I have an edit of badyah, it’s character from dead end paranormal park. She’s a hijabi. I made a queer edit of her, because well.. she was supposed to be sapphic. Anyway idc about that
what made me sad is the amount of hate comments, death threats and all form of DMs I got. I expected it from muslims, but I got it from queer people (even Christians for some reason), being accused as a sexualizer(?), a homophobe, an islamphobe, a kafer, a monafeq. I was a young queer, new to the community, and I wasn’t as open about queerness as a “Muslim” in social media. I felt ashamed of it.
But, I deleted all the hate comments, all the dms— blocked, all the people that made posts about me— blocked too. I still reposted the edit after it got reported and removed. Even after the hashtag got taken down #queermuslim. I still made sure it was posted, idky. It was easier to delete and accept that I shouldn’t have tried to edit a hijabi character. (I was even nice to the hate comments because I desperately wanted people to get me)
But it meant so much to me. So much. And I still am not accepted as a queer Muslim, not as a Muslim to queer or a queer to Muslims. Because I see the same people who plead and yell for queer Jews and Christians just try to make space away from queer Muslims. I know people are afraid of being called Islamophobic, which makes sense. But maybe something in me wished queer Muslims were fought for too. I live in a country that bands queer apps (i literally use tumblr through safari), prisons any one who is queer and even kills them off, and they’re labeled as a rapist.
I went to school everyday with people using lesbian as a threat, as a joke as mentally ill people, they can’t and shouldn’t exist. I knew I was gay since I was in middle school and the only speaking I could do is be quiet. The only person I trusted was my brother and he outed me to my mom.
I’m a queer Muslim, I’m Saudi, I’m Arab, I’m Asian, I speak Arabic and English, I have tan skin. I am a homosexual, I’m a lesbian, I’m trans, I’m nonbinary, I’m agender, I’m aroace, I’m aromantic and asexual, I have a girlfriend, I love my gf, I love my identity. I’m just tired of fighting for it.
happy fucking pride month to me
(I don’t actually expect people to see this, but it feels good to actually talk about, and it’s actually first of the month but eh. I wish I can say what I mean in better wording, but I’m not good at talking neither Arabic or English.)