The Mommy Guide to Talented & Sassy Little Girls
It has taken me 8 years to figure this out but the revelation was huge and I couldn’t wait to share it. My daughter is amazingly talented and smart. She was born with the ability to do things with ease. Her gifts come with charisma and it draws you in. She has the “it” factor and she’s is certainly aware of it. As her mom, it is my job to nurture and support her gifts and not to be afraid of them. Sometimes I find it difficult to punish unwanted behavior since I don't believe in taking away her means of being creative. (Some children you can, but you have to be strategic in how you do it, so keep reading) I can remember her dad telling me that his keyboard would be taken away if he misbehaved or he’d have to sit in church on the pews and not play an instrument. (Inserts laughter) This worked for him because he really loved to play drums and play his keyboard. He loved music and didn’t let anything come in the way of that, but as for sassy little Maura, there is a slight difference in personality and some punishments bruise rather than correct.
#1- You must understand how your children learn. Good behavior is not a choice, but its imbedded in their personality. Morally, they need to understand why good behavior is special and what it does to and for their gifts. They must understand what great character and great reputation is. They need to know that these are the things most people experience first even if they have never met them. There are tons of other gifted children in the world and their purpose might be similar to that of another child, but personality is what sets them apart from one another. The sassy nature of a child grabs another child's attention profusely. They become intrigued and develop the desire to access what your gifted child has. Although they may not be able to access the "It" your child carries, but get this, they've got their attention and you want to make sure your child has something to say. It's like raising little ray's of sunshine. 🌞
#2- Understand that their personality is just that. They speak what they feel and the express it with such fervor and intensity that it comes across sometimes as disrespectful. In this case you must reevaluate what you consider your child to be. Is your child a little person developing and exploring the world, or is your child a slave with no real value. Think back on slavery days, and how the slave owners never allowed for the slave to read or write. Slaves were believed to be property that was sold and beaten daily. Slaves were used for the pleasure of the owner and could never take pleasure in all the things that made them special. I hate to say it, but this is how some raise their children. They believe children are seen and not heard and use them in ways that don't allow for their personality to flourish and evolve. They consider expression an act of disobedience and do not allow for healthy conversation, since it's considered a sin to "talk back" I don't understand why these rules are still in effect but these rules bruise. They do not heal. They do more hurt than anything and it damages the gift.
#3- Sassy ladies need to see love in order to be love. They need to feel love in order for them to show love. Creative sassy little ladies become and reenact what the experience. As I am a single mom, I have to be conscious of what she sees so that she doesn't miss out on all that she has access to. I have to be loving and want love so that she understands what love is. When she goes to school her compassion for both her teachers and her friends are a direct reflection on what she feels and experiences from me. And if she were in a two parent home it would be the same. Parents set the tone and nurture the culture a child's personality thrives in. My baby brother Daniel was quite and awkward as a kid and other children his age and even his teachers could not understand his silence. Although my mother never experienced this with her 3 children before him, her heart was the tool she used to communicate with him and she was able to speak for him until he became comfortable speaking boldly for himself. We, his siblings made him feel comfortable just being him and now he thrives in personality. He still doesn't talk much, but when he has something to say, he says it with a boldness only a nurturing family could give. We never made him feel less of a person because of his shy and quiet personality. We appreciated who he was and made his silence permissible in our house of loud mouths. We are his mouth piece and our support makes it easy for him to be who God has called him to be.
#4- Finally, children must be disciplined but you have to know which form of discipline corrects the unwanted behavior. Some kids need consistent positive reinforcement and others will remember a consequence and the reminder will inform their decision making process. For my household, Maura needs consistent positive reinforcement because she is really hard on herself. She doesn't believe she is enough. She internalizes the bad and it causes her to lie sometimes or act out, not because she is upset with me, but because she is upset with herself. She instinctively tries to erase the wrong by changing it and so that behavior has to be coached not cursed. Creative kids are different. They wear their heart on their sleeve. They sometimes don't think things through because they've learned that they can do what others cant naturally. Sometimes Maura looks at her homework as if the answers will magically appear if she Milly Rocks enough times. (😐 ) But as she matures, with good coaching, she will hone in on her academic skills just as much as she does her creative side.
I hope this helps and I hope this forces you to be patient with your creative babies in all things. From riding a bike to the way they learn in school. Theres are options and other ways to get them to their goal. Just because you were raise a certain way and never went to jail doesn't mean your child needs the same methods to grow. Dr. Sandra Graham-Bermann, PhD, a psychology professor and principal investigator for the Child Violence and Trauma Laboratory at the University of Michigan said, “People get frustrated and hit their kids. Maybe they don’t see there are other options.” There are plenty and it begins with knowing your child.
