brother matthew

monk at farnham monastery! having such a good and normal time!

[monk-brother-matthew]

hello!! i'm matthew, a new monk at farnham monastery!! i have been ordered here by the abbott of alton, not sure if this is a blessing or punishment for wrongdoings on a cosmic level, but we shall see:)

[monk-brother-matthew]

the tavern I've been to today has a strange drink called dragonberry,, how on earth they harvested the berries of a dragon is a mystery to me

[monk-brother-matthew]

once a year I must leave the monastery and suffer through an arduous meal with my brother and parents (who are lovely). he has already annoyed me to levels previously unknown to mankind.

[monkbrother-thomas]

this christmas us monks did something called “secret sacrist” where we all get each other presents, but because of our vow of poverty everybody just got a wooden spoon to eat our pottage with

[monk-brother-matthew]

it's such a beautiful spoon though!! i shall treasure it forever!!

or until i get a new one

[monk-brother-matthew]

celebrating christmas the way god intended,,, by reading yaoi at mass

[monk-brother-matthew]

went to tavern quiz today! we came third! our prize was several bottles of the abbot's lovely ale:)

we politely declined as we are good and pious monks,,,

we may also have smuggled them out under our robes;)

[monkbrother-thomas]

sometimes when i have decided i deserve a little treat, i go into the scriptorium and begin writing sweet literature about christ and his favourite apostle, and then i leave and tell none of my brothers and they argue over who decided it should be john and not judas that was kissing our lord

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Live, Laugh, Lords prayer

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Hey babe? Yeah, I get that your oath means a lot to you, but- No, I’m not mad, I just want to make sure we are on the same page. The armour is fine, that’s not what bothered me. Yeah the clanking was a bit off putting, but I got past it. I don’t care about your squire being in the room, I felt amazing, just- Look, babe, saying the kings name was a bit much. I know you are loyal to him, but I’m your wife. Yes, you are a good knight, but I’d appreciate you keeping His Majesty out of our chambers

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Darling, we really need to discuss bringing new kinks into the bedroom ahead of time. Springing it on me is a lot. Yeah, I am talking about the trebuchet

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Honey, can we talk? Thank you for agreeing to see a counsellor with me. I think it’ll be good for our relationship, I’m just a bit concerned. I’m not sure the court jester was the right choice. No, the bells keep throwing me off. His shoes are great, but it’s so hard to focus. I want to prioritise our relationship. Please don’t say knock knock, love, this is exactly what I am talking about

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Prithee, cease

[lady-isabella-farnham]

Supporting my monks by hiding in a bush and saying ‘go white boy go!!!’ when they walk past so they think it’s the voice of our Lord

[monk-brother-matthew]

the hedges have started speaking to me...

God?? Is that you??

[sister-lucille]

Busy moving all the poor snails I find to Brother Thomas's herb garden so they will be safe from the heat.

It is the optimal place to put them as there is a lot of shade and its nice and damp as Brother Thomas waters his plants very often.

[brotherhumphrey]

such a wonderful idea, sister! i shall hasten to do the same!

[monk-brother-matthew]

my new basket will help move them! it will be perfect for the job:)

[brotherhumphrey]

three times a year we have the monastery poetry slam but some of the brothers are taking vows of silence so they just get up there and look at us for a while and then we all clap

[brotherhumphrey]

ooc: this is one of the posts i expected to get a solid three notes so seeing this in the wild (on instagram) today struck me with a deep primordial terror. i'd say it put the fear of god into me but haha, well,

[monk-brother-matthew]

getting kicked out of the monastery because i kept asking the abbot if he knew what rizz was

[lady-isabella-farnham]

*sits in the same pew as another lady in mass* this too is yuri

[monk-brother-matthew]

live your truth

[monk-brother-matthew]

there is something Wrong with him

[brotherhumphrey]

infant monks in the monk hatchery, covered in the goop from their eggs, mewling for the nourishment of monk slop

[blacksmith-oliver]

is.... is this truly how new monks are formed