MoveForwardSome?

I swim allot so much of my time I smell of Chlorine. I like Telly shows and long haired red heads, so basically amy pond is my Khaleesi Ask Me

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Dr. Who poem

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I actually love this

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Moved Forward Something Of Allot

5 months since my last post.

I cant begin to tell of the twists. It has been such an eventful five months.

Here is the gist.

I did it again. I slept with another supervisor at another job who was ten years older then I. Knocked her up. Was on the verge of giving up everything and moving to the States to raise the child but money troubles kept us at tooth and nail.

One day she tells me she had an abortion. And that ended.

She left me with a shite site load of debt as well as bills to pay.

Basically the lesson is: Never trust a 30 something Essex racist with anything other than serving a pint.

Other news, I'm starting teacher training. It's all very exciting. Not to fawn over it but I am looking forward to it. I start tomorrow.

I also have finally gotten into Doctor Who. And I love it.

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Friday the 13th

Well this is the first blog in a month or two. I am now not and never again shall be a care worker. The politics involved coupled with the ethics I was expected to ignore.....never again (unless within the NHS) But fuck all that. I'm now working towards becoming a teacher. So I quit my job last month and took steps. On the 24th I'm starting my foundation night course with my friend Clemency in Learning Support Level 1, then ten weeks later I will start the 30 week course on level 2 and then I will be able to work in any child care environment. Then I'll be going back to Uni September 2013 to do primary school teaching. Speaking of my friend Clemency, we have become quite close in recent weeks. Yes we do sleep together on occasion but it's more due to us both being lonely. She is also my unofficial sponsor as we are both recovering alcoholics. So other than that, it's up to date

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"Marilyn X4" I took this walking to Pendenton Heath, Maidstone

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Today

It's 03:36am and I am still awake. I am seeing my Dad tomorrow. Everytime I go to write something here I can't find the words. Or enthusiasm. Good films to watch: Young Adult and 50/50 The medication I am on for my back hurts my stomach. I am incredibly bored with this life but fuckin hell I always am aren't I?

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I didn't press send but fuckin....wish I had

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Blind God Love

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Lazy update

Instead of writing this all again I am going to copy/paste an email update I sent my mother an hour ago. Kind of says it all. Sorry about the structure as this was written on the phone. "Hey mum, quick update: date went well! Saw the woman in black and it was quite scary and I got a kiss outside Gran and Grandads in her car, she wants to see me again so going for a meal at zaffa in town next week. She's nice you know? Safe and local no baggage or anything. Simple. Anyway I've had something of a realisation today. I was so bummed out about going from cedar dale to mont calm that I walked into there today with a massive obvious grump on. Could help it really cos I was on the verge of tears each time someone expressed pity about me being moved there. But I scabbed a fag and while I was smoking it I decided to just fuckin get on with it and make the most of it. I also decided that once I have things sorted out i am going back to Uni to do my nursing degree specialising in paediatric oncology (care for kids/young adults with cancer) which I've been thinking about for a long time since I was at the hospital. Obviously I won't be qualified till after my 30th birthday the way things are going but a lot of nurses on these courses are older. Obviously I'll commute as I wouldn't want to live in halls and I'll be working too but yeah this is all more of a 2013 plan (course starts in April and I'm too late to apply, also I want to sort out debts/ repayments before I do it) so yeah that's the plan, the dream what have you. Only took me ten years from the point someone first said to me "what do you want to do with your life?" to actually finally and specifically know! X"

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In the A.M

I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I haven't had much to say. Work have transferred me from one home to the other, maybe due to the rumours circulating about myself and my supervisor. Something tells me she started them seeing as now I'm getting transferred she is trying to pursue a relationship with me. I'm not interested. I'm really the architect of my own destruction. If I've got something good going on sooner or later I will mess it up by doing something stupid. Seems to be a pattern in every job or relationship. Thank Christ I'm not a father!

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Siri failed me

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The perfect woman

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So...I'm now that guy

Last night I slept with my boss.

She is 26 year old single Mum. We had been flirting since I started and she invited me out clubbing last night after we had been on a 12 hour shift. 

We got to Gillingham and went to Bliss nightclub where I met her friends and drank far too many Jager Bombs. And we just ended up in bed together. It was kinda nice if extremely unprofessional.

It is of course a secret to everyone at work. The girls at work were commenting on the boss' love bites and asking who it was, they had no idea the guy was standing next to them smirking.

We have both decided to keep it casual as I do not want another working Ex after Rachael at Ecotricity. I hate to use the term "Fuck Buddy" or "Friends with Benifits" because it sounds cheap.

Great thing is now I get all the best shifts cos I sleeping with the girl who sorts out the rotas. Sometimes a little casuel sex can go along way. 

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Employment

So I have been working since last monday. I live around 10 mins from the nursing home so Ive been called everyday to come in and work. Means I've done a 6 day week and today I'll more then likely be doing 8am-8pm.

Currently it is 07:14am and Ive been awake for roughly half an hour. I fell asleep probably 3ish so needless to say I am cream crackered.

Coffee is slowly working its magic though.

One thing I have realised about being a carer in England is that no-one gives a shit about you.

I literally do everything and more a nurse does bar give pills and I am on minimum wage (£6.08 per hour)

I know this is all a means to the ends (once I pass NVQs I can go private healthcare and earn some serious scratch, around £30-£40k p.a which to me is enormous!) but that is 18 months away and I'm impatient.

Anyway. Time for work.

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Off the record

I'm going to allow myself to be completely frank right now. I'm finding it truthfully quite difficult to keep up this fading positive mental attitude when things been going wrong. You know what they say about karma? About how good deeds get rewards? That's bullshit man! The amount of things I do for other people. I'm the one who people bitch to about their lives, jobs, partners, worries. The one who meets people to walk them home. The guy who helps strangers when they need it. Twice this year I've witnessed someone drop a £10 note and I've caught up to them and handed it back. I even helped my spoilt cousin look for a house and helped my lazy ass friend paint his shitty house. And all I've gotten is a break at a job where I will spend the majority of the time wiping arses. I know its a means to an ends and that in 18 months ill be sorted but a little joy thrown in here or there isn't too much to ask right? I mean I know its all fleeting but its becoming kind difficult to keep up appearances. I've not bothered with any online dating since my ex as all it gave me was troubled insecurity ridden girls like the formentioned ex which I'd rather die then go back to! I'm doing to properly now, going out there with a nutsack and trying to talk to women. I go on dates but I'm useless! A few years ago I was the king of dating! Not that I'm terribly proud of it but my first date sex averaging was off the chart high! Fuck it actually, yeah I am proud of it! I'm a painfully average guy, average height, average weight, average looks. There is nothing wholly amazing about me nor dazzling different; but I used to be charming enough to get very attractive girls to go to bed with me barely hours after meeting them! And now when I try and be gentlemanly and take things slow all I get is ball ache! Past few girls I've dated I've been a saint! taken it their pace and not pressured them into anything! But fuck no! All I get is taken advantage of for being so nice! So I've come to the conclusion that woman have no fuckin idea what they want! If the guy is a fucking asshole to them they complain but stay with them, if he's nice to them they become the asshole. Fuck this noise, fucking clown shoes! I can't wait till I'm in my 30s and bitches start getting desperate to settle down, then ill clean up! Oh and if you think this all sounds sexist in anyway? Fuck you the week I've had I think I'm allowed!

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Whiney Little Bitch

Is how I have been the past week!

I was rereading my last couple of blogs and really rolling my eyes! I mean, yeah I was abit disappointed that I messed it up with the single Mum but when i really think about it, I'm mid 20s and I was actually considering taking on some other dudes kid?!

I'm not saying it would be a bad thing but ME?!

Referring to the blog post a few weeks ago titled "A child meets a child" I reread it thinking about the state of mind I was in, basically I was "beauty blind".

This single Mum I was seeing looked a spit of that chick from Lost Emilie de Ravin and girls who look like that RARELY want to get with guys like me and  therefore I was going to give it a go regardless of the child. I'm far too young and irresponsible for that!

So with retrospect, I'm somewhat glad it didn't work out. She was far too closed I guess.

So I hereby pronounce the matter closed! No more shall this be mentioned! lol

I got my hours from next week and its only 30 hours which is worrying! I'm hoping that its only because its a training week?

Anyway, fuck all that! WIN! 

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Our beds are empty two thirds of the time In an office building I'll be recognized Please put the whiskey in before the coke 'Cause there are some things you don't want to know It's time we gave this some thought Too bad I'll die before I'm gone When we live in circles and eat On merry-go-rounds, on merry-go-rounds, on merry-go-rounds When we live in circles and eat On merry-go-rounds

Driftless Pony Club

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Bourght their album a while back but actually listened to it all the way through today during an epic jog down by the river. New favourite band! Each song rules. Give them a listen.