of moon, stars, & sun @moonstarsunflower - Tumblr Blog

hey are you still a fan of nct? I miss your nct works 🥹

hiiii. music-wise, i am still a fan. i still listen to their latest music, esp dream’s. but i just haven’t been in the fandom space in a while. the last few years actually. i still do wanna write abt them, there’s still that spark for me.

i hope i can release more this year, or next year maybe, bc i’m working on this massive series that’s just at the edge of being completed and i wanna get it off my chest before i commit to anything new. on top of that, life is just… being life. 😪 i miss writing abt nct too though 🥺🥹

on a small note, i did write smth recently abt chenle. i'm not sure if you've seen it but here it is 💚

#moonstarsunflower answers

omg hey!! im pretty sure u dont remember me but i read ur mark fics on wattpad back in 2019 and we even talked a little in dms back then! and today's news of mark's departure made me think abt u. hope ure doing well ❤️‍🩹

hiii. wow it's been so long! i do remember you, but i can't seem to find our past convo on wattpad. 🥺 anyway, thanks for checking up! honestly? that was smth i genuinely didn't see coming. i'm still processing the news and the thought of mark not being in nct anymore. i haven't been very well updated with nct as a whole for years now, but i am updated with their music, especially dream's recent releases. that has not changed for me as a fan.

but there's still that sadness i feel abt the whole thing. mark is one of the guys that really captured my heart in my early years as an nctzen, to the point i released my first ever fanfic work. at the same time, i'm happy for him to have had such courage and see the people supporting his decision. 💚

anyway, i hope you're doing well too 🥹

#submission #moonstarsunflower posts this too

moonstarsunflower

Flatline

by moonstarsunflower

pairing — zhong chenle x fem reader

summary — when zhong chenle found out he didn't have long to live, hospital visits became the routine and the reason he's unexcited about life. but that was until he met you, another patient who becomes the object of his newfound hope with the time he has left.

genre — fluff, angst, very slightly comedy, non-idol!au, hospital!au, teens!au; strangers to friends!au; friends to lovers!au—or what? 👀; hurt & comfort; songfic; my first fic of 2026!(au) 😂

notes — the specific age is a plot device; this fic has two endings!; and it's intended to be read in the order it's written; so this fic is greatly inspired by that line in EXO's Flatline; but also by the whole chorus itself; this is only slightly inspired by "Five Feet Apart," i've never really watched or read it, i've only seen the trailer once many years ago so i'd say it's more of a visual or vibe inspiration; photos are not mine, mostly pinterest-based, credits to the rightful owners!

warnings — mentions of accident, death, dying, grave medical conditions, medications, surgeries; implied depression (but not focused on it); implications of suicide by drowning (one time mention only); dream imagery that may or may not be confusing; i kept most of the medical stuff vague here since this is just a short and quick fic; might be medically inaccurate in some parts but that's why i kept it straight to the point; i do apologize for that!; implications of ethical practice being enforced; just two teens tryna save each other emotionally—and an author doing otherwise 😅; i will hurt you first and then comfort you last 🫂

word count — 3.0k

song rec — Flatline by EXO

a/n — ugh i cannot get over the song rn and that's why this fic even exists at all; but anyway it's just a plot bunny i thought of over one weekend and i just had to write it, i just had to let it hurt, i just had to flush it out of my system for my peace of mind; anyway, can i just say?? the whole chorus is interpreted in two ways, thus the two endings; but not in that "pick your poison" kind—rather, u will experience the endings exactly as how the chorus goes, just in my ✨interpretation✨

disclaimer — character personas do not reflect that of the idol and is created/used for the sole purpose of fiction

moonstarsunflower

ahhhhh im kinda back and kinda writing again after resting for a bit. i can't promise anything though. work is a little hellish and feelings are sometimes too heavy.

i am working on my wips, however, just recently. and this is the product of that recent energy surge! it's not much, but listening to this one song had me stuck with this short idea and i just had to write it 😂

so anyway, i won't make this long. i hope u enjoy! i'll be back with more, hopefully 🌊🎇

Celestial Plant Writer

Flatline

by moonstarsunflower

pairing — zhong chenle x fem reader

word count — 3.0k

song rec — Flatline by EXO

disclaimer — character personas do not reflect that of the idol and is created/used for the sole purpose of fiction

moonstarsunflower

Not A Fic!: I'm Overflowing and I Need a Container

Ahhhhhhhhh I don't know where to put this or how to.

When I have nothing to write, I usually just leave for a while and then come back and write.

But the thing is, I have so many things to write and lots of things to say. But I don't know where to put my ideas right now.

They can't form words, they can't become worlds just yet, I can't force myself to write anything despite everything I have in mind.

It's like a word that's on the tip of my tongue and yet I can't remember it. That's how I'm feeling right now.

It's frustrating because I don't want them stuck in my head, but I can't write them down either. I have so many stories just at the edge of my mind and they keep stacking up but they won't fall.

They won't fall and turn seamlessly into words.

I know what the problem is, honestly. It's the fact that I'm pressuring myself to finish this, be done with that, when in fact, I don't have to rush myself.

But at the same time, if I don't, it feels like failure. It feels like fraud. It feels like I'm not the writer that I have an image of in my head; the writer who built worlds after worlds, fanfics after fanfics, original characters and different roles.

I know rest is part of the process, and I'm trying really hard to do that. But whenever I get even just 5% of it, I often jump back just to drain that 5% out until I'm at zero once again.

And it feels like a destructive habit, a pattern I'm consciously falling into despite knowing how bad that is.

I've got stories, WIPs that are on the verge of completion and yet I can't write the ending. It's not because I don't know how to end it. It's not because I've ran out of ideas. Rather, it's because I don't have enough of myself to pour into the story for it to be what I envisioned it.

I've always written with all of my heart, with all of my emotions—even with emotions that I don't have but channel my imagination into it to make it feel as realistic as I can, to make it as emotionally resonant as possible.

But right now, I've broken myself into pieces trying to juggle all the stories I wrote this year to the point that I don't know how to put myself back together.

It's this burnout that I can't seem to get out of, the kind that I know is bad for me but I keep letting it pull me.

I love writing so much that it's destroying me. I'm not even kidding. I keep making new stories, having fresh ideas, but never finishing them.

It's like I try to relieve myself with "newness" just to be able to feel that kick again, but the truth is, I keep falling into a loop and I can't get out of it.

Now, you might say, "maybe you just really need to take time off" or "it's just a fanfic, it's not that deep."

It is deep for me. I'm not saying being a writer is my personality. I'm saying that it's a thing I love doing so much, it's my passion—but what if passion becomes dangerous?

How can you live with something that used to bring you joy but turns into destruction?

It's not addiction. But it's not a simple thing either.

I would love to say that it has something to do with my personal life, but I can't share my personal life in such details. And maybe that's why I write. Because my personal life is just that—too personal.

But with writing fanfics, I can turn any emotions I have into an alternate universe, into a trope, into a genre that bends reality and brings you to the ends of the universe and back.

If it's personal, then why can't I just fix that?

I've been wanting to. But I'm in this waiting space where I can't do anything else yet but to simply wait. And I don't even know what's waiting beyond that.

What happens after I wait? What happens if what I've been waiting for isn't what I'm expecting?

I honestly have no idea. And perhaps that's why it's affecting me deeply. Because I don't know if things will get better.

I've said this before in one of my stories: I often partner writing with tragedy. The reason I can write the way I do is because I'm pouring these feelings of hardships into creation.

But this time, the tragedy is too much that I cannot create. I cannot simply "turn to imagination."

I have poured myself into writing—and almost 70% of them not even out in public yet—that there's nothing left to pour.

I do believe this is just soul-deep exhaustion, a kind of burnout that can't be fixed with just a few nights of sleep. I don't even get proper sleep. It's something I don't have the luxury of because of circumstances.

It's come to a point where I wanna write and share stories but because they're incomplete, I just wanna spoil each and every story I've been working on, the plot and its endings.

But of course I can't do that.

Of course, that would just be lazy and effortless. Of course, that ruins the surprise, the fun, the magic of creation and gift to the readers.

But maybe, at the very least, I can be vague about it. So maybe, here are a list of WIPs and plots stuck in my head and my drafts without giving out direct spoilers at all—just the general idea of it.

Maybe, if I try to say that I do have a lot planned out, it will feel like some kind of achievement, some kind of promise that I haven't been slacking, that I am going to fulfill the promise that I made with myself to finish all of them.

I know you're not requiring me to do all this. It's a pressure I'm putting on myself. But I feel like if I don't do this as well, it feels like I failed myself.

I hold myself to such a high standard that it feels so crushing when I don't achieve any of my goals in writing.

Anyway, so yeah, list of WIPs and plots, not in any order, just written as I rack my brain:

1. A Johnny x Reader hitman/mafia/gang au (this has been in my brain since the early 2020s I think? I can't even remember when this idea hit me).

2. That SVT x Reader series I'm working on, specifically about my top 4 biases (Chan, Minghao, Mingyu, Seokmin).

3. A Chan x OC mermaid au that I'm not sure I wanna release or just write mainly because it's an OC and also because the OC is familiar—I'm not sure how people feel about OCs that were already written. But I've expressed how I feel about OCs as well in that recent fic about Chan. I can go on about it but I'll risk making this part long.

4. A Bodyguard x President's Daughter au, completed but it's not time yet.

5. A Stepsiblings au, again completed but not the time yet.

6. A Mark x Reader bet au, I'm in the process of writing this but like I said, I can't continue just yet.

7. A Country Boy x City Girl au, incomplete, I don't know how this story goes, really. I mean, I do but I don't have a clear direction on how to write it just yet.

8. A Genie au, completed, whimsical, very cute if you ask me but maybe that's just me. Still not yet the time.

9. A Freaky Friday body swap au, incomplete but it's almost done.

10. A Haechan x Reader fic, I can't reveal anything about this mainly because it's not a conventional narration type of story. Just that I've been planning this since 2021, if I remember correctly?

11. A Kun x Reader angel au, it's still just an idea for now. But this is one of the oldest ideas I have just sitting in my brain.

12. A Hendery x Reader fic that's supposed to be a Halloween entry but I can't seem to finish this one. It's already half-written to be honest. I just need the lore to "lore."

13. There's a Wonwoo x Reader blurb I guess? That I've finished, but I'm not sure I wanna release it because it's got something to do with fangirling towards a non-kpop obsession.

14. A Minghao x Reader vampire au that's 10% drafted and 90% idea.

15. A BSS love story miniseries, still 100% just an idea.

16. A Seungcheol x Reader fic that's all about emotions. It's a simple plot that's why I can't say anything else.

These aren't even all of it. I have drafts from the year 2019 or so that I haven't fully dug up just yet.

But these are the ideas so far. These are what I've been planning, some of them half-written, some of them completed but most are still drafts or just plots in my head.

The way these are listed doesn't even reveal just how the process of some of these stories are exhaustive.

Like the way one of them is so massive that it broke me. It's been breaking me for months. It's still breaking me until now.

It's that big of a story, that heavy of a lore, that I just don't know how to approach it anymore. It's like it has become a monster of its own and the thing is—I'm the one who created it.

And maybe I'm gonna be honest about something too: I'm even writing something as massive as that but it's not up for public consumption.

It's a comfort story only for my eyes to see, and not publicizing it is not selfishness.

Rather, to me, it's a form of self-preservation. When that story gets released in the future, you will see this mentioned again in the appendices.

But maybe here's a timestamp too—the comfort fic I'm writing was a reaction to that huge fic. It was a response for my nervous system to calm down.

I had to comfort myself with something that's only for me because of that lore-heavy fic I'm creating.

So no, I'm not releasing that. And I'm not writing this to be selfish or anything. This is an emotional release. This is something I had to write because I'm overflowing and I have no container for all of my feelings.

I want all of these to see the light of day. But I'm not sure I can. I do want all of them to be released, however.

And if that takes years then so be it. If it takes time, then okay. If that means taking a break then I should.

Because I remember how it took me 3 years to finish two of my SVT series. No one except me pressured myself to do it. No one told me to put a schedule on my creative works except me.

And I know I can always take a rest. It's part of the process. It's just that, to me, it feels like if I take that much time just to rest, it feels unproductive. It feels like I'm losing a part of me again that I didn't wanna lose.

But at the same time, I'm already in pieces right now. I don't know where to start looking to complete myself.

Writing is not something simple for me. It's my form of art. It's my form of self-expression. I don't wish to be a well-known or famous author. I don't wish to gain money off of this.

I simply just want to write.

I simply want to express myself, to share these stories and call them my art.

It's simply an outlet of creativity for me, in a way that's controlled, organized, and something that I feel like I can be proud of because I created them.

It's simply the part of my life where I appreciate the beauty of life, by worldbuilding, by creating OCs or playing with a blank slate of reader-inserts and breathing backstories into them, by producing words and turning it into prose.

It's the hobby that I never want to lose the spark of.

This is why it's such a big deal for me.

And right now, I'm just lost. Right now I'm just exhausted, mentally and emotionally and physically. Right now I'm just scattered into pieces. And I don't know how to pick them up, or where to start.

I guess, I just wanted to let this out.

Just to breathe. Just to put this pressure off of myself.

This isn't a promise or a fallback or anything. Maybe this is also a form of self-expression. Maybe this is also fiction that's not one. Maybe this is just to remind myself that I don't have to hurry up, I don't have to rush, I don't have to demand anything from myself when I'm already this burnt out.

Maybe this is just part of the process. Just something to tell myself that "No, you don't have to do anything today. Just existing is fine."

Just breathing is fine. Just staring into the void is fine.

Then maybe, this is how I take that rest that's long overdue.

So no, this is not a fic. This is not a promise. But this is not a fallback too.

This is just my container, just a place where I can compartmentalize that part that's overflowing together with the rest of myself.

This is just where I'm allowing myself to say that I'm not failing, that I'm allowed to be full of ideas but not have the energy to create an output, that it's okay to just rest.

And that's... it.

Celestial Plant Writer

moonstarsunflower

so like titled, this isn't a fic. this is just a container of sorts. i'm just releasing smth that needed release. feel free to not read it—or do. up to you really.

it's related to writing in general. and ig this is my christmas entry for this year, despite the not-a-fic state.

merry christmas and happy new year in advance, i hope everyone has a good one. 🎄🎉

this is not smth to worry abt, btw. this is just a pause, an exhale, a breath.

Celestial Plant Writer

#reflection #fanfic writer #kpop fanfic writer #writing