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The Heart Is Shattering

Summary: Thomas is kept awake due to heart problems.

Warnings: Burst of anger and creepy mc creepface returns. Lemme know if I missed anything!

Previous Masterlist

Thomas yawned, eyes closing even as he continued to scroll through his phone. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking at anymore. His vision had gone blurry and the last thing he remembered was a video showcasing a small kitten trying to chase its shadow.

He checked the clock on his nightstand, squinting to make out the red, digital numbers and forgetting that he had the time right in front of him. The fuzzy numbers eventually became clear revealing that it was only three in the morning. Not too bad for a Saturday night.

One good thing about working at home was that he never really had to worry about a specific time to wake up in the morning, meaning that he could stay up as late as he wanted. The downside to that was Thomas stayed up as late as he wanted and thus never could drag himself out of bed earlier than noon.

Oh well, he’d already met the deadline for his last video and had been getting some good sleep the past few nights. So why not indulge in some late night Twitter scrolling? Or was it Tumblr? What had he been watching again?

He supposed it didn’t matter since his phone had slipped from his hand and onto the floor a few seconds ago. With no desire whatsoever to lean over the side and pick it up, he wrapped himself up in his blanket and closed his eyes. Finally giving into his mind and body’s desperate cries for sleep.

Which he got precisely five minutes of before he was alerted to a presence in his room.

His eyes shot open, his heart starting to hammer against his chest. What was it? Robber? Ghost? Relatives?!

Whatever it was, he could feel its gaze on him. Burning into his back. Did he dare turn around? If he did would he die instantly or be frozen in fear as he faced whatever intruder had entered his home?

“Thomas? You awake?” The voice, that sounded a lot like his own but slightly higher, came right from behind him and filled Thomas with even more dread. Somehow this spectre knew his name. What else did it know? How was it able to mimic his voice and why was it giving him the decency to be awake before it stole his soul?

“Thomas… It’s me… Patton…”

Oh no…

The ghost got Patton! Wait, how was that possible? Patton was imaginary. Unless it was an imaginary ghost. But if that were the case why should Thomas be afraid of it?

Hold on a second…

Thomas sat up and reached out towards his nightstand, flicking on a lamp and turning around to find that it really was Patton and not some malevolent spirit bent on harvesting his soul.

“Oh, hey Patton.” Thomas yawned and leaned back against his pillow. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t sleep, not just because you weren’t asleep.” Patton sat down on the bed, wringing his hands together. “I-I needed to talk to you about something. Get some advice...”

“Not sure if my sleep deprived brain is capable of giving good advice right now… Maybe I can call Logan-” “No!” Patton’s eyes widened in panic. Despite the outburst, Thomas was too out of it to respond other than give a slow, tired blink.

“Okay, no calling Logan… What’s up?”

Patton took a deep breath and Thomas braced himself for the emotional breakdown that was to come. “It’s about Deceit… And Logan…”

“What about them?” Thomas sat up a bit. “Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know.” Patton started drawing circles on the bed with his finger. “They got into a fight and I think it’s my fault…”

“Why would it be your fault?” Thomas yawned, unknowingly mimicking Patton’s actions. “I find it hard to believe that you would be the cause of a conflict. Actually scratch that.”

“Well…” Patton flopped back on the bed. “You remember that dream I had?”

“I don’t know how it’s possible for my Sides to have dreams but sure, I remember.” Thomas moved his hand in a circular motion, yawning and slurring his words. “Something about running in a maze or something… Right?”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t alone in the maze…” “Wasn’t there a shadow demon? Huh… Why is there a shadow demon living in my head?”

“There wasn’t just a monster, Logan was there too.” Patton dug his hands into the blankets. “He was running from the monster, I had to save him. I was supposed to lead him out of the maze, into the light.”

“That’s a beautiful image…” Thomas sighed dreamily. “I wish I had someone to lead me out of a dark maze where a monster was chasing me and brought me into the light…”

“But it wasn’t beautiful!” Patton shot up. “We almost made it out and then Logan was dragged back in! Those-Those shadows almost took him! I wasn’t fast enough! Then the ground opened up and he fell in! I couldn’t hold on! He fell and it was my fault! I didn’t save him!”

“Well…” Thomas leaned over and patted his shoulder. “So… *yawn* so sorry buddy… My little buddy…”

“Thomas?” Patton frowned. “Are you even awake right now?”

“Nope.” Thomas slumped against Patton and started snoring. Patton blinked, staring at the sleeping Thomas. Maybe it hadn’t been the best time to talk to him about this, but he didn’t exactly have anyone else. Sighing, he summoned a cup of coffee and waved it in front of Thomas’ face. The reaction, of course, was instant as Thomas’ eyes shot open and sat up. “Say whatever you need to Patt, I’ll be up for the rest of the night.” He grabbed the cup and started to gulp it down.

“Right…” Patton clasped his hands together and stared ahead. “I don’t know, it sounds silly but, I can’t help but feel like that dream was trying to tell me something. Or warn me…”

“So my Sides can have dreams of the future now?” Thomas pouted. “How come you guys get to have all these powers and I got nothing?”

“Sorry, Thomas…” Now definitely wasn’t a good time to tell him he was drinking imaginary coffee and wasn’t actually getting any caffeine. Logan wouldn’t like it if Patton gave him any of that this late at night. Then again, Logan was already upset…

“Okay, I’m done with this.” Thomas set the now empty cup aside. “I’m wide awake, so, please continue.”

“Right, well, I think my dream was trying to tell me that Logan was in danger and that only I could save him.”

“Save him from what though?” Thomas furrowed his brow. “Logan’s pretty tough. Which is odd considering he’s kind of a nerd. But what could possibly be dangerous for him inside of my mind?”

“Well… I have an idea…” Patton twiddled his thumbs. “See, this dream came not too long after a certain someone moved in with us…”

“Patton, are you saying that Deceit is the danger that you have to protect Logan from?” Thomas narrowed his eyes.

Patton’s face paled slightly. “Um, maybe? Possibly?”

Thomas sighed. “Look, Patt, I know you’re worried. But I truly believe that Deceit loves Logan and doesn’t want to hurt him. And from what I’ve seen Logan loves him too. I don’t think he has some evil plan to drag Logan into darkness.”

“But you didn’t see him at breakfast! He wouldn’t stop pushing about the dream I had! And he did take Logan before! He brought him into a dungeon! Then Virgil even said that Deceit did something to hurt him a long time ago!”

“I hear what you’re saying Patton, but please calm down before my neighbors complain about me yelling at three in the morning again…”

Patton slouched, hands digging into the bed. “Sorry, Thomas. It’s just that I’ve never seen Virgil like that before. Whatever Deceit did, it’s still hurting him. And I’m afraid the same thing will happen to Logan if I don’t do something about it.”

“So what exactly is your plan here?” Thomas asked quizzically. “Object to their love? Force the two apart? Expose Deceit’s evil scheme should it even exist?”

“I don’t know! Maybe?!” Patton buried his face in his hands. “I know I can’t just stand by and do nothing! Logan’s been avoiding everyone since their fight and now Roman has been spending time with Deceit!”

Thomas chuckled bitterly. “Roman and Deceit getting along? That doesn’t sound right.”

“Exactly!” Patton sprang to his feet. “They shouldn’t be getting along whatsoever! Yet Roman is treating him like his best friend! He even lets him into his room when he’s brainstorming! He never lets anyone into his room while he’s brainstorming!”

“So you think Deceit’s brainwashed him or something? Eep!” Thomas yelped as Patton pulled him up as well.

“Yes! He must have! Roman was acting strange for weeks and suddenly gets better because of Deceit? Doesn’t that sound suspicious to you?”

“Ugh… Head rush…” Thomas groaned, then suddenly fell back onto the bed as Patton accidentally pushed him in his excitement.

“Yes! Yes it all makes sense now! Deceit started all of this when he took Logan dancing that first night! That was the same day Roman locked himself in his room and he only got worse and worse! Then poor Logan was driven to exhaustion trying to take care of him and meeting Deceit every night! He never let him rest!”

“That’s one way to look at it…” Thomas frowned as Patton began to fervently pace. “Um, Patt?”

“And then! He gets caught in Logan’s room by Virgil! He then takes him to a dungeon and locks him up! But then he’s almost caught by some other mystery Side so he changes the story to make it seem like he was protecting Logan! But if that was the case why bring him to a dungeon in the first place where he could be found by the other Side? It was all for show!”

“I’m not sure I follow. Patton are you okay?”

“Then Deceit doesn’t let Logan tell us the truth, though Logan being Logan, probably kept trying to convince Deceit to let him tell us because Logan always wants to tell the truth! He hates lying and Deceit knows that! How could he force Logan to lie for him?”

“Patton you should calm down…”

“He even admitted that he was hiding something from us! He won’t tell us what’s going on but Virgil knows! Virgil lived with the Dark Sides before so he’ll know the truth but Deceit won’t let him talk! If he tried he’d just be silenced, so Virgil tried to get him to confess himself but he wouldn’t! He’s guilty I’m telling you! No one has been acting normal ever since he started showing up and messing with Logan!”

“Patton please calm down for one second and think about what you’re saying!”

“I can’t Thomas!” Patton tangled his hands in his hair. “I can’t sit by while my family is in danger! I can’t let Deceit hurt Logan!”

“And you don’t think Logan can take care of himself?” Thomas stood up and cautiously walked towards him. “Not to mention, all of this worrying came from a nightmare you had, and I’m not sure how dreams work for you guys but, don’t you think it might’ve been caused by all the worrying you’ve been doing?”

“But it isn’t just me! Virgil is suspicious too!”

Thomas stopped. “That-That’s literally his job to be suspicious though. He also just hates Deceit.”

“Maybe I hate him too then!” Patton snapped. “He came and ruined everything!”

Thomas winced. “Patton, calm down, this isn’t you…”

“Right, because I’m supposed to be your good old Morality, right? I’m not supposed to be sad! Oh wait!” Patton laughed, tears filling his eyes. “I forgot! I’m allowed to be sad because that isn’t a bad thing! But Heaven forbid I get a little angry sometimes! Sorry! I can’t control it when my heart is breaking!”

Thomas stepped back, trying to push his fear down. This was Patton, he’d never hurt him.

“What do you mean? Why is your heart breaking?”

“Because that snake came and stole Logan from me!” Patton slammed his fist against the wall. “AND I LOVED HIM FIRST!” He gasped, his eyes covered by a faint, red sheen that was gone the moment he blinked.

“What am I doing…?” He whispered. “This isn’t me…” He sank to the floor, leaning against the wall as more tears began to fall. “It’s not me…”

“Patton?” Thomas knelt in front of him. “Can you breathe for me?” The moral Side nodded shakily and took in a deep breath.

“There we go,” Thomas held onto his hands, “just keep breathing. In and out.”

“I’m sorry, Thomas.” Patton sniffled. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk yet.” Thomas sat them both up against the wall. “Focus on calming down. Then we can talk about it.”

Patton nodded, keeping one of Thomas’ hands in his. How was he supposed to even begin explaining? How much could he even explain without making things worse?

Thomas was waiting though, with that same patient look he always had whenever Patton came to him with his problems. How could he be so understanding after all he was putting him through? He was supposed to help Thomas, not the other way around. Why wasn’t he upset with him for lashing out like that? Or maybe he was and just wasn’t showing it yet.

No, Patton knew Thomas’ feelings. He wasn’t angry at all just, worried and confused.

“I’m sorry, Thomas.” He removed his glasses and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Apology accepted.” Thomas patted his back before resting his hands in his lap. “So, you like Logan too then?”

“No use denying it,” Patton chuckled mirthlessly. “Yes. I love Logan. I have for a long time. I was getting ready to tell him when all this Deceit stuff came up and now I’ve missed my chance.”

Thomas stared at him somberly and rested a hand on his shoulder. “That’s rough buddy.”

“It’s just, Logan is so amazing,” Patton sighed. He fiddled with his glasses as a small grin appeared on his face. “He’s so smart. Even if I don’t know what he’s talking about half the time, he’s just so passionate and can go on for hours about something if you let him. Hearing his voice calms me, he sounds so sure of himself and strong! I just want him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I…” Patton’s smile faded, “I want him to love me, but, why would he ever love someone like me?”

Okay, that was a lot to unpack. Thomas prepared himself. The goal here was to help Patton feel better and not make the situation worse. The last thing he needed was another emotional breakdown. If things got too out of hand the others would show up, Logan among them, and his presence would not help at this moment.

“First off, this whole thing with you guys being able to fall in with each other is still pretty new to me so I honestly am not sure how I’m supposed to approach this. I wish I knew what my Logic being in love with my Deceit implied about me but I digress.”

Patton blinked, a puzzled frown on his face. “I mean, if we couldn’t fall in love then there would be no need for this story to exist.”

“However!” Thomas declared. “I don’t care if you guys fall in love as long as both parties are in a happy, healthy relationship. Though from what I’ve seen you don’t seem to think that Deceit is good for Logan and I now realize that this is stemming from a place of jealousy.”

“What?!” Patton stiffened. “I am not-” He was silenced by Thomas raising a hand. “Please withhold any comments until the end of my analysis.”

Thomas cleared his throat then continued, “Your jealousy, which stems from your attraction to Logan, has caused you to search for any piece of evidence that could prove Deceit was secretly evil and plotting to bring harm to Logan, which if that were the case then yes the two should definitely break up and not see each other again.”

“But-” Patton quickly shut his mouth as Thomas held up his hand again.

“Honestly though, I don’t think Deceit wants to hurt Logan. Even with everything that happened the other day, I think he might just be scared and is trying to protect himself. He’s self-preservation too, it’s probably not something he can help. Part of him may want to be completely honest with Logan and tell him what’s going on, but he’s too afraid of getting hurt. So he avoids the topic when it comes up or just flat out won’t talk about it.”

Thomas ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up a bit. “Not saying he should keep it all to himself, but I can understand why he would. Somehow…” He glanced at Patton. “On the subject of you also being in love with Logan, why are so many of my Sides in love with my Logic and what the heck does that say about me?”

Patton raised a hand timidly. “That you like smart guys who are also nerds like you?”

Thomas snapped and pointed at him. “That is definitely a good observation, but I’d rather not think about me being so lonely and desperate for love that I’m falling for the embodiment of all my logical reasoning.”

“Sorry…” Patton shrank back, biting his lip.

“No it’s fine, let’s just move on from that subject,” Thomas waved his hand, “There’s already too many ships being sunk as it is.”

Patton nodded somberly. “May they rest in peace.”

“Back to the subject at hand, your problem is that you’ve been in love with Logan for a while but never got the nerve to tell him. By the time you’d finally mustered up your courage Deceit came and swooped Logan off his feet so really, you’re mad at him for getting to Logan first.”

“I’m not mad!” Patton insisted.

“The dent in my wall states otherwise.” Thomas glanced at the aforementioned area. “One of you can fix that, right?

Patton regarded the wall with a wince. “I’m sure Roman can take care of that. But still! I’m not mad! Or jealous!”

“I think it’s pretty obvious, you’re just in denial.”

“Then how do I make it go away?!” Patton gripped his head. “I don’t want to be like this! I don’t want to be angry! I just- I just…” He slumped against the wall, shoulders sagging as he let his hands fall to his sides. “I just wanted him to like me…”

“Pat…” Thomas pulled him into his arms. “You know Logan cares about you, he cares about all of you.”

Patton sniffled. “No… Not me… He hates feelings, and that’s what I am. A whole lotta feelings…”

“He doesn’t hate feelings, he just doesn’t understand them.” Thomas pulled back slightly to grip Patton’s shoulders, the forlorn Side was crumbling in front of him and he would not stand for it. Hence why he was sitting on the floor.

“More importantly, he doesn’t hate you.”

Patton blinked in surprise. “But why wouldn’t he? I’m everything he’s not…”

“So are the others, but do you see him hating them? Virgil’s irrational, but Logan helps him calm down. Roman’s eccentric, and Logan brings him back down to Earth. Deceit can tell a lot of falsehoods, and he’s there to call them out. Remus is… Remus… So Logan’s there to… Silence the Remus?”

“Yeah,” Patton chuckled softly, “he’s good at all of those things…”

Thomas smiled. “And even though he doesn’t fully understand, he’s always willing to help you know yourself better.”

“He is,” Patton wiped his eyes, “he always is.”

“Look, maybe Logan doesn’t love you the same way you love him.” Thomas adjusted Patton’s hoodie, which had started to fall off his shoulders. “But he does love you, in his own way. But you need to accept that and let him go.”

“Let him go…” Patton sighed. “I’m just scared of what could happen if I did let him go.”

“I know, but ultimately, it’s his imaginary life. You have to let him make his own choices,” Thomas frowned slightly, “when did you all start becoming such complex individuals?”

“Because if we weren’t then we wouldn’t be compelling characters,” Patton shrugged, “This is all fiction anyway. It’s not like we act this way normally.”

“Good point. Still, it’s nice that I’m not the one having a crisis for once.” Thomas reclined against the wall. “I kinda like being a secondary character.”

“Well, you enjoy your rest kiddo.” Patton stood and offered him a hand. “I think I know what to do now.” “Do you?” Thomas accepted the hand and was helped to his feet.

“Yeah, I do.” Patton took a deep breath. “Thanks, for everything.”

“Anything for my little buddy,” Thomas yawned. “Now if you’ll excuse me… I need to surrender to sleep…”

“Good idea, sorry for keeping you up… Won’t happen again!”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Thomas waved dismissively and walked over to his bed. “You get some rest too, okay?”

“I will,” Patton smiled, “Goodnight!”

“Night…” Thomas laid down, pulling his covers over him and finally drifting off to sleep. Patton, meanwhile, sank out and returned to his bedroom with a sigh. He definitely knew what he had to do, he just really didn’t want to do it. It could wait until tomorrow though, Logan was most likely asleep anyway. He snapped himself into his pajamas, which were sky blue and had little clouds with puppies and kittens floating on them.

Childish, sure, but they were the softest and most comfiest pajamas he had and he wouldn’t dream of parting with them. He sat on his bed and took off his glasses, folding them and placing them on his nightstand, next to a picture of him and the others.

All smiling, holding each other close, just the four of them. His family…

Would Deceit become part of that too?

He laid down and snuggled underneath his blankets. Maybe he was just being jealous. Deceit really seemed to care about Logan, and if Logan truly loved him, did anything else matter? Sure, he’d like him to be more honest about things, especially if Logan asked, but that wasn’t Patton’s place to interfere.

Oh Patton… I’m so disappointed…

Patton shot up, his blood running cold. What are you doing here?!

I never left… Lay back down… I just want to talk…

No! I told you to go away! I don’t want to talk to you anymore!

I said…

Patton was suddenly thrown down, pinned to the bed by an invisible hand. Paralyzed as a shadow loomed above him.

“Lay down.”

His eyes widened in terror, unable to make out any features of the figure leaning over him. His mouth hung open, unable to form words.

“Good… I just need you to listen for just a moment… Then I’ll leave you to sleep…”

The hand left Patton’s chest, but the presence continued to loom above.

“I knew you’d need me to look after you… So I’ve been watching things from the shadows… I was proud of you… At first…”

Fingers combed through his hair, gently plucking the strands like strings on a harp.

“You were right to share your concerns about Deceit to Thomas… That snake… He cannot be trusted… I know what it is he hides…”

A flash of silver was seen among the shadows, but Patton was too preoccupied with the hand that was now cupping his face, causing him to shiver.

“His secrets will hurt Logan… He’s already hurt Virgil… To the point where he can never trust him again… And he’s right for doing so…”

Fingers dug into his skin, gripping his face tightly as Patton was dragged up towards the shadow.

“Do not give the snake any mercy… Everything you said was true… There is a reason you had that dream… But if you won’t listen to me…” He released Patton and let him fall back onto his pillow.

“Then the least you can do… Is listen to your son…”

Patton shuddered, his breath coming out in short gasps. He felt a layer of frost covering his skin, could still sense traces of ghostly fingers playing with his hair.

What did that all mean? Why had the voice come back? Patton had told him to leave, but he hadn’t left? And he was right about Deceit? Right about what?

No! He couldn’t listen to him! All he ever did was lie!

But, he also said to talk to Virgil…

Virgil knew something the others didn’t, everyone except Deceit. Whatever it was, it was something he wanted to keep hidden. Even if Patton went to Virgil would he be allowed to speak? Or would Deceit silence him before he revealed anything?

Patton whimpered and pulled the blanket over his head, wiping the remaining frost from his face. He no longer felt safe here, but he was too scared to move. To go to someone for help. Even Virgil’s room, which was the closest to his, seemed far away and unreachable.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, Patton. He told himself. Just need to get through tonight. Tomorrow you’ll talk to Virgil. You’ll get answers. For now just breathe. Breathe and fall asleep.

And so he did.

Slowly, but surely, the frightened Side finally drifted off to slumber.

====

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