there’s an alarming rejection in the other’s voice ; it’s cold and dismissive. morgan probably should’ve seen it coming. he shouldn’t have expected it to ever be okay to show up on someone’s doorstep whom you ran out on a few months back. nothing in his heart had been given to anyone else though. absolutely nothing. every little piece of him still belonged to dohyun. everything. every inch. he hadn’t realised exactly what he had given up on. not till he’d been out that door for about a month. not till now he’d realised and broken down because of this ; he missed dohyun. with all his being, he missed this guy who had given him so much. he had given him a reason to get up every morning and do his hair, brush his teeth before going to bed at night. he had given him a purpose in life other than just serving looks for strangers. ‘cause that was all morgan was good for anyway, wasn’t it? not even dohyun would spare him a single loving glance anymore. because he had ruined that too, right? he had really managed to ruin one of the only truly wonderful things that had ever happened to him. dohyun, he was so pure, so true, so real. the most real morgan had ever felt his own emotions had been with this guy in front of him, who was now death glaring him into oblivion. he didn’t blame him. rather that, he understood that he wasn’t wanted here. he wasn’t welcome..
morgan’s glance drops from the other, when he hears his voice speak up loud and clear. expressing his thoughts to him. a hiccup interrupts morgan from voicing the stream of words he couldn’t seem to get past his lips. there was a deep, dark, and painful black hole in his gut, right in solar plexus. and it kept growing. bigger and bigger, and once again morgan was thankful that it was raining heavily ( that way it wouldn’t show ; how many tears that kept spilling over his eyes ). it was so difficult to even form any words. to just be. just stand there and take it in, all of dohyun’s hate. sadly but truly, there was a thin line between love and hate. morgan had now tried it on his own body and soul. his own heart breaking at the hands of the other.
“ my phone is dead, and they closed my credit card.. i can’t get anywhere, and i saw ou- your house, “ oh fuck, how it stings in his heart almost calling it their house, because in morgan’s mind it’s still their house, their home, their little bubble of love and affection, but he swallows hard and tries his best to keep going, “ and.. i just thought.. i’m… “ this flamboyant youtuber wasn’t normally at a loss for words, but as those very words had dropped from his plum lips one by one, he had felt his heart being dragged down. further and further into his stomach. he was being stupid, and selfish, and … stupid. maybe for once in his life he should just do something that wasn’t for his own sake, but someone else’s. a frown gathered itself between his brows and with eyes saddened by the ugly truth, they flickered around on the floor beneath them and he took a step away from the door. “ i’m sorry. i shouldn’t.. i’ll leave you alone. i’m sorry, “ he panicked, not wanting to leave but seeing no other option right now. dohyun obviously didn’t want him there.
the hurt is immediate and apparent in morgan’s features and dohyun’s heart, so familiar with being nothing but warm and loving for morgan clenches, almost wills dohyun to reach out, to undo the pain, to take him back. his brain barely wins; dohyun’s hands flexes against the doorknob, the only thing grounding him from reaching out. you’re over him but the voice wavers. ( somehow, the more it’s repeated, the more it sounds like a lie. ) dohyun unconsciously trails his eyes over morgan, taking in his soaked figure again and again. a part of him still thinks this is all a lie, an illusion conjured by his tired brain, too good to be real. he picks up on the red of morgan’s eyes. it could be irritation from the rain or perhaps, tears and dohyun isn’t sure what he wants it to be, stranded between brain and heart.
when morgan starts to speak, all of dohyun tunes into him, as he’s always done. it is, therefore, inevitable that he’d pick up his almost blunder. our house, our time, our love. it sounds so dear, so desirable, so distant. the doorknob is warm in his touch, clutched tightly in white-knuckled fists. it’s strange to see morgan so tongue-tied, stumbling over his words and non-words, stutters and murmurs. it’s strange what they’ve become, the circumstances that led them here and how they’re two people longing for each other but can’t reach out. the wind blows stronger, rain pelts harder and dohyun’s starting to feel chilly. he’s not even drenched to the bone like morgan. god, he’s probably so cold and he’ll be sick and, and,
morgan steps away and before dohyun even realises what he’s doing, the hand holding onto the doorknob in a death grip reaches out, stretching, straining. his body follows, panic in his veins, propelling him forward. it’s weird how he’d held on so well and the moment the distance between them stretches, his body reacts so desperately. almost like his body knows he can’t have back their closeness and want to maintain whatever this is. this far out his door, the fist dohyun has in the hem of morgan’s shirt and his forearm is wet, the rain pattering down. it hits him that he’d grabbed morgan, he made the move after spouting those hard and hurtful words. oh, god. he can’t get the fist to unclench, can’t make himself let morgan go though. “ where can you go in this rain without your phone and money? don’t trouble others. ” his mouth formulates but dohyun’s not quite processing it, mouth on auto-pilot, trying to explain away the outstretched arm. “ s—stay here till the rain gives. figure out your credit card problem, charge your phone, whatever. don’t go around making a mess of yourself out in the public. ” ( @vicaricus· !! )
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