My chest hurts badly, my lower back can barely hold up, I always feel like shit, my laughs are never the same anymore, I'm winded after running for twenty seconds (literally), I don't take pictures, I sit by myself for most of the day, I sit because I hate moving, I hate moving because it reminds me of my state...so I run away from it, I dress like a bum because I'm embarrassed of wearing normal clothes, Whenever I'm in public I try to suck my stomach in as much as possible, I love the thought of running outside with the wind rushing past me...similar to days long ago, I love the thought of those days, everyday I long for those days, There's a reason why I sit by myself, reminiscing, thinking about what I could have been, where I could be right now...those days were the days, I try to cry but I can't cry anymore, I've sat by myself for far too long, these tears have dried up, and this depression has turned into habit, But every now and then an impulse comes along, telling me to go back to those days...I want to, but I can't figure out how...So again I sit, with my chest hurting, my lower back almost giving in, this isn't who I really am.
I'm losing right now, I'm losing badly. It has taken me over, encapsulated me, almost to the point of defeating me. But for some reason, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, and I am constantly being fed another chance. I don't want to live like this anymore, I want to wear my favorite t-shirts, I want to go anywhere in the world without this thought lurking in the back of my head, I want to feel this world the way I felt it once before, I want to wake up in time to hear the birds singing, I want to feel the rush of living, instead of hoping for the illusion of dreaming, I don't want to lie anymore, I don't want to pretend that I'm doing how I should be doing when in reality this hole is becoming more and more insurmountable.
