my own inner cosmology has become too dense to navigate @mouthwooedher - Tumblr Blog

i'm joke and i like making art and oversharing on the internet

read my strawpage if u want (i wont make u)

also known as acidjazzedevening, marvinvmark, and fuzzywonderz

mutuals may ask me for my discord

sorry im a csa survivor who doesnt know how to react to his trauma "normally" i have to post walls of text about analyzing sexual abuse metaphors on main every few months

mouthwooedher

look i dont like being the guy that tells people their petscop interpretations are Wrong, but if you watch petscop and dont come to the conclusion that marvin is at least meant to be allegorical for some sort of predator then like, thats just willful ignorance at that point

mouthwooedher

i feel like its born from seeing sexual abuse as inherently more morally wrong than any other kind of abuse. people killed me for this take back in the day but. sexual abuse is on the same level as all other types of abuse. there's nothing inexorable about it that makes any worse than other types of abuse. if anyone says they had a worse time with it than being abused in other ways thats like, entirely subjective, there are also tons of people who have said being physically or emotionally abused hurt them worse than sexual abuse. so we can't just base the objective truth off of some accounts of it. abuse is abuse and all of it is Wrong and there's no real point of talking about sexual abuse in a way that makes it seem monstrous and unknowable, that only serves to obfuscate things for sexual abuse victims Everywhere who dont think they couldve ever been abused because it didnt hurt them that much. sexual abuse is as mundane as any other kind of abuse and it can happen to anyone, it has happened to more people than you might realize considering that the family system is built upon being able to abuse your children so you can maintain power over them at all times

i think that sentiment is leaking over to here. when a character hurts someone physically or emotionally, theyre still open to redemption and can be freely creatively explored without any shame attached to doing so. the second a character hurts someone sexually though? theyre untouchable, you simply are not allowed to like them, they did the Ontologically Evil kind of violence to someone else so exploring them in any way means you literally condone it no matter what. as a csa survivor its extremely tiring that im not allowed to engage with my own trauma in this way, because exploring characters with sexually abusive actions has genuinely helped me understand and process what was done to me, and people just act like sexual abuse is never a thing that can be processed, it's too grotesque to ever process, too grotesque to even talk about most of the time without people pearl-clutching. why am i not allowed to engage with characters that have done things that remind me of my own abuse? as if this is going to make me think it is okay to hurt others? idk. i wish people would stop attacking loose simulacrum of sexual abuse in the name of preventing the real thing and start actually making an effort to prevent the real thing lol

mouthwooedher

marvin is a character from a webseries that is deliberately supposed to be vague and interpretive, it quite literally only makes sense if you interpret the art for yourself. marvin is no exception, his actual actions are deeply abstract, it's the way that these abstract actions and the psychology behind them are depicted that makes it feel like sexual abuse. the way he seems to specifically target children, "you're in the bathtub thinking about her," the tool being both a visually phallic object and an object that can be used as some sort of weapon, forcing children into doing an action they are too young to grasp without proper education and too physically small to do properly. it might not be Explicit sexual abuse, but the sexual abuse interpretation is probably the most reasonable conclusion you could come to. maybe it's not literal sexual abuse, but the metaphor is so easy to see you have people asking on the petscop subreddit whether or not he is a sexual abuser, and that crowd isnt even really willing to entertain the idea of trans paul yet. genuinely to look at everyone who has this interpretation and to think "yall are gross and coming to this conclusion because you are gross"...that might be insane? idk? do you just not want me to interpret the text

mouthwooedher

look i dont like being the guy that tells people their petscop interpretations are Wrong, but if you watch petscop and dont come to the conclusion that marvin is at least meant to be allegorical for some sort of predator then like, thats just willful ignorance at that point

mouthwooedher

i feel like its born from seeing sexual abuse as inherently more morally wrong than any other kind of abuse. people killed me for this take back in the day but. sexual abuse is on the same level as all other types of abuse. there's nothing inexorable about it that makes any worse than other types of abuse. if anyone says they had a worse time with it than being abused in other ways thats like, entirely subjective, there are also tons of people who have said being physically or emotionally abused hurt them worse than sexual abuse. so we can't just base the objective truth off of some accounts of it. abuse is abuse and all of it is Wrong and there's no real point of talking about sexual abuse in a way that makes it seem monstrous and unknowable, that only serves to obfuscate things for sexual abuse victims Everywhere who dont think they couldve ever been abused because it didnt hurt them that much. sexual abuse is as mundane as any other kind of abuse and it can happen to anyone, it has happened to more people than you might realize considering that the family system is built upon being able to abuse your children so you can maintain power over them at all times

i think that sentiment is leaking over to here. when a character hurts someone physically or emotionally, theyre still open to redemption and can be freely creatively explored without any shame attached to doing so. the second a character hurts someone sexually though? theyre untouchable, you simply are not allowed to like them, they did the Ontologically Evil kind of violence to someone else so exploring them in any way means you literally condone it no matter what. as a csa survivor its extremely tiring that im not allowed to engage with my own trauma in this way, because exploring characters with sexually abusive actions has genuinely helped me understand and process what was done to me, and people just act like sexual abuse is never a thing that can be processed, it's too grotesque to ever process, too grotesque to even talk about most of the time without people pearl-clutching. why am i not allowed to engage with characters that have done things that remind me of my own abuse? as if this is going to make me think it is okay to hurt others? idk. i wish people would stop attacking loose simulacrum of sexual abuse in the name of preventing the real thing and start actually making an effort to prevent the real thing lol

look i dont like being the guy that tells people their petscop interpretations are Wrong, but if you watch petscop and dont come to the conclusion that marvin is at least meant to be allegorical for some sort of predator then like, thats just willful ignorance at that point

mouthwooedher

i had a really horrible derealization episode earlier after coming to the revelation that i have an irrational fear of the people i know online being real outside of the internet. everything felt like abstract art, oddly specific shapes that didnt seem to mean anything

mouthwooedher

i am extremely scared of hurting my loved ones, i always feel like a ticking time bomb. realizing that such a basic fact repulses me so deeply kind of stripped me of any and all identity for a moment. being schizospec is not fun

mouthwooedher

ive been wracked with bitter paranoid thoughts regarding everything that brings me joy lately and i dont know how to cope with the anguish it's been giving me

mouthwooedher

i had a really horrible derealization episode earlier after coming to the revelation that i have an irrational fear of the people i know online being real outside of the internet. everything felt like abstract art, oddly specific shapes that didnt seem to mean anything

mouthwooedher

i am extremely scared of hurting my loved ones, i always feel like a ticking time bomb. realizing that such a basic fact repulses me so deeply kind of stripped me of any and all identity for a moment. being schizospec is not fun

i had a really horrible derealization episode earlier after coming to the revelation that i have an irrational fear of the people i know online being real outside of the internet. everything felt like abstract art, oddly specific shapes that didnt seem to mean anything

why the fuck are they setting off so many fireworks its not even dark yet

saw someone with rapists in their dni and in parentheses beside it "can't believe this has to be said" like no, i don't think youre absolutely required to say youre not very fond of rapists in your dni, i think that's likely the majority opinion in ur circles

teacher: okay class today we're gonna be killing ourselves with guns and knives

student: Well i'm not so sure about that one