Over the last few years sexual assult has been at the for front for many news outlets. Sexual assault has been debated online and picked apart for generations and it still seems to be a taboo subject. It is difficult for people to understand the shame that comes with being sexually assulted. It's almost impossible to explain to people why people who have been sexually assulted has kept quite about their abuse. People tend to assume there is so kind of hidden agenda when victims finally reveal their abuse. There is a common misconception of sexual abuse and people don't understand the impact this type of abuse has on the individual. Sexual abuse can alter your sense of self and reality. Shame of assault can cause long term damage to the victim and their family. Shame is the thing that keeps a victim quiet.
The worse possible thing is when people blame the victim of the abuse. I have to say it pains me everytime I read the comment section of the stories of people who have been abused. There tends to be the same comment written on every sexual assault stories page. People will say, what was he/she wearing at the time of your assault? Why did they wait that long to reveal the truth about their assault? They were asking for it! They put themselves in these situations! Why didn't they report it? Those types of comments not only harms the victim, it covers up the assault. It aids in the crime against the victim. Blaming the victim instead of condeming the actions of the perpetrator only supports the stimga of sexual assault. Most people don't even know the definition of sexual assault or what sexual harrsement is, until it happens to them. So what is sexual assault?
"Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact or attention resulting from force, threats, bribes, manipulation, pressure, or violence. Sexual violence can take many forms, including rape or attempted rape, domestic and dating violence, and child sexual abuse. Sexual violence can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender, class, race, occupation, religion, sexual orientation, or physical appearance. Sexual violence is a crime of power and control. It has nothing to do sex or with how someone dresses or acts. No one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted." (Utah Department of Public Health)
Sexual assault and harrasment is common and it happens in the work place, at home, on the street or online. The morjority of the time sexual assault is caused by people you know. "93% of juvenile victims knew the perpetrator. 59% of rapes where committed by a acquaintance. 34% by family members, 80% of the time the assault is by the parents." (www.rainn.org) Sexual assault happens everyday somewhere in the world and a lot of time it is buried away and not to spoken of ever again. Families hide their shame, children fear for lives and retaliation. Most people are scared and don't know who to turn too in those situations. Then the assault goes unreported and locked away in the mind for years. These patterns of shame affects all those in invovled. It sinks into the fabric of everyday life and causes great harm to family. "1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys has experienced assault at the hands of a adult." (Rainn)
"A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."
(of a person, action, or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.
"I tried to shame him into giving some away"
Synonyms: humiliate, mortify, embarrass.
Shame is a what causes victims to never open their mouth and reach out. In some communities sex is a taboo subject and not spoken about openly in the family. If we can not talk about sex and consent as a society, how are children and other victims expected to speak about assault. Having an open dialogue with your children when their young can help to understand the difference between love and assault. Talking about human body is necessary and vital to our understanding of our self. Speak as openly as you can with your children and educate yourself about harassment. No person should feel like they can't talk to somebody about this issue. Shame will keep you silent and it will eat at you over time.
The likelihood that a person suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence.
"94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.
People who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to use drugs than the general public.
37% experience family/friend problems, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their family/friends, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime.
79% of survivors who were victimized by a family member, close friend or acquaintance experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school." (www.rainn.org)
The majority of victims do not speak up because of fear or retaliation. They believe no one will believe them, family and friends will get mad at them, they will lose their jobs or lose everything. They believe more harm will come to them or their families if they speak up and so on. The strange thing about being sexually assulted and harrassed you believe it is your fault. You think if I just walked down a different road, if I didn't smile at him/her, if I just screamed out or fought back everything would have been fine. You become your own worst enemy and your value of yourself becomes diminished. The reason why most people don't speak up is shame and fear. When you already feel violated in the worst way possible and in fear it is incredibly difficult to talk about.
In 2014 there was estimated 2,700 backlog of rape kits in the state of Utah. That means thousands of people were not getting notified if the DNA was being matched. It only became law that year to have to notify the victim DNA would be tested. "In 2017, Utah enacted a law requiring law enforcement agencies to submit all newly collected rape kits to the Utah Bureau of Forensic Services for testing within 30 days of receipt. The bill requires the creation of a statewide tracking system for rape kits, including a means for survivors to anonymously track or receive updates regarding the status of their kits." (End the Backlog) If these policies are just becoming law then can you imagine why people weren't reporting their assault. To have to courage to speak up and re-live that pain over again is hard enough, can you imagine if you weren't taken seriously. The perpetrator never gets punished for their crime and you have to live with that pain everyday. Everyone wants to be heard and to understood so we must take the time to understand if even when haven't been there ourselves. We need to advocate for voiceless and hold each other up.
As a survivor of sexual assault I know first hand how incredibly difficult it can be to speak up and out this issue. I was sexually assulted when I was 6 years old in a alleyway in my neighborhood and had images taken of me as well. When I was 12 years old I was harrassed by construction workers almost everyday coming home from school. Being called sexy, baby, hottie, barking, licking their lips and making suggestive gestures at me that I didn't understand at the time. When I was 19 I was a waitress and I would get hit on by married men that told me they wanted to sleep with me and would make suggestive noises. When I was 22 years old I was told by my boss they wanted to hire a woman because they wanted the men in the fitness class to have someone good to look at. When I was 21 a guy I liked at the time locked me in his car and grabbed me inappropriately several times when I told him no I didn't want do that he locked the doors. I had to forcefully unlock the car door and run out of the car.
Being assulted and harrassed has taught me to speak up and to advocate for those who are going through similar things. I had shame and fear rule my life for 17 years, I didn't tell people abour my assault until I was able to deal with myself. I wish I had spoken up sooner it would have helped me to cope better as a child, but I know somethings take time to understand. I know shame is a tool to keep us fearful and make us feel alone. We are not alone, we have a voice. We need more understanding and love in this world. Just because it is not your experience doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Without shame, live without fear.
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