"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.”
It's usually attributed to Poe, but it was written by Sade Andria Zabala. (Even dead men manage to take credit for women's work :)
It's always been a favorite of mine, especially as it relates to the people I care about which, of course, includes people l've practiced kink with. Learning someone's dark needs and wants, holding them with safety and trust, is a unique kind of intimacy.
It's hard enough to admit to yourself that violence feels erotic, that degrading or being degraded is a turn-on, or that the things you touch to are less than PC, let alone to admit this to someone else. Maybe your kink is "gross" or unglamorous or strange. Maybe, like me, it doesn't align with how you want to be seen.
I find arousal and comfort in my autonomy being diminished; in being conditioned and trained to fulfill someone else's wants and needs. Like a possession. Like a slave. I crave that ownership. I always have. It's a deeply held desire, closer to instinct than fantasy. And that's really just the beginning. I struggle with it, but it is true and real, and it won't be going away. I know there are people I cannot share this part of myself with, people who would respect me less, question my values, take advantage, or never look at me the same way again. I know who those people are, and I know they will never see me fully.
I know they would not love me anyway.
That place - that knowing - is also where we keep the monsters inside us. The shame, the guilt, the fear. And it's why finding someone you can safely introduce to your monsters can feel like breathing for the first time; like a poison has been cleared. People who will hear us without judgment, honor our truths, embrace them. Someone you can show your darkest parts - kinky or not - and then get coffee with. The people who will love you anyway.
Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, ever thought, ever felt, ever wanted. The shame, the guilt, the fear.
I will love you anyway. I may even love you more.