Find Beauty In Your Darkness

Morgan. 24 year old writer who struggles with mental health just as we all do. welcome to my mind.

[bhlissfhully]

[destroymylife]

[recaption]

[sunkissedh]

[morganharperpoetry]

With the light coming through my window

It's harder to write

It's hard to find the words that fit right

When darkness doesn't cosume my world

Does that mean my passion for poetry

Comes only from my misery?

Where does my spirit lie

When I feel happiness and hope

Does my craft only make sense

When I'm burying myself in the flames

Is that my only inspiration

I must still find the words to say

Even when my clouds of grey

Have started to faded away

[morganharperpoetry]

It's really hard for me to be a regular person. But I'm trying. Trying to form a routine so I can live like a normal human instead of this clusterfuck. I hope with enough practice I can have it together.

[morganharperpoetry]

Feeling small and inadequate

Jealousy throwing punch and i take the hit

Wishing for the nicotine so I can get out of my head

But my pack is empty so I'm hanging on the dread

Of that one thought that made me feel less than

But I know it's just my jealous heart again

I can't control anything outside of myself

People will be people

It doesn't always have to lead to trouble

Not every person is a threat

Even when I don't feel like the best bet

[morganharperpoetry]

Felt like an angel spoke to me today

All the negativity I've been feeling

And she tells me to quit

Don't give up

There's light ahead

Just keep looking at the light

The road may seem black and dark

But I will not give up

I won't let the posinous words

Of those filled with negativity

Take hold of my heart

Thier words arent my truth

I'll hold on

[morganharperpoetry]

Feeling dead inside

But my heart is still beating

I keep pushing forward

As I'm completely blind

The light has faded

And the daffodils are starting to wilt

But I will still look at the Moon for you

I still will look at the sky

As my soul roams the sea

Because I know in another life

If I don't get it right this time

I will try again

And you will find me again

[morganharperpoetry]

So this is not poetry. But you can still read it if you can understand the pain of depression.

I feel so depressed and hopeless for a Bette future it hurts my chest. Today was not a good day mentally. I feel like that any glimmer of hope is fading more and more. And I have to come to terms with what my life is now. It's hard to find happiness or contentment. I just feel fucked. That there is no light at the end of the tunnel and there's nothing but pain and emptiness ahead. My life is just gone. And I'm trying so so hard to be positive but I feel like I'm lying to myself . I'm trying to be a better person but clearly I'm failing. And I don't want to hear "you are a good person" because those who know me well you would know what my toxic traits are. And the thing is I am struggling EVERY GODDAMN DAY to fix them. I just feel lost and in complete darkness and I have to be okay with it???? But I am not and I'm hurting everyday.

[morganharperpoetry]

I look at the stars and try to find meaning

I touch the grass but feel no sense of touch

I see myself walking

But I'm disconnected

And that is the problem

My feet and body are earthbound

While my mind and soul are wandering looking for a home

I think that's why it's so hard for me to be content and happy

Because I'm not here to experience the joys of life

I'm always on the outside of my life looking in

Peering through the window unable to reach it or lack of trying

When I open up the window and take a step into my body

I feel how beautiful it must be to be alive

I feel all the moments I've been missing

I may have a heartbeat and a body

But I am hardly ever here

And I am wasting these human years running off to another place

[morganharperpoetry]

The emotions I felt were too big to carry

And so I pass them on to you

And I feel relief

But now the guilt eats me up inside

Because what was eating at my brain

I passed on to you

And I never intended to hurt you in the process

Of putting down my heavy load

Sometimes the emotions we carry

We can't pass on to the ones we love

Because our pain then just becomes thiers

And that was never the intention

So my heavy load

Hasnt been released at all

It just changed a face

So now it's a new emotion

And you have to carry it all your own

[morganharperpoetry]

I miss the days full of Hope and possibilities

Where life seemed like a dream

Someone pinchme

Well, it seems I've woken up

And reality is grim and grey and dark and empty

All I look forward to now is when I can drown in alcohol and cigarettes and go to sleep

The only place I have peace

I keep trying

But I wake up and the panic overwhelms

Because I see all I've lost and a piece of me is gone

Nothing to hold on to

The life I had seems so far away yet only feels like yesterday

And I am supposed to be content

I am supposed to be happy

And I don't understand how that can possibly be expected of me

My world turned black and my only flashlight ran out of batteries

And I'm in the dark so it's out of my reach

So I sit in the dark alone again

Waiting for a ray of sunshine to come through my window

[confusedapprentice]

Me: * has panic attack, overacts, cries and breaks down*

Things: * turn out okay*

Me:

[morganharperpoetry]

Fear takes over the mind

And corrupts all the bridges I ever built

Anger and disappointment consume my mind

And you can see it on my face

My eyes don't lie

I mask the pain with rage and a blank expression.

And I only burn down the house I built even further

Its hard to mask how I feel inside

But the anger does it pretty well

I wish I had never given into my fear

Then I might not be standing alone on this bridge

[morganharperpoetry]

Haven't written on here in a minute. Depression has taken more of a toll recently but I'll be back. When I take my meds, I feel a glimmer of hope that the sun will shine again and the rain won't last forever. I have to hold on to that hope because it is the only thing that will keep me together .

[empty-and-lonely]