Grief is not a race @motherlessdaughter2016 - Tumblr Blog

Serval cat see, serval cat do.

February 20,2020 I got a call around noon from my aunt telling me that my father passed away. He was 54 years old and died of complications of pneumonia that never healed with antibiotics.

My father and I didn’t have the best relationship, we were estranged. I’m the oldest out of 4 children and I have complicated feelings toward him, having been hurt by him when I was in my early teenage years and been bitter about that well into my adulthood. We used to be close, we used to be attached at the hip and I was what everyone called a “daddy’s girl” but when our relationship hit snags due to his own actions, I held onto the anger I felt for years. Yearning for some kind of closure, yearning for him to own up to the things he did. I yearned to form a relationship with him again but it was difficult. We lived in different worlds. He was religious, I was not. That put more distance between us because he felt I needed to accept God and his religion to be saved and accepted. I never felt truly accepted by him after that and I even walked away for years without contact. The older I got though, the more I decided to try. We had been close before, why couldn’t we be close again? I had a daughter that I hoped he’d meet one day, even if it was just once. Even if many felt he didn’t deserve to meet her or that he didn’t deserve a place in my life. My father’s death has opened old wounds while creating new ones. That in a matter of 3 years, I’ve lost 3 people that I love and I’m afraid that I’ll lose more before the year is over. How do you cope when an estranged parent passes away?

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It’s 1:30 in the morning Christmas Day and I never felt so empty...

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I really miss my theater teacher.I'm in an amateur theater club and one of our theater teachers died almost a month ago and it's been pretty rough.

I’m sorry for your loss and the loss everyone feels with your theater teacher passing away. Grief isn’t limited to just parents and family. It can hit you from anywhere with anyone and losing someone who was such an inspiration to you is difficult and it will hurt but as time tells us, it will hurt less but it will never go away. When I lost my mom, I was devastated for myself and my family. I was sad for everyone whose life she touched. And for months I cried and felt like I would never come back up for air. Soon it was years where I just slept all day and stayed in my house. I didn’t go anywhere and I barely saw anyone unless they came over to see me. (Which many didn’t because even though my world crashed, theirs kept going.) Today I’m doing better than I have in years but the ache of my mom’s absence is still strong in my heart and this month is the worst of any month of the year because she passed away on the 26th of December. It will be 3 years since she’s been gone and we all still miss her very much. What helped me take comfort was remembering everything good about my mom, remembering the lessons she has taught me and I sometimes hear her voice echo in my head during different situations. Your theater teacher has taught you some great things, they taught everyone great things. Things will slowly feel less crushing and the waves of grief will come and go but don’t beat yourself up when you have bad days. Grief isn’t a race, it’s a journey that everyone goes on and they do it within their own space and self. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve and kee in mind, some people are well meaning with their words but unless they’ve experienced grief themselves, they’ll never know the kind of pain you’re in. Go easy on them a little but when they offend you, better let them know. Not everyone is comfortable with death and even less people know what to say when it happens. Stay tough my friend, you’re not alone and we’re always here for you should you need to talk. I hope you have a blessed Yule holiday and that you and many others affected by the loss of your teacher can find some peace this season.

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I lost my friend earlier this year, February 4th. She was the first person close to me that I lost and I know I haven't been letting myself grieve. I've been suppressing it and I used to drink and smoke a lot of weed so I wouldn't have those feeligs confront me. But a lot has happened in the past 8 months, and I'm slowly figuring things out, I'm allowing myself to grieve. It's rather uncomfortable but it needs to be done. It's time to stop running from this. 🤧🤧

Thank you for sharing. I’m so so sorry for your loss; it’s never easy to lose someone close to you.

There are so many emotions associated with grief that I don’t believe in a right or wrong way to grieve because everyone is different in their journey.

I lost my mom unexpectedly December 26, 2016 and this year will mark three years since she passed away. It’s still very hard some days and I miss her dearly all the time as I’m sure you miss your friend. I had done what you did. I pushed it down and didn’t let myself grieve for her and it affected a lot of areas of my life, negatively. Death really reminds us of our own mortality and it can be scary to us. At least it was for me. I spent about 2 years being sucked into my own darkness and I also smoked too much weed but I didn’t drink (I’m not much of a drinker) and sleeping too much or not at all. I stayed in my bed just about everyday and left my house 4-6 times a month. I didn’t shower very much (maybe once a week or every two weeks) and I didn’t eat either. I wallowed and even started pushing the people I cared about away. It took me a long time to get where I am today and even still, I get triggered (it could be a song, a memory or a scent. Anything that reminds me of my mom.) and the wave of grief crashes over me. I also haven’t cried nearly as much as others who are grieving but I’m one of those people who feels ashamed of crying (work in progress). I tried therapy but it was a bust and I hated talking to someone who didn’t even ask me questions about my mom. (The whole reason I was there to begin with). The best person who helped me figure stuff out was my stepdad and the best book I’ve found that suited me was called “I didn’t get to say goodbye” and it’s aimed at people who have unexpected deaths in their lives but I think it can help anyone. I’m happy for you though, to figuring it out but keep in mind, there’s no rush. 8 months is a short time and don’t expect yourself to be okay overnight or even several years later. Grief; I’ve heard it like a traumatic brain injury and it takes a long time to feel “okay” but don’t be so hard on yourself should you have days where you feel like the world is crashing down on you and you think “I’m supposed to be better. I’m supposed to be over this” because truth is, you’ll never get over it...you’ll just learn to adapt with that hole in your heart. Grief is one of the most uncomfortable emotions we can experience and it changes us but I would like to say that I’m proud of you for letting yourself grieve and should you ever need a listening ear, you’re always welcome to message me anytime. We’re here for you. 🖤

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purplebuddhaproject

“You’re going to lose people in your life. And realise that no matter how much time you spent with them, or how much you appreciated them, it will never seem like it was enough.”

— (via purplebuddhaquotes)

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