HOW SENSITIVE / HIGH ANXIETY PEOPLE CAN REGULATE
Because the problem for a highly sensitive or anxious person is often not that they receive too many signals.
It’s that they struggle to determine: Which signals deserve action and which signals deserve observation.
Think of it like an overly sensitive smoke alarm.
A normal smoke alarm goes off when there’s a fire.
A hyper-sensitive smoke alarm goes off when:
* Someone lights a candle.
It’s just calibrated toward caution.
Many anxious people have nervous systems that operate similarly.
The Mistake Most Anxious People Make
Unfortunately, this teaches the nervous system:
“Every alarm is an emergency.”
The system becomes even more sensitive over time.
“Something is getting my attention.”
The next step is investigation.
“How do I make this feeling stop?”
“How much confidence do I have that this signal reflects reality?”
* Serious health symptoms
* Clear relationship violation
* Worry about what someone thinks
Normal nervous system activity.
* Public speaking jitters
* Excitement mixed with fear
What Hyper-Sensitive People Need To Learn
“How do I become better at interpreting signals?”
Those are different skills.
The Rule of Two Questions
Whenever anxiety shows up, ask:
What objective evidence supports the story I’m telling myself?
This is where many anxious interpretations collapse.
Now you’re back in reality.
Anxiety often increases when capacity decreases.
the nervous system becomes more reactive.
The same event that feels manageable on a good day feels terrifying on a depleted day.
So sometimes the solution isn’t:
The Ultimate Phronesis Question for Anxiety
“What would a wise, regulated version of me do while waiting for more information?”
That question is powerful because it doesn’t require certainty.
And that’s often the missing piece.
The goal for a highly sensitive person is not to become less sensitive.
Sensitivity can be a gift.
The goal is to become a better interpreter.
To learn the difference between:
* Possibility and probability
That’s where anxiety starts transforming into wisdom.
AND HOW DO WE ACTUALLY WORK THROUGH IT?
Many anxious people think:
“Okay… but what does that actually look like?”
Because in real time, anxiety feels incredibly physical.
What Anxiety Often Feels Like In The Body
Everyone experiences it differently, but common sensations include:
* Feeling like you can’t get a full breath
* Replaying conversations
What Is Actually Happening?
Your nervous system is saying:
“Something might require attention.”
The problem is that anxiety often confuses:
He could be losing interest.
Your body reacts to the possibility.
Phronesis helps you respond based on probability.
What Tolerance Actually Looks Like
“I can survive this feeling without immediately trying to make it disappear.”
“My nervous system is trying to protect me.”
You allow the sensation. Non-resistance.
What Desensitization Actually Is
Many people think desensitization means:
Teach your brain that the feeling itself is safe.
Anxiety is uncomfortable but survivable.
“This feels uncomfortable.”
Think of capacity like a cup.
The goal isn’t removing anxiety.
The goal is becoming larger than the anxiety.
“How do I make this stop?”
“What is the wisest response to this signal?”
* Gather more information.
And sometimes the answer is:
Do absolutely nothing right now.
Let reality provide more data.
Can I let this sensation exist for the next 60 seconds?
HOW TO DISCERN WHAT THE ANXIETY IS SIGNALING
The frameworks we’ve been discussing—signals, feedback loops, phronesis, regulation—still apply.
But not all anxiety originates from the same place.
The signal may look similar.
The source may be completely different.
And the wisest response depends on the source.
Think Like a Doctor, Not a Judge
When anxiety appears, don’t immediately ask:
“How do I make this stop?”
“What type of signal is this?”
Because anxiety can be generated by:
1. Biological/Chemical Factors
4. Cognitive Interpretation
Sometimes multiple sources are active simultaneously.
Substance-Induced or Chemical Anxiety
This is often the easiest to misunderstand.
The body can create anxiety even when there is no psychological threat.
* Alcohol rebound effects
The chemistry changed first.
The thoughts came second.
The nervous system receives:
And begins searching for a reason.
The brain often creates a story after the fact.
The wise question becomes:
Is this a psychological problem or a physiological state?
My nervous system is overstimulated.
My life is falling apart.
Attachment-Induced Anxiety
This feels very different.
The signal isn’t primarily chemical.
The signal is relational.
* Uncertainty about the relationship
The attachment system activates.
Your nervous system interprets:
Connection may be threatened.
From an evolutionary perspective this makes sense.
For most of human history:
Losing connection to important people could literally threaten survival.
The attachment system evolved to notice disconnection.
Is there actual danger or attachment activation?
The relationship truly needs attention.
An old attachment wound has been activated.
Those are different situations.
How To Tell The Difference
Chemical Anxiety Often Looks Like:
* Feels physically intense
* May have no obvious trigger
