ghostwriter

Vision from the left eye, the one that sees only memories.

[moonblindness]

a look

x press the trapezius muscle

two clicks southwest

a certain spot

you know

i know the secret

location under

water breath share

kiss practice

shivers we are

alive and sweat chills

bead intimate spinal

nerves pause

a look a like

what you do

i do we do

rose mouth bites

strong i like

your tattoos you

don’t like sweet

housing code

requirements crossed

ways 20 years ago

a salty day we

missed unaware of

certain long years

and deep dilated look

beyond any flutter

life span to be

discovered

[moonblindness]

Watching the clouds go by.

[moonblindness]

lost

We got lost looking for the floating houses.

They seemed so magical.  A community

rising and falling, unexpected each step,

with quiet and surging unpredictability

in common. I wanted

to show them to you. We drove past

people getting married on a boat, a retirement home,

and an Italian restaurant I found one Christmas.  

Did we give up looking? 

I paid in dirty, wrinkly ones and the waitress

wouldn't accept a tip. You named me

The Sun because my memories burned. 

They were not found by us.

[moonblindness]

Dissent

I saw her that day

the police officer threw Jonathan against the wall.

Told him to man up and

stop crying so loud.

They thought they could take her

because she no longer looked

like a baby bird dropped out of her nest.  

She achieved the failure of my heart’s desire.

Broke. Push. Flew.

Everything was golden, all the smoke and tears.

She existed.

She was really there and

we were taken to a new place, 

a place just invented that day.

She was so dazzling.

I felt her heart slow as she

adapted to the fall, it felt like:

ablaze

ablaze

ablaze.

[moonblindness]

the object of the game

maybe you are a little bit lost or you've bumped your head again. close your eyes and we will play blindman's bluff. just listen and move in salient angles, like dancing, or being in love. but i won't bluff you. i never bluff, and i'm terribly sorry about that.  

[moonblindness]

His name for her

I was the only one you called

to the hospital. My memory was cauterized

with how your skin was translucent,

your smile was weak and

your eyes were so bright and

strong. They held

a private conversation with mine. It scared me.

You are an incessantly beautiful girl to me

still. I would like to forget that day

but we hold

that conversation so many times

now. I'm not afraid of you.

You are so fragile

and strong. Your will

is like some new carbon compound.

If I was asked to name it

I certainly would.  

[moonblindness]

Bees just sting, sweetie.  It was nothing personal, stinging you was just in his nature. Some creatures just can't help that they hurt you.

[moonblindness]

Only I

will go

somewhere

too hot

to remember

the rain

kissing everyone,

everything,

as I waited

looking out

of the darkness

to sea.

[moonblindness]

only holding

my cold

dice, your

hands, my

disguises. home

incognito.

[moonblindness]

Only often

I feel

nothing

but desire

to be

somewhere

warmer than 100 degrees.

[moonblindness]

Conversation between secrets

A photograph exists.

stop sign left

stomped roses follow

kiss in the fall

leaves on a church bell

on a crinkly day.

ring ring. under bright lights

the fog lifts a smidgen.

  A recording exists.

  Goodbye Sillyhead.

  Goodbye Sally.

  This is not a place for children.

brown dog Buddy paces and whimpers

hush Buddy.

a resting rocking chair

two new shoes for running under the bed

all of the windows are broken

all of the people have escaped

A little singsong voice says,

“Who were you talking to?”

The monsters, my love.

We pray our prayers.

I tuck them in,

kiss them on the head

and whisper,

It is past your bedtime.

Goodnight.

Once upon a time.

[moonblindness]

Dreams and anguish bring us together.

Ionesco

[c--ar--o--line-deactivated20201]

[moonblindness]

caroline-caroli:

City Square Alberto Giacometti

[moonblindness]

Grandma was right, there is nothing new under the sun, and the kids will never believe me tell it.

[moonblindness]

my corporeal name brands for today

Practical reminders for myself and others:

DON'T CUT HERE on my left wrist

DON'T SHOOT on my right temple 

MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE on my chest in bold nonnegotiable block letters, like armor

KISS HERE on my cheek

BITE HERE on my neck

TOUCH HERE on my palm

DON'T STEP ON US PLEASE! on my toes  

I CARRIED A BABY HERE YOU DISRESPECTFUL JACKASS across the strech marks on my pelvis

LISTEN FOR TINY SOUNDS on my ear lobes

SHHHHHUSH on my mouth

Maybe I'll become some body with meaning, an individual just like everybody else.

[moonblindness]

What burns in the thunderstorm

Nowadays smells like children

fresh out of bed.

Off to work to become men and women.

To die and lead before the disillusionment

sets in like the grownups.

Before they are abandoned.

Maybe disillusionment is just the inevitable

mud that settles in a blue plastic pool,

but I think it is a little spark

abandoned on an oilfield.

You can see it in the eyes of

the single mothers marching.

It ripples and flexes like the sound of anger. It says:

Fuck you for making me do this

to feed my child.

Fuck you for taking away my man.

You can’t have my sons.

It says: I know what you will do to me

and my daughters if you catch us you monster,

and still I march on

and I know you are frightened

by the whisper of my hair

and still I march on

and my small feet thunder because 

they are echoed by my sisters and brothers who follow

and still we march and die and lead and burn chanting,

“We are not afraid. We are not afraid. We are only afraid of God."

[moonblindness]

conversation while purchasing pantyhose, a protein shake and a chocolate bar

Lady working at Walgreens 1: You have eyes like the Virgin Mary.

Lady working at Walgreens 2: Yes you do, we always talk about it.

Lady 1: You know her right?

Lady 2: We say, that lady she has eyes just like the Virgin Mary, Holy Mother.

Lady 1: You know her, right? Who she is? You know her?

Me: Yes. You mean I look innocent? (laughing a little)

Ladies (shaking heads): No, no, no.

Lady 1: Sad.