❛ Aw, look at you trying to make me feel like you don’t try to spend every night tunneling out of here with a spoon. ❜
❛ Don’t take this personally, but get out. ❜
❛ He’s my gentleman caller. ❜
❛ I had the fuzzy clock and it didn’t purr on time. ❜
❛ There is no use for a lava lamp unless you’re on drugs. ❜
❛ You’re idiots, the both of you. ❜
❛ I’m afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron. ❜
❛ People are particularly stupid today. I can’t talk to any more of them. ❜
❛ If that’s some sort of drug reference, it isn’t funny. ❜
❛ Great, then we can hold hands and skip afterwards. ❜
❛ I read an article in the paper recently that said that weddings are an excellent place to meet men/women. ❜
❛ You know what, you’re the one asking for something so you don’t get to be James Dean. ❜
❛ As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible. ❜
❛ How many cocktails caused that? ❜
❛ You have to sleep, it’s what keeps you pretty. ❜
❛ I don’t know how I feel about you saying the word cahoots. ❜
❛ ____ , are you a gigolo? ❜
❛ Very clever, but not clever enough, bucko! ❜
❛ You are going to be so fat. ❜
❛ I find nothing exciting before eleven. ❜
❛ Well, I’m a compulsive liar. ❜
❛ Because I’m very, very gay. ❜
❛ You are certainly not going to Google me! ❜
❛ I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it! ❜
❛ Will you just stand still? ❜
❛ So sad not to have a cocktail every time he comes by. ❜
❛ Well, the liquor store is a little further out than I’d like. ❜
❛ No, I’m not good with big spoons unless there’s ice cream on the end. ❜
❛ No, ____ . This great man was not brought down by my vagina, okay? ❜
❛ I like a man who settles. ❜
❛ Sick people freak me out. ❜
❛ Wow. Sleeping with you is getting me nothing. ❜
❛ Special? Like, “stop eating the paste” special? ❜
❛ Well, then, buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business. ❜
❛ When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy. ❜
❛ Well, you know my babbling capabilities are infinite. ❜
❛ You were really bored when I was gone, weren’t you? ❜
❛ This is the suit they buried my dad in. ❜
❛ Voices in your head…totally normal, right? ❜
❛ God, that’s terrible. It’s like drinking a My Little Pony. ❜
❛ You know I don’t cook. ❜
❛ He’s getting to be a serious pain in the you-know-what. ❜
❛ I’ve often wondered, does someone in your family own a flannel company? ❜
❛ you’re the man/woman I want to want. ❜
❛ Hey, did you ever think that Sylvia Plath wasn’t crazy, she was just cold? ❜
❛ Can’t, these aren’t my pants. ❜
❛ Am I crying or laughing? ❜
❛ I love you, you idiot. ❜
❛ Because if you decided you really did want to date ____ , I would help you…get vaccinated. ❜
❛ I don’t like mondays but unfortunately they come around eventually. ❜
❛ I need coffee in an IV. ❜
❛ Have I ever been mistaken for a patient person? ❜
❛ Did you do something slutty? ❜
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