In 3.0 Shinji had Touji's shirt, correct? Well if that happened- what happened to Shinji's?
Someone else has it.
What if that person was Kaworu because Kaworu is so subtle and to him everything must be taken with caution and gentleness and he knew he wouldn't have much contact but he just had the urge to have any sort of intimacy with Shinji so he has his shirt and wears it.
i like the idea of makoto's hug being really something special. like for instance when haru was first left alone (his grandmother's passing) makoto hugs him and the grip is tight, hands clinging to haru's back while also rubbing it- fingers doing little rhythms of songs they enjoyed and it's just so warm, haru feels like he won't ever really be alone. he only cries in makoto's hug because it's like a security blanket
a/n: i just really wanted a kid makoharu at the beach fic like wow with all the ost coming out it really inspired me so boop here you go
A few days before your birthday- a knock on the door stops you and Makoto from finishing lunch. You already know who it is before your grandmother gingerly whispers, "Haruka, two guests have arrived for you."
You decide to take your time getting up, and also help Makoto rise from his spot before the two of you see your parents in the doorway- arms out ready to embrace you.
"Haru-chan!" your mother calls you out, on her knees and near tears as she looks over you, cooing how big you've gotten. You return her warm hug and squeeze as tight as you can, saying nothing.
Your father ruffles your hair- making you pout and Makoto giggle.
You glare at Makoto and he stops- or attempts to as he covers his mouth with chubby fingers, little squeaks popping out.
"Hey there, Sport!" he calls to Makoto, who was still far from the scene. You can tell by the way he shifts his feet and look around the room that he feels awkward- so you move from the grip your parents give you and go to the other child, take his hand and bring him closer to you.
Your parents give you a strange look, then glace at one another- before your mother continues her cooing.
"My my... Aren't you two close? That's sweet of my Haruka! You want to include Makoto!"
You grunt but you don't deny anything, looking down at your feet and the pattern of the wood, you can't help but blush as Makoto tightens his hold on your hand.
Makoto is a good few inches shorter than you, still rounder than you in all places- and therefore he is weaker than you. In all ways he needs protecting so you have to be the one to always be there.
Even if he didn't say it- Makoto needed you. You have to be his hero like on the shows you two watch when bored.
"You know, Haruka?" Father starts, a small smile on his face, "I checked the weather and it looks like tomorrow is a perfect day for the beach! What do you say? Want to swim in the ocean with your ol' folks?"
Your eyes go straight to your parents in a heartbeat, eyes widening at the picture plays in your mind. It'd be like in the movies- you think- a picture perfect family moment. You and your parents and Makot--
Makoto.
"And of course Makoto can come too---" you tune out the low gruff voice of your dad at this point.
Well of course Makoto would come- he has to if it would be the picture perfect moment. That wasn't the issue plaguing you.
Makoto's smile that was once bright and wide was slowly crumbling, twitching at the corners at the mention of the ocean. You weren't stupid- you know it made him uncomfortable. But until the day he opens it up on his own- you'll be there to make sure water does him no harm, to slowly ease him with baths together and water slides and making sure you're the one that's near the river and ocean when you two walk home.
This was not gentle steps- this was pushing the issue and causing a typhoon into Makoto's heart. There was no way--
"This sounds like fun! Haru-chan, aren't you excited?"
Huh?
You turn to the other boy and you see that big smile again on his face, locked on and it plans to stay on until he gets home. You know that he'll keep it on for your sake until he breaks down.
You can't have that. You don't want him shivering and crying- that doesn't suit him.
"But wh--"
A tight tug at your arm from Makoto lets you know that he wants you to say yes.
Sigh. "It sounds fun." You can't help but smile at the hug your parents give you and Makoto.
--
At the beach you go straight to the water- clumsily ripping off your shirt (it got stuck coming off your head a few times- you need more practice if you’re going to be a hero) and you just adore the rush of white and blue hues that dance across your eyes. Twirling around, using your arms to spread yourself out embracing the water and you go deeper- falling in deep passion with the small fish that greet you.
You remember all those rainy days and how bleak and grey the water seemed. As if it was sad you weren’t there. You float for a little bit- letting the water know you’re back.
You submerge from the surface after a while to see your parents waving towards you. You raise your hand to them but that’s all. Looking to where Makoto soaks his feet, picking at sea shells- you notice the rays from the sun and water reflecting on Makoto and your ears begin to burn. He was so pretty with the small flickers on blues and pinks and gold on his skin like lace, creating uneven patterns that gallop from one side to another.
Green eyes look at you suddenly, a smile growing fond at your hair nearly over your eyes. Makoto pushes them back with those small hands of his and softly asks if you’re having fun.
“Yeah…”
“I’m glad! The water looks especially blue today, right? Maybe because it’s been raining for so long. Maybe the water missed you!” A giggle like bells rings and you feel uncomfortable so you fold your arms and look away from the other.
The water would like him too- you’d like to say. The water would enjoy such a comforting presence and he’d be so lovely with royal, bright blues hugging such an earthy green.
You don’t force him in, of course.
You do- however- offer a hand to him. It’s not straight and confident like how he does it; in fact it’s very nervous and limp, your fingers curling in together as if you’re ready to be rejected.
You still don’t look at him when you mutter, “Its fine…”
You know your face is red when two small hands clasp onto yours, a breathy “its fine” returned right back at you.
You ease Makoto by the water and he lets out a shudder at the water enveloping him, you return him back to reality with a squeeze of his hand.
The two of you stay near the shore- splashing around and the two of you swim circles around each other. You show off a few of your more impressive moves to Makoto- who beams at you and calls for your parents to see- who give you a proud and amused look.
You intentionally inch further away from the shore- and continue to swim around a scared Makoto, who clings to your side and when he does have a more nervous tone you do a little trick for him- letting out a dolphin imitation that makes you both burst out laughing (his amused while yours is embarrassed).
Night falls soon enough, once you reach home you realize you’re still holding Makoto’s hand. He’s the one to let go and gives you a hug good bye, tight around your torso that leaves you warm and breathless. Fingers having a pitter-patter rhythm to it like downpour. He face is nuzzled into your neck and you love the mixture of smells emitting from him, and the smile against your throat as he says a goodbye and an even lovelier “thank you.”
As the wind picked up, making your shorts and hair flutter, the picture perfect smile aimed right at you made you feel like a hero.
so what if kaworu (28) in a loop decides to stop the sadness from the get go? he takes shinji from his teacher “”“as orders from his father”“” and raises shinji himself- giving him a well fulfilled life?
i actually had a whole comic planned with about 12 pages but i’m really… lazy…
a/n: i was re-watching 3.0 with someone yesterday and we kept playing a game called "what might kaworu be thinking in this scene" and i just had to write it...
inspired by this song (translation)
The years you spent on the moon were full of planning- careful and precise.
It was also full of imagining.
You think Shinji would look nice with a yellow flower on his own suit to bring out the blue in his eyes.
You imagine him with the same tinge of red on his face as you see on the moon beside you, you'll take his hands and place a kiss on each knuckle softly- because everything Shinji ever needs has to be gentle.
You don't realize you're mumbling out the vows you'd say to him, with a proud smile that you haven't smiled in such a long time. A smile that's proud yet embarrassed with hair flying across your face.
(You remember that smile like it was yesterday- you were so conflicted with those warm, intense, and fresh emotions)
-
During the nights you don't sleep, you wait for him. It's silly but you'll just hope for the time he'll walk in on you playing a pretty song.
You can't wait for that awaited question, "Who are you?"
When he does, you'll be dazzling to him and you'll know you're getting somewhere with him.
-
He's here, he's here, he's here, he's here.
Shinji's here.
Just like planned you play him the song gently and when you feel those eyes on you, you'll present yourself in a way that's warm and inviting.
'Welcome home. I've missed you.'
When he walks away you notice that your core is blazing with heat, you look down at the piano and imagine saying those words out loud to him as Shinji gets into your shared apartment; nothing to spacious and not too small either- it's warm and cozy.You'd say them and kiss his forehead take his hands kiss the palms and question him on what he'd like to eat for dinner.
You can hear the bell like laugh already as you're summoned to greet him.
-
Leaning in close to him- you imagine it's just you two doing homework for music, you'd be his tutor and press a chaste kiss to his neck.
When you two play your mind goes all over- flashing hues of all kinds bursting out from your fingers, body almost radiating with excitement and your smile is bright and keeps growing at the slight hand contact.
Desires flare out of you in your mind, you can see the musical scores on the paper swirl off the page, notes bouncing from you to Shinji and then taking form as horses that gallop to the beat of your playing.
You think to take Shinji's hand and sloppily dance since the two of you never learned properly- but that would be okay because his chuckles would go so well with your giggles as you attempt to dip him- musical notes intertwining as the song comes to a close.
You two are both left breathless at the end and you want to think Shinji shared your day dream.
-
The second time you go stargazing- Shinji had become more open with you, telling fond memories of his and things he'd like to see and do one day.
"Nagisa-kun?" he suddenly asks, eyes not leaving the sky.
"Yes? Is something the matter?"
"No no... Not at all but I just wanted to know. You said you were older than me, right?" Shinji turns from his position to lay on his side, facing you.
You don't want to answer because you don't want to lie... but...
"Yes, a good year or so older perhaps," you wanted to bite your tongue, "why ask?"
You see a certain spark in the other's eyes, a grin forming as he asks you in a small but excited voice,
"Have you seen the ocean?"
Your eyes widen and your stomach suddenly feels nauseous.
(You remember the name in your old town, Kaworu of the Seashore. Flash to Shinji shyly creeping into the water and soon you're watching him go down.)
"I..." you hesitate.
(You see him go down and you to this day- after loop after loop after loop- you still hate yourself for thinking, "Should I save him or not?" before rushing down in the water, feeling some of your scars re-opening.)
"I have not... Do you like the water?"
(You hate yourself for asking about the ocean and the only response you got was a loud wail and a tight grip around your waist.)
"Ah? Is that so! I'd figure with your name maybe you would!" he laughs and you feel woozy. "Nagisa-kun let me tell you it's so beautiful!" he begins to use his hands to show his excitement, voice growing confidence.
(You swore after that loop you'd make the sea a safe place for him- a place where he can find peace and so it becomes a place you meet him for a few lives.)
"It had so many animals I didn't even know existed... It sent a thrill to my spine and I was just... it was so pretty to look at. It was so blue and I swear this one fish waved to me. I also saw this strange animal with a shell, I forget the name of it but I’d never seen one before and I wonder how it swam with that on them…It was just incredible."
You can feel your core warming up at the words.
"It... it feels familiar in a way too. Kind of like I've been there before or rather something or someone was waiting for me. It’s silly but it was very cozy."
You feel your hand reaching closer to his, but you stop yourself. Now's not the time... The back of your eyes begin to burn.
"Being with friends was a lot of fun..." Shinji's voice goes a bit quieter.
You want to tell him that they should swim together in the ocean. You'd teach him with great pride. You could splash around and he'd show Shinji all the animals he wants and take him to touch the coral near the bottom, pick fresh seaweed maybe.
In the new world you two will do this- you promise to yourself.
"My friends..." a waver makes forces you back to reality.
"Ikari Shinji-kun?"
"I-I'm sorry but I..." a small sob slips its way out of his mouth and you stare in awe as his mouth opens and closes again and again. You must be patient, you must wait for him to what he has to say before you comfort him.
"I miss my friends."
And suddenly you're at his side, back straight and holding his hand- caressing it with your thumb. Your other hand makes the other's head rest on your lap as he cries softly, patting his hair as you give small words of comfort.
You swear that you'll make this right, and when it does you and him and anyone Shinji wants to bring along will go and have fun along the shore.
Your thumb lingers on Shinji’s ring finger and you can’t help but smile as you think maybe even a wedding by the beach would be best.
a/n: the idea popped to me in the shower-- just wanted to drabble to get it out of my system.
Kaworu had been too cocky.
He should have taken the choker when he had the chance, to prevent Shinji to even shed a single droplet of his blood. To prevent the panicked look on his face, to prevent those eyes that had just begun to melt quickly freeze up into ice and stab into his heart.
(The angel thinks back on his first loop, how he had selfishly betrayed Shinji's adoration in the ocean. Kaworu had sworn the next time he sees him- the ocean would be a place of peace so he wouldn't be afraid of it anymore.)
But he didn't.
"K-kaworu..."
He didn't and he feels like an idiot.
Kaworu had prepared for himself to die but God he didn't even think and suddenly he's cursing at himself mentally and his eyes hurt so much- his throat is dry and--
"Kaworu! Kaworu, please help... help me!" Shinji wailed, nails scratching on the invisible field that blocked them. Now wasn't the time to self pity when Shinji needed his help more than ever.
Kaworu raises his hand but stops as his finger pads barely touch the field where Shinji's hands are- he stops and thinks,
"What should I do?"
His mind runs with all dead end theories, mind willing down the field so he could grab the other's hand- hoping it could be a comfort somehow.
"Shinji, it'll be over soon."
The crack in Shinji's voice as he said Kaworu's name made him shudder and he grabbed tighter onto the other's hand- lacing their fingers together and pressing them to his lips, grace and calmness now gone.
"I-I promise... it'll be over soon."
Kaworu kisses each finger sloppily and uses his other hand to cusp Shinji's face- his blue eyes now streaming tears that are highlighted with bright red, soft wheezes come out of his mouth in pleads for help.
"It's going to be okay so... so don't make that face, Shinji..."
Kaworu hates the waver in his own voice- because it only makes Shinji's body shake harder and sobs grow louder and more desperate.
"We'll meet again..."
Shinji's own grip tightens when he hears that, opening his mouth a little wider to try to speak, "Kaworu, t-thank you. Thank you for everything. and. And thank you. Just God thank you. I... I can't believe how much you- you've done. You've taught me about happiness. And well. Well thank you," Shinji's tone speeds up as he notices the crystals growing larger with each second as Kaworu continues to kiss his hand to calm his own nerves,
"Thank you and I was blessed to meet you... Kaworu."
Shinji still didn't smile in the end.
Kaworu never let go of the other's hand- not even trying to care at this point.
A Makoharu fanfiction where Makoto and Haruka wake in a parallel world. A world where they were never friends.
Haruka in a world where he never had Makoto, a world where he was always alone. Haruka having to deal with a world in which Makoto doesn’t know him or care for him, a world in which Haruka is supposed to not care also and not have Makoto around him; Haruka having to exist in a place without Makoto at all, dealing with things by himself, dealing with other people and also being alone, even feeling abandoned by Makoto because the Makoto there doesn’t get him, doesn’t know him and sees no point in it. Just… Haruka living in a world where Makoto is there but he never had him and slowly falling apart.
Makoto also in a world where he never had Haruka, a world where he never had to read and speak for another person, a world where he didn’t care all that much about swimming because there was nobody to help him anchor his fears, a world in which he’s supposed to be ‘free’ of the burdens of caring for Haruka, a world where Haru never had him, a world where Haruka doesn’t know who he is, a Haruka to whom he doesn’t matter to at all, a world where Makoto sees what Haruka becomes without him, a world where everything looks less bright because he is not allowed to have Haruka. And Makoto hates it so much, hates every second of it all.
Haruka having a emotional break down over it and Makoto falling on to his frustrations and anger over it.
They both learning a lesson of love and friendship and how much they matter to each other °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°. by seeing a world in which they don’t matter to one another at all.
AU similar to 3.0 where Kaworu takes care and grows of plants and trees because in a previous loop he finds Shinji who takes care of Kaji's plants and watermelons and stuff and since it brings Shinji joy and relaxation to be around plants Kaworu figures it's perfect
Kaworu writes cheesy poetry and recites it to Shinji at random times- even during sex and it just makes the mood so fluffy and Shinji giggles and calls Kaworu a dork and he doesn't even deny it he's just like- "Well as long as I see that smile I'll be as dork-like as possible" and smooches Shinji's forehead
please more headcanons for girl!shinji and kaworu PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU like if they date or have sex how would it turn out and is shinji even shyer as a girl
SCREAMING I DIDN'T THINK PEOPLE LIKED IT lm ao but sure friend here ya go!
continuation of this
Since Kaworu is easily affected by media, he is more of a gentleman with Shinji and would open the door- that sort of cheesy stuff.
For dates they go to fancy restraunts and Kaworu just stares at her delcate little hands and will just grab them and kiss each finger and Shinji is just like
"???? u ok dude but dawww thats cute im blushu///"
He would also buy warmer colored flowers and put them in her hair because it brings out the shine in her eyes and she gets really happy because he has such a soft touch that just makes her very happy.
Speaking of touch- Kaworu would also be softer during sex because she just seems smaller (he knows she's strong but it's just this /look/ in her eyes that looks scared and he wants to comfort her) and he's just a biiiit more grabby while she's more of a biter and louder.
a/n: catsolio asked: how about a depressed!Kaworu x Shinji, just a little fanfic maybe? ;v;
sure friend! i hope draft!woru is alright hehe/// i got super excited so i put this on top of my requests sobs i love draftworu and this is my chance to explore him!
title: lavender hydrangea
word count: 982
tw: self harm and abuse
Well you always knew you weren't normal- but it was the day you understood why. You understood why mother kept grabbing you roughly everywhere, painting your arms a sickly combination of yellows and purples with shades of blue to bring out the pain that shone in your eyes and matched your navy blue suit.
You suddenly understand why father would look at you with such disdain after watching other children- grimacing as he questions you in a low harsh tone, "Why can't you be like them?"
"Why were we stuck with such a creature like you?"
"Why can't you be beautiful like them?"
"Why are you so hideous?"
You suddenly finally understand when you turn ten and your parents come home- knocking against the walls and each other, screeching your name and you're scared scared scared and your legs go numb and your eyes dart to the Bible beside your bed and they're coming up--
they come up and they try to touch you, to hurt you and ring you out while off key childhood songs rang out of their throats and you just want it to stop and shield yourself.
Suddenly your vision is of warm colors of orange with flickers of yellow and red all around like a fire.
And you felt sick to your stomach when you finally fucking understand.
---
That was a year ago though.
A long year has passed filled with quite words scattered when you try to reach for paper from the highest shelf on your tippie toes- because you don't want to hover and be ugly.
A long aching year of basically living alone because when you stagger to the bathroom when you first wake up- you can hear your parents' room door slam. A long aching year of an empty plate during breakfast and dinner and the only true company to you was your textbooks around you with a pencil tucked behind your ears- because you’re trying to show how pretty your mind is.
A long, aching, and pent up year that's left you so full of stress and anger but most of all you just feel so numb. Your body feels heavy when you wake up and you can't bring yourself to care and it scares you. Even though you're not required to eat, you still used to feel hunger- but not anymore. There have been many restless nights because you're just so heavy and when you manage to sleep you'll wake up with a dull ache.
That all changes when you tried to make something for yourself- a little craft of paper and scissors to calm your boredom for a bit. You go through the paper and suddenly you're bleeding and that's when you feel. All that pent up negativity and nothingness just pours out in a single drop of blood, twisting around your arm and off to the table.
The next one wasn't an accident.
-
For the first time when you get out of the shower- with a towel wrapped around your waist and red around your wrists does your mother call you pretty.
-
People called you Kaworu of the Seashore and for a good reason. You loved the soft palette of the red sky dying the water and extra bright orange flicker that reminded you of how really feel- how you really are. To swim and float and you just have the urge to be cleansed.
--
Shinji is beautiful with his humanity.
He is beautiful with his shy blush that matches how soft your eyes are when you look at him, with his muttered, fumbled words and pretty hands playing with one another and you wonder about music and how he must be a prodigy with the voice of a symphony that will no doubt orchestrate itself in your ears even in your final hour.
That gentle kindness and that understanding look he gives you when he sees your scars makes you want to drown in his words of feelings and hurt later on and breathe your last breath in him.
You think he looks most delicate and just stunning with water.
Golden raindrops that drench his dark hair, bringing out the liquid blue in his eyes.
He is beautiful and for a while you forget your own numbness, your old grey and fire world filled with cooler arrayed rain of colors that of purple sainthood, green joy and blue innocence.
And you feel.
You feel as he clings to you and cries of how he trusted you in the water. You feel anger at his beauty and happy at it at the same time- filled with a mixture of sadness and joy at the hands on your back, making you warm and sigh out at ease.
Although- that dull ache in the back of your head reminds you constantly that despite such beauty- you're hideous. You're hideous and soon Shinji will know that too, and loathe you and mock you with his betrayed tears and the chorus will waver in his voice.
You still feel that happiness as you reject him- a sense of pride and accomplishment filling where regret would be shortly after when he looks at you for only a second.
-
If it's by his hand, nothing could bring you greater joy, even death.
You feel something you never thought you would feel- and you can only think of Shinji's face for the reason.
You feel the need to redo.
-
(Maybe if there's a next time, you think as you feel a tug at your body, you'd like to see Shinji first at sea... or maybe play him something light and free to match how you feel as he crushes you.)
(You don't know how you'll be able to do just that over... and over... and over again.)
;_; uhmmhmmmm... Since requests are open now, can you write a headcanon of a possessive Kaworu? Or possibly grocery shopping?~ those would be so cute!
whispers i like possessiveness so i'll go with that (kinda leaning toward karl with this one but can apply to all of the worus)-
which makes Shinji blush and embarresed and tell Kaworu to stop but Shinji actually feels nice that Kaworu validates his feelings for him so he'll let out a bit more of his neck out shyly and curl into Kaworu's hug
Like he doesn't get jealous but he does like to make sure people know that Shinji and him are perfectly happy together!
Although if someone keeps trying to hit on Shinji and Shinji is trying to get them to go away and fails-- "
Cmon youre cute why not hang with me instead"
"uhm im ok i have a partner..."
"forget that bitch come here instead cmon cmon"
"i said no.."
"well i'm saying yes"
Kaworu will get annoyed and get in front of him and mutter to leave him alone and the guy would be all "oh what are you gonna do about it" And Shinji is like Kaworu let's go but he's all oh it's fine shinji but can you please go get us some water, im quite thirsty!!
So he goes to the store and leaves Kaworu and the guy alone. Kaworu just starts in a really low tone with eyes lightly glowing about how they should leave Shinji alone- and then he'd get pushed so he gets louder "Leave him alone and leave me alone I don't like hurting others." and his teeth start to sharpen and so does his nails- which freaks out the guy so he throws a punch from fear and Kaworu catches it and drags his fingers in to let his claws in and see them bleed and Kaworu just smiles his pretty smile and whispers "run away from me" And the guy struggles because the claws are so deep and Kaworu is just standing there and suddenly they both hear Shinji coming out "Kaworu-kun!" and the guy just fucking runs and Kaworu goes back to normal quickly and wipes his hand inside his pocket and he greets Shinji with a big smile and says "the guy just needed a stern warning from another person- dont worry about it..."
But later when doing the do Kaworu would be more needy and loving and rambles on how much Shinji means to him and how much he needs him and loves him in Shinji's ear as he works with his hands
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