everything is alright

trying not to let the monster destroy me

[thepersonalquotes]

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[thepersonalquotes]

[thepersonalquotes]

[moonlightstars1029]

Fucking lies, can't keep a story straight, I was almost free but I fell for it all over again, I don't know what is wrong with me to keep taking you back. When clearly nothing will change. I won't ever trust you cause you can't even tell the truth about the simplest things. How am I suppose to trust someone that can't even tell the truth about something so small how am I going to trust you with all the bigger things. I do think you are cheating on me. But I don't think you know how to tell me the bloody truth about it. I still think you do drugs. Just haven't caught you yet. I told my therapist that without trust there is nothing. I feel alot of hate towards you nowadays and very little love for you. But it seems to be enough for me to stay. Sometimes I do believe it's cause I am scared to be on my own. I think I am going to start saving money and hopefully by January if nothing is better I am actually going to be out

[moonlightstars1029]

When you go down memory lane and you realize the good you had and there isn't going back

[moonlightstars1029]

Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect

[moonlightstars1029]

August 13th 2022 Dream

It started out with everyone over at my house, it’s a house I have been in before in my dreams.

But it had Eric in it but Eric’s face wasn’t his it was Curtis face, it was liam as himself and James and all the kids, plus a couple of woman,

Eric was talking to one blonde woman for a bit then he left with her me knowing why they were leaving but he told me they were going to watch a movie, Eric left everything at home his phone, vape,

While he was away some lady asked me to borrow my vehicle so she could do bottles, and she would give me 15$, I said sure I guess I believe I was in a haes cause of what Eric went and was doing,

I remember this little girl looking like Chloe handed me 10$ said this was from her step mom, I got mad because it wasn’t 15$ so I was taking away all the phones but James intruputed and said it was fine they had phone I agrued for quite some time about this to the point where I stole the phones.

Then I was in my backyard with liam and there was a carnival going on he was trying to make me happy and play the carnival games with me but at the end I wasn’t and I left to go up to my room.

Now my room wasn’t an ordinary room where my bed it looked like a ship and underneath if you pulled it up it was a hole other room old like a hiding spot someone built, I didn’t let anyone know about it cause it was my hiding spot, so I took all the phone and was going to hid in it, I could last a while in there cause it had a mini kitchen and a toilet, bed and couch it also had a one sided mirror so I could see the main living room. It also had a latch on the inside so no one could try to get in But every time I tried to go in there someone would bug me so I got so mad and started yelling and just when I was about to shut the door and go in Eric came home and wanted to explain the movie, I started yelling at him saying the movie were he stuck his dick in that bitches pussy and his smiled at me and said yess best movie ever, I told him to get out of the house and he kept saying no but when I tried to leave he held me there with James help and forced me to listen to his so called movie and wouldn’t leave… at the end he looked at me and said I did this to myself..

Then I woke up

[moonlightstars1029]

I don't know if I can do this,

there is more of the bad now outweighing the good, I think your hiding your phone when I can't find it. I think your texting woman or drug dealers when your on your phone or looking at porn..

we don't have happy days anymore just blurr days. one day that leads into the next it's not what I want in my life

[moonlightstars1029]

I'm scared to let you back into my life..

it just seems to be always on repeat. and I simply look like a fool to keep taking you back

[moonlightstars1029]

I can't keep pretending

I simply can't keep this mask on my face anymore, it's sufercating me, I'm drowning in my own heart ache I want to break free of this

[moonlightstars1029]

he doesn't get it he never will

[moonlightstars1029]

[moonlightstars1029]

Beatenp

Today I was beaten

Beaten by words.

Beaten by my own actions.

Beaten with greed.

Beaten with betrayed.

Today.

Today I lost.

I lost a battle with myself.

I lost a battle for my kids.

Today I have lost all hope.

[moonlightstars1029]

I'm not ok,

I'm loosing my grib on reality slowly wanting to die.. I seen this post where they talked about second hand suicide and it fits me to a tea, I won't do it to myself but I won't prevent it from happening.

this world is swolloing me hole I can't breath it feels like I'm always under water trying to catch a breath.

my kids don't deserve this. they should see me happy but I am not so everyday I put on this mask that is a smile to say everything is alright but in reality I'm breaking into small Peace's to small to pick up and be put back together..

I fear one day I will be gone and it's not what I want.. I fear if I don't help everyone I will not be loved anymore I fear that my heart is to broken for someone to love so I pretend to be something I am not I fear if I choose my wants and need over other people I will be alone.. but I like to be alone I like the dark I like the silents I like the feeling of waking up and not caring about who needs what or what needs who. but I also know that if I do choose me I will have no one

[moonlightstars1029]

You have a funny way of showing it.. I'm just done. We aren't right for each other obviously. I thought we were getting past things. But then I find stuff and it's seems like everytime I try to take a step forward you push me back two steps in trusting you.

You say it wasn't lying 🤥 about the 40$ but to me it is. Especially when you litterly go out of your way to deposit it into your saving account and hid your pay stub.. I find pipes, I find you still deleting messages. I think you can't stop. So I'm done I will not keep Sabrina away from you but I will keep her on weekdays and you can have her on weekends when your not working. You always say look at it from your view but you should try to look at it from mine for once reverse the shoes and how all this would make you feel. But for now I'm done.. I love you dearly and it is why I have stayed to try and make it work but I don't see it working we are just going to keep having the same fight we are always going to be on each other toes. You know it and I know it.

[moonlightstars1029]

You are the reason I have barried my heart and soul so deep into the ground.

[moonlightstars1029]

I hate you,

I hate everything about you,

I hate when you try to touch me it makes me cringe now..

I want you to leave, wish I never met you, I was broken before thought love was a damaged creature.

Then you came around and gave it a false look making me believe love wasn't broken.

But it was just a mask you put on the love creature. To open me back up just to dance on my heart with laughter with the devil's smile.

You tried to make me think your different blood but you are the worst of them all.