monyetbetutu

a boy, soon to be man, with millions of (unachieved) dreams.

[monyetbetutu]

but it’s not me there.

—

just to realise how this deteriorates my life day by day.

go drink, go scream, and drink some more, still it isn’t getting any better, any easier.

don’t you ever curious and asked me, “what is it dear?”

[monyetbetutu]

and as time goes, why doesnt it get any easier?

why can i just accept on how thing goes?

as much as i want to, im just a child,

haven’t got a chance to grow.

like a toddler who’s been forced to climb a mountain.

—

i might not be the one, the most suffering. but i dont know how to sacrifice more than ive ever done in life.

[monyetbetutu]

Mind

“Let’s sit here for a while.”

Jalan di bawah Saphan Phut seperti terasa lebih indah malam itu. Aku beberapa kali melewati jalan ini di siang akhir pekan. Tempat yang tidak spesial, sungai Chao Praya tidak segemerlap seperti yang terlihat di area Sathorn, atau Pinklao, hanya deretan bangunan lama yang tidak tertata di sisi Thonburi.

“Tham mai a? Nueay ro? (Kenapa? Lelah kah?)”

“Nid noy. (A little.)”

Tidak ada bangku disini, hanya ada semen yang melingkari pohon. Memang tempat ini tidak didesain untuk menikmati keindahan Chao Praya. Ia duduk disampingku, tidak banyak bertanya. Aku terpaku memandang ke seberang. Banyak pertanyaan di pikiran. Ada berapa orang di dalam bangunan oranye disana, sejak kapan ada masjid kecil disebelah klenteng itu, dan bagaimana aku tiba di momen ini?

—————

Hari ini aku menemaninya ke kuil Bophitphimuk untuk sembahyang. Tidak ingin ke tempat yang biasanya, katanya. Aku memang tidak ikut sembahyang, tetapi mendengarkan doa doa Bikhu sangat menenangkan.

Tidak seperti biasanya, kali ini hari sudah gelap ketika ia membangunkanku yang tertidur dipojok belakang ruang utama kuil.

“Hey, wake up! Set laew (Aku sudah selesai)”

“Oyy, Tham mai naan jang nii a? (Kenapa lama sekali?), praying for the whole khorat lok?!”

“Psstt! Let’s go..”, tegurnya sambil memberi tanda para pesembahyang yang melihat kami.

—————

Satu kapal kecil membawa tongkang melintas menuju ke hulu. Suaranya sayup tertutup ramai kendaraan dari atas jembatan. Suasana sekitar cukup sepi. Hanya satu dua orang berjalan dipinggiran tembok sungai, dengan sesekali bus no. 3 melintas di belakang kami. Angin desember bertiup, membuatku sedikit kedinginan. Suasana yang membuatku teringat desember 2 tahun lalu.

“On the night like this, there’s so many things I wanna tell you. On the night like this, there’s so many things I wanna show you.”

Lagu lama masa sekolah dahulu yang tiba tiba terbesit dipikiran, tidak sadar kunyanyikan.

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Eh. mmm. Nothing. Phleng gao gao (Lagu lama)”

‘Cause when you’re around I feel safe and warm. Cause when you’re around I can fall in love every day.”

—————

Pic cr: downtheroad

[monyetbetutu]

And the truth is that I never be able to forget you. Keep lying to myself that I’m already over you, while you are the integral part of my life, follows me in every single steps of it.

Thankyou for always being on my mind, thankyou for taking care of my heart, Dee.

[monyetbetutu]

Manager: “What else do you want to persue?”

—

Slapped by a question as simple as “Will this be the way?”

.

Been thinking how far (apart) I already go (away from what I aspired to be). Too lazy to take a step back, re-evaluate, re-do. Why don’t take the crazy ride and see what will be (will be)? Ah, the good buddy of never ending surprises.

.

Will this be the way.. to waste your/my lifetime?

[monyetbetutu]

People will not sing your song unless you already killed a monster and free a princess, so don’t waste your time on being nice just to be praised.

Be nice because you are.

[monyetbetutu]

One day i’m gonna tell my kid. “Corona brought me to like to play with spice and herb.”

[monyetbetutu]

Today I learn, that you couldn’t win one’s respect no matter how good things you’ve done for them. But when one already had respect over others, no matter how bad things you’ve done, you wont lose it. People should try to appreciate better.

[monyetbetutu]

"What God has for you, it is for you!

That's why you don't have to be jealous, insecure, bitter, resentful!

That's why you don't have to get back!

That's why you don't have to take revenge!

Because what God has for you, is for you!"

- Steven Furtick

[monyetbetutu]

[monyetbetutu]

"Sometimes God moves in a outrageously chill ways." - Credible Reference

[monyetbetutu]

"Life would be nice if people understand that their attraction to someone doesn't always mean love."

- Chime of the hillside

[zarglepoetry]

[monyetbetutu]

"And LORD spake unto me: That's the spirit, boy!" - Ecclesiastes 11

[monyetbetutu]

“So why don’t you hear His voice? Let His countenance calm your soul and His light guide you.” - From Psalm 42.

[monyetbetutu]

"When your heirloom's wilted brown, When the devil's pushing down, When your mourning has a sound, And you hesistate to laugh. How quickly will your joy pass, How quickly will your joy pass. And when you walk inside I feel the door, I'll never let it push your arms no more. And when your legs give out just lie right down, And I will kiss you till your breath is found. And when you walk inside I feel the door, I'll never let it push your arms no more. So do you think I came to fight? And do I always think I'm right? Oh no I never meant to be a pest to anyone this time. Oh no I only meant to be a friend to everyone this time. And when you walk inside I feel the door, I'll never let it push your arms no more." - Heirloom, Stevens.

[monyetbetutu]

"Oh forgive me, oh gods. Or forgive me in fortune, Forgive me in feeling it out for myself. As I ought to have feelings for something, As great as thou art." - Neptune