heavy footsteps thudded into the house, a slightly heavier door followed the steps just as soon as they reached your ears. you were startled awake, though you weren't exactly sleeping before hand. you knew they belonged to your husband. even worse, the weighted shuffling must mean he was beyond plastered.
you groggily looked at your bedside table, your cheap alarm clock reading '3:21 AM', it's florescent red light illuminating your room. it was late, and although shane had a bad habit of staying out well into the night, this was too much even for him.
you threw you comforter off your body and stood up, goosebumps spreading across your skin as you began heading to your living room. you weren't surprised to see shane's body sprawled on your couch, and as you stepped closer you could smell the familiar bitter musk of alcohol.
it was at times like these you couldn't help but reflect on the way things were in the beginning of your marriage, and your friendship even before then. so much progress has been made by not only you, but harvey and marnie too. you thought you had unwired so much of shane's depression and anxiety, and it hurt to see him return to his old habits. it felt almost impossible to bring up with him. the few times you had expressed concern, it ended with him accusing you of never caring and either spending the night at marnie's, or spending many hours nursing drinks at gus'.
although shane always made a point to apologize a day or two after you fought, his words ate at your conscious constantly. he would often go on drunk rants about how "you just don't understand, and you never will" or "yoba, i drink because there is nothing good in this life". no matter how much time passed, you couldn't help but feel like a burden. no matter the countless times you were there for him, or how many nights you tolerated his harsh words, it would never be enough.
"shane?" you spoke, resulting in a low grunt from him. "shane, do you have any idea what time it is?" that caused him to lower his head from the back cushion, meeting your gaze. "what? are y'judging me? yeah, m'just a drunk right?" he scoffed, resting his head again. any semblance of concern was replaced with an entrenched sadness, tears already welling and threatening to spill.
"i didn't say that. get up, let's get you to bed." you stepped even closer, now directly in front of him, and reached for his arm to pull him up. he responded with a harsh swat, taking you aback. there was a lingering sting, although it didn't last very long. he didn't care to apologize, or even look up at you. he just grunted without saying anything. you were struggling to place you emotions. were you sad? concerned? or were you angry? it was all too overwhelming, and your tears finally fell, warming your cheeks as they ran down.
you released the loose grip you had on shane's sweater, unsure of what to say. without thinking, a soft "get out" escaped your lips. you took a step back, quickly wiping your tears. shane raised his head lazily, not sure if he heard you right, or even believed you. "what?"
"you heard me. i said get out, i can't do this anymore." you turned around, heading to your shared bedroom. just as you reached for the door knob behind you, shane grabbed your hand, preventing you from closing it. he stared at you, his face a mix of confusion, hurt, and anger. "you can't tell me to get out, i live here." he dropped your hand, running his hand through his hair. "i can't believe you would do this to me" he smiled in disbelief. hearing him say that made the anger in your body override whatever else you were feeling. "YOU can't believe that I would do this? are you serious right now?" you couldn't help but raise your voice.
"do you know how many times your drunk ass has stumbled into the house late at night? do you know how many times i cleaned you up, and made sure you drank water? all while hearing you say shit like that!" you began pacing around your shared room, not sure what to do with yourself or your body. "shane, i love you, but i can't do this any more. i know life fucking sucks, but it's not just hard for you. i have tried to be there for you, and this is how you treat me." by now, your tears were spilling faster than you could wipe them away, and shane noticed. you anger was new, and hearing the tone of your voice, and what was at stake for him sobered him up a little bit, though it didn't dissolve any of his anger. "you're right, life does fucking suck. sometimes i need to get away, okay! every now and then i need a drink or two to just- escape from life!"
"it's not every now and then, shane!" you interfered, "it is every fucking night! you should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you! you can't expect me to not get worried when you come home at three in the fucking morning!" your voice was filled with instability and cracks, wavering as you continued to sob.
"maybe i shouldn't have married you then." you froze when you heard those words leave your husband's lips, not sure what to say. you looked up at him with clouded vision. you let out a weak "what..?" before looking up at him. you weren't sure what to expect; maybe immediate regret, or sadness even. he looked just as he did the first day you met him: angry, uninvolved, and annoyed. he looked at you like you were a stranger, and that broke you.
"fuck you." you said, you eyes now glued to the floor, unable to meet his harsh gaze.
he said no more. you heard his familiar heavy footprints slowly walk away, again followed by your heavy door shutting behind. your emotions got the best of you and you couldn't stop your tears from pouring. words could not explain the deep hurt you felt in your heart.
your body felt heavy as you dragged yourself back to bed, letting your tears soak into your pillow until you eventually soothed yourself to sleep.
i’ve been trying to get back into art, but i have been BLOCKED. last night i was trying to draw shane but gave up half way. this is what i ended up with
bakudeku is like. its you. its always been you. i miss you. this stopped making sense by the time we were 15. pain and joy are blurred lines. it all reminds me of you anyways. i know your secrets. you know me, more than ill ever know myself and i think your costume is stupid (but i dont mean it.) and i think you’re so brave (i mean it more every time.) i’d die for you (please live). i’d kill for you (please come home instead). i learned how to spell your name at the same time as i learned mine. not i or me. but us. always us. i know everything about you. i don’t know what movies you watch lately.
i think about your hands. i think about being saved by you. in the end i think i want us to save each other. in the end i cant imagine anyone else being so close. oh, its you. it’s always been you. i think ill always miss you. please be my hero.
okay, one thing’s clear and that is that kirishima is obsessed with you in all the meanings of the word.
the biggest of these obsessions is just the dichotomy between the two of you. kiri is an absolute softie inside, but that doesn’t change his hard exterior— his skin, muscles, teeth, quirk, even his his sheer strength. and then there’s you, always the smoothest skin imaginable, he swears he could break you if he really wanted to.
don’t even get him started on your mouth.. aside from your plush skin, your thighs, your mouth takes the cake. he is enthralled with your velvet lips, and you find this out after only a few minutes into your fourth date.
“whatcha’ looking at?” you mutter, your voice a little muffled due to the ice cream you previously shoved in your face. “i guess im making a mess huh? i’m sor-“ you were cut off by kiri’s hand wrapped in a napkin, wiping the corner of your mouth. not a single person in the crowded parlor seemed to notice.
“don’t worry about that [name],” he smiled, “and that’s not why i was staring, swear. you just look really pretty right now.” his eyes trailed down your face, making their way to your lips after memorizing everything above.
“sorry! i got distracted, please—keep eating.” he shuffled, glancing around while scratching the back of his neck. the two of you continued small talk, mentioning everything from hero work to the mundanity of everyday life. the whole time, kiri couldn’t keep his eyes off of your spoon, gliding into your mouth topped with creamy ice cream dribbling down your chin every once in a while. you didn’t fail to subconsciously play with your spoon either, twisting in in your mouth slowly. it was driving him crazy, he wished so badly to be your spoon, to be the ice cream dripping down you, the thought of even touching you making sitting still unbearable. of course this was something you easily picked up on.
“is everything okay..? you’ve been acting a little weird, y’know you can always talking to me if something is up right?” you shot a concerned look, gaining a strained expression in return.
kiri’s thoughts seemed to be in conflict with his words, until finally he spoke, “[name] i’m really sorry for what i’m about to say.” he started, making your heart race in anticipation. “so, i like you a lot, and this whole time i’ve just been..distracted by you. there’s nothing i want more than to get out of here, or go to the car, or fuck- even the bathroom.” he motioned for you to come closer, you now positioned leaning over the table and leaving little room between the two of you. he leaned in, speaking in nothing above a whisper, “you’re driving me fucking nuts. please, i can’t take this.”
he backed up agonizingly slow, taking you in, his situation wasn’t getting any better by your big eyes slowly blinking back at him. “okay.”
he leaned further back in his chair, “okay?”
“okay.”
since then, not a month has gone by where you two didn’t have an ice cream date where you catch up on the mundanity of life
computer show me men with wet spots in their underwear. men making a mess in their boxers. men gasping and panting. men pressing their thighs together. men with trembling hands and sweat beading on their neck. men with warm, sweet skin between their thighs. men twitching. computer. computer can you hear me.
Sukuna doesnt show it,but he loves it when you play with his hair.
His hair isnt soft like your; its slightly spikey and rough to touch. But it always smells nice,and when you comb your fingers through his locks gently , you can feel his tense muscles relax slightly.
So, as loving as he is, Sukuna tries to return the favor.
And fails miserably.
"Ow- Ryo,what- OW!!"
You turn around and pout at your boyfriend; eyes slightly glistening with tears.
"what are you doing to my hair exactly?"
And for once, Sukuna looks upset. He stares down at his fingers,then your hair, not meeting your eyes with an adorable frown.
"doing the same shit you do to me whenever im stressed."
"i dont try to make you go bald!"
For a second there, you even see a slight shadow of a pout on Sukuna's lips.
The mere sight makes yout heart melt.
"honey," you coo, nuzzling your head in his neck, "were you trying to make me feel better?"
Sukuna huffs and tries to push your face away, "whatever."
"no no!!!i really liked it!" When he gives you a look,you soften and take his hand in yours. Then, you rest it gently on your hair, "but,maybe a bit gentler?"
And Sukuna doesnt move for a good few seconds, and when you're sure he wont ever caress your hair ever again, his fingers start to move once more.
Gently. Carefully.
With so much care, it has your heart squeezing in your chest.
Slowly, your shoulders start to relax and you melt under his touch. A pleased sound escapes from your lips and you turn your head toward his, and give his sharp jawline a soft kiss.
"thank you, darling."
And he doesnt reply. But from that day on, whenever you're stressed or tired, Sukuna knows how to cheer you up.
at you and bakugous wedding he reveals his true feelings
★・・・・・・★
“ it is now time for the vows, bakugou we will start with you.”
Bakugou reaches into in pocket and pulls out papers, making sure to wipe his hands against his pants.
looking at you and then taking a deep breath and clearing his throat he says “ about a month into our relationship i realized one thing about you. i was in the shower after a date, you had kissed me for the first time. in my head i declared that i hated you.”
gasp filled the room. bakugou looked up from the paper and into your eyes once again, he saw you taken aback. hearing a faint “ katsuki..” from his mom he knew he should continue.
“ i hated you more into the relationship, i had this feeling in me when i thought about you. i hated it. “
“ i hated the way you came into my life like you owned it, and the thing i hated the most about you is that you made me feel human.”
“ dude this isn’t what we planned “ kirishima says from behind bakugou. him and bakugou stayed up numerous nights trying to find the write words to say to you, bakugou would describe his feelings to kirishima and kirishima would write down a sentence, but nothing was good enough for bakugou so when they finally came to an agreement…bakugou tossed it.
“ For example “ bakugou starts again “ i hate seeing you, hearing your voice, being next to you and having you touch me, everything that you did effected me.”
“ i hated how when i slept i wished you were there, when i shared an apartment with kirishima, kaminari and sero i hated how anything i had to do with them i wanted to do wit you, i hated being alone because you weren’t there to throw me a smile, i hated your smile, i hated when you smiled that was the only thing i wanted to see, i hated feeling you lips on me because i never wanted them to leave.”
taking a breath in bakugou made sure not to look at you, he didn’t want to see the look on your face,
“ the worst part is that i never hated any of this, i loved it. and that scared me to my core. i never thought i would be able to feel this way about anyone, this feeling was so forgine to me “
“ so i shut you out, for the first 6 months of our relationship i was terrible to you. i never gave you any love, or affection. i wasn’t talking to you, i avoided you. i kept us secret. i don’t want any to know that bakugou katsuki was capable of love because you made me feel like a human being not some hot shot hero with a big ego. whenever i thought i could do anything, beat everyone, you always reminded me that i was human.”
a shaky breathe leaves him “ you scared the crap out of me, i didn’t like what you gave me but i craved it, i craved you. “
“ the moment i think about still to this day is the day you told me you loved me, i didn’t say it back. instead i took your hand off my shoulder and walked to the bathroom and telling you that i had to piss. in that bathroom i wanted to scream “
“ the night it all changed is when i heard you and my dumb roommates talking on the. you had begged me for us to have a sleep over and in the middle of the night you got up. i followed you. i heard kaminari ask you ‘ are you and bakugou gonna break up ‘ at that i froze, i listen further into the conversation and when you said ‘ if me and bakugou break up it will be him doing the breaking up, he’s rude and hot head and not very affectionate but those small moments with him are worth it’ “
“ i don’t know what changed in me that night but that was the first night i initiated touch with you while i was fake sleeping “
“ i hate our relationship because of those first 6 months, i didn’t know how to properly treat you and how to communicate my feelings which i still can’t do.” bakugou lets a tear fall out of his eyes.
“ i hate how i never gave you what you deserved, i worked my butt off and tried so hard after that night to show you that i still love you. i love your smile, your laugh, or when you choose to sleep directly on me instead of your side of the bed. how you cook with me, comfort me after a long day, how you play with my hair, how you always snap back at me. how you love to bake with me. “
“ i love those late nights where you and me just talk about absolutely nothing. i love when when you get a tingly feeling in your nose and you stuff and strunchn into my shoulder for comfort. i love how you jump into my arms randomly, i love when you put your cold feet under my shirt to warm them up. i love when you rub my back and kiss my forehead. i love everything about you and everything you do. i hate how i can never tell you how much i love you.”
“ i never hated you, i loved you. and i was so scared to show it. i hate myself because i can never find the right words to tell you anything because even now i still don’t deserve your love. “
looking into your eyes you see tears falling from his and his lip quivering. bakugous fist are gripping the paper at this point.
“ but you deserve all of mine, y/n i love you “
silence came over the whole building..
“ was that okay?” he asked you in a quiet whisper still having tears fall from his eyes.
‘ even when crying you look beautiful ‘ he thought to himself.
★・・・・・・★
chatness this kinda feels rushed and not really thought out but idk i really wanted to write a fic about this. bakugou is bakugou so i’m a firm believer that in the beginning of any of his romantic relationships it’s very hard. also i was think of writing some of these senarios out idk.
currently working on a kuroo x reader and haikyuu multiple x reader so yeah that’s all booya!
content warning: fluff, hurt and lots of comfort, written in mixed style (head canon + fic), non-explicit smut, post Shibuya scarred Nanami. Loosely inspired by the song “gilded lily”.
Nanami Kento, who opened his eyes while on a hospital bed, barely feeling the left side of his body after Shoko tended to him, just to find you by his bedside finishing wrapping him up with bandages as a hurricane of emotions took over your face — fear, panic, anger, sadness, eagerness...
Relief.
Nanami Kento, who reached towards your forearm with his unburnt hand, completely ignoring the bandages covering a good portion of his own face, glad to know that the last time he saw you wasn’t, in fact, the last. He had lived a proper life without regrets, or so he thought, up until those fateful moments in which he believed he was about to die without ever telling you how he truly felt.
Nanami Kento, who for the next few days, while bedridden and feeling useless after Gojo’s sealing in the prison realm, had the time to contemplate the life he’d been living so far, and wondered with an untapped honesty if the death of a pawn soldier — what he had been reduced to after such an influx of special grades — would really be relevant in this war. Would he be missed?
Nanami Kento, who had many visitors throughout the following days, such as Yuuji, Ino, Ijichi and Megumi, and shared the quiet comfort from your companionship every time you weren’t elbow-deep assisting Shoko with the wounded. He’d ask you to read for him. He said it was only needed while he got used to seeing with one eye, but the truth of the matter was Nanami just enjoyed listening to your voice. You knew and you didn’t mind. In fact, you actually enjoyed reading aloud by his bedside as you both ventured through Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms.
Nanami Kento who, for some reason, woke up on the wrong side of the bed the morning he was to remove his bandages, and cringed as he saw the scarred, burnt skin that was hidden underneath. Not because of any aesthetic discomfort, — he’d grown accustomed to seeing far worse on the daily — but because now he’d forever be engraved with the violence and viciousness of the life he chose. A constant reminder, literally in the flesh, of everything he almost lost. Every future, chance or opportunity that would’ve been thrown away on a whim during that night in Shibuya.
Nanami Kento, whose jaw unclenched and shoulders untensed when you wrapped your fingers around his burnt hand, and who turned to regard you with his bandaged head and eye. Who genuinely and warmly smiled when you gave him the small eye patch in yellow splattered fabric you had sewn using one of his ties, apologizing in advance for rummaging through his things without talking to him first. You explained about asking for Ino’s help to fetch one of those. With this eye patch, you told Nanami, he would “have an all matching attire.”
Nanami Kento, who made a half-hearted remark about chastising Ino for using his copy of Nanami’s apartment key to go behind his back, but spared no time in actually removing his final bandages — while turning away from you — and covering the gaping hole where his eye should be with the accessory.
Nanami Kento, who one day before getting officially discharged, felt he was once again letting the opportunity of telling you how he felt slip through his fingers. The fear and the urgency from before were gone, life was once again moving in its own settled way, and you both would surely go back to tiptoeing quietly around the unsaid.
You both knew what it meant, and neither could muster up the courage to say it out loud, even with him having just survived certain death. Not even then.
Nanami Kento, who on that very evening wrapped his fingers softly around your wrist as you got up to leave for the night. Who, after you asked him if he needed anything, absentmindedly answered “you,” making your heart skip a beat.
Nanami Kento, who instantly regretted it, and wondered what could’ve possessed him to say that, but as he began apologizing, his words got muffled by the pressing of your lips against his. Who didn’t think twice before pulling you closer, having you almost fall on top of his supine body.
Nanami Kento, who was too tired. Exhausted, even. Exhausted of waiting, of pretending, of denying himself the comfort of a less grueling existence in the comfort of your embrace, of your kisses, of you.
Nanami Kento, who gasped into your mouth the moment you straddled over him, so gently that the bed barely moved, and drew his hands up your back, leaving a trail of heat wherever they traveled. Who hesitated for a moment when your fingers motioned to remove the eye patch you gave him, but obliged after you asked him “please, let me see you,” melting into the soft pecks you laid all over his scarred cheek, imprinting your affection on him one kiss at a time.
Nanami Kento, who was genuinely surprised to see that you, too, had a good portion of your body covered in scars from previous missions after you propped yourself up and took off your shirt. He gently descended the tips of his fingers in between your breasts, where the deepest of the marks laid gravely over your sternum. “I never knew,” he whispered, to which you replied “It comes with the job, I guess. None of us survives this truly unscathed.”
Nanami Kento, whose dexterous hands kneaded around your body, committing every inch to memory, as all of your garments slid down onto the floor, like all the other things that didn’t matter at that moment — the losses, the fear, the past, the duty.
Nanami Kento, who had you with urgent kindness, as you both gave yourselves entirely to each other. He felt your body wave and flow on top of him, just like the soothing, fresh waves from the beach he thought he’d never get to see.
Nanami Kento, who for the first time ever since waking up from a sure death, felt a warmth capable of pushing away the cold grip of death around his throat, your warmth.
Nanami Kento, who had survived. Who was glad that you did too, and loved you with no apologies through each second of it all, all touch, and kiss, and tongue, and smell, and taste, and breath, and promise.
Nanami Kento, whose arms wrapped around your body as he whispered against your lips, soft pleas none of you could put into words, but both knowing what they meant. He held you tightly as you unraveled for him, muffling your cries of his name with his mouth.
Nanami Kento, who was enthralled by the sound of his name in your voice, your need, your pleas, your smell, your flesh, your desire, and it was all too much, as he filled you whole while sinking his palms over your thighs, pushing himself as deep as he could.
Nanami Kento, who kept you in his embrace while your ear rested right over his chest, and you could hear each and every heartbeat echoing through him. Who asked you to stay the night, and you knew, right then and there, that you would.
You, who knew that no matter what happened, you’d never leave Nanami’s side from that day on.
End notes: I always wanted to write a post-Shibuya Nanami piece, and the inspiration finally hit! A huge thank you to @redlikerozez and @rahuratna for beta reading this.💜
written by tsukimefuku ㋡ comments and reblogs are appreciated. do not copy, translate or repost. copycatting is for losers.
