My best friend just went back to the mental hospital because he has the same mental disorder you did.

Life is ironic and made me awful lonely for the holidays.

Oliver, you willingly left me and the children and I will always love you but my spirit found my twin flame shortly after you left us.

It’s crazy.

Dez came into my life and she knew everything. I told her all my secrets. I knew when you downloaded grinder, she knew. You kept that secret from me for 6 plus months. I told her every little detail and she thought you were doing heroin. No one believed me you were just literally insane.

People still might not ever believe me. But you went into psychosis and developed schizophrenia. You were also a very, very angry person.

I would have stayed with you forever. I would have killed myself (not intentionally but just overtime) by your negativity and toxicity. You were always bad for me. I may have loved you, but from the beginning you were toxic. I lost myself and became you.

I am grateful for all you taught me. I am grateful for becoming a mom. I am grateful for you. But I don’t know if in my heart, I will ever fully accept you choose that over us. And that might be selfish of me, maybe I’ll grow someday. But currently where my head stands is you CHOSE to no longer be apart of the human race. I believe in spirits and I am super spiritual but I honestly don’t feel like you were ever my soul mate.

Is that rude of me to say?

It might be rude now because you’re dead but it’s the truth and I’d lie to myself if I told everyone and myself that I’ll never find love again because my soul mate is gone.

I’m glad no one reads my posts on here because they don’t even make sense to me.

I wasn’t suppose to be alone for your birthday or the holidays. I had someone willing to hold my hand through it all.

They have the SAME MENTAL DISORDER as you and well they are back in a hospital. Getting help. Not like they wanted it but I couldn’t let another person kill themself because I wanted them around me. No way.

anxietyproblem

Franklin took his first steps on thanksgiving.

Proves just to be grateful for what’s right in front of you.

Everything makes sense now.

Don’t blink.

magickjustice

moon phases.

new moon: setting intentions. active energy.

waxing crescent moon: resting, focusing. passive energy.

first quarter moon: taking action. active energy.

waxing gibbous moon: trusting, holding faith. passive energy.

full moon: acknowledging. active energy.

waning gibbous moon/disseminating moon: receiving, expressing gratitude. passive energy.

last quarter moon: returning, giving thanks. active energy.

waning crescent moon/balsamic moon: reflecting, resting, restoring. passive energy.

new moon: the moon is literally new. a rebirth. use this moon for intentions to do with fresh beginnings, starting again, cleansing.

waxing moons: the moon is increasing its size, it is opening; use these moons for intentions about gaining, growing or expanding.

full moon: the moon is at full charge, and can be the most powerful phase in the moon cycle. use this moon for intentions to do with power, clarity, or psychic ability.

waning moons: the moon is decreasing its size, it is closing; use these moons for intentions about ridding yourself of something (or someone), or purging.

application to the craft:

focus is the most important aspect of bringing an intent to manifest itself. focusing your energy can be made simpler by working with a compatible energy in the world as you focus that intent.

if the world around you is releasing an energy complementary to yours, it can be easier for that energy to find its way into reality; as opposed to facing any natural adversity.

cast passive energy intents in passive phases of the moon. (tranquility, creativity)

cast active energy intents in active phases of the moon. (strength, control)

this, in my opinion, is the concept of “the power of thought.” when more than one person thinks a thought, that thought holds more weight. this could explain why people practicing or praying together can often yield stronger, or more immediate results. it is a similar reasoning as incorporating tools and ritual into magick, as well.

your energy is a power in itself. but using the power of the elements, the environments, and the world can serve to add to that power.

I can’t let you kill yourself too

Coexist.

I wont break my promise but I won’t break my own heart.

If THIS continues.

These fights.

This is my

Stance right now to myself that I will make an end to it because I deserve to not have to put myself in situations that cause me migraines.

I will keep my promise but I need you to keep yours

allyouneediswall

Fireflies

corvidaedream

i love the idea of ghosts not being dead people but just places where time is kind of thin

like one of my friends & his girlfriend have a ghost in their very old new england house that's apparently an old timey little boy who does shit like jump on the bed and slam doors but if they tell him very sternly "daniel, stop that" the activity stops immediately

and i love the idea that years ago theres this rowdy little 19th century boy just being alive and playing in his room but if he gets too loud sometimes, the ghostly form of my 21st century friend shows up and is like "Hey! Cut it out." and then vanishes and no one believes this child