* 𝐝𝐚𝐰𝐧.

friends only multimuse. written by thyme.

[monocaelix]

friends only multimuse roleplay blog

written by thyme ( 27  -  she / they  -  GMT timezone )

on a permanent semi-hiatus

please make sure to check my carrd before following !  ♡

carrd  /  muses  /  prompt compilation

[monocaelix]

find me over here! i've moved for a fresh start and i'll be following everyone shortly! ; w ;

[edenmemes]

andor sentence starters

❝ i don’t like seeing you nervous. ❞ ❝ the risk of doing nothing becomes the greatest risk of all. ❞ ❝ i’m gonna do us a favor and not mention this happened. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna get us both in trouble. ❞ ❝ i’m not moving. you want it, you take it and i walk away. ❞ ❝ if it’s not important, why not tell me? ❞ ❝ don’t tell anybody you saw me. don’t tell anybody you know where i am. ❞ ❝ you don’t look so good. ❞ ❝ you need to get as far away from here as you can. ❞ ❝ you’re like me. we were born in a hole. all we know is climbing over somebody else to get out. ❞ ❝ it’s all about you, isn’t it? it’s always all about you. ❞ ❝ ah, you’ve remembered how to mock me. ❞ ❝ that’s as close to an apology as you’re gonna get. ❞ ❝ maybe we should quit while we’re ahead. ❞ ❝ welcome. and just in time for dinner. ❞ ❝ there’s no way out alive. of that you must be sure. ❞ ❝ my anger, my ego, my unwillingness to yield, my eagerness to fight…they’ve set me on a path from which there is no escape. ❞ ❝ i’m struggling to understand why my faith doesn’t calm me. i believe in something. why am i so unsettled? ❞ ❝ you don’t have to worry about me anymore. ❞ ❝ i thought you left without me. ❞ ❝ you have a different path, and i’m not judging you. ❞ ❝ it’s better you don’t know. ❞ ❝ you’re avoiding the question. ❞ ❝ hey. you know something i don’t? ❞ ❝ i told you, i’m doing everything i can. ❞ ❝ you might as well wear a sign that says, “i promise to disappoint you.” ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding on my floor. ❞ ❝ you knew where this was going. you’ve always known. ❞ ❝ i need to hear you tell me you can follow the plan. ❞ ❝ pull yourself together, all right? ❞ ❝ this time…you can’t stay, and i can’t go. ❞ ❝ i burn my decency for someone else’s future. i burn my life to make a sunrise that i know i’ll never see. ❞ ❝ i said i know you. i know all about you. ❞ ❝ why don’t we do something fun tomorrow night? ❞ ❝ i knew i could count on you. ❞ ❝ i am going to ask you a question. i expect an honest answer. ❞ ❝ i yearned to be a savior against injustice without contemplating the cost and by the time i looked down, there was no longer any ground beneath my feet. ❞ ❝ that’s cold. even for you. ❞ ❝ you’ll stay with me. i need all the heroes i can get. ❞ ❝ i’m thinking clearly and you’re not. ❞ ❝ is that your defence? you’ve been ‘careful’? ❞ ❝ any civilized being knows an open invitation is no invitation at all. ❞ ❝ rule number one: never carry anything you don’t control. ❞ ❝ what’s the hurry? got some place to be? ❞ ❝ you come all this way to scold me? ❞ ❝ i’d never lie to you. ❞ ❝ you’re not here to save anybody but yourself. ❞ ❝ what, not happy to see me? ❞ ❝ i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you. ❞ ❝ i won’t have peace. i’ll be worried about you all the time. ❞ ❝ turning back will be impossible. ❞ ❝ there’s no room for doubt on the path to success. ❞ ❝ two guys jumped me. it went too far. ❞ ❝ you fall here, you fall alone. ❞ ❝ i’m just saying out loud what you already known. ❞ ❝ you love me because i show you what you need to see. ❞ ❝ it’s just me against everybody else. ❞ ❝ you don’t want to hear what happened? ❞ ❝ hey. i won’t forget this. ❞ ❝ you think it’s hopeless, do you? freedom? independence? justice? ❞ ❝ no one’s more at risk than i am. ❞ ❝ you wanted to leave? this is what it comes to. ❞ ❝ what are you staring at? ❞ ❝ we’ll die with nothing if we don’t put aside our petty differences. ❞ ❝ you’ll make an effort tonight if it kills you. ❞ ❝ i write when i can’t sleep. ❞ ❝ you haven’t been listening to me, have you? ❞ ❝ us? i don’t know you. ❞ ❝ i’m not gonna put my people at risk for someone else. ❞ ❝ your father’s looking for you. ❞ ❝ why would i go anywhere with you? ❞ ❝ i’m glad you’re here. no matter what the reason. ❞ ❝ that’s what a reckoning sounds like. you want it to stop, but it just keeps coming. ❞ ❝ come on. we need to get out of here. come on. ❞ ❝ being a leader isn’t just something you can turn on and off. ❞ ❝ it’s been a day of surprises for all of us. ❞ ❝ you lived because you ran. ❞ ❝ i imagine that no matter what you tell me or tell yourself, you’ll ultimately die fighting these bastards. ❞ ❝ you think i haven’t thought this through? i’d be the first one to fall. ❞ ❝ wouldn’t you rather give it all at once to something real than carve off useless pieces till there’s nothing left? ❞ ❝ you’re wasting energy. you know i’m right. ❞ ❝ i just want what’s mine. ❞ ❝ must everything be boring and sad? ❞ ❝ you have a problem, you come to me. ❞ ❝ i’m starting to think we’re in over our heads. ❞ ❝ everyone has their own rebellion. ❞ ❝ can one ever be too aggressive in preserving order? ❞ ❝ the day before is always hard. too much time to worry. ❞ ❝ don’t touch me. ❞ ❝ i wake up every day to an equation i wrote fifteen years ago from which there’s only one conclusion, I’m damned for what i do. ❞ ❝ i’m just trying to clear my name. ❞ ❝ working with other people is never easy. ❞ ❝ just being in your presence…i’ve realized that life is worth living. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in right now? ❞ ❝ i knew you were lying. i knew it. ❞ ❝ losing hope? your mind? keep it to yourself. ❞ ❝ must everything be boring and sad? ❞ ❝ the axe forgets, but the tree remembers. ❞ ❝ perhaps my deranged belief that there was something better fated for me in the future was a dream worth clinging to. ❞ ❝ i’m not here for career advice. ❞ ❝ there’s a difference between fear and losing your nerve. ❞ ❝ you’re slouching. is that how you present yourself to the world? ❞ ❝ perhaps you should have a rest. ❞ ❝ i didn’t deserve what happened. ❞ ❝ you should go. i didn’t realize how late it was. ❞ ❝ i’d forgotten how sensitive you can be. ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive right now. ❞ ❝ so, that’s it? that’s why you’re here? revenge? ❞ ❝ you can wear a ball gown if you’d like. ❞ ❝ this is the last place you should be. ❞ ❝ so much going wrong, so much to say, and all of it happening so quickly. ❞ ❝ it’s easier to hide behind forty atrocities than a single incident. ❞ ❝ what were you gonna do if i wasn’t here? ❞ ❝ i’ve been worried you might do something like this. ❞ ❝ don’t you dare talk to me like that. ❞ ❝ the very worst thing you can do right now is bore me. ❞ ❝ if you’re not willing to risk your conscience, then surrender and be done with it. ❞ ❝ we’ve come a long way from where we started. ❞ ❝ i show you the stone in my hand, you miss the knife at your throat. ❞ ❝ people blame you for what happened. ❞ ❝ i think about you constantly. ❞ ❝ i dreamt you came back. ❞ ❝ you pull in the net and the easy thing, the quick thing, is to assume that everything you’ve dragged to shore is a fish. ❞ ❝ i should…i should say thank you. ❞ ❝ i’ve given up all chance at inner peace. i’ve made my mind a sunless space. i share my dreams with ghosts. ❞ ❝ don’t die until you put up a fight. ❞ ❝ you came here to kill me, didn’t you? ❞ ❝ i’ve been shamed enough for one night. ❞ ❝ if you wanna say something, you should say it now. ❞ ❝ i would rather die trying to take them down than giving them what they want. ❞ ❝ is that meant to scare me? ❞ ❝ i’ve been turning away from the truth i wanted not to face. ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding. ❞

[youngesper-deactivated20230509]

     @destinychose said: kyojuro will do him one better - he’ll carry him on his shoulder uwu

[youngesper-deactivated20230509]

     A SUDDEN RETURN ?! Tamago back at it again, once more bringing you the one, the ONLY ; KAGEYAMA RITSU from ONE’s MOB PSYCHO 100 !! He’s the best annoying dramatic little brother on this side of animanga —— drop a ♡  or  ↻ if you’re interested in interacting and I’ll check you out  `ヘ´

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

hands resting against his stomach, kaeya lets out a heartful laugh at that. this is the kind of banter that’s unlike the one they usually share at the tavern, when diluc is busy trying to do his bartending job and kaeya refuses to stop talking his ears off with gossip he probably has no interest in but listens to anyways. no, instead this exchange reminds him very much of the past, although the roles then were usually reversed, reaction-wise.

it brings back a sense of closeness that feels both known and new.

❝ now, it hurts me to think that you believe i would do such a thing. but you could have maybe lent me one of those fancy robes of yours, i know you have them. ❞  kaeya throws back with a pointed look, clearly referring to the ones that crepus, actually, used to wear whenever he had time to spend at home instead of working. the ones that both kaeya and diluc used to tease the man about every single time, due to their obnoxious extravagance. imagining diluc, of all people, wearing one of them now is almost too funny of a mental image, and kaeya has to hold back another burst of laughter.

as if on autopilot, he sits down at the dining table before diluc has even finished speaking, aware of the way both his mind and body are being swayed by the familiarity provoked by their current circumstances. especially as he says then, the nickname rolling off his tongue before kaeya can swallow it back down,  ❝ yes, yes, ‘luc. ❞

for the first time in a long while, the silence that stretches between them afterwards is far from awkward or uncomfortable in any way. kaeya is not shy when he digs into his own plate of sweet madame, silently nodding his head towards adelinde in gratefulness when she serves him some wine instead of the bottled grape juice sitting by diluc’s own glass. although it’s a recipe that kaeya is more than accostumed to, it being one of mondstadt’s trademark dishes after all, there has always been something about the way adelinde prepares it that makes it unique—perhaps it’s the seasoning, or an extra step added to the preparation process that kaeya isn’t aware of, but it tastes different.

it tastes like home.

kaeya only realizes that he has stopped eating when he blinks and he can feel an unusual wetness clinging to the corner of his visible eye. it startles him in place, cutlery clinking against his plate in his surprise, and kaeya is quick to rub the back of a hand against his eye, cleaning away any sign of intrusive emotions before he reaches for his drink. suddenly he misses the bitter taste of alcohol, but the sweetness of the dandelion wine does little to push down the unwanted feelings that seem intent on filling up the crevices of his ribcage.

❝ you know, i am a little surprised actually, ❞  kaeya breaks the silence abruptly, clearing his throat. thinking that maybe, if he runs his mouth like he usually does, diluc won’t notice the sudden change in his behavior.  ❝ i… was sure that, after all this time, you had probably just… thrown away everything i had left behind. ❞  his voice softens as he speaks, and kaeya winces inwardly at his poor choice of a topic to discuss about. the large bite of roasted chicken he shoves into his mouth afterwards is taken with a grimace.

always the one with the worst timing, isn’t he?

diluc is grateful for the silence that follows after kaeya takes a seat and begins to eat his meal; it gives him a moment to process the strikingly vivid memory that kaeya had invoked.

even now, many years later, he can remember it clear as day; his father would often wear the most hideous robes ( that always smelled like his favourite brand of tobacco ) around the estate, the sleeves long and billowing, the hem dragging across the ground in his wake.  when he was young, he used to purposefully drop sunsettias into the train of fabric, wanting to see how many he could get away with before his father would notice.  another time, he and kaeya snuck into his father’s study and tried one on, giggling as they all but drowned beneath the mass of fabric.

those were simpler times...  nowadays, reminiscing on such a past leaves a hollow, bittersweet ache where lightheartedness and laughter once made its home. 

fighting down a grimance, diluc picks up his knife and fork, busying himself with cutting into the chicken on his plate.  at the very least, kaeya seems to have taken his advice; after casting him a cursory glance, he notes his estranged brother is digging into his food with gusto.  

diluc sighs quietly to himself and decides to follow his example, hesitantly allowing himself the chance to enjoy the oddly companionable silence that has settled over them.

it doesn’t last, but then, silence rarely does when kaeya is around.

he looks up sharply at the sound of cutlery clattering against porcelain, alarm pulsing through his chest at the unexpected sight of kaeya rubbing at his eye.  he opens his mouth, but thinks better of it, averting his gaze back towards his plate.  he realises he probably wasn’t supposed to see that rare moment of weakness; diluc imagines he’s the last person kaeya wants around to witness him in such a state, so he’ll refrain on commenting on it.  it’s the least he can do.

the food in his mouth suddenly isn’t as appealing as it was a few minutes prior, so it comes as something of a relief when kaeya speaks up, saving him the trouble of having to pretend he’s still hungry, even if the topic at hand is... difficult.

❝  it wasn’t mine to throw away.  ❞  diluc says smoothly as he spears another piece of chicken with his fork, stubbornly continuing to pretend that he hadn’t noticed the cavalry captain rubbing hastily at his eye.  he fears that any acknowledgement of the emotions running rampant within kaeya right now would only serve to open a can of worms that neither of them are ready for.  not to mention, it would force him to acknowledge his own emotions, which he is trying very carefully not to label.

with some difficulty, diluc adds in a low tone,  ❝  ...you can take whatever you want with you when you leave, if you wish.  ❞

he wishes he could snatch the words back as soon as they leave his mouth.  it’s only a room, and yet it’s the last thing he has left that still connects him to his estranged brother; letting it go feels like he’s finally accepting that things will never be the way they once were.  truthfully, he should have reached that level of acceptance years ago.  he was the one who severed their connection in the first place, kicking his brother out onto the street after nearly killing him in his grief-stricken rage.  what right does he have to continue clinging to the very thing that he himself turned to ash?

diluc lifts the glass of grape juice to his lips to hide his grimace, forcing himself to look anywhere but at kaeya.  he doesn’t want to see what kind of expression he makes after such an offer...

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

lips still pressed against childe’s jawline, kaeya’s smile widens at the way he arches towards his touch, continuing then to run his fingers lightly through childe’s tousled hair, absently. his other hand moves to rest above the arms wrapped around his waist, childe’s body a solid comfort against his back. kaeya had almost forgotten how much he actually missed this kind of proximity between them.

❝ a mutually beneficial bargain, you say, ❞  he chuckles with amusement, teeth nipping lightly at the skin under his mouth. any remaining thoughts of finishing up whatever work he had brought home now completely gone, as kaeya’s interest shifts focus.  ❝ i do agree, yes, but sometimes i also think you speak a little too much, sweetheart. ❞

kaeya moves then, maneuvering himself around until he’s straddling childe’s lap instead. pressing close until they are chest to chest, kaeya guides his lover’s hands back to his own waist, savouring the way childe’s palms, slightly bigger than his own, seem to encompass the narrow of his hips with ease. even through the layers of his clothes, the cavalry captain can feel the warmth and concealed strength of childe’s touch, and that alone pulls an appreciative sigh from his lips. kaeya’s hands slide their way upwards across the expanse of the harbinger’s chest then, fingernails trailing the exposed skin of his neck before his fingers halt around the sides of his face, holding him in place.

❝ if i am to get what i want, then we might as well put your words into actions instead, hm? ❞  despite the teasing tone of his voice, kaeya’s smile is soft with barely masked endearment, and then his eye falls closed as he presses their lips together with firm intent. although the touch itself is far from rushed, kaeya doesn’t waste time before pressing his tongue into childe’s mouth, kissing him with a heavy, newfound kind of heat—like a man starved; like they haven’t kissed in years, not like this.

because they haven’t, at least not for a long while. even with childe temporarily stationed in mondstadt, duty and responsibilities often get in the way of them spending proper time together. but now, hidden away from prying eyes and ears and the burdens of their obligations, kaeya can’t even fathom the possibility of letting slide the opportunity of touching and kissing and tasting the man he has come to adore so ardently.

[monocaelix]

SAGA.

The sudden laughter catches Saga by surprise, shoulders instinctively flinching at the wave of both sound and color that comes crashing against their senses at once. Saga’s vision turns warm, a color not unlike that of fire but much calmer and welcoming; the shade of the sky during the sunset and flying birds chirp by, letting the silent God to appreciate the sight beyond what their monochrome world allows.

But even if Saga was less than a very observant person, they would be able to pick on the forced excitement in the boy’s tone by the way the color of his voice seems to lose its vibrance the longer he speaks. Bennett talks with clarity, using words that Saga can pick apart with an ease they’re rather proud of, and the underlying meaning of his explanations don’t go unnoticed either.

And Saga can sympathize. They too, for the longest time, only had loneliness as their own companion. The memory pulls at their heartstrings, and Saga doesn’t give in to hesitation before taking a seat next to Bennett then. Again, they write. 

                       [ I wait with you then! ]

It says, and Saga smiles at him. 

                       [ Hello, my name is Saga. I live in Mondstadt too. ]

the kid seems to consider him for a second, before turning their attention to the notepad held between their hands and writing something once more.  bennett leans in to read the carefully written letters, a delighted smile spreading across his face as he reciprocates the introduction with one of his own,  ❝  oh!  i’m bennett!  it’s nice to meet you, saga!  ❞  his smile fades slightly, however, as he glances up at the orange-streaked sky.  ❝  but, y’know...  it’s getting pretty late...  ❞

bennett cups his chin, humming to himself.  as hard as it is to admit, he knows intended companion for the day won’t be coming.  if he’s being honest with himself, he knew that much hours ago, he just didn’t want to face the fact that his hopes have been dashed for the umpteenth time.  by now, he figures he  should be used to the constant rejection he faces amongst his fellow adventurers, but it still hurts as if it were the first time...

personal feelings aside, it’ll be dark before too long, and saga doesn’t exactly look old enough to be out all on their own without a guardian...  even if he’s worried about saga’s safety around him, he’d only worry more if he sent saga back to mondstadt on their own.

to that end, there’s no reason to linger any longer.

bennett’s smile returns full force as he turns to saga and says,  ❝  how about we head back?  it’ll be getting dark soon, and my dads always tell me not to stay out too late!  oh, but first—  ❞  bennett hurriedly digs into one of his pockets, retrieving the coin he carries on his person at all times.  ❝  better use up some bad luck...  ❞

with a practiced flick of his thumb, he flips the coin up into the air and catches it smoothly.  he peers down at the coin’s surface and immediately grins.  tails.  exactly the opposite of what he’d wanted!  he turns to saga, tucking the coin safely back into his pocket as he proclaims triumphantly,  ❝  alright!  we should be safe getting back to the city now!  ❞

previous replies  /  @pavocellux​

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

standing at the mansion’s entrance, kaeya has little time to do anything else but repeatedly blink his eye at the conversation that’s happening in front of him, dumbfounded. distantly, he’s aware of how his utterly drenched attire is dripping onto the hardwood floors, the rattling of the windows against the unforgiving strength of the storm raging outside a reminder of how he—and diluc as well, for that matter—ended up in such a predicament in the first place.

it’s only when diluc speaks directly to him once again that kaeya is shaken out of his stupor, and even then, his mouth opens and closes several times before he’s able to produce any sound. for once, the usually cunning cavalry captain of the ordo favonius is at a loss for words.

❝ you… still keep my room? ❞  the realization is slow to settle in, but when it does it’s not with a lack of emotion. there’s a certain uncharacteristic frailty in the way kaeya stutters out the question, voice so soft it can hardly be heard underneath the howling winds wrecking havoc across the vineyard. but again, kaeya is barely given enough time to fully process the unexpected invitation in the first place before adelinde is rushing him upstairs, only allowing him to slip off his boots first at the front door at least.

even as he’s pulled along down a hallway that kaeya still knows like the back of his own hand, his steps are hesitant and heavy, and the way he pushes open the door of the aforementioned bedroom even more so. kaeya doesn’t question the smile adelinde sends him before she leaves to abide to her master’s orders, because he understands the moment he steps inside.

any signs of dread and anxiety he might have been feeling up to this point are immediately replaced by disbelief instead. everything looks the exact same as they did the last time he’s visited his childhood bedroom, a few months after his brother had parted from mondstadt—the large bed covered in silky, dark red sheets to match the embroidered curtains; the oak desk sitting by the opposite wall still covered by as many books as the shelf next to it. even the leather chest he kept by the wardrobe has not been moved, undoubtedly filled to the brim with every single toy and trinket that both crepus and diluc have ever gifted him with. all the things that kaeya couldn’t dare to take with him that fateful night so long ago, left behind with the name ragnvindr. one not unlike tonight, kaeya realizes with a bewildered chuckle.

…fate is a strange thing indeed, isn’t it?

by the time kaeya returns to the first floor, he’s dressed in a pair of black trousers and a patternless dress shit, both that he can tell are most likely diluc’s. his usual outfit has been taken by the maids for a proper washing, and he hadn’t been able to deny adelinde when she urged him to have dinner downstairs. the rainstorm outside still seems to be just as ruthless, but there’s quite a skip on kaeya’s steps as he descends the stairs, a lightness that his smile hasn’t been privy to in a long, long time.

❝ i should have told adelinde to not give me your clothes—a little on the shorter end, aren’t we? ❞  leaning against the dining table, kaeya lifts one of his legs to show off the hem of his pants, in a way that makes it look like the fabric can’t quite cover the entirety of his calf. it’s in jest, of course—the height difference between them is rather unnoticeable, but considering diluc had stayed the taller one for the majority of their teenage years, kaeya never had the chance to properly tease his older brother about his own growth spurt during his absence.

somehow, this feels like the best opportunity to make up for that.

diluc watches impassively as adelinde steps in and shoos kaeya up the stairs before he can make some wild excuse to try and escape, only daring to move once his estranged brother is out of sight.  he heaves a heavy sigh, and heads towards his office in order to change into some dry clothes of his own.

this all feels... very strange.  while he hadn’t even hesitated to offer kaeya a room ( his old room ) for the night, his insides feel like they’re being twisted into knots.  it’s been years since the two of them have slept under the same roof — back when they were still family, before death and pain tore them apart and set them adrift in a world that felt tilted off its axis.

things are different now.  they’re different.  he’s not expecting things to be the way they once were between them, but it’s for that very reason that he feels so off-kilter; diluc has no frame of reference for the two of them now that they’re in this odd limbo — not quite strangers, not quite family.  he supposes they’ll just have to figure it out as they go.

he hates the uncertainty of it all.

impatiently, diluc wrings the rainwater out of his hair and ties the bedraggled mess up into a high ponytail, grimacing as the damp strands cling to the nape of his neck.  it’ll do for now, at least until he can bathe and sort out the tangled mess.  it’s not like he’s hosting a banquet, after all.

once changed, adelinde pops her head around the door to inform him that dinner will be served soon.  yet again, the weird sensation in his stomach returns full-force.  begrudgingly, diluc leaves the safety of his office and heads towards the dining room, unable to stop himself from casting a glance towards the stairs as he passes by.  

he wonders what kaeya thought when he saw his room, exactly as he left it...  perhaps he thought diluc was pathetic, clinging to a past that they both knew was long gone.  or maybe he thought nothing at all.  diluc figures he’ll never find out.  even if he were to ask, the chances of kaeya giving him a straight answer are ridiculously low.

he tuts softly to himself, swiftly brushing the absurd thought aside as he takes his seat at the table.  not long after he does, kaeya appears, a typically teasing remark tumbling past his lips as he shows off his new wardrobe.  naturally, it doesn’t fit quite right.  diluc would be more surprised if it did; it was tailor-made to his measurements, after all.

diluc shoots him a flat glare, unimpressed.  ❝  the alternative is walking around in nothing but your underwear, which i’m sure would only upset the staff.  ❞  he adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves, and adds in a scathingly sarcastic tone,  ❝  your clothes will be returned to you tomorrow, so i do hope you can bear with the inconvenience a little longer.  ❞

he rolls his eyes lightly and looks away as several of his butlers emerge from the kitchen, carrying trays filled with food.  they’d been preparing for his dinner before they had arrived in anticipation of his return, and yet it seems there’s more than enough food for two people...  diluc chooses not to comment on it, offering a quiet ‘thank you’ as a plate is placed in front of him.  a serving of sweet madame never goes amiss, and if he’s remembering rightly, kaeya never expressed any complaints about it in the past, either.  good.

❝  sit,  ❞  diluc says smoothly, finally daring to look up at his estranged brother once more,  ❝  or your food will go cold.  ❞

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

❝ hm, i wonder why. ❞  kaeya hums, and while he sounds fairly unimpressed, the shiver that runs down his frame at the touch is impossible to hide. and unfortunately, childe is right. although kaeya has always had the habit of bringing work home whenever needed, it’s clear that he isn’t getting anything done tonight; not in these circumstances.  ( and for once, he’s more than willing to give up without much of a fight. )

so kaeya leans away to place the documents atop the coffee table instead, quick to return to his rightful place, seated between childe’s legs. pressing his back against childe’s chest, kaeya’s whole posture relaxes then, one hand gripping one of his lover’s knees while the other reaches back to run his fingers through sunshine-kissed locks.  ❝ you do have a fair point, i have to say. ❞

the position is a little awkward, but kaeya still manages to nuzzle against the side of childe’s face then, his own amused smile brushing against freckled skin as he speaks.  ❝ i suppose you are getting better at bargaining, mister harbinger. ❞

he feels the shiver that races down kaeya’s spine and makes no effort to stifle the smile that spreads across his lips as he buries his nose against the crook of his lover’s neck and kiss at the cool skin.  secretly, childe relishes in the knowledge that — by touch alone — he can coax out such sweet, sweet reactions from the man in his arms.

and on top of that, it seems that kaeya is graciously accepting his defeat.  while childe usually enjoys the battle of drawing his lover away from his work, he can’t deny that it’s also enjoyable to skip the theatrics and simply enjoy each other’s company without any preamble.  it gives them more time for other things, after all...

as if sensing his thoughts, one of kaeya’s hands wanders into his hair, fingers trailing lightly across his scalp.  childe makes no attempts to disguise his satisfaction, his neck arching to lean into the touch with a shameless sigh.

❝  i aim to strike nothing but a mutually beneficial bargain, and i am a man of my word.  ❞  childe murmurs distractedly, his arms squeezing at his lover’s small waist in an effort to draw him closer still.  ❝  i believe in making sure both parties get what they want in the end.  that’s fair, wouldn’t you agree?  ❞

[monocaelix]

SAGA.​

Silvery eyes widen. The sound of Diluc’s voice brings splotches of color to the corners of Saga’s vision. It’s the same color they’ve come to associate with the crackling flames from the fireplace in the living room of Kaeya’s home, burned alive to bring light to the room at nightfall. But the vivid color seems now warmer and soothing, muted to match the calmness of Diluc’s tone, and Saga can’t say if they’ve seen such a pretty shade come from anyone else before.

They are not bothered by the hand that now messily ruffles their hair, only lifting one of their own to pat down the dark strands before picking up the bag resting at their feet.

❝ Well… They have a low appetite, so you don’t need to worry much about that. Also, just… Keep them away from noisy places, and people. ❞ The last of Kaeya’s explanations is easy to understand from the worry that crosses his gaze, and Saga answers his smile with one of their own. Although they feel a little indebted to the khaenri'ahn, for having to lie in their stead, they are equally just as grateful.

Giving Kaeya’s arm a reassuring pat with their free hand, Saga nods. I will be fine!, they want to say, but can only hope that the Cavalry Captain will understand their intentions. It’s not like Saga can’t take care of themselves; for how long did they have to do just that, after all? They turn back towards Diluc then. Something about him tells Saga that the next few days won’t be any unpleasant.​

diluc raises a brow at kaeya’s explanation, pressing his lips together to dissuade himself from asking any potentially difficult questions.  for the time being, he’ll play along.  whatever queries he might have — numerous as they are becoming — he’ll wait to voice them when he and kaeya are next alone.  whenever that might be.

❝  so you’re not the sociable type, huh...  ❞  diluc comments in a tone without accusation, watching the child with interest.  in that sense, he can relate.  following the death of his father, he’s discovered that he tends to prefer his own company, though things have become much livelier of late, what with takehiko’s presence.  kaeya, too, has been visiting more frequently, for reasons he’s hesitant to think about for too long...

he looks up at his estranged brother once more, arms folding loosely across his chest.  ❝  i’ll have one of the rooms at the furthest corner of the manor prepared.  it should be quiet there.  anything else?  ❞

previous replies​

[monocaelix]

@pavocellux​

the rain is falling in thick, icy sheets that drum relentlessly against the windowpane, making it all but impossible to see anything beyond a few feet.  even within the comforting four walls of the manor, he can still hear the wind shrieking and howling, threatening to tear doors off their hinges if someone dares to underestimate its power.  no doubt the vineyard will be a mess tomorrow.  it’s fortunate, at least, that they’d already conducted a thorough harvest last week.

❝  the storm isn’t getting any better.  ❞  diluc finally declares, leaning back and letting the curtain fall back over the window, concealing the blackened sky from view.  he turns to kaeya, expression neutral as he says simply,  ❝  you might as well stay the night.  ❞

he moves away before his unexpected guest can protest, spotting his head housemaid hovering nearby, no doubt keeping watch over the estranged siblings to ensure no fight breaks out.  he has half a mind to inform her that there’s no danger of that happening, at least not anymore.  ❝  adelinde. is his—  ❞

❝  yes, master diluc. as you requested, it’s been kept clean.  ❞  adelinde quickly replies, lips twitching with a small, poorly hidden smile.

❝  …good.  ❞  diluc says, disgruntled as he turns back to face kaeya once more.  he smooths his hands down the lapels of his rain-soaked coat in a subconscious effort to sooth the absurd bout of nerves that are busy tying knots in his stomach, not quite able to meet his brother’s eye.  he tries not to think about what happened the last time the two of them were together in a storm like this.

❝  adelinde will fetch you some dry clothes to change into.  ❞  diluc finally manages to get out, gloved fingers curling into his palms as he fights the urge to look anywhere except at kaeya.  he clears his throat.  ❝  i assume you remember where your room is?  ❞

[monocaelix]

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (I):

To D: 

A storm is brewing within the Knights of Favonius. Varka’s inner circle is preparing to investigate Eroch and his henchmen, and it’s looking increasingly likely that Eroch is about to get unseated from that high horse of his. 

You might not be too pleased to see this letter of mine, but I mean to get this news to you as soon as possible. 

You don’t have to reply.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (I):

A huge splotch of ink, likely spilled by the author, covers the bottom half of the unsent letter. The page itself is heavily crumpled, as if the author screwed it up with the intention of throwing it out. Many of the unfinished lines have been scribbled out in clear frustration and with enough force that the paper has torn in some places. What little remains is virtually illegible.

To K:

Don’t ever—

I don’t need to—

I don’t want to hear anything from—

That remains to be seen—

Thank you for—

What else did you hide from me?

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (II):

To D: 

Even I was a little surprised to hear that you’d decided to leave on a trip. 

Jean wanted to write and try to dissuade you, but I advised her against it. 

As for Varka, I don’t think he knows that about this. Otherwise, he’d have probably sat you down for a talk. 

If you’d like to leave, do it now. The less the people know, the less the goodbyes you’ll have to say. Leave at night, too, so things won’t be too saddening. 

Take care.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (II):

There are many sentences that have been left unfinished and restarted on multiple occasions throughout the unsent letter. The author clearly struggled with what to say, and ultimately gave up altogether. In some places, the paper is crinkled and the ink has ran; it must have gotten wet at some point.

To K:

Thank you for not—   

What are you playing at—   

I am grateful—   

I—   I am—   I appreciate you advising Jean against dissuading me.   I was intending on—   I’ll take your advice.

You won’t hear from—   Keep me posted—   Take care—   Goodbye.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (III):

To D: 

Some slightly bad news. Eroch won’t be quite so difficult to bring down after all. 

The Grand Master’s order to investigate has certainly dealt him a major blow, but I wouldn’t call the problem “pulled up by the roots” yet. 

The matter’s been handed over to Jean’s jurisdiction. She’ll take care of this, I believe. Eroch is an obstacle in her path, in any case. 

Just sit tight and wait for the good news.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (III):

The handwriting in the letter is unsteady, as if the author wrote it on something uneven or while moving. At one point, the author’s hand must have jerked, leaving a large streak of ink across the page.

To K:

So long as the matter remains with Jean, I believe it will be well-handled. Though whatever justice is dealt will never change what happened in the first place.

How fare things—

Why do you continue to—

Are you—

I’ll await further news.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (IV):

The penmanship in the letter is shaky. It’s difficult, but not impossible, to read. A dark, red stain that resembles the shape of fingers has been smeared across the page. The author clearly tried to swipe it off. The page curls in towards the centre, as if it were rolled up at one point with the intention of being sent.

To K:

I don’t know whether this letter will reach you. I don’t know why I’m writing it at all. This is not my first brush with death, but it could be my last.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing to you. Death has a funny way of putting things into perspective.

It’s too late to apologise for the things I did and said to you that night, but I am sorry. I wanted you to at least know that.

I leave the Ragnvindr estate to you. Do with it as you please. Sell it for all I care. 

I know you would never bring harm to our city. So live.

I’ll take your secret with me.

Unsent Letter (V):

The letter has but a single line and is not addressed to anyone. The page has been crumpled, clearly screwed into a ball, before the author attempted to smooth it out once more.

I’m sorry.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (IV):

To D: 

Recently, a group of businessmen returned to Mondstadt. Word is that the reason for their return is a downturn in business. 

According to my observations, their employees are regulars at Angel’s Share. These people can also be found out in the more dangerous parts of the wilds around the city. 

Now, a few of them were a little careless and even dropped some pages of their notes on the ground. I took the liberty of returning these sheets to the Angel’s Share. You know, out of the goodness of my heart. 

I think they might have something to do with you, seeing as how they were there. I also noticed that their notes were written in code. Information brokers, perhaps? Or some kind of secret organisation? 

Whatever the case, it took quite a lot of effort to see those blurred words with only one eye, you know? Don’t worry, I’ll keep this a secret.

Letter Addressed To “K” (I):

To K: 

Messaged received. Thank you. 

Also, I suggest that you stop mentioning eyes in your letters. Don’t think that I don’t know that your right eye wasn’t blinded.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (V):

To D: 

I didn’t try to hide it from you on purpose, you know. But I suppose you found out all the same, huh? 

I mean, not everyone who wears an eyepatch must be blind, right? Don’t people also wear an eyepatch if they have a scar over their right eye? 

The long-awaited good news is finally here. 

Now, I’m going to bring a glass of wine when I go to watch Eroch pack his things and leave on his last day (good riddance, by the way). That should be fun, eh? 

I know you’re not the type to do that sort of thing, but I am, so allow me.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (VI):

The letter is written in a strong but elegant hand. The page has been folded, unfolded, and re-folded repeatedly. There is a small splotch of ink beneath the last line, as if the author intended to write more, but could never quite decide on what to include.

To K:

Of course I did. I wasn’t born yesterday.

On this occasion, I find myself unable to disapprove of your approach. Wish him farewell on my behalf.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VI):

To D: 

Oh, my! No sooner did you get back than a mysterious character started popping up. 

I hear he’s called the Darknight Hero. He has repeatedly fought off Treasure Hoarders and monsters in the Mondstadt area — and he’s even attacked Abyss Order strongholds. 

So far, it seems like he is on Mondstadt’s side, but the Knights of Favonius could never permit the existence of a vigilante. 

I get the feeling that the two of you would get along nicely. Why don’t you find an opportunity to get to know him and give him some sage advice? You know, just so he doesn’t get caught by the Knights?

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (VII):

There is a stain in the shape of a ring at the corner of the page, likely coffee. The letter must have been hastily tucked away, for it is folded at an uneven angle. Some of the ink has been smudged, suggesting it had not long been written. The last sentence remains unfinished.

To K:

Your subtlety never ceases to amaze me. Perhaps you should be more direct, otherwise one might believe you’re making a rather dangerous accusation.

A suggestion, if I may. Keep your nose where it belongs, and out of—

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VII):

To D: 

Per standard procedure, the Knights of Favonius needs to take a statement from all relevant parties. 

Recently, the Knights of Favonius have received reports from a number of eye-witnesses claiming to have seen the Darknight Hero in the vicinity of the Dawn Winery. 

The Grand Master has assigned the Cavalry Company to this mission. As such, I will be paying you a visit in three days. 

He seems to think that our relationship can be improved if we are forced to talk in person. 

Don’t worry, though. My lips are sealed. This will be nothing more than a formality. Anyway, three days’ notice should be enough for you, I presume?

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (VIII):

The first line has been struck out with great force, making the words beneath virtually illegible. The penmanship lacks some of the elegance seen previously, suggesting the author wrote the letter quickly and fiercely.

To K:

Thank you for—

By all means, conduct your investigation.

There’s nothing here for you to find.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VIII):

To D: 

The appearance of the Darknight Hero has indeed bought the Knights of Favonius some valuable time during the Abyss Order’s last attack. 

This helped Jean convince the Knights of Favonius to stop focusing on trying to stop him. 

This will decrease the limits on the Darknight Hero’s actions, but this doesn’t mean that his situation will necessarily improve. 

Objects with too honed an edge tend to be damaged more easily. You, I’m sure, are aware of the great dangers that come with acting alone. 

That said, I would advise against such a course of action.

Unsent Letter Addressed To “K” (IX):

A patch of what looks suspiciously like soot has been smudged against the top left corner of the page. The paper is partially torn.

To K:

I’m sure the Darknight Hero has his reasons for working alone, as dangerous as it can be. If his efforts continue to aid the Knights of Favonius, perhaps it would be in their best interests to focus their attention on more pressing matters.

Unless their pride takes precedence over the safety of the citizens of Mondstadt, which is surely not the case.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (IX):

To D: 

I heard that the Dawn Winery did not suffer any damage. Likewise, the Knights of Favonius only sustained minor injuries, and will recover quickly. 

However, an employee of a local merchant has gone missing, and their last known location just so happens to align with the Abyss Order’s area of activity. 

The Knights have dispatched people to go to the rescue. 

Do be aware that the Abyss Order has become more dangerous as of late, even going so far as to organise multi-pronged offensives. 

Perhaps the Darknight Hero and the Knights of Favonius should team up. That might guarantee that things will go off without a hitch, hmm?

Letter Addressed To “K” (II):

To K: 

Thanks for the letter. 

Cooperating with the Knights has objective pros and cons, like two sides of a coin. I’m sure you understand that better than I do. 

No need to worry about my safety. Self-preservation is easy. Striving towards my goal is hard. 

Take better care of yourself instead.

[monocaelix]

AETHER.

@monocaelix​   /   aether & diluc, continuation.

complicated sounds like an understatement, aether bites back.

for starters, aether feels a little surprised that diluc is even entertaining his curiosity in the first place. not that the wine tycoon has ever been unkind to him in any way, much the opposite for that matter, but aether is not as dense as people often judge him to be and he can read between the lines with quite the ease. from everything he’s heard so far on the subject, it’s clear that no one within mondstadt’s borders know the reason that pushed kaeya and diluc apart, and aether can only assume that that’s something that’s kept between the two of them only and he has no desire to push any boundaries here.

and then at the same time, aether does feel quite stupid. suddenly he’s reminded of their time in the archipelago, the way kaeya and diluc had bickered for hours like children, the familiarity with which diluc had shared with him a piece of their childhood together, the hidden conversations secretly recorded by the magic seashells—how could he not have connected the dots, and seen that the bond between them is much stronger and more solid than how it appears at first glance?

it’s those memories too, that bring aether many doubts regarding the veracity behind the many gossips he’s been  ( rather unwillingly, mind you )  privy to, reason for his presence here.

❝ well… if you say so, i guess, but… i just find some things very hard to believe. ❞  hands resting around the edge of the bar counter between them, aether frowns,  ❝ i haven’t heard a lot, really, but you know how some people in mondstadt really like their rumors… and, uh, some of them say that you actually hate sir kaeya, you know? ❞  the statement sounds so wrong even to aether himself, that he ends up grimacing as soon as it leaves his mouth. sure, it’s far from unusual to see clear annoyance in diluc’s features whenever he’s being made to deal with the cavalry captain’s antics. but aether has also seen the way diluc often replaces kaeya’s drinks for non-alcoholic options instead without his notice, whenever kaeya seems far too ahead in the alcohol intake department, and how diluc makes sure to promptly kick out whoever had been drinking with kaeya as soon as he stands up to leave the tavern for the night so he wouldn’t do so by himself.

there have been many subtle moments like these between diluc and kaeya that aether has observed since the day he first arrived in mondstadt, and now with this new knowledge regarding their past brotherhood, aether sees them all in a different, much brighter light. even now, as he listens to diluc speak, he can’t help but notice the resigned undertone of his voice—like he’s trying to convince himself of what he’s saying.

❝ i mean, i… can’t pretend to know what happened between you two, and i won’t ask, i promise! ❞  aether rushes to say, putting both hands up in a placating manner.  ❝ but even if past things can’t be undone, they can still be overwritten by better ones, can’t they? is your relationship now so unsalvageable that it’s not even worth trying anymore? ❞

❝  so that’s what people believe...  ❞  diluc mutters, a short, bitter chuckle passing his lips.  given his frosty behaviour with his former brother, he supposes it makes sense that such opinions on their relationship would form.  he shrugs, his fingers curling into fists against his biceps.  ❝  well, far be it from me to force them to change their opinions.  ❞

while diluc is very careful to keep up the appearance of a respectable aristocrat in the eyes of mondstadt’s society, all in an effort to act as a consistent, stable force in the ever-shifting political powers at play — with some bearing less than savoury aspirations for the city he adores — he’s unsurprised to hear of rumours circulating regarding his fractured relationship with the younger, former ragnvindr son.  no doubt started by those seeking to usurp his influence, spread by those none the wiser to their schemes.  it’s fine, he decides.  ultimately, they’ll never know the true circumstances surrounding their falling out, so it matters very little what outsiders think.

in the very least...  he’s relieved that aether doesn’t seem to believe such mindless gossip.  while he once though he did indeed hate kaeya, putting distance between himself and the situation — as well as a frighteningly close brush with death — served to clear his head and help him view things with a fresh eye.  much of his feelings from that dreadful night stemmed from his inability to grapple with his grief and rage.  to lose his father, and then be told in no uncertain terms that the cause for his father’s death was to be covered up all in an effort to protect the reputation of the knights of favonius...  it was no wonder he hadn’t been in the right frame of mind that day.  

while diluc refuses to use that as an excuse for how he reacted to the revelations kaeya brought to him later that night, it’s hard to deny the influence such tumultuous emotions had on him.  and that’s why he’s chosen to keep his distance, and to keep the secret his former brother had revealed to him.

kaeya seems content to let things carry on the way they are, so what right does he have to dig up the skeletons they both hide in their closets?

diluc sighs softly, letting his arms fall away from his chest.  ❝  i’m sure you know better than most— we can’t always get what we want.  and what we want might not always be for the best to begin with.  ❞  he clenches his jaw, his lips pressing into a fine line.  reluctantly, all while avoiding aether’s gaze, he eventually adds,  ❝  i don’t have the right to ask for more than what’s been given.  it’s not a line i intend to cross, either.  ❞

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

in spite of the topic at hand, kaeya’s smile softens with fondness. lumine’s love for their twin brother is crystal clear, the devotion present in their voice at every utterance of aether’s name almost palpable. their bond is not only admirable, but it also drives those around them to want to protect it as well, as if the mere thought of aether and lumine getting separated from one another is enough to instill fear and sorrow in those that have been gifted the opportunity to watch their connection only get stronger each passing day.

distantly, it reminds kaeya of the past—of how him and diluc were so attached back then, when they could barely reach their father’s waist, that crepus and the maids could do nothing but allow the two boys to sleep on the same bed for weeks because they refused to let go of each other’s hand. of how they would study together in the mornings, train together in the afternoons, read and gossip late at night when they weren’t supposed to be awake still; of how kaeya only chose to join the knights of favonius in the first place, because diluc was not only his inspiration but also someone kaeya wanted to have by his side for as long as fate allowed. as bittersweet as they now might be, kaeya still holds all these memories close to his heart.

regardless of the similarities however, kaeya and diluc are not lumine and aether. things have changed, years have gone by, time and cirscumstances have affected them both in different ways. if only kaeya hadn’t said the things he did back then, their paths might have remained intertwined. but the rift that now sits wide open between them is one that was carved by kaeya’s own bare hands and yet, mondstadt as a whole still sees him as one of their own, as his brother keeps kaeya’s secrets safe, unprompted.

what right does he have to ask diluc for more than that act of mercy?

so he meets lumine’s eyes head on, arms folding atop the table’s surface as he leans forward, smile firm in place and no hesitation whatsoever in his voice when kaeya lies,  ❝ yes, i am. ❞

( vaguely, kaeya takes note of how natural that lie weights on his tongue now. one that he’s had to tell himself and others many times until the questions and wondering gazes and rumors ceased. it carries an aftertaste of defeat. )

❝ your relationship with aether is very adorable, my dear lumine, i’m sure both of you have heard this from many people, haven’t you? ❞  reaching out, kaeya pats the top of lumine’s head a few times, in a manner that’s both affectionate and jokingly patronizing.  ❝ but because you are twins, i suppose you aren’t aware of this, ❞  kaeya sits back, palms upturned as he shrugs both shoulders,  ❝ diluc is only doing his job as the annoyed big brother, while i am doing mine as the annoying younger one. it fits us very well, don’t you think so? ❞  he laughs,  ❝ not to mention, i am a little worried about the things both you and aether have heard. our relationship is not as bad as you are making it sound like. ❞

( another lie? )

❝ diluc even gives me discounts on the wine every now and then, you know? ❞

their hopeful expression quickly fades into impassiveness as kaeya responds, clearly and concisely, wearing a smile that they can’t quite bring themself to believe is real.  they wish they could.  that would mean that kaeya is being truthful with them and that their worries are unfounded.  but as the man across from them continues to speak, going as far as to pat their head in a manner that feels almost patronising, the less convinced they are.

lumine stares at him, silent, their head bobbing under the gentle pat of his hand.  they can’t decide whether they’re disappointed, unsurprised, or simply sad.  none of them are exactly promising choices.

❝  you’d prefer to drag me around by the nose until i give up rather than be honest with me, wouldn’t you...?  ❞  lumine finally says, leaning back in their chair.  disappointment, they decide, is definitely what this feeling is.  admittedly, they should have know better.  in all the time they’ve known kaeya, lumine can’t definitively name a moment where he was openly honest with them, at least not without attempting to deflect or distract them in some shape or form.

lumine taps a finger against their thigh, staring down at the table between them as they mutter,  ❝  if you’re that adamant that you don’t want to talk about it, i can’t exactly force you, so you don’t have to patronise me or lie to me.  i’m not a child, you know.  i can take a hint.  ❞

...now that they’ve had time to think on it, maybe they’re a little annoyed.

they exhale sharply through their nose.  they’re tired of being coddled one moment, and looked to as the solution to everybody’s problems the next.  if they could have it their way, they’d shove everyone’s requests back in their faces and tell them to deal with it on their own.  but aether has a bleeding heart, and lumine can never turn him down without feeling guilty for weeks afterwards. 

it’s ironic, then, that the one time they want to help someone they’ve come to care about, their efforts are turned down.

lumine rises to their feet, sensing the conversation has gone as far as it probably ever will.  they pause, however, turning to kaeya once more to add,  ❝  before, you made it sound like my relationship with aether is all sunshine and rainbows, but i know better than most that siblings don’t always get along.  we might be twins, but he’s still my annoying little brother.  ❞  they meet his gaze, finishing quietly,  ❝  the only real difference between us and you is that we actually talk things out.  but i guess you have your own way of dealing with things.  ❞

with an air of finality, they toss a few coins of mora onto the table and leave.

[pavocellux-deactivated20221224]

@monocaelix​   /   kaeya & childe, a response to this.

kaeya sighs at the firm grip at his waist, letting himself to be maneuvered around without a complaint. his knees rub against the sides of childe’s hips as kaeya settles completely on top of him, forearms finding purchase against the pillows, framing childe’s head, to avoid crushing him under his weight. the new position provides him with a full, clear view of the other’s features, and kaeya takes note of the strain in his lover’s smile and the dull of his blue eyes and the way his touch seems to linger a second longer wherever his fingers rest.

and kaeya understands. it’s the same type of silent longing that leaves him rejecting the sunlight that cast shadows on the bedsheets, mourning the arrival of their last morning together in what had felt like years, despite all the consecutive days they were able to spend with one another while working around each of their own busy schedules. kaeya wonders when this stopped being just a casual affair, and when he started to become greedy; to want more, to need more.

( he wonders, too, if childe feels as strongly about it as he does. )

goodbyes, however, have never been kaeya’s forte, and while they can’t avoid their inevitable—temporary, hopefully—parting, kaeya won’t allow this melancholy to make a home in his bedroom when childe is still here, within his reach and for him to touch and love appreciate. so the knight sets aside, for now, any thoughts of the future and decides to focus on the present instead. they are not running out of time, yet.

❝ a few hours, you say… ❞  kaeya hums, lone eye glinting with mischief, suddenly feeling wide awake and highly aware of their nakedness. he leans down to place a soft kiss against childe’s chin, followed by a teasing bite around his lower lip. kaeya pulls lightly at the flesh as he rocks his body against the harbinger’s in a slow but purposeful movement, his intentions crystal clear. balancing himself on one elbow, kaeya reaches back with the other hand to grab the duvet.  ❝ then i suppose we should make the most of it, yes? ❞

the blankets are promptly dragged over them then, shielding them from the sun rays and the whole world outside for at least a little longer.

[monocaelix]

KAEYA.

out of all the possible outcomes he had expected from this conversation, this is surely not one of them.

diluc’s mellow reaction to the revelation surprises kaeya to such an extent, that his whole frame flinches upright and away from the bar counter, forcing him to grab onto it with both hands to avoid falling off of the stool he’s seated on. eye going impossibly wide, kaeya can do nothing but blink at the other, mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish out of the water.

he’s been rendered speechless, for once.

❝ what. ❞

kaeya stares intently at diluc, as if waiting for something to happen. where’s the catch? he can’t help but wonder to himself, warily. but even as the minutes go by as a heavy silence stretches out above them, kaeya is met with nothing—there’s no rage or screaming or cursing; there’s no raising of weapons or the smell of ashes. instead, there’s only his brother’s calm voice asking him if he’s happy, echoing like a broken record inside his brain.

( it brings along memories of their teenage years, of a more outspoken and lively diluc making sure to scare away any of kaeya’s unwanted pursuers like the protective older brother figure he had once promised to be. and while kaeya’s initial worries have been expelled now, these thoughts bring with them a heavy wave of nostalgia that weights upon his shoulders in a completely different way. )

with a dragged out sigh, kaeya’s body leans forward, elbows meeting the counter’s surface and hands folding together as he rests his forehead atop of them. it’s almost funny, honestly, how kaeya is the one to desire for their reconciliation the most and still, he seems to be never properly prepared to face any positive signs that his atempts haven’t been in vain. he has to give it to diluc, though—he never ceases to surprise him, either.

❝ …yes, ❞  having finally found his voice, kaeya mutters at first, and then louder,  ❝ yes, i am happy. ❞  he thinks of childe then: of the sound of his laugh, the curve of his smile, the softness of his gaze whenever he looks at kaeya, the blue of his eyes always warm despite its lightless depth. childe makes kaeya feel loved in ways he never really thought he could be, and that’s not something the cavalry captain is willing to lie about  ( even if he never expected to share such thoughts, even if only vaguely, to diluc of all people ).

he lifts his head then, leveling diluc with a resolute, but at the same time almost pleading, look.  ❝ and if i am ever proved wrong, i will take full responsibility for it. but i promise you that his visits hold no ill intentions towards mondstadt as a whole. i promise you, diluc. ❞

the silence that hangs between them is so stifling that diluc has to suppress the urge to fidget, his fingernails digging into his palms through his gloves.  he feels vulnerable, like an open wound he’s stupidly decided to expose to the risk of infection.  he wonders if he can pass off the question as a slip of the tongue  —  whether kaeya would believe that is neither here nor there  —  but fortunately ( or unfortunately ), kaeya speaks up before diluc’s thoughts can spiral any further.

he’s happy.

diluc unclenches his hands, his posture loosening from its rigid stance.  it’s like an invisible weight that he’s carried with him since that dreadful night has finally been lifted from his shoulders.

kaeya is happy.

he exhales shakily, the relief that floods his chest almost overwhelming his neutral expression.  their relationship might have been destroyed, but in the very least, kaeya seems to be doing well in himself  —  perhaps better than diluc is.  though he no longer wallows in the grief and remorse that once threatened to consume him, it’s hard to ever be truly rid of it.  he has his good days, just as he has his bad.  he figures the same can be said of anyone struggling with trauma that has yet to be resolved.

❝  i trust you.  ❞  diluc finally says, his gaze sliding away from kaeya’s resolute expression in a delayed effort to gather himself once more, though he fully expects that his words have long betrayed his true feelings.  in a lower, careful tone, diluc adds,  ❝  ...that was never the issue.  ❞

❝  it’s him i don’t trust.  ❞  diluc quickly declares, his voice filled with conviction.  he feels strong enough to look at kaeya once more, his expression unyielding.  ❝  if he steps even a single toe out of line, i won’t hesitate to make it known how unwelcome his presence is, regardless of your relationship.  ❞

he considers that to be a rather reasonable and merciful reaction, given the fact that he isn’t insisting on the harbinger removing himself from the nation entirely.  if kaeya is ever hurt by this harbinger, however...  the notion of reason and mercy will never again cross his mind.