!!!!!!!!!!!

ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~♡

[mondayisill]

hello i’m monday!!! (@quackaaa or @mondayistired)

this is my vent blog

intro kinda sucks but it’s whatever

IRLS DW ABOUT THIS IM FINE

ABOUT ME

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷꒥꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷

✧ i am a mostly closeted transmasc bisexual (he/him)

✧ i lovee my boyfriend.. so much..

✧ i am a minor!!! somewhere in the 14-17 range

✧ i very likely have some sort of sensory disorder!! my mom thinks so too :D

✧ i also think i might have adhd but idk

✧ i am also also chronically fatigued maybe from genetics definitely from the fact i don’t sleep enough (i likely have POTS and maybe hEDS)

✧ im hypocritical as fuck do what i say not what i do type shit /lh

MORE, TW AHEAD POSSIBLY

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷꒥꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷

✧ uhhh im probably passively suicidal, no i don’t have plans nor want to kill myself, but i’m not sure i would mind a freak accident

✧ there’s also a possibility i’m depressed as i show some signs of it but i don’t think it lines up enough

✧ i am terrible at eating and drinking enough, i might sometimes appreciate a reminder to drink water if you feel like it /ᐠ - ⩊⁠-マ

✧ like i dont have an ed but my eating is probably disordered cause idk my appetite is shit and i feel gross if i eat more than like 1000 calories cause i hate myself and i wanna be skinnier

✧ at any rate, i’m certainly mentally ill to some extent but nobody needs to know that really

✧ so things you don’t need to do here: tell me not to kms. i know!! i know i shouldn’t!! i’m probably not gonna!! shhh!!

✧ also i apologize if my way of comfort ends up being “say random shit”

ty for reading!!! <3 /pl

[mondayisill]

i feel like i flinch over text now

i’m like a kicked puppy

you start texting in a certain way i get scared you’ll kick me again

[mondayisill]

and it gets to the point where i’m not really sure she cares about my wellbeing anymore…

if she cared she would have responded, right?

like when i said her messages about how i have to do homework make me lightheaded and stuff

if she cared about that she would have responded

right?

i don’t really like her anymore..

[mondayisill]

he

he’s the problem

i am too

i think me less than him

i

i hope

every.. everyone else kind of agrees..

i’m not the only one that dislikes him i think

god but

but it is kind of me

i didnt make fun of his suffering

i didnt make up lies about him

i didnt doxx him

i said things i shouldn’t have yes

i went along with jokes i shouldnt have

i agree

i’m sorry

he isn’t

but they forgive him

why can’t i

god i hate myself

[mondayisill]

i’m so incredibly disgusting

why can’t i stop getting upset

please don’t hate me

[mondayisill]

when in wrong, kill self!!!

[mondayisill]

they don’t reward me for trying they just yell at me for not trying hard enough

[mondayisill]

she barely acknowledges me sitting there for four hours doing work but then when one of my assignments is THIRTY FUCKING SECONDS LATE SHE COMES DOWNSTAIRS TO SCOLD ME

what the fuck did i do

what did i do to deserve this

[mondayisill]

reading articles abt suicide rates is so silly cause like

no yea u right lmaooo

u should do smth bout that instead of shutting down suicide hotlines :/

[mondayisill]

the more I think about doing my work the more I get stuck..

and they force me to think about it

but im not fucking recording myself doing anything

fuck off

SHE TOLD ME I WOULDNT HAVE TO RECORD MYSELF

SHE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE EASY

IM GNA KMSSSSS

[mondayisill]

i feel like i cant go anywhere in my own house

i dont trust them not to start telling me about how i’m failing everything and how i should be doing better

it eats me alive can they not tell

theyre telling me shit I already know

I already feel worthless enough

I already think about offing myself

dont add more please

[mondayisill]

i don’t deserve your praise

i don’t deserve your attention

i don’t deserve your kind words

i don’t deserve your comfort

i don’t deserve to rot either

i don’t think i deserve anything at all

[mondayisill]

what does it matter how much i help people if the reason i want people to be okay is so i feel better

all i am is a selfish asshole hiding behind the idea of being good

[mondayisill]

i feel like i’m just becoming a worse and worse person

i just do bad things

aren’t the good things i do just to make myself feel better?

i help people because i want them to be okay but that’s because when they’re okay i feel better

and i don’t deserve that

[mondayisill]

KNOWING HOW MY BRAIN WORKS DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

SHUT THE FUCK UP

THIS ASSIGNMENT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING

[mondayisill]

this shit is so dumb

thinking about the things around me and looking at things and hearing things doesn’t mean shit when i’m dissociating

[mondayisill]

cant mention testosterone around me ill cry /hj