Moody Quill

Lines, Ink, Doodler, Zentangles. An illustration every day. Email: [email protected] Instagram: @moodyquill

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Home.

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|| Don't quit on yourself. Don't be that random other to yourself. Give yourself a chance. Every cell within you will conspire with your heart to surprise you in the most amazing way ever. And then what will go to hell will be your doubts, self-critique and the 'forever-be-damned' urge to scale perfection. ||

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"Harry took the wand. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework." Exactly my state of mind when I sketched after ages today. :)

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My road is marked a lot more by stumbles than glorious sprints. This too was going to transition into another stumble; the horrible one where the feet get too comfortable with the familiarity of the ground than the mystery of the sky. However, I thought that let me run the course of these six circles. Let me continue waging a war against proportion that tries to restrict me to width and length and radius and diameters. Maybe one day, I will get to know this inner life state, which is waiting to be tapped. Maybe one day I will understand that my victory cannot be measured on someone else's yardstick.

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The way back home may be full of meandering roads; But truly There is no place like home.

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A few things refuse to add up for me. Maybe, I need some time to sit and do the math. Till then, my quill will be down. And I hope, my books guide me home. Looks like my light's fuse is spoilt.

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Dear Niharika,

That is a pretty chest to be holding within yourself;

But it must have its fair share of weight;

How many ‘you’s have you kept in this chest?

Unaddressed words;

Imagined conversations;

Letters stuck between your past and present;

How many of these?

Look at how these ‘you’s sit put;

Scooping out your happiness.

One heartbreak at a time;

One ‘letting go phase’ at a time.

You carry this weight everywhere;

To a gathering;

To work;

Your multiple selves are armed with weapons;

To not let anyone get a glimpse of your insides;

Your greys have pushed your colour deep within;

Only for you to be perceived as an existing person

And not a living individual.

If I open this chest

I will see that laugh over that first coffee;

That tear over “this was not supposed to be serious.”

That smile when your happiness took a human form.

I can only talk to you in these letters;

Hoping that you can share this burden with me;

Hoping that I can make you understand

That sometimes letting go is the way to be;

No matter how painful;

Hoping that you mend fences with those who have one;

And are not closed islands.

Dear Niharika,

Some day we will speak;

And that day

I will tell you that you don’t need these conversations;

But just yourself and your colour;

To paint a world of happiness;

For yourself.

With love, 

D

   _���n7

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You have probably not seen them for a while; Your desk is decorated with Murakami's wisdom; Banerjee's nostalgia stands tall in your closet; And maybe one day under a heap of clothes; Or maybe in an inner drawer; Or maybe in an old almirah; You find the perspective that guided you; Long before you could spell Murakami; Long before you understood That complexities went beyond setting a doll's house; They sit there with a film of dust for company; These spectacles may have lost the wearer; But memories of that vision remain; They have seen far-sighted distances; Estimated perched problems on those roads; Prepared you for solutions; Some tough ones too; They explained why you need to save a penny or two; They are probably the relics of love; Maybe fortune tellers; Seeing your future; Or ensuring that you have a bright future; Maybe they are fighters; Hoping that you never lose against fate; Preparing everything to your advantage; Leaving you with an edge; Parents and grandparents leave; But they leave themselves in belongings; That may gather dust; But their lessons will remain constant; Even with changing times.

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| |Hope-bearer; Wing-keeper; Beaming with light; Shield against the cliff; Brimming with love; Teaching lessons; And then you thought That there was nothing as pretty as a light feather. ||

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|| "The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief... and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."- One Tree Hill. ||

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|| For the light nieces spread in your lives; For the joy they bring into the family; For all the smiles that their crinkled noses spread; For the delight they truly are. || Nieces <3 

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They call it free-hand for a reason; Free yourself from the negativity; Keep the what-ifs aside for a while; And let your quill fly.

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Someday, let there be no logic; Let there be no symmetry; Let there be no concept; Let there be no why, how, who, when or what; Let there not be a search for any answer; Someday, don't share your sorrows or happiness With an audience; Someday, you be your own audience; Your words to yourself might be more powerful than a 'friend'; Someday, see the life that is hiding in pockets; Amidst all the circles and swirls You have imprisoned yourself within; Someday, live; For a second; For a minute; For an hour; For a day; For a week; For a month; For a year' Or maybe; Always.

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|| The much needed answer. ||

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|| Your passion might be someone else's pain. But, that's no reason for your happiness to be diluted. Passion does not need reason's anchoring. When you create, it is your moment of an encounter with eternity. ||

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|| Happiness and Sadness; Varied proportions; Blades of different intensities; But two sides of the same coin. ||

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|| There are so many truths that exist within you; Of varying proportions and impacts; Waiting to rear themselves out; Some scattered and some formed; In an uneven landscape of nerves; The 'moment' will occur many times; When the right words flow out like a melody; And sometimes drown somewhere within you; Not yet ready to face a situation Where they will trigger someone's fate; For better or for worse; Sometimes it is not even about the right words; All that is needed is a push by faith; That everything will fall in place One thing at a time; One word at a time; One truth at a time. ||