Anything to keep you safe
|| [characters] hawks x f!reader (third person)
|| [synopsis] what happens when the no. 2 hero has to break up with you for the sake of a mission
|| [wc.] 4.7k
|| [a/n] Hi everyone! This is the first time I'm putting my writing on here and I originally wrote this fic as practice and without any plans of posting it (hence there's brief mentions of my OC), but I really liked how it turned out so I thought I'd share it for others to read as well! I hope you like it!
|| divider credit to @uzmacchiato
It was sudden. Out of nowhere. When Y/N cried in her friend’s embrace days later, she couldn’t think of a single sign that would’ve served as a hint to what had happened. Things were going as well as they always have. No fights, no hiccups, just maybe a little more work than usual.
The day when it happened was, ironically, sunny and warm, at least for winter. Y/N came home earlier than he did as some extra hero work required his attention. Soft sunlight illuminated the kitchen as she turned on the radio, carefully swaying her body to the beat while preparing food for her and her boyfriend. He mentioned a couple of days ago how he missed eating a certain dish and, although her cooking could still use some work, she was determined to surprise him with it to the best of her abilities. The volume of the music was turned up and Y/N made up for not being able to dance freely by singing her heart out as loud as she could. No worries about disturbing the neighbours plagued her, thanks to the walls being quite soundproof. But being able to drown her ears in music also meant not hearing a certain winged hero as he entered the house.
Upon closing the door behind him, Hawks didn’t immediately leave the entrance hall. The voice of his girlfriend which rang melodically through the halls was always music to his ears, whether she sang or not. It wrapped itself around his heart like a soft blanket, shielding it from the outside world.
He simply stood there for a while, soaking in how happy she sounded, contemplating one last time whether what he had decided to do was the right thing. Ultimately, he came to the same conclusion as every other time: he couldn’t bear to lie to her - and this was the only way to avoid that. It was the only way to keep her safe.
Peeling his feet off the spot where he’d been standing, they may as well have been made of lead. Y/N sang a lyric wrong and the sound of her laughter at her own mistake forced Hawks to a halt right in front of the room he was going to.
There was no other way, he told himself. If he didn’t do this he’d have to lie. He’d put her in harm’s way. He’d need to commit deeds after which he wouldn’t be able to look at her again.
And so he entered the kitchen.
His eyes landed on Y/N’s dancing form, drawing out a ghost of a smile despite the heaviness in his chest. It didn’t take her long to notice him either, and her face immediately lit up at the sight.
“Kei!” his name rolled off her tongue like honey off a spoon as she practically jumped to hug him. “I didn’t expect you to be back yet. How’d work go?”
Seeing the way the corners of her eyes crinkled as she looked at him, Hawks had to fight the urge to bring her closer into him and kiss her stupid. Instead, he gently unhooked her arms that rested around his neck and took a step back. Y/N’s brows furrowed in confusion, completely replacing the cheerful expression she was wearing just seconds earlier.
“Are you okay? What happened?” she asked, her pretty voice now laced with worry.
He’s had rough days, difficult missions from the Commission, but he’s never walked away from her hug before. On the contrary, those difficult days meant he’d be burying his face into her neck and clinging to her like a bird desperate for warmth. She searched his face for any form of answer, but that resulted in nothing but more questions arising in her head. His eyes looked tired, lacking any spark that usually appeared when he was around her. His shoulders were slouched and his wings were hanging. Y/N could feel her heartbeat rise to her throat.
One of Hawks’s feathers turned off the radio. The silence that fell over the room was deafening.
“I want to break up.”
The words that Hawks spoke scraped the inside of his throat like thorns. He intentionally phrased the sentence harshly, saying ‘I want’ instead of ‘I think’ or ‘We should’, hoping that he could cover up the reluctance with which he was making this decision. Y/N needed to believe that this was what he wanted.
The girl’s heart dropped to her feet.
“What?” she breathed out. “No, no, no, no… Why?”
Hawks kept his gaze fixed on her as he answered. “I’m just tired. All this sneaking around we have to do—it’s killing the joy I get out of being with you, y’know.”
Lies. Every word, a burning lie.
Y/N felt like someone had punched her in the gut. Both of them were, she thought, used to having to keep their relationship secret. It wasn’t even that difficult, considering that they worked at the same agency and wrote off their closeness as friendly. They didn’t have to spend extra time away from each other or to not be seen hanging out in public. It made no sense. He was happy. At least… He never seemed like he wasn’t. So something was wrong. It had to be.
“Did the Commission make you do this? Is this because of them?” Y/N’s voice was unsteady. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and she was doing her best to hold them back.
“No.” Hawks’s answer came without hesitation. Trained. Just like his eyes that barely ever left hers. “I’m doing this because I want to.”
Had he ever used the techniques he learned from the Commission on Y/N, then maybe she’d suspect it, but he never did. He told lies when they had only just met, but the closer they got the harder it became. Being honest was scary, but that’s how the girl he loved operated by default and every time he tried to lie it’d gnaw at his conscience. Being honest was terrifying, but Y/N never punished him for it. That’s why this time she thought he was being honest too.
A couple tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Can’t we talk about it? Please.”
“I’ve thought about it enough to know that I can’t keep doing this. I’m sorry. I’ve made my decision.”
Y/N could only stare at him. The words he spoke sounded so final, as if he physically put a period at the end of his statement. There was no room for arguing. No room for begging. His words, although having no sharp edge to them, were firm. Like a wall had just been placed in-between them.
“Okay,” Y/N whispered, followed by a weak nod. “I’ll… go to Akari’s place, then.”
In her mind, there was nothing more to be said. Nothing that could change the situation, anyway. So with a sob building in her throat and her eyes cast downward, Y/N began walking towards the hallway. Only as she took a step past Hawks did the reality of the situation hit him in its entirety. She was actually leaving.
With panic in his eyes, he finally ripped his gaze from the spot in front of him where Y/N had just stood, looking instead to his side where she passed him. Only his head and only when she couldn’t see it—that’s all he could allow himself.
“I’m sorry,” he said, fighting to keep his voice from wavering.
Y/N’s steps faltered for a second.
‘I’m sorry’… Such a cruel thing to say.
When she resumed walking, her pace was quicker, wanting nothing but to get out of the house. The walls were suffocating. Her lip hurt from how hard she was biting into it. Her hands barely listened to her as she put on her shoes.
As she stepped outside, she was greeted by the sun warming her skin like a hug. It was a complete contradiction to the sob that ripped out of her throat the moment she closed the door behind her.
He just… Broke up with her. No warning. No discussion. She felt like someone had ripped her heart from her ribcage.
Back inside the kitchen, as he heard the door slamming shut, Hawks suddenly lost all strength in his legs. As his knees hit the floor, he caught himself gasping for air. He had just broken the heart of the person most important to him - voluntarily. He didn’t flinch as he saw in her eyes that she broke right in front of him. He allowed her to leave his- no, their house in tears. He was a fucking bastard.
A short, ragged cry escaped him. It had to be done. He had no other option.
A while had passed before Hawks finally gathered the strength to stand up again. As he did so, he slowly looked around the kitchen. His chest stung at the sight of the radio, but once he laid eyes on the food that sat half-prepared on the counter it felt like his heart completely sunk. He knew what those ingredients were for. The sight was a stab in the chest.
The following months passed very differently for the two of them.
After getting broken up with, Y/N spent the first couple of days with her best friend, pausing her hero work until she could get through most of the day without breaking down. The only time she and Hawks spoke was to determine a day when she’d come by to get her things from his place. Once she did go back to work, it was a mixed bag of emotions. She was a part of Hawks’s agency, so the time spent inside of that building made her feel sick, but she did her best to keep a smiling face up. When she was on the street, the focus and attention required of a hero kept her mind busy enough to forget about the heaviness of her heart. She interacted with passersby even more than usual, but avoided reporters and the media with more determination than before. Being on TV was never her thing, much less now that any possible inquiry about Hawks would probably throw her off more than she could afford. Having a quirk that allowed her to do her job and leave the place quickly never felt better.
In the evenings, she’d still often hang out with Akari even though she now technically went back to living with her parents. Arcades, cafés, movie nights - they did anything and everything that would take Y/N’s mind off of Hawks. There were times when they’d also talk about him intentionally, trying to figure out why he did what he did. Well, that was what Y/N was doing. Akari was cussing him out like a drunken sailor from whom someone just stole their rum. Although Hawks did give a reason for the breakup, Y/N wasn’t content with just that.
Around two weeks before the event itself, he started being called to work more often in the evenings. Some hero work that supposedly only the number 2 could handle. She didn’t think much of it at the time—the Commission would call for him here and there, maybe they were busy with something. However, he did start being more absent-minded during that time. It was barely noticeable; a stare into nothingness for a second or two, or furrowed eyebrows while he did something around the house. Was it connected or was she crazy, trying to dig up signs that didn’t exist? Hearing her friend’s thoughts, Akari kept her stance against the winged hero - if it had something to do with the Commission, he should’ve told her. Y/N found it hard to disagree.
As time went on, though, Hawks spent less and less time at his agency, eventually rarely showing up. At first, Y/N thought that he might be avoiding her - for both their sakes, but after a while, the time he spent away was too much for it to not be weird. No one else gave it much thought, but the timing of it, the way he acted before breaking up with her, it made Y/N suspect that something actually might be going on with the Commission. Was it nothing more than wishful thinking? Maybe. But it made the pain easier to bear. Trying to do anything about it was, however, both stupid and probably impossible, so she decided to quiet down that flame of hope. After all, maybe he really did mean what he said, regardless of any mission that the Commission had given him.
Hawks, on the other hand, didn’t have as much time to miss Y/N as she did to miss him. The League of Villains - the Paranormal Liberation Front - it gave him enough to think about for the full 24 hours of the day. The thoughts of Y/N creeped into his head during those moments that existed between seconds, it was when he’d finally go to sleep at the end of the day and felt the emptiness of the bed without her in it, or when he’d read the news and see her hero name followed by praises and compliments. He missed her when it was quiet, when he could allow himself to not think about the mission. Because that was what the number 2 hero did.
Once this is all over, he’d go back to her and explain everything, praying to God that she’d give him another chance. But for now, all he could do is his job - so that she could be safe, along with everyone else. As long as she’s safe, it’ll make this worth it.
The three months between the breakup and the climax of the mission passed slowly for one of them, but in the blink of an eye for the other, and soon it was time to involve more heroes than just Hawks in the mission to stop the Liberation Front.
Y/N, or so-called Zephyr, was stationed with Edgeshot’s team in the mountain where Gunga Villa was located. The raid itself didn’t cause her much worry - she was rated the number 12 hero on the charts after all. Mastery of her quirk allowed her to easily avoid enemy attacks while simultaneously countering with her own, and on top of that she was surrounded by the most reliable people she knew. There was, however, one teeny tiny issue: Hawks would be there too.
Now, there was no guarantee that she’d even see him during the raid—he had his own task to carry out, but the knowledge that she might was enough to cause chaos inside her head. She hadn’t seen him for weeks, hadn’t spoken to him for much longer than that. Despite hate being a justified emotion to feel after the way he broke things off with her, the little flame of hope still resided somewhere in her heart, making her feel conflicted. Therefore, she turned her attention towards the U.A. students stationed on the frontline with the rest of the heroes. She already knew them from before, thanks to doing some volunteering lessons in the past, which were prompted by wanting to see how Kyoka - her cousin - was holding up at school. Talking to them helped take her mind off her stupid ex (oh, that word hurt), but also reminded her what it is that they were protecting. There was no reason to worry, though, because the moment the signal was given, it was as if a switch went off in her mind, tuning out all distracting thoughts in favour of giving her full focus on the task ahead.
Everything was going well… Until Geten and that damn mountain of a villain got out to the surface. Y/N tried paying attention to where Dabi was, knowing of his formidable firepower and the fact that her quirk was a good match to go against him, but she couldn’t locate him until it was too late. A terrified Tsukuyomi flying for his life with an unconscious Hawks in his hands was all she saw before Geten completely divided the battlefield with ice. Her attempt to chase after Dabi was in vain as Machia soon completely, and yet unintentionally, turned the tide of the battle. Attempting to fight the monster with her quirk was useless—making a wind strong enough to knock that fucker down was nigh impossible, but she still had to try. She had to at least try to capture the members of the League that were on his back.
That effort resulted in nothing but shattered bones as she laid unconscious on the ground, surrounded with leaves and broken branches.
The next time she woke up was in a hospital bed, and all she could feel was aching in her entire body. Rather than consider her own condition, the first thing she asked the nurse was how the others were doing. Every name she could think of; Jiro Kyoka, Tsukuyomi, Edgeshot, Mt. Lady… Hawks. Most were alive and recovering, but… The mission itself was a failure. They failed.
It took a while before she could muster the will to get out of bed and face the world.
Two days later, she was on her way back to the hospital. As her body was still sore from all the damage she suffered, she decided to take a walk there instead of using her quirk. The reason for the visit wasn’t her condition, though. Instead, she was going to see Kyoka and check how the rest of class 1-A was doing - including Aizawa. He was her mentor back in U.A. too and if anyone was a sentimental little shit, it was Y/N.
The sound of her footsteps echoed through the almost empty hallway. She must’ve taken the wrong way somewhere because the hall anywhere near the kids from 1-A would be anything but quiet. With a sigh, she turned on her heel, looking out the window as she made her way back towards the staircase. It was kind of weird how different the atmosphere inside and outside of the hospital was. Even though Endeavour was the only one who received criticism aimed personally at him, stepping foot outside as a hero in general felt like going out on a minefield. You didn’t know if the people on the street would offer encouragement or throw empty soda cans at you while yelling profanities. Inside of the hospital, as long as you were away from the wing that was taking in more patients, it could've almost been called peaceful. Some faint chitchat, the soft footsteps of the staff - that was most of what you’d hear as you walked through the hallways. That’s why, until some of those footsteps stopped all too abruptly, Y/N didn’t pay much attention to them. She looked away from the window, curious as to what happened in front of her, and her heart faltered at the sight that awaited her.
In front of the staircase were Best Jeanist… And Hawks. Last time she saw him, he was barely conscious and covered in bandages in a hospital bed. The bandage situation didn’t seem to have changed much since then, but he was now fully conscious and very much standing right in front of her. Although his mouth was covered with a mask, his wide eyes as he looked at her conveyed enough.
Jeanist’s voice cut through the tension he didn’t even realise had formed in the span of a second.
“Zephyr, it’s good to see you.”
It took Y/N a second to register the words directed to her. Forcing herself to look away from the winged hero, she put on a courteous smile.
“It’s great to see you back on your feet too, Jeanist. It’s good knowing that we have such a reliable ally back.”
“Thank you, but I do find it regrettable that I was not able to assi..st-” his words trailed off as Hawks’s frantic typing on the phone caught his attention. The voice of the text-to-speech soon followed.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but could I talk to Zephyr in private for a moment? It won’t take long.” While the phone was ‘talking’, Hawks’s eyes didn’t move from Y/N’s, silently pleading that she come with him.
“Oh, of course,” Jeanist answered. “You wouldn’t mind me heading over to Endeavour’s room, then? I’m pretty sure we accidentally took the long way there. This hospital is like a maze.”
Hawks’s fingers worked on his phone again.
“Yes, that’s alright! Zephyr, I saw an empty room on our way here, would you come with me there?”
Although hesitant, in Y/N’s mind there was really only one answer to that question.
“Of course,” she said, feeling her own heartbeat drumming in her ears.
Jeanist bid her goodbye and wished her well, before he went on his way. Y/N followed behind Hawks as he led her to a room on the lower floor. Seeing him like this; bandaged, mouth covered, and with his wings as only small bumps on his back, God damn her stupid feelings, it made her want to reach for him, to let him know that she’s there. But she did nothing except quietly walk after him.
Once they reached the room and Hawks closed the door behind them, Y/N was almost expecting an awkward silence to take place. She herself didn’t want to be the first one to speak—he was the one who called her here to talk. Thankfully, Hawks didn’t want to waste time either. He observed Y/N for a moment, almost as if trying to fully comprehend the fact that she was actually standing only a couple steps away from him. Then he reached for his mask and Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight.
“Wait, don’t- You’ll hurt your throat,” she said, reaching towards him as if on reflex. Hawks didn’t budge at her words. Taking a deep, slow breath, he looked her in the eye.
“You’re too important for text-to-speech.” His voice was hoarse, broken. It made Y/N flinch.
“When I told you that I want to break up,” he continued, words spilling out of him despite the discomfort it caused him, “It was the worst lie I’ve ever told, but I didn’t know what else to do. You’ve probably figured out that I was the one who infiltrated the enemy’s ranks…” Hawks paused for a moment. His mind was racing and his heart trembling. He was hoping - praying that the hurt he caused her wasn’t irreparable. Y/N gave him a nod in response, confirming the assumption he just uttered.
Although he’d thought about what he’d say to her once the mission was over, the words he spoke now were just the raw truth. Unscripted. Unashamedly coated with desperation.
“I’d have to be gone for days without being able to tell you why. I’d put you in danger if the League figured I have ties to you. And I couldn’t allow you to realise where I was-”
A cough interrupted him. His throat was still too burnt for this much speaking.
Worry, sadness, and love that she felt for this stupid man in front of her tugged at Y/N’s heart. She spoke his name quietly, but couldn’t say anything else. As much as it hurt her to see him in pain, she was desperate to hear what he had to tell her and couldn't bring herself to interrupt his train of thought with her own.
Noting the worried look on her face, Hawks flashed her a reassuring smile. “I wouldn’t have been able to do the mission if I knew that I was leaving you alone at home every day without any explanation as to why.” He moved closer to her, only a couple steps now separating them. “Breaking up… It was the only solution I saw so that I wouldn’t end up breaking your heart day after day for months. I hated it. It was…”
As his voice trailed off, Y/N wrapped her arms across her chest, keeping herself grounded in place. There was still something she was waiting to hear. Hawks took a second to breathe as his hand twitched at his side, aching to hold the woman in front of him. He needed to do this right.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. You have every right to hate me. But I love you. I did this because I love you, and if you’d let me, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep proving that to you until we’re old, grey, and wrinkly. Please.”
His eyes were pleading. He laid his heart out in front of her and now it was on her to decide what she’d do with it. Y/N let her arms fall to her sides as a huff of air escaped her. A small, sad smile found way onto her face and Hawks could’ve sworn his heart twisted in apprehension.
“You’re so stupid,” she said, not giving Hawks time to fully process what she said before throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug. Instinctively, like a person finding their childhood home in a place they haven’t visited in years, his arms found their place around her waist, bringing her closer into him. “I could never hate you,” she murmured into his neck.
He gave her the reason she was searching for and, although she couldn’t tell whether it was truly the only way for him to progress with the mission, that was enough for her. At least for now. He was honest with her and she cared about him too much to hold those actions against him.
Hawks buried his face into Y/N’s hair, clinging onto her like he was scared that she would somehow disappear, like a prayer for her to stay. Even though he wouldn’t be able to blame her for it, he was terrified that she wouldn’t forgive him. Now he finally felt like he could breathe with his whole chest again.
Y/N melted into his embrace, welcoming the strength with which he held her. There were things that they still wanted to say to each other, but all of that could wait until they were home. For the time being, the proximity and warmth of the other was enough for them both.
Once they let go, Hawks had a proposal to make.
“Join Jeanist and I to kill Shigaraki,” he said - more like a request than a question. Y/N was taken aback by the suddenness of it, but at the end of the day, wasn’t that the only real mission they had at the moment?
She gave a lighthearted sigh. “Hasn’t even kissed me yet and is already asking me to come hunt the most dangerous living individual with him. Sure, I’ll join your Shigaraki-hunting boyband.”
Although the comment was meant to be silly, it’s not like Y/N wasn’t hoping that Hawks would actually kiss her. What she wasn’t expecting though, was the intensity with which he proceeded to capture her lips with his. His hand rested on the back of her neck, keeping her close as he kissed her like he was starving for it. Had it not been for the time, he’d have kept going until neither of them could breathe anymore. Instead, he rasped against her lips:
“Want you with me.”
The kiss and his words made Y/N feel lightheaded. She managed to answer in a whisper.
“Then I’ll be with you.”
Hawks ghosted over her lips with his own—an approval of her reply and a promise of what’s to happen once they were truly alone. When he moved away, he looked at her with so much tenderness that Y/N swore that as long as he’s with her, she’d get out of this war okay. Coincidentally, he was thinking the same.
Taking her hand into his, he led her out of the room. Even as they met up with Jeanist, he refused to let go. There was no Commission anymore. He was free to do whatever he wanted - and what he wanted was to love the girl next to him as loudly as he could.
Days later, when they were resting from a full day of patrolling and searching for Shigaraki and All for One, Hawks drew circles on Y/N’s back while she laid on his chest.
“Honestly, I’m really glad that you forgave me quickly back at the hospital, because I was ready to get on my knees and beg if you hadn’t.”
That drew out an eye-crinkling laugh from Y/N, and Hawks knew that he was ready to do whatever it took to protect it.